Disclaimer: Any characters you recognize, they all belongs to the WWE. Any that you don't recognize are mine.

June, 2005

The tile floor was like ice beneath her feet as Lita fumbled with the shower knob. Finally a burst of water shot out of the shower head, striking her on the chest. It was freezing! She wrenched the knob to the left and eventually the water heated enough to be bearable. Even then, she turned it hotter, filling the small bathroom with steam. The hot water felt wonderful on her sore muscles. Her fingers gently massaged discolored skin on her arms and shoulders; her souvenirs of Edge's match earlier that evening.

The match against Randy Orton had been intense. Lita, from her spot at ringside, had watched with great interest as the two young superstars worked each other over. Towards the end of the match, Edge started to struggle, putting his victory in jeopardy. When he signaled Lita, she was ready to jump in and distract the ref. She had expected Orton to try and push her out of the ring, but she hadn't expected for Orton to grab her and toss her around the ring for a few moments while Edge set up for the spear that ultimately won him the match. At least the distraction gave Edge the opportunity he needed to steal the win. Lita rubbed her arms where Randy had grabbed her, trying to ease the pain. There were red marks there, which would probably be bruises tomorrow.

Forgetting today's events, she stepped under the stream of water and allowed it to soak her hair and body. Water had always been an important part of her psyche; she could always go to water and forget anything that was bothering her. As the warm water melted the tension from her body she began to relax. After another long moment, Lita reached down to grab her bottle of body wash and squeezed a large amount onto her hands. The liquid was bright red in color. . .

God, it looks like blood. . . How ironic. . .

The sight of the red liquid splashed across her hands unnerved her. A sick feeling developed in the pit of her stomach as she shook the red liquid from her hands, watching it swirl around her feet before finally washing down the drain. I have blood on my hands, she thought morosely.

There was blood on her hands. . .Blood from all the mistakes in her past. The broken hearts. . . Her poor son. . .

A painful lump formed in her throat as memories of some of the most painful months of her life came flooding back. She'd become good at keeping these painful memories at bay; but sometimes she just wasn't strong enough to completely forget the tragedy that took her son. She remembered the pain most of all; the inescapable pain in her mind that ate away at her, turning her insides black.

Her heart began to pound as the room seemed to suddenly grow oppressively hot. Lita allowed herself to fall back, her shoulders resting on the cool tile of the shower wall. The water continued to flow over her body, raising gooseflesh on her arms. She closed her eyes, trying to force out moments from the past she never wanted to relive again.

Somewhere in her sub-consciousness, a memory stirred. . .

October 2004

She was in another shower, in another hotel, in another city. She leaned against the shower wall, allowing her hands and forehead to rest on the cool tile as the warm water soothed her weary body. She heard the light tapping as her gold wedding ring touched the wall. She looked at it scornfully. It felt like a chain. No, perhaps a collar would be a better description. It ensured that she would not run from her captor, or her husband, as he preferred to be called.

She allowed her hands to follow the flow of water down her body, resting on the concave expanse of her belly. Only a few weeks ago a new life had taken root here. A tiny life, something innocent and clean growing inside of her. It was a life untouched by her sordid history or her sullied reputation. A life that was snuffed out in a cruel twist of fate.

The memories of that night were still brutally clear in her mind. Every detail of the night in September when Kane lost his balance and crashed into her was burned into her mind. She had lost consciousness when her head hit the bottom of the mat, crushed beneath Kane's weight. She didn't remember waking up until she was in the ambulance en route to the hospital. The first thing she saw when she opened her eyes was Kane, holding her limp hand against the side of his face. She could feel his hot tears as he wept. His entire body was shaking. Behind her she could see the paramedic injecting something into the IV tube she didn't remember getting. And then she looked down her body and saw blood spread on her pants and the blanket that covered her. With a sudden and horrible pain, she knew, just knew that the baby was gone.

She had spent a week in the hospital. Every minute Kane was there, refusing to leave her side. She did not speak to him, or even acknowledge his presence as he wept beside her. She simply refused to acknowledge that anything had happened. She masked her heart-breaking pain with cold indifference. After she'd been released with strict orders for bed rest, she lapsed into a semi-aware state, refusing to focus on the horror of what happened. Kane had tried to care for her. But she refused to accept him; content to let him fall into her depression. Even while he begged for her forgiveness, she never gave it. She allowed herself to fall into a pit of despair that she had no reason to struggle from. And she really didn't care if she took Kane with her.

All the events leading up to this moment flooded over her, threatening to drown her in the pain of it all.

The surprising coldness of October in Tampa pervaded their hotel room, even reaching Lita in the shower. When she began to shiver, she turned the water as hot as she could bear. She came to the shower for an escape; just a small release. But so far all she'd been able to do was torture herself about the past few months. She ran her hands through her hair in frustration, trying to push her mind to anything but her present situation. As the water flowed over her body, she tried to focus on something different: their upcoming schedule, the curling iron she needed to replace, the dog's vets bills to pay. . .

She felt the tears welling up, and she tried to fight it. The awful feeling of emptiness overcame her. Lita fell back against the tile wall and began to cry, painful sobs tearing through her chest. Hot tears burned her skin where they fell. She felt like her heart was breaking all over again.

And then came the shock she never expected: two large warm hands pulling her up to rest against the massive chest of her poor husband. He held her tentatively, like he expected her to struggle and fight his embrace. To his complete shock, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed deeper into his embrace. He splayed one hand over her back, helping to hold her as he gently stroked her hair. They stayed together for several moments until her sobs quieted.

She suddenly looked up, her arms coiling around his neck, bringing his face down to hers. He hesitated for one brief moment, until she pressed her lips to his. Their kiss was tender, heat slowly building between their bodies. The feel of her nimble tongue surprised him as she parted his lips and delved into his mouth as she lifted her leg to rest on his hip. He broke the kiss, not understanding her intentions. She looked up at him, and Kane was shocked by the pain in her eyes that were such a beautiful shade of brown. "Please," she whimpered as tears fell anew. Kane was startled by her plea. Never in all their time together had she ever willingly beckoned him to her. He didn't understand why she needed him now, but he was not about to question it and lose this moment.

With fervor he kissed her again, pinning her body between his own and the wall. This time his tongue entered her, tenderly exploring her mouth. She moaned and pressed against him, causing him to groan at the sensation. The heat between them intensified as her hips began rocking against his to the motion of their kiss. His hands snaked around her bottom and suddenly hoisted her from her feet, wrapping her legs around his waist. His mouth left hers and traveled down her jaw, tracing the delicate part of her neck down to the sensitive place where her collarbone met her neck. He laved the spot gently with his tongue as she shivered in delight. Lita arched her back in pleasure as he gently sucked the spot.

Heat began to build in her lower stomach. She knew that if she didn't stop now, it would be too late. Frankly, she didn't care. As Kane's mouth moved across her chest to her breasts, Lita could only lean her head against the wall and gasp as he gently explored her. His tenderness shocked her. Too soon he returned to her mouth, stealing her wits with his passion. Lita could feel his erection growing against her thighs and the sensation thrilled her.

It almost sounded like someone else's voice when she cried, "I need you." He needed no further encouragement.

Madness took them over as he carried her from the shower to the bed, dripping water everywhere. He paused for one brief moment, drinking in the sight of her body lying open for him. "Please," she cried, feeling as if she would die if he did not come to her. Kane slowly climbed onto the bed over her, kissing her deeply. She could not wait, lifting her legs about his waist, wanting to feel him inside. He didn't hesitate. Whatever insanity this was, he did not want to question it and lose this passion. He positioned himself and slowly entered her.

Lita threw back her head and cried out as he buried himself deep inside. Kane growled low and deep in his throat as he thrust against her, savoring every nuance of her body around his. Lita reached up and pulled him down, kissing him deeply. He moaned against her mouth; a most beautiful sound. Tears burned in her eyes as she felt herself grow closer to the edge.

"I'm so sorry."

Kane stiffened, not believing she really said those words. "I'm sorry . . . for everything," she cried, tears filling her beautiful brown eyes. He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her long and deep. "I love you Lita," he moaned as he began to thrust against her, the feeling of her body around him just too much to deny himself any longer. The sensations overtook them both and they became lost in a world of pleasure so deep it was nearly pain; a world that was wholly theirs.

Lita's eyes snapped open and she screamed. The sound echoed in the small tiled room. Her pulse raced, she could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She looked around and saw only the nondescript hotel bathroom. She couldn't keep her body from shaking. She hadn't allowed herself to remember that night in a very long time. That was one moment of weakness; one she never wanted to admit had happened. White hot anger pulsed through her. She let out a frustrated scream as she slammed her fist into the wall. That hurt pretty bad, but the pain brought her fully into the present. She tried not to notice her hands were shaking as she turned the water off and stumbled out of the shower. Her legs felt like rubber as she moved to the vanity. Lita saw the red flush on her face and chest and cursed aloud. She quickly wrapped a towel around her wet hair and pulled on her bathrobe.

The power of that memory frightened her. After that night, things had begun to change. She had found herself growing closer to Kane. She couldn't explain it. Even though she had once hated him beyond all reason, she began finding little things she liked about him. She had never loved him; but at least at the end she had been sympathetic towards him. Even while everything between them was seemingly good, Lita had continued to lash out behind his back. While they appeared to be loving couple, working together to terrorize their opponents, Lita had latched on to the first man she could. Edge had no problem with the arrangement; eager to nail Lita and advance his career at the same time. So they began their affair, Lita spending her days and 'therapy sessions' with Edge and her nights with Kane. He never suspected a thing.

While sneaking around behind Kane's back, Lita and Edge would joke about the day when she would finally betray her husband. Edge thought it would be most effective during a very important moment in his life. Like a title shot. She always laughed and went along with his plans, but never made any attempts to move their playful banter into reality. She was enjoying the benefits of Kane's services too much to throw it all away. But as time passed, Edge became more persistent; asking again and again when she was planning to embarrass Kane. She never knew what to say.

Fate however, put the opportunity right into their laps. The Gold-Rush Tournament unfolded in just the right way, leaving Kane to face Edge in the semi-finals. She still remembered the unholy glee in Edge's eyes when he realized the chance they had been given. Any apprehension she had was overridden by Edge's excitement. And so they made their move. The feud had taken a huge emotional and physical toll on everyone involved. Despite everything, she and Edge had come out victorious and gone on to become the premiere couple of the WWE. They were constantly in demand for appearances, interviews and photo shoots. She hadn't had cause to think about Kane since. Ever since their feud had ended, Kane had left her alone. She was sure he was just as eager to forget about everything as she was.

With Lita by his side, Edge's career had taken off, leading to his capture of the WWE Title from John Cena. As Edge's star only seemed to be rising, Lita's began to stagnate. After being taken out of competition for the Women's Title, Lita had nothing to focus on but Edge. The decision to sideline her career continued to irk her; but for now things were going well enough with Edge's career, that she was content to wait.

Lita looked to the bed where Edge was laying on the bed, a beer in hand as Sports Center blared on the television. Lita held her breath as she crossed the room to sit at the vanity. She was trying to appear relaxed, though inside she was extremely agitated and nervous. Edge didn't say anything for a few moments as the announcers on TV went over the night's hockey scores. As Lita began to dry her hair, he asked, "Are you alright?" His eyes never left the television. Trying to sound as casual as she could, she said, "Yes, I'm fine." Behind her, there was a clink as the now empty beer bottle joined his departed brothers in the trash can.

After a few minutes, Lita got her hair as dry as she could. She got up and picked up her messenger bag that served as her purse, of sorts. She rummaged through the multitudes of pockets, searching for the makeshift itinerary she had to carry since her laptop crapped out on her. She had to pull half the contents of the bag out before she finally found the piece of paper, wedged between the pages of a magazine. Quickly she reviewed the plan for the next few days of her life. They were heading on to Dallas tomorrow, where she and Edge had some special appearances at various places over a few days. There was a house show on Saturday, where Edge was having a match against Carlito, and Lita was doing nothing but following him to the ring. And on Monday, there was Raw. Once again, she would not be wrestling. Removing a pen from the bag, she added onto the schedule:

Tuesday: Philly, Pennsylvania, Turnabout Record Store Appearance.

House Show Saturday.

Raw Monday.

She was startled when the TV suddenly clicked off. Before she realized it, Edge was behind her, his hands running over her neck, under her robe to her breasts. She didn't move as his hands undid the robe's tie and began to move over her body. Silently he led her to the bed. He ran his hands through her damp hair, dipping his head to breath in the scent of her skin. He made a sound of pleasure in his throat as his tongue traced a line over her throat. "You always smell so good after a bath," he said, a lazy smile on his face. She sat back slightly to look at him. His green eyes sparkled as he twirled strands of her hair around his fingers. Her eyes must have betrayed her inner turmoil, because his expression changed, growing confused. "Hey, are you okay honey? You look like something's bothering you."

If only you knew, she thought. Unwilling to discuss her earlier episode, Lita smiled, hiding her troubled thoughts behind half-lidded eyes. "I'm fine; just tired," she said, gently tickling the fine layer of stubble on his chin. Using the leverage of his body, he lowered her down onto the comforter and settled over her. He kissed her, long and deep. Lita responded immediately, her body already aware and ready.

As they made love, Lita took comfort in the mindless activity; eager to have something to take her away from herself. When it was finally over, Edge pulled away and rolled onto his side. He was snoring within minutes. Lita gave a disgusted sigh as she rolled over and yanked the covers away from Edge, who was already beginning to steal them away. She reached over to turn off the bedside light, throwing the room into darkness. She closed her eyes, listening to Edge's deep snores.

Several moments later, in the final seconds before sleep claimed her, she heard her phantom lover's low, rough voice:

"Goodnight Lita."