Chapter One – Hurtful Words
In this world, live many cruel people. Humans tend to not accept others who are different, but this doesn't give them the right to downgrade others. Especially, if they know the person is able to acknowledge the fact that they are being talked negatively upon. Even if there are some who keep their opinions down low, the majority of them don't care.
They don't care to accept the fact that what their actions are hurtful. The words said behind your back with such disgust. The looks given towards you, as if you're an alien from a different planet. Which in my case this might not be so different.
The worst part of this is the fact that once they talk to you, they pretend as if they had said no such thing. When these times happen, I pretend they don't bother me or I just pretend to have not heard about them. My whole world is filled with this pain inside that I keep to myself. It has even become like a ritual that after many long days I head back to my basement and rerun all the events.
From the hateful words to the disgusted stares. It never ends. The only time I let my walls down is when I'm all alone in the cold, lonely basement. It's when I just let go of everything. I release my emotions by several ways. One of them usually is crying to myself until I lull myself to sleep. But by the time morning comes by my walls are all up once again, but this time a bit stronger than they were before. These walls will never let anyone in no matter what.
No one will ever suspect me to be this type of person. Of course all the smiles I give to everyone, my laughter, my happiness. All fake. Fake. Fake. Fake. It's all just an act. Hoping people won't see through it. It may be true that I hide all these feelings even if no one were to care. The only reason I hide them is that even if I didn't people wouldn't care only leaving me more hurt. But I'd rather have people thinking of me as the arrogant brat who no matter what is always happy and determined with one single thought in mind. To kill all the titans even if it means death. I'd want them to see that person not the broken person I really am.
In the end I've always known those hurtful things people have said. I lead myself to believe them. After all they're not but the truth. Who will ever care or love me? None. Therefore I, Eren Jeager, am not hum. I am a monster.