I will never understand how you can kiss someone like that and tell them it means nothing, and mean it. He caught my attention from the start- a man with two hearts sitting so brazenly in a hospital after he walked up to me on the street that morning. By the end of that day he had changed my life forever. He's manic, I think. Maybe magic.
But he'd get these sad eyes when he talked about Rose. And I felt the pain in his eyes whenever he did. Too much empathy isn't healthy in a doctor. It's funny, but I think that's the thing we had the most in common- we both wanted to be doctors, savers, healers and fixers of people, but we both had a removed aspect to our personalities. You can't fix something if you're too attached. I guess I wanted to fix him, his sadness.
I think mostly I wanted him to look at me and see me. I had never been the kind of girl to moon after a man, but then, he wasn't just a man, was he? He showed me things that made me stronger, and the year that never was... changed me. A year of telling others to keep hope in that man made me strong enough to leave him. Months later, I paid a visit to Jack and his team at Torchwood, and while we caught up, he asked me if I missed him. I told him no, I'd made my choice, but we both knew the truth. There wasn't a moment in my day when I didn't think about him.
Mickey and I have been married for years now, and talking about a brother for our pretty little girl. I think sometimes he looks at her and wonders how things would be different if she had Rose's eyes and not just her name. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and think about the Doctor before I fall asleep. But the nightmares from that year cause me to cry out til Mickey wakes me up, and as I lay there in his arms I know he's not thinking about her, and I savor a moment when we are the only two in each other's hearts.