This thing spawned from an idea that i got after i read some stuff. However, i may have mangled this story along the way and what you see now is pretty bleh in my idea. Still, this is the best i have at the moment, enjoy yet another attempt at a humor one shot. Read and review would be helpful.
Gensokyo
Land of illusion, where nature rules and magic is more commonplace than the common cold. Then again, with the help of the lunarian doctor, that might be a poor analogy, since the common cold has all but been eradicated by the aliens from the moon. Perhaps a better one would be fairies. Wait, fairies are magic, that would be wrong. Maybe...
Oh wait, I'm getting off topic. Ahem, anyway, lets head to a rather dingy shop, one that plays host to a select host of customers, simply because no one else have any use for its products.
Here, let's listen to a conversation between fellow beings, clearly equals.
"...assistant doesn't mean that you are a good writer!" Screeched Tokiko, the little book reading youkai heated at the exchange with her opponent. She was dressed in a azure-black dress, her wings with their magnificant red-white plumage flapping in tandem to her heated emotions.
"Hahahahahaha. Do you really think that you, of all people, can say that?" Koakuma laughed as she stared down at her. The succubus was dressed, as always, in her librarian clothing, a simple black and white dress that seemingly displayed her charm, a lovable cuteness that would make any man submit. Her wings, both head and back, flapped in amusement at the little pretentious youkai talking to her.
"You only read. You have never written anything of value have you? I, on the other hand, have created volumes of such depravity that mere men lose themselves before them." The devil scoffed, neglecting to mention the resulting punishment that her immediate mistress, Patchouli Knowldge, meted out once she found out.
Tokiko growled at the statement. " At least I haven't written that which was simply smut!"
That statement made Koakuma twitch. "Excuse me? Simply smut? I would be very much happy to tell you that my work have at least some sort of storyline! Better than what you can say for yourself! Your taste barely goes beyond cheap love with no buildup!"
"That was true love! They were fared to be together! At least it contains better plot more than some outrageous story where a tengu falls for a human!"
Koakuma chuckled at the idea, ignoring the youkai anger. "Who would have such a stupid idea. Why, let's make it even better and make that person Lord Tenma. That would be even better, or I should say worse!"
Tokiko nodded. "I know right? Why should any do that?"
The little youkai realized that she had been distracted by the succubus and shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Hey, you distracted me!" She cried out loud.
Koakuma giggled. "And quite effectively, I must add. So tell me, little youkai, since you are so adamant in showing that your writing skills are of some standard, why don't you show me?"
Tokiko snarled. "Fine! Let's have a writing battle, to see who can make a better work! I declare the subject to be romance!" The youkai challenged.
Koakuma laughed. "Well well well, the chick wants to fly. I accept your challenge."
"One week. No help and we get someone else other than us to decide who wins." The challenger continued.
"Hmmm, and who shall our judge be?"
"Rinnosuke-san, I'm coming in." Called out Alice Margatroid as she entered the shop, her simple yet elegant white blue dress with red ribbons as her attire. As always, shanghai hovered at her shoulder, a bright smile on her face as she hung by her mistress side.
Both the youkai turned to Alice. "You decide!" They shouted as both pointed at her. The seven colored puppeteer blinked confusedly at the sudden change of events. She was only here to restock her ink. What the heck happened?
"A week, little chick. Feel free to come to me for advice if you need any." Koakuma taunted as she left the shop.
"Just you wait!" Tokiko yelled as she flew out of the shop as well. Alice was left in the building, still confused at what just happened.
"Ah, I see the two have left the building." Rinnosuke said as he got out from behind the counter.
"What?" Alice continued.
The shopkeeper sighed. "Alice, you have really bad timing."
The next day
Scarlet Devil Mansion
Viole Library
Patchouli knowledge look curiously at her assistant as the red-haired cutie sat at a table, piles of paper around her, some sent flying adrift by the furious activity of the succubus.
The magician, wearing her purple pajama-like clothing with the nightcap that made up her headwear accessory, watched with amusement at the actions of the assistant.
"Gah! Too much sex!" Koakuma snarled to herself as she threw away yet another draft, the paper falling like a autumn shed leaf.
"Too much sex? That's impossible to be coming out of your mouth." The great unmoving library laughed softly as she watched her assistant's frenzied actions.
Patchouli-sama!" The succubus screamed as she whirred around, her drafts fluttering in the wake of her turn. She protectively backed into the table, blocking Patchouli's view of the contents.
"Oh? What's so important that you would hide from me? Perhaps another one of your tomes of love perhaps?" The purple haired magician probed, a deadly smile on her lips. The last time such a tome appeared, she had to blast a oncoming horde of mind-adled men lusting for her. Nevertheless, both book and creator were given the same burning treatment.
"No! Patchouli-sama! It's not what you think!" Koakuma yelled in a panic.
The magician laughed at the succubus's fearful reaction. "Relax, Koa. I heard your last sentence. A tome of love with too much sex? Why, I never heard a more contradictory phrase since silver vampire."
Koakuma slowed down as she heard her mistress words. "You're not going to blast me?"
Patchouli raised a burning hand. "Unless you wish to?"
"Of course not. Ahahaha." Koakuma said, laughing nervously.
Patchouli smiled at the answer as she snatched a draft out of the air, scanning it with her eyes. "His body ablaze with the feeling of her touch..." She read out loud. Koakuma embarrassedly tried to snatch the paper out of her mistress hands, blushing furiously.
"Oh Koa. You still need a way to go before you can really do anything close to a acceptable as an story. This story has little to no romance, just an excuse for sexual physical activity." Patchouli sighed as she returned the draft to the succubus.
"I know! It's in my nature to write such things! I can't help it!" The little devil wailed, pouting at her predicament.
Patchouli sighed again. "How about I help you? With my help, I think we be able to overcome your affliction. What are you writing for?"
"Ahahaha, nothing really, just a bet. But will you really help me, Patchouli-sama?" Koakuma asked, her eyes twinkling at the prospect of being helped by her mistress.
The librarian laughed at the begging look on Koakuma's face. "Of course, the better should always help the weaker. Especially to prevent anything that would be too...wrong. " She finished with a sly look at her assistant.
Said assistant laughed absentmindedly. "Heh heh, of course Patchouli-sama."
At the same time
Human village
School
"Here you go." Keine Kamishirasawa said as she handed a stack of paper and assorted writing materials to Tokiko. The teacher/defender was dressed in her normal dark blue dress, completed with her customary short white sleeves. Her pagoda hat graced her head as she smiled at the little youkai before her struggling to hold on to the writing materials.
"Let me help you." She said as Tokiko almost dropped a ink well. Catching the object, she placed it in top of the paper stack along with the rest of the materials. A light laugh escaped her lips as she watched Tokiko nod her thanks.
"Thanks for the help." The little book reading youkai acknowledged as the two walked down the village road, scenes of bustling activity around them. Keine answered to passerby's waves similarly as they passed them, the reputation of the teacher a well known one.
"So what are these for?" She asked as they approached the outskirts of the village, the traffic getting larger as the morning trade slowly picked up.
"Ah nothing important really. I'm just writing for something." Tokiko answered.
Keine smiled teasingly. "Hmmm, could it be that you are writing for someone? Is it Rinnosuke-san?" She probed.
Tokiko jumped at the question. "No-o! It's not for him!" She denied as her movement made the writing material ontop of the stack of paper move dangerously to the edge.
Keine giggled at the reaction. "Calm down, I'm only just teasing you."
Tokiko pouted at the teacher. "You meanie..." She said.
Keine smiled at the youkai. "Don't say that. People will get the wrong expression." She said as they reached the edge of the village, an open space before the greenery of the forest.
Tokiko returned the smile. "Thank you again for the material."
Keine ruffled the little youkai's hair. "It's my pleasure. I hope you write your heart for this one. It would be beautiful."
"Yup!" Tokiko said as she departed into the forest, Keine waving goodbye.
Kourindou
"Haaaa, even though I said yup, I don't have any idea what to write." Tokiko complained as she sat in a pile of paper. Rinnosuke was out, on some sort errand for Yukari, if his grumblings was of any information, leaving her to guard the shop.
"Oi, Kourin, I'm coming in." Cried out Marisa Kirisame as she entered the shop. The witch, dressed in her standard black white attire, complete with short sleeves to combat the humidity of the forest, was a terror for any one to meet, especially if it was in the confines of their own home.
"Oh? He's not here?" She said as she was greeted with no answer. Curiously, she wondered around, finding Tokiko on the floor, in a pile of paper.
"Oh, it's you. Tiki something right?" The black magician asked.
Tokiko growled at the mangled name. "It's Tokiko!" She snapped.
Marisa waved away the angry outburst. "Right, Tokiko. Anyway, do ya know where Kourin went?"
"He said that the youkai sage called for him. You are not here to steal anything are you?" The little book reading youkai questioned as she prepared a volley of danmaku in case. She knew at least simple danmaku and was prepared to defend the shop.
Marisa sat down next to her. "Not today ze. I just hit Patchy just now."
Tokiko's ears perked up at the name of her rival's mistress. "Ah, I see. D-did her assistant do anything?" She hesitantly asked.
Marisa grinned. "You mean that writing don't ya ze? I heard it all from patchy while I was sneaking. Koa has pretty good progress in her work, it seems."
Tokiko's head drooped as she realized the gap in progress she was currently at. "Ah, I see."
The blonde witch's grin turned curious as she watched the reaction of the youkai. "What's with all this writing ze? Some kind of contest?" She asked.
Tokiko nodded miserably. "Yea, it's a contest between that library assistant and me. The subject is romance and I don't have to clue what to do. To think I suggested it in the first place!" She wailed.
Marisa sighed. "You know, you could actually use yourself as a subject in romance stories ze. Don't you like someone?"
Tokiko glanced in surprise at the witch. "You can do that?" She asked eagerly as the witch answered her with a nod.
She then blushed. "But I'm not sure that it would be nice..." She mumbled.
"Who do you like?" Asked Marisa, an curious smile on her face.
"You won't tell anyone would you?" Her counter-part whispered.
The blonde witch held up her hand. "On my Magician word, I swear I won't."
When Marisa heard the name, she laughed. "Ohhhh, is that why you created the contest?"
" Not really...it just that that library assistant has been so insufferable with her words, saying that all I do is just read." Tokiko grumbled.
Marisa chuckled. "Well, then, let me help you ze. I got experience writing books." She offered.
"You would help me? Really?" Her opposite asked with child-like happiness.
"Course! Besides, I got a lot of time ze." Marisa said before launching into a speech. "Now the first thing a story should have is lots of action, irregardless of genre..."
4 days later
Margatroid residence
"...Marisa's potion from exploding. Somehow, she turned a simple energy potion into a energy bomb." Alice described to Patchouli as the duo and the fore-mentioned witch sat together to drink in her home.
"Not my fault ze. Those fairy tears are unpredictable ingredients." Marisa said as she stuffed her face with pasties and cookies. When Alice got cooking, she could really cook.
"Fairy...tears?" The two other magicians asked curiously. The very name seemed wrong.
Marisa blinked innocently like it was the most common substance in the world. "Yea, fairy tears ze."
"Right..." The other two trailed off. Best not to ask Marisa how she got that.
"Anyway, it appears that Koakuma is writing for some sort of competition. I'm currently helping her and that was the reason, incidentally, that I haven't been able to process that tome that you found Alice. Rest assured that I should complete it by our next meet." Patchouli said as she swilled her spoon in her own cup.
Marisa looked up in surprise. "Me too ze! I am helping a little youkai do her own work. Same contest!"
Patchouli looked curiously at the black magician. "Oh, that would make you my rival in proxy wouldn't it?"
"Yep."
She smirked. "Well then, you should tell her to get her losing face ready. After, with such a person helping, I would be surprised with her work actually degrading." Patchouli taunted. Marisa helping Koakuma opponent? Why, that Witch only writing experience was documenting spell cards and a very biased documentation at that. The very thought of her having even a sliver of a chance to victory insulted the great unmoving library.
Said Magician gritted her teeth. "Oh yea? Well let's see about that." She said as she got up.
"Where are you going?" Alice asked.
"To continue on the story! Mark my word Patchy! Mine will blow yours out of the water!" She declared before grabbing her broom and zooming off into the sky through the window.
Patchouli laughed. "Oh that fool. Do she think she would really beat me? Oh well, I should head back either way. To widen the gap of victory. Thanks for the food Alice." She said before making her own way out of the house.
As the door clicked shut, Alice face-palmed.
The next day
Night time
Kirisame Residences
"It's finished!" Marisa whooped as she and Tokiko huddled over their final draft.
"Haaaaah, it took so long." Tokiko sighed as she held up the piece of paper.
"Don't matter, we gonna blow Patchy's one out of the water!" The black magician cried out.
"Ah, well, I'm getting a bit apprehensive about this. Isn't it too wrong?" Tokiko said as she read. Sure, this was written about the person she liked but just thinking about it made her blush madly.
Marisa seized Tokiko by the shoulders. "Come on, wouldn't you want to do this to her?" She asked her, a mad gleam in her eyes.
Tokiko blushed deeper. "Yea well but writing about it seems too open. I don't want the world to look at this. Besides, it got both my name and hers in it."
Marisa shook Tokiko. "Come on! Nothing more beautiful than from the heart!"
She released Tokiko. "Beside, I will not lose to that shut-in." She growled with that insane gleam in her eye.
At the same time
Scarlet Devil Mansion
Voile Library
"It's finished." Koakuma sighed as she and her mistress sat around the small table where they worked.
Patchouli grinned happily. "Yes and it's unbeatable. There is no way that that rat will be able to even match a tenth of this." She declared as she smiled victoriously.
"Wow, it took so long." Koakuma said as she held up the thick stack of paper.
"It matters not. We have our magic bullet." Her mistress said as she examined the piece of work.
"Ahahaha. Don't you think it's too long. Wouldn't people find it boring?" Koakuma said. Okay, it definitely was a nice piece of work that wasn't smut but it was a stack of paper. A stack.
Patchouli stared at her assistant. "Absolutely not. Don't you want to win?"
The succubus laughed nervously as she scratched her head. "Well, wouldn't it be too boring?"
Patchouli eyes gleamed with an insane glow. "No, it's perfect. It has proper build up and a realistic timeline and intelligent characters. It's perfect." She purred.
"Marisa, prepare to lose." She muttered.
The next day
Afternoon
kourindou
"You know, you don't really have to do this." Rinnosuke said as she watched Alice sit at the table in his shop, waiting for the two.
Alice sighed. "No, I do. Somehow, this had turned into a grudge match between both of my closest colleagues. If I don't get this done, I will never be able to get anything from either of them ever again."
Rinnosuke chuckled sympathetically. "That bad huh?"
"You have no idea."
Outside, our two rivals meet at the door to Kourindou, each clutching their respective works. Immediately, Koakuma sneered at Tokiko's work, her stack of paper against the book reading youkai's single piece.
"So little? Are you actually trying at all?" She scoffed.
Tokiko snarled. "It's quality over quantity!"
The assistant laughed. "If you so say..."
The two entered the shop together. Inside, Alice glanced at the two with a bored expression. The puppeteer collected the two pieces via doll and stood up.
"I'll go through the two works and come back with a conclusion tomorrow." She informed them before leaving, a reluctant but resigned air around her.
Koakuma grinned. "Good luck tomorrow, little chick." She said before leaving the shop.
Tokiko grunted as she did the same.
The next day
Kourindou
The two rival eagerly awaited Alice's arrival. Both shaking with anticipation, they shot glares at each other while they waited.
Finally, after what seemed like the longest drawn out time in history, Alice made her way through the door. Her face was an exasperated one, the look of resigned regret that one got after looking through something they didn't want.
"Alright, I looked through both of them and..." She trailed of as the two competitors leaned in closer for the answer to who was the better one.
"...I decided to go through both before giving an answer." She finished as both rival sat back on their seat with a groan.
She first took out Tokiko's work and glanced askance at the little book reading youkai.
"First off...well, I really have nothing to say about this other then I expected for this to be something done by Koakuma, not you." She said before launching into a read aloud of the words.
"But I love you! Said Tokiko..." Alice started but was interrupted by Koakuma.
"Wait wait wait! You used your own name in your work?!" The assistant screeched in anger. Tokiko simply blushed.
"W-well, it's still a story right?" She mumbled.
Alice held up a hand before Koakuma could say any more. "Before you lambaste her, you might want to wait until I read on."
Koakuma sat down, trembling with anger as she glares at Tokiko, who sheepishly looked away.
Alice returned to reading the paper. "...as she faced Patchouli knowledge. The librarian, with her perfect curves, deep eyes and beautiful face."
"You used Patchouli-sama?!" Koakuma screamed.
Tokiko blushed. "Well, she is a librarian and I think I really like her. She's so awesome~" She said as she swooned to her image of Patchouli.
Koakuma grabbed the swooning youkai by the shoulders. "No! She's my Patchouli-sama! You can't have her!" The succubus screeched.
Before the events could escalate into an actual fight, Alice sent Hourai into the fray. The doll, armed with it's standard razor blade, stopped into the middle, where it swung the razor blade around. Both the would be combatants stopped their actions as they looked into the blade.
Alice pulled back Hourai as she sighed. "I think I'll stop here. If I may summarize the whole story, basically Tokiko here jumps Patchouli and they pretty much copulate all day long."
Koakuma launched herself at her rival. "That's my dream! If anyone gets to do that with Patchouli-sama, it's me!" She yelled.
She was pulled away in mid leap by a swarm of doll that held her back onto the chair.
"Settle down. There is still your own work to go through before I tell my decision. Now, lets start." Alice said as she pulled out Koakuma's stack of paper.
"Now, as for you Koakuma, all I want to say is..."
Koakuma eyes lit up with anticipation for the expected praise.
"...how in the world can you write such a boring piece of work."
As the devil jaw dropped, Alice launched into a tirade.
"First off, you heaped a needless amount of information into the story. Your very first paragraph is a small wall of text and most of it describing the colors of the rainbow in the sky. Any normal person would have lost interest by then. I actually fell asleep reading your work. That shouldn't be possible for a story." She scolded.
"Like this conversation on page 23. Somehow, a rose as a gift created a very long discussion of the biology of flowers. No one is going to want to read that and it happens repeatedly. At best, half of your words are in completely different tangents."
"Lastly, Your main character Dean and May are so ordinarily boring that I would rather read Aya's newspaper. You wrote in such a dull life that it is simply dull overall." Alice finished.
"B-but Patchouli-sama said that realistic would be the best way." Koakuma stammered.
Alice sighed. "There is a difference between too realistic and just enough. People read stories that are exciting because more often then not, their own life's are dull and who want to reminded of their own dullness. Sure it's realistic but readers don't want realistic, they want fantasy. Also, the conversations are too long-winded and constantly deviate away from the storyline. Your own work covered the point of the story with too much junk while Tokiko's simply jumped the gun."
"In conclusion..." Both the competitors looked up. "...I say that both work are not suitable at all. They are either missing the point or simply throw the reader into a frenzy of activity that leaves them confused. I declare this contest a draw. And with that, I'm gone." She said before getting up and leaving, muttering about how a waste of time this whole activity been.
The two rivals lapsed into silence as they both looked at their respective pieces of work.
"So...it's been pretty much worthless?" Koakuma said.
"Heh heh, it seems so." Tokiko answered.
The room lapsed into silence once again.
" You want to, you know, maybe get some yakitori? I heard the phoenix girl set up shop early today." Koakuma offered.
Tokiko nodded. "I think that would be nice."
Later
"...Patchouli-sama mess up a spell!" Koakuma laughed as she reached the end of the recital.
Tokiko echoed her laughter as she held into the succubus for support.
As they both shared in the humor, the duo made their way back to Kourindou, the seemingly best of friends.
"You know, you're not so bad. I always thought you wanted to annoy me all the time but it turns all that you are trying to get close to Patchouli-sama. Why don't you let me help you?" The assistant offered as they reached the door of Kourindou.
Tokiko eyes twinkled. "Really?"
Koakuma nodded. "On one condition." She said as she leaned into Tokiko ear.
"When you want to do those things with her, I get to join in." She whispered slyly. Tokiko blushed deeply as the succubus drew away.
"Now, let's get our stuff and go home." Koakuama announced as they opened the door.
And was confronted by just stacks after stack of paper on the table. Facing the stack was Rinnosuke, who looked up.
"Ah, you're back. Next time, can you leave a note and lock up when you leave? I thought some one had broken into the shop and took you away."
"Sorry." The two now friends both apologized.
"What's this?" Koakuma asked as they looked at the stacks of paper.
"Oh nothing much. Just information for Lady Hieda for record in the next Gensokyo chronicle." Rinnosuke said as he arranged another pile of paper.
Tokiko looked around for their own works but couldn't find their own." Where are the paper that was on this table before?" She asked as she tried to find them among the stacks of paper.
Rinnosuke looked up. "Ah those? I thought they were late entries that were left in my table for me to collect. You mean they weren't?" He asked curiously.
Both Koakuma and Tokiko paled.