-LETTERS TO LUCAS-

The One Thing Keeping Me From Missing You

A/N: I'm not typically a Brucas writer, although I do like the pairing, so please just allow yourself to enjoy a great love story if you don't like the coupling. Also, I know that a lot of the stuff I mention in the letter (eg. Luc telling Brooke that he is meant for her) has not actually happened when Brooke writes the letters, but I felt to put it in, and when you're writing in the moment, you can't afford to let an opportunity like that slip away. Also, I have written this as a one shot, but it may end up becoming something longer if I feel to do that. I guess it all depends on reviews! So please, relax, read, review… and I'll love you!

Disclaimer: I own nothing One Tree Hill. Sadly :(

Dear Lucas,

I wish I could miss you. I honestly do.

But I can't.

Because in the end, I just remember that I'm missing what I thought I had- and that was love… and you can't miss something you never had.

I seriously miss the way you looked at me with those deep, blue eyes. And the way you were constantly brooding, instead of being consumed by the materialism of all that was important to me. I loved the way you dreamt of something more… and I hated that you found that in my best friend.

I loved the way that you told me I was meant for you- and the way I melted under your adoring gaze. I loved the way that I was your 'pretty girl,' but most of all, I just loved being your girl, and loving you back.

I loved the way you cupped my face in your hands when we kissed, and how every imaginable spark between us was magical- no kiss was anything less than extraordinary.

I miss having nothing meaningless in my life, and having the beauty in the simplicity of all things pointed out to me. I miss appreciating the beauty because of you.

I miss the profound way you viewed life, and being able to look beyond what outfit I am going to wear the following day… and before then; I miss watching the sunset in your arms.

I miss cheering for you, and actually caring about how you felt after every game. I miss caring about anything beyond myself.

I miss thinking you loved me, and knowing I loved you, and thinking I had a completely trustworthy best friend.

I miss trusting that friend.

And anybody, for that matter.

But especially you.

But I don't miss you.

I can't.

Because missing you would mean missing having my heart broken. Like missing the rose you toss to the ground because of it's thorns, I've got to leave you behind – because this will always be a part of you.

I can't miss love, because I never had it.

What I had was a blind, unrealistic, ideal of love that nobody ever wants to be burdened with.

And I can't be sorry for that.

I won't be.

Because you should be.

But even if you were, there would be nothing left. And that's your fault.

I'd love to miss you.

Hell, I do miss who I thought you were.

And I miss believing that the person I stupidly fell head over heels for, was really the person he made himself out to be.

I wish I could see you again. I wish I could look into your eyes…

And tell you how god-damn-freaking much you killed me, Lucas.

I wish I could be so honest as to tell you that I truly spent the whole summer missing you, and wishing I was with you.

But the one thing keeping me from missing you is fear.

Because I can't let my heart be broken again, Lucas. From you, or anyone.

I just can't.

B. Davis

Reviews welcomed! Please let me know what you think and you just might get to read some more!

Love Gabbi :)