An unusually sunny day graced the rainy town of Forks. Usually on days like this, the Cullen house would be abuzz with activity, all of them trying to stay out of the sun. But today that was not so. It was quiet. Carlisle had taken the day off of work, and the Cullen children were home from school, each doing something different. Carlisle was in his study, working or possibly reading new medical texts. Edward and Bella had taken their daughter Renesmee to the cottage for a quiet day of family bonding. Emmett had decided to try his luck hunting, hoping to find a Grizzly bear out on this bright day. And Alice and Rosalie had taken to the computer, dedicating a day to online shopping since they couldn't go to the mall. That left Esme and Jasper.
Esme had spent the morning cleaning and Jasper had his nose in a philosophy book, reading it at a human pace to savor and enjoy it. But being an emotional empath came with disadvantages as he felt Esme's growing sense of discontent. He could have asked her what was bothering her, and was planning to, when he saw her pause in front of a photo on their wall. With his perfect memory, he didn't need to go up to see what it was. A family photo, taken on a day they had all been home together.
They had spent they day sharing in one another's favorite activities. They had (somewhat begrudgingly) done a fashion show for Alice and Rosalie. They had played the piano for Edward, laughing as a few of them managed to create horrible melodies. They had done a wrestling match for Emmett, with the boys participating and their wives as their coaches and cheerleaders. They had meditated for Jasper. They had gone on a trip through the forest with Nessie, who loved to climb trees. And they had discussed classic novels for Bella. The only two people who hadn't asked for anything that day were Esme and Carlisle, who said they were just happy seeing everyone bonding. For Esme, that had been especially true. Her children were grown and often led such separate lives despite all living under the same roof. To see them together all at once when they weren't hunting or involved in some life-threatening crisis was blissful for her. It reminded her that they were, at the end of the day, a family still.
Jasper secretly thought that Esme worried about the disconnect they seemed to have at times, with all of them being married and sometimes living separately. His thoughts were reinforced on days when they seemed to be ships passing in the night, their home somewhat of an airport or train station, and he felt her worry bubble up. Now was no exception. And coupled with the worry came the sensation of longing. He was not a mind reader like his brother, but he had learned over many years how to translate what his family members were thinking a vast majority of the time. Despite thinking himself a rather emotionally detached person with the obvious exception of Alice, he could tell Esme was having a day where she needed to feel needed. Those days did not come too often, as everyone in the family almost always brought something her way every day. But today, with everyone off on their own, she clearly felt out of her element. She was at her core, a caretaker. And today no one seemed to need her care.
Jasper considered himself a fiercely independent person. He had never considered himself to have a need to be cared for because it was something he hadn't experienced much of in his life. In his human life he had run away to join the army and made his way through the ranks on his own, and when he was turned, he often worked independently. He certainly knew what it felt like to care about someone, but to be cared for was something he found difficult to wrap his head around. However, Esme's discontent bothered him greatly because her emotions were always so joyous and loving. So he found himself at a bit of an impasse. He wanted to make her happier, but would likely cause himself some discomfort in the process, and possibly pass it to Esme if he wasn't careful. It took him a few seconds to decide. Ultimately, though, he decided to try and help. What kind of person would he be if he didn't try and help the woman who had always shown him such kindness, even when he did not feel he deserved it?
"Esme?" He asked, getting up and coming over to her.
"Yes?" She put her dusting rag and spray on the nearby table and looked over to him.
"Would you like to spend the day together?"
The wave of happiness that went through her was probably enough to lift the spirits of every depressed person within a hundred miles of them. Certainly it was enough to daze Jasper, and unthinkingly he slid a step closer to her, wanting to be closer to that joy. Esme gave him the sunniest grin, and she nodded.
"I'd love that." She took the step closer to him as a sign that he was comfortable and gave him a hug. Normally Jasper was not one for physical affection when it did not concern his wife. It made him uncomfortable. but this was different. He found he didn't mind it. And when he pulled back and she was smiling at him, he felt something strange. A sort of fluttering and warmth in his chest. It wasn't quite how it was with Alice, but the feeling was similar enough to be compared to that. "What would you like to do?" She asked him.
It took him a few moments to decide that. He inwardly smacked himself for not thinking up something beforehand. But easily enough, something came to him. "Want to go for a walk?"
"Sure."
So they headed out the back door into the trees. Jasper took a moment to reflect on the beauty and peacefulness of the place. Usually when he came out here it was to hunt, or he came out with Alice, but she was always distracting to him. He didn't get the chance to just appreciate the nature, and made a note to himself to try and do that more often. Esme too, it seemed, took a few moments to take it all in. He appreciated that about her, that she wasn't loud or overexcitable like the rest of his siblings could be. She understood the value of quiet. She never said or felt anything to give him the indication, but he thought she might be waiting for him to speak first so she didn't encroach on his moment of peace.
"It's beautiful here." He said as they walked.
"It is. The trees around here remind me somewhat of the farm I grew up on."
"You remember that?" His eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Not all of it. But what I do remember is a love for climbing trees. That's how I first met Carlisle, you know."
"Really? You never told me that story."
"I thought you had heard it, if nothing else than through Alice."
"I haven't. Will you tell me about it?"
"I was sixteen and climbing a tree when I fell and broke my leg." Esme shook her head fondly at the memory. "It was considered very unbecoming of a young lady at the time, but I suppose that was my rebel phase." The words made Jasper smile. "Carlisle had just come to town, and he treated me. And ever since then I compared every man I met to him. But no one measured up. Eventually I married, got pregnant and had my son," Jasper winced at the surge of pain those words brought her, "And he passed away. And after I jumped off the cliff and Carlisle rescued me, I fell in love with him all over again."
Jasper paused a moment, then spoke. "I'm sorry about your son."
She smiled, but it was dimmed with a faint shadow of sadness. "Thank you. It helps sometimes, you know. To talk about him."
"Is there a reason why you don't more often? Aside from it being painful?"
"Two, I think. The first being that I don't want to upset Rosalie. Even if it was just for a while, I had her greatest dream and I don't want to bring up that pain for her."
"I understand that. What's the second?"
"I often think that if I dwell on the past I miss out on the present and can't enjoy the future. I suffered a grave loss, and that's something that will never heal for me. But if that hadn't happened, neither would any of this. I wouldn't have seen Carlisle again, I wouldn't have had my children. I wouldn't have had you."
Jasper might have blushed at the compliment were he still human. "That's a good perspective to have."
"It becomes necessary after a point. If you focus on the past you can't see the future."
"Maybe I could take a page from your book with that." He found himself saying. "I spent so much time thinking on my mistakes that I don't get to really find hope for the future."
"Jasper, that's ridiculous. You have always had hope for your future. Just look at Alice. You took her hand after never having met her before. You had hope back then, and you still do now. I see it in the way you smile, or the look in your eyes. You're one of the most hopeful people I have ever met."
"Really?"
Esme nodded. "And what you don't see is how much hope you bring to those around you. Not just with emotional manipulation. Do you know how much hope you have brought me over the years?"
"Me?" He asked, surprised.
"You. You gave me hope every day since you came to us. From that very first day. There was a lot of debating in the house about you two staying, and I know you know that. But what you don't know is that you were the one who gave me the most hope, because you gave me what I needed the most."
"What was that?"
"When I took in Edward, he was amicable to me. And our relationship grew. He saw me as a mother figure, but I knew very well that he didn't particularly need mothering because his biological mother gave him that kind of lasting love that I try and give you all. And Emmett, most of the time he needs me as more of a disciplinarian or a referee. He needs guidance on occasion, but otherwise he is very much his own person and doesn't particularly need me." She paused a moment. "But when you came along, you did. I was never outright with my thoughts on this back then because I wasn't sure how you would take it. But I sensed that you needed me. I could tell just from the way you stood that you weren't very comfortable with the idea of a family after so many years of being on your own. I saw the walls you put up, the fear in your eyes when you thought you made a mistake. You made me feel like more of a mother then than I had felt since the day I held my baby. I looked at you, and I hoped with everything I had that you would stay here, because when I looked at you, I saw my son again. The way he would have been if he hadn't passed away. I saw someone who craved love but didn't know how to show it in turn. I saw someone I could comfort, who I could teach, who I could shower with love and who would absorb it like a sponge. You gave me all of that. All of that hope, and those dreams, were because of you."
Jasper was in shock. That was the only way to describe it. He stopped moving, and Esme followed suit, waiting for him to react. Finally, he spoke. "I made you feel that way? Me?"
"You did. A mother knows which of her children need her the most. And even if you never called me mom or anything of the like because you were uncomfortable with that, I knew you needed one."
Jasper racked his brain for something to say but couldn't find the words. And Esme just looked at him, put a hand on his shoulder, silently telling him that it was okay and he didn't need to say anything. And for a few moments it was quiet before Jasper finally spoke.
"My birth mother, she died when I was about ten. And my dad had passed away when I was two I think, so it was just us. And she was pretty strict- a real disciplinarian. I adjusted to army life pretty quickly because I was used to a strict schedule. I don't remember much of her from memory, but I do think I can remember her sometimes. It wasn't like I thought she didn't love me or anything like that. I knew she did, but she expressed it so differently. I think the only times I can remember her showing me the kind of affection you do were when I was sick as a kid. But I can't even remember the specifics, just the general feeling. I think that was the only time I really felt cared for, because the rest of the time she raised me to be independent. And then after everything happened, I found you, and you were such a departure from what I thought a mother was like. I saw how much you tried to care for all of us, and it made me uncomfortable because it was so different from everything I had known. But I think…" He paused. "I think I wanted that. I craved it too much to be comfortable with it. I just don't know how to make sense of that."
"I think there are a lot of things that we can't make sense of. But sometimes it doesn't have to make sense. Feelings rarely do. Just open yourself up to new experiences and the rest will come."
He nodded. "Easier said than done when you're as set in your ways as I am."
"I don't know. I think you've made a lot of changes to your ways in the past, and you can do it again."
"You think I can do it?"
Esme smiled and shook her head. "Jasper, when will you learn that I think you can do anything?"
He blinked. "Guess that shouldn't surprise me."
"It most definitely should not. I have faith in you."
"Probably more than I deserve."
"More than you think you deserve. But as a mother I know you deserve much more than that."
He paused. "Does it ever bother you that I don't call you Mom?"
She shrugged. "I always figured you'd take that step on your own time when you were ready."
"But does it bother you?"
Esme looked thoughtful. "I think with any of you kids it only really bothers me when I'm having a hard day. Sometimes I feel like I need that validation, or that reminder that someone sees me that way even if I'm not a biological mother to any of you."
He nodded his understanding. "You're more of a mother to us than a lot of us ever had, you know."
She smiled. "Sometimes I forget."
"Your memory is too perfect to let you forget. How else would you remember our human birthdays, our favorite places to hunt, our hobbies, and our dislikes."
"That all comes with being a mother. But all mothers have our weak spots. And mine is that."
"Well don't forget it. You've shown me more love than my birth mother ever did."
Esme smiled, and it was brighter than the sun. "You know, the moments like these are the ones that mean the most to me."
Jasper gave her a smile in return. "I'm glad."
Esme couldn't help herself from hugging him again, and he returned the gesture, this time finding that he was glad to return it instead of just tolerating it. He felt that warmth again, and this time he thought he could name it. It was the feeling that came with a mother's love.
"I love you, honey. You are such a good boy and a fine young man. And I am so proud of you, son."
The warmth intensified, tripled, spread, until he got the same warmth he felt after drinking blood, the kind that heated him from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. And for some reason, he felt incredibly safe in her arms.
"I love you too… Mom."
Esme's squeeze tightened, and he didn't need to look at her to know that she had the biggest smile on her face. Her emotions were a joy so intense that it made this morning's feel almost nonexistent. Her love was so overwhelming that he couldn't fathom it. If he had known that that one word could give such emotion to someone he might have used it long ago. And when the embrace broke apart after a long while, they both grinned.
They continued their walk, occasionally talking, but about inconsequential things. Jasper's philosophy book, Esme's architectural restorations, And other things. They tried, whether consciously or unconsciously, to keep the conversation focused on themselves, so they could learn from one another. They shared small tidbits from their human lives occasionally, but it wasn't anything life changing. The memory of a summer sky, a wispy lock of blonde hair, The sound of a laugh, the look of a flower in a field on a sunny spring day.
When they eventually looped back to the house, Esme offered Jasper a cooking lesson so that he could cook for his niece if no one else was here, and he accepted. She demonstrated how to make fried chicken, collard greens, and mashed potatoes. The meal was southern in his honor, and reminded him of his human years, most likely on purpose. Jasper had picture perfect memory and incredible motor skills, but he did not have experience with hot oil in a pan. So when some of the scalding oil came out of the pan and landed on his shirt, he looked down. That was his mistake. Of course the oil couldn't burn him, but the sensation wasn't pleasant. So he spent no more than a moment thinking of how Alice would scold him for ruining his shirt. And that moment was long enough for the oil in the pan to catch fire. Esme was quick to turn off the stove and smother the grease fire, and when that was done, Jasper surveyed the damage.
The chicken, thankfully, was not too burned. But he wouldn't feed that to his niece. She didn't like anything burnt. He made the collard greens and mashed potatoes with no problem, but he wasn't too sure what to do with the food. So after a bit of debate, he and Esme decided to take the chicken Esme made, along with his and the rest of the food, to La Push for the wolves. They spoke along the way, laughing about the grease fire and Alice's possible reaction to his shirt being ruined, although he had a feeling he wouldn't be laughing when it came time to tell her. They met up with Sam Uley, who was grateful for the food and would call the pack to come and eat. Esme and Jasper didn't stay long enough to see their food devoured, but they had the sense it would be. Werewolves would eat anything, they knew. So they were on their way rather quickly.
After making some human food, they decided to go into the forest in front of the house to hunt, finding a mountain lion, a bear, a few deer, and a moose. Their thirst sated, they went back. By then, the sun was beginning to dip below the tree line. The rest of their family that had been in the house had eventually migrated downstairs, and were on the couch talking. And Esme and Jasper realized very quickly that the day had run itself out. It seemed that their day together had come to a close, and that was confirmed when Carlisle and Alice called their respective mates over. Esme and Jasper shared a smile, and then went to them.
It wasn't until later that evening that Esme got an inkling of just how much this day had meant to Jasper. Because a letter was slipped under her door. She picked it up. Her name was on the front in Jasper's distinctive scrawl. She opened it and smiled.
I had the best day with you today. Thank you for everything, Mom.
And Esme had smiled. Because this had been the best day she had had in a long time. So later on, when Esme came to get him, she asked Alice to do them a favor. Alice, of course, complied. And so that night, a picture of the two of them was taken. And the next day, Esme got the photo printed, and got it framed. She hung it up on the wall next to their last family bonding day photo. And when she stepped back, she beamed in anticipation.
She couldn't wait for the next best day.