A/N: So… I wanted to get a fic out on my birfday… so here it is!
DISCLAIMER: Don't own Twilight and stuff… but maybe Stephenie Mormon will hopefully give it to me as a birfday present!! :)
FACT: I'm listening to Ragtime. This is also one of the first times I've written in a scripted format!
THINGY: I know that Bella's parents got divorced before Bella was of age, 'kay? It's for story purposes. Leave me alone. Divorce is not okay in Disney movies. Deal with it.
Isabella "Izzy" Swan is a six-year-old nuisance in the lives of Renee and Charlie Swan.
RENEE: Charlie…Izzy is really getting on my nerves… What should we do?
CHARLIE: Take her with you, I don't want something like that with me!
IZZY: Hi, Mommy! Daddy! Let's watch 'Alice in Wonderland' again!
RENNEE: How about you and me go on a trip to Phoenix and leave Daddy alone for awhile, hm? It'll be like a long sleepover…
CHARLIE: Thank you…
RENEE: You. Owe. Me.
In a few hours Renee and Izzy were out of Charlie's dwelling.
Like any ordinary father of the early '90s, Charlie Swan flipped on his 25" television set, donned a Seattle Mariners jersey, got a class of Diet Coke ('cause beer is not appropriate for littluns), turned on the baseball game, and called his buddies.
ELEVEN YEARS LATER…
-insert a song from a band yet to be discovered here-
The Dwyer home in Phoenix AZ.
BELLA: Mom!
PHIL: Whaddaya want?
BELLA: Where is she?
PHIL: I think she's upstairs… Are you going to the game with us tomorrow?
BELLA: No, Phil… For the fortieth time, I'm going to a small town in Washington in a climate unlike this so I can fall in love with some hottie guy named Edward who has a really hott dad.
PHIL: Edward? That's a funny name. I knew a guy named Edward, once… He was a cheetah, actually…
RENEE: Philip Dwyer! Where are you?
PHIL: Wha? Oh… down here, darlin'. Bella said she's goin' ta Washin'ton!
RENEE: That's right, dear… And she won't be coming back anytime soon…
Phil silently cheered, as did the rest of the city of Phoenix. Like, imagine the opening song in "Anastasia". Yeah, just like that.
BELLA: Mom! I gotta get to the airport soon!
RENEE: Chill.
Bella said good-bye to Phil and the tile in the kitchen and warm weather and her little squirrel friend named Farfel.
FARFEL: Bye!
BELLA: Yep.
At the airport, Bella and Renee had an emotional tear-jerking good-bye song. Bella's flight called for boarding, and that was it. The second Bella's plane left the ground, there was a cue for a reprise of a number like the opening song in "Anastasia."
AT FORKS…
CHARLIE: Hey, kid!
BELLA: Hey… Dad? Charlie?
CHARLIE: -inspirational father laugh- C'mon, let's go home…
At dinner that night, which Bella expertly cooked, of course, her and her father tried to have a conversation.
CHARLIE: Good dinner, Izzy.
BELLA: It's 'Bella' now, Dad. It sounds more teenage, y'know. 'Cause I am just the stereotypical teen, right?
CHARLIE: …um, yes?
BELLA: -laughs-
CHARLIE: -thinks- Was she being sarcastic?
BELLA: That's a pretty nice set of wheels you gave me today!
CHARLIE: Really? Thanks. Billy Black, the friendly Native American, and his hottie son, Jacob, fixed it up just for you!
BELLA: Awww…
CHARLIE: So, are you going to school tomorrow?
BELLA: Yeah… I think so… I don't really have a life, as you will soon find out.
CHARLIE: -thinks- Is she being sarcastic again?!
BELLA: What's new in this town? I'd like to get some background info so I can be in the know at school tomorrow!
CHARLIE: Well, I'm the Chief of Police, as you probably know… And… there's a bookstore about ten miles east…. There's a hot young doctor who is a somewhat-new addition at the hospital… I had a cookie for lunch today…
BELLA: Dad—?
CHARLIE: —and, no, there is not Starbucks here. You'll have to drive to Seattle to get some—
BELLA: Dang!
CHARLIE: I know. Totally sucks, right?!
BELLA: How did you know what I was going to ask?
CHARLIE: I…Can…Read…Yo'…Mind…!
Bella failed at stifling a burst of laughter. Charlie soon joined in.
After discussing various things, Bella retired to bed and Charlie settled down on the sofa and watched the Seattle Super Sonics not defeat the Cleveland Cavaliers.
THE NEXT DAY…
Bella uncharacteristically slid down the banister.
BELLA: FIRST DAY OF SCHOOLSIES, YO!
CHARLIE: Have fun, kidderoo!
BELLA: Thankies! See ya soon, Dad.
EHWAHD CUHWEN (Edward Cullen): -far away driving to school in a stupid shiny Volvo- La la la la la…