Walk On
(Niall's POV)
I held Natalie in my arms. She smiled at me as I stroked her hair. I sat on her hospital bed and she was in my arms. She stared into my eyes and leaned up to kiss me.
"I love you Niall, no matter what happens. Okay?" she said. I nodded and held her close. She buried her face in my chest and bunched up my shirt in her hands. "Niall," she said. I rubbed her back, letting her know that I was listening. "I'm nervous," she mumbled against my chest. I rubbed small circles on her back. I was freaking out inside, but I didn't want to make her even more nervous.
"It'll be fine," I told her. She kissed my collarbone and smiled against my skin.
"How do you know?" she murmured.
"Because I do," I kissed the top of her head. There was a knock at the door and a doctor with straight hair stood in the doorway. She cleared her throat and her eyes darted from Natalie to me. I slowly got up and climbed off the bed. "Um, I have to go." I got up and kissed the top of her head. "It'll be fine, okay? Princess, trust me." She smiled uneasily. I squeezed her hand tightly before turning and following the nurse outside the room.
When we were far away from Natalie's room the nurse turned to me as the doctors brought out a hospital bed. I climbed on and took out a piece of paper and pen from my pocket. I just had to finish one little part to this letter.
"You're not telling her?" the female nurse asked as they rolled the stretcher to the proper room. I folded the paper and handed it to her.
"Just give her this," I sighed. The nurse nodded.
"Are you still sure you want to do this?" she asked. I nodded. I'd do anything to save my princess.
(Natalie's POV)
Dear Natalie,
I love you, with all my heart. You're my princess, and I am your prince. I remember when we first met on a rainy night in The Lyric Cafe. You were drinking coffee, eating a doughnut and there were no available seats except for the empty chair at your table. After purchasing my hot chocolate I asked to sit with you and, just like the sweetheart you are, you allowed me to sit there.
You were, and still are, the most beautiful girl I have ever met. You're thoughtful, kind, giving, and you always manage to make someone smile. The world needs people like that, Natalie. That's why it was so unfair that you, of all people, needed heart surgery. I couldn't believe someone as kind-hearted as you would end up having heart problems. You don't deserve to die. Someone like you needs to share her joy with the world.
I should probably get to my main point, the reason you're not hearing this from me directly, the reason you're not in my arms. If you're reading this, it means I have already died. I'm sorry I left you, but you deserve to live. You are my princess and I am your prince, your knight in shining armour. It's my job to protect you. That's why I gave you my heart. I had to save you. If you left me, I wouldn't be able to function, but I know that you're strong. I know that if I gave my life to you, you would still find a way to move on, to keep spreading your love all over the world. I knew I couldn't tell you my plan because I knew you try to stop me, and with that sweet voice of yours and those beautiful blue eyes, I would've listened to you. I'm sorry for keeping this from you, but I knew I had to.
I love you, forever and always. Remember that. I hope you can find someone who will take care of you now that I'm gone. I hope he brings you flowers, purple orchids your favourite. I hope he cuddles with you on big stormy nights. I love you.
-Your prince, Niall.
Tears were streaming down my face as soon as I finished reading the letter. The only thing I wanted when I was done with the operation was to see Niall's face smiling at me, holding me close. But now that couldn't happen.
I sat still on my hospital bed, feeling every heart beat that my new heart made. Every beat that Niall's heart made.
I looked up at the doctors. They stared back at me, nervous of my reaction.
"He wanted you to have it as soon as you recovered," one of them said.
I shook my head slowly, holding the letter close to my heart...Niall's heart. Why would he do this? Why would he leave me? Doesn't he know that I'm lost without him? The doctors looked at each other sadly. They turned and left. I sat there, crying into the letter. I wiped my eyes just as a knock sounded at the door. I looked up from my hands and sobbed, "Come in!" The baby blue door opened and Liam stuck his head in. He bit his lip when he saw my miserable expression.
"Just go in!" Louis shouted. He pushed Liam over and the whole gang fell into the room. The whole gang was here, except Niall. They all looked up at me and picked themselves up off the floor.
"He...He loved you a lot," Liam said on the verge of tears. The boys stared at their feet, silent and still. It wasn't just me who lost her soul mate. They had also just lost a dear friend.
"H-he's gone forever?" I sobbed. Louis moved closer to me and gently stroked my hair.
"He'll always be with you," he said. He pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed. The rest of the boys glanced at each other and moved closer as well. Liam sat on the other side of my bed and held my hand. I squeezed his hand tightly, trying not to cry any more than I already have. Zayn hugged me gently.
"He's not really dead. Not really. He'll always stay alive if you remember him. The great will never die," he said, squeezing me tightly.
"I just...I..." I trailed off. I looked around the room. Liam was holding my hand. Louis was sitting next to me. Zayn was next to Louis. Harry stood with Liam, his hand on my knee. I burst into tears.
"I just...he's gone! He's gone! I didn't even get to say goodbye! Why would he leave me? I loved him so much!" I sobbed. Harry sighed.
"He'll always be with you. Once you love someone they'll always stay with you. They'll always be in your heart," he said, smiling. I glanced up at him and started crying even harder.
"I don't want him in my heart! I want him here, with me!" I sobbed.
*Six months later*
I lay on my bed, alone in the apartment once shared by Niall and me. Time takes too long to pass by. The clock is laughing my face. I lay in a sea of chips and empty pop cans. Everywhere I looked there was something that reminded me of Niall. These chips bags, because he loved Lays Original, the TV, because that's all he'd ever do on the weekends. Even my own closet, but that's only because I haven't gotten rid of many of his belongings. If anyone asked, I told them that they were gone, but in reality I stuffed everything in a plastic garbage bag and put in my closet.
Everyone's telling me I should move on, but I don't see how that's possible. People don't understand what I'm going through. How could they expect me to move on so easily? They can't understand what I'm going through. They think they do, but they don't.
My cell phone buzzed against the wood of my nightstand breaking me out of my thoughts. I rolled over lazily, crushing chips empty pop cans. I dragged my phone across the table and looked at the screen. It was a text message from my sister, Gloria. I pressed read. She was inviting me over for dinner at her place, along with the rest of the family. I replied, telling her that I was busy. I didn't really want to go over there and see my family. I wasn't in the mood. Buzz. There was another text.
Gloria: Busy doing what? Being depressed and alone? You need to get over Niall. It's been 6 months now.
Natalie: I'm just not in the mood, okay?
Gloria: I'll pick you up at 11:15. It'll b fun! Get your mind of things!
Annoying, that's what she is! She doesn't even listen to me; I never said I even wanted her to pick me up! What is her problem? I didn't want to go. Why is she forcing me to be social? This is a stupid idea! I checked the time on my phone. It was 10:55. I only had 20 minutes to get ready! Why is Gloria forcing me out? It's none of her business what I do in my free time.
I rolled out of bed and got dressed in a plain black T-shirt and dark blue jeans. I stumbled over to the bathroom, messy as usual, and brushed my teeth. Looking into the mirror I decided that I'd probably need to brush my hair. Dragging a comb across my head, I shoved a handful of chips in my mouth for breakfast and wandered into the living room. Who cares if it's unhealthy? I need something to pick me up. After all, my boyfriend just died.
A knock sounded at the door. I glared at the door, hoping my sister would go away. She didn't. She simply knocked again, more forcefully this time like an earthquake was outside my door. I groaned and slowly, very slowly, made my way towards the door. I twisted the handle and tugged the door open. There was Gloria, dressed in bright pinks and neon yellows.
"Ready?" she asked, cheerfully. I shrugged. "Cheer up, would you?" she said grabbing my hand and dragging me into the elevator and outside to her car. After shoving me into the passenger's seat we soon arrived to her house, just on the other side a lovely bridge. "Mom and Dad will be here soon, too." Gloria said as we pulled into the drive way. I nodded slowly and swung open the car door.
I stepped out of the car and followed my sister inside her house. Her house was small. There were a lot of rabbits everywhere, stuffed rabbits, plastic rabbits, even candy rabbits. Her house had many bright colours. The walls were lime green; the furniture was mostly beige, orange or yellow. The table in the dining room was already set. I stood in the middle of the sunny house, feeling out of place.
"Stop being so miserably depressed." Gloria said bouncing up to me.
"I'm not miserably depressed. I'm happily depressed!" I replied rolling my eyes.
"You happily depressed?" Gloria questioned me. She giggled and skipped into the kitchen. I sat on one of the chair at the table and studied the plates since I had nothing better to do.
Ding. There were people at the door. Gloria took cheerful, long strides over to the door. She opened it and let in our parents. They chatted happily for while. It seemed like a long time. I heard my name come up occasionally, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. Frankly, the suspense was killing me. I stood up and sauntered over to the group of voices. I was greeted with loud hollers and huge, tight hugs that could've demolished me.
"Gloria, how did you manage to break that shell of depression?" my father bellowed. Gloria shrugged and grinned.
"I just forced her over!" she chuckled. Gloria and my parents laughed loudly.
"It's good to see you!" my mother said hugging me. I simply nodded. We filed into the dining room and Gloria served us our diner. The rest of the night was spent talking, and laughing. I didn't join in too much. I didn't feel like it. I felt like a fish out of water.
This whole scene made me want Niall back even more! I remember bringing him home for dinner to meet my parents and how they were always pleased when he had room for seconds. I remember trying to teach him how to cook and he always ended up burning the whole dish. I remember always having to buy groceries because he ate so much food in just three days. Niall was a big part of my life. He still is. I don't want to let him go. I can't.
I stood up and excused myself from the table. Gloria looked at me weirdly. I ignored her glares and walked right by her. I exited the house after shrugging on my jacket and wandered around.
I found myself thinking of Niall and everything he left behind. He left behind everything he loved, food, soccer, singing, and Ireland. He left me. Makes me wonder what I even am without Niall, if I'm really capable of anything at all. I miss him so much. It hurts so much. Sometimes I wish he didn't save me; sometimes I wish he would've just let me go. I don't want to live without him. I don't want to be alive right now. Not without Niall.
I kept walking until I stumbled upon the bridge. I strolled along the railing and stopped right in the middle of the bridge peering over the edge. The water below looked very deep. Slowly, I climbed on the rail and sat on edge with my feet dangling over the water. I want to see Niall again, even if it is in heaven or wherever we go after life. I shifted my weight, cautiously. I bent my arms, ready to eject myself off the rail. One...two...
"Natalie!" I turned around to see my sister standing behind the railing. "What are you doing?" she shrieked. I sighed.
"I just can't live without him. I don't want to live anymore," I explained with tears forming in my eyes. Gloria's expression softened and she moved closer.
"Don't do this," she sighed. "There are so many more wonderful guys out there. Also, there is so much more to life," she said.
"Like what?" I questioned. "Everything I care about is gone." I told her.
"What about your family? What about me? Are you really going to leave us?" She asked. I stayed silent, pondering this for a moment. What could my family possibly do to help? It's not like they can bring Niall back. "Niall gave you his life for a reason. So you could live. Do you really think he'd want you to just throw it away? Live your life Natalie, not only for you, but for Niall too." Gloria concluded. I stared at her, scowling because she had made a good point.
She was right. Niall wouldn't have wanted this. He would've wanted me to be happy and safe. Maybe it really was time to get over him. Maybe I just had to let him go. I turned around and got off the rail. My sister enveloped me in her arms and I cried. I cried and she hugged me. It was actually quite nice. I think I may have been a little too harsh to her .I followed her back to her house.
"We were starting to worry! We didn't where you were!" my father said as soon as Gloria and I entered the house.
"Just dealing with some stuff," Gloria covered for me.
"What kind of stuff?" my mother asked.
"It was sister stuff." I lied. Gloria and I looked at each other and smiled. Our parents exchanged confused looks.
"Who wants to watch a movie?" Gloria giggled giddily. Everyone agreed and we all made our way to the living room. Maybe it'll be easier to move on when I have my family around. Maybe I just need to open up and be ready to heal.