Changing for the Better
It was the start of the new school year, my junior year. This was bound to be just like any other year, except this year I would be attending a school in King High. I came to a new school looking for a new routine, to get away from people, or maybe… just for another chance. I hoped this school was far away enough to have potential. To everybody here I might as well just be another new kid right? Walking down the sidewalk to the entrance of the school I looked down to mentally asses what I was wearing. Here I sat in my white wife beater, my favorite wrist band, a pair of blue jeans, and my DC's. Reaching our for the cold, gray door handle, it was now or never. I took a deep breath, threw my bag over my shoulder, and I busted through the double doors looked around and realized there's no way I'm ever going to be able to find my way around this place. Compared to the school in Ohio this place was a mansion. I was lost in a sea of faces, great. A thousand thoughts were going off in my head. They were all speeding around making me light headed and perplexed. The most sensible thing would have been to ask someone where to find my first class, but at the moment, common sense was not going to be happening. I started walking faster trying not to look conspicuous and decided to abruptly swing myself around until…
"Ouch, you heard of watching where you're going?" angrily asked a kind of preppy looking brunette now lying on the floor.
"I'm so sorry," I apologized, "I just have no clue where I am, and I'm lost, and I'm confused, and I'm embarrassed, and I'm rambling." This is great she probably thinks I'm a complete loser. This is a great way to start off. So much for this school having any potential. She's probably popular and I just ruined my reputation already. She'll tell all of her evil minions that I'm the loser who takes people out, because I have anger management problems. Wait…why am I being so self-conscious? Why do I care so much about what she thinks? Maybe, because you want to make friends, and not be a total outcast. Shut up Spencer normal people do not have arguments with themselves.
"A, no it's okay," the girl stated as she picked herself off the floor and collected her now scattered books. "Are you Spencer?"
"Um, yeah that's me," I asked confused by how she knew my name, but very ecstatic at the fact she didn't seem enraged, score!
"Okay, cool because I'm supposed to show you around anyways," said the girl. Okay now I'm even more confused. "I was assigned by the office to show you your classes." Finally, something is making sense. "By the way I'm Kyla."
"Hi, I'm um well I'm stupid but most people call me Spencer, but I guess you already knew that," I replied shakily. Yeah, she thinks your retarded. Stop, I mentally kicked myself. I have to stop having these conversations with myself.
"Good to know, I'll keep that in mind," she joked. She started walking and handed me my schedule. "I have the same first class as you so I'll just show you where it is. My fourth, sixth, and seventh hour is the same as yours too. I'll walk you to everyone today, though. Just so you don't get lost." Kyla started laughing slightly at the joke she had made.
"Yeah, that'd be awesome," I replied gratefully laughing a little too. She walked me to my first class. I felt like a kindergartener and if I strayed too far away, I'd get lost. Walking down the hallway I took in my new setting. The walls were painted white, while blue lockers stretched down the hallways. It was just like any other high school, except way bigger.
It was just like any other high school, except way bigger. I don't know why, but it seemed like the lights were too bright. My eyes kept watering when I looked up, so I kept to looking at my feet. We reached the classroom and she took the desk next to a hot skater looking girl with brown hair. The girl was wearing black and white DC shoes, and dark blue jeans. Her hair was curly, she had a on a hat with a brim on the side, and she wore a lot of make up. I realized my legs had started moving themselves up to the teacher.
"Hey, I'm um Spencer and I'm new," I stated. Wow, I sound like a five-year-old selling Girl Scout cookies.
"You can take a seat behind Ashley," he told me, and pointed to the skater girl. I nervously walked to my desk keeping a steady gaze at my feet the entire time I walked. The vibe I'm sending off at the moment is probably screaming loser. And why does it always feel like people are starring at me? Oh God, please don't do something stupid right now. It would be my luck to fall flat on my ass right now. Please don't trip, please don't trip I silently prayed. That is the last time I ever pray, because the next thing I knew my legs were flying out from under me. I was on lying on my back, sprawled out, on the floor. For a moment I thought this had to be a dream. It's that hopeful thought in the back of your mind you keep for comfort. But I knew if wasn't true. I wasn't going to wake up screaming don't make me go to school. This was school. I waited for the floor to open up and swallow me alive. The room was just the sound of constant laughter. It echoed in my mind; I closed my eyes and I could still see their stares of pure judgment. Okay now I'm officially mortified. I contemplated getting up and running but I opened my eyes to see someone lending me a hand. Ashley stood over me looking concerned.
"You okay?" she asked.
"Um yeah, I should be fine," I managed to get out. Ashley helped me up and I quickly sat in my seat. I sunk into my chair hoping to become invisible.
"You nervous or something today?" Ashley asked.
"Just a little shaky," I mumbled trying to end this conversation before I made myself look like more of a dork than already. Besides I didn't even deserve sympathy. The truth is I don't deserve to be happy. Maybe this is just gods way of telling me I don't get a second chance. Slumping down in my chair I searched to sea of faces to make sure nobody was still staring at me. Some where along my scan I met eyes with a guy wearing a football jacket with short black hair. Tears threatened to spill, but I hung on to them refusing to let them go. I was humiliated, mortified that I'd already managed to screw up. No matter how hard I try it always ends in disaster. But something caught me by surprise. I don't remember the last time someone looked at me that concerned… maybe this school could have potential.