Trust Games

By: Kaatilina Cheyanne

Trust. Trust is but a game; a trial of patience and commitment. A game that takes a lifetime to acquire, but only a moment to break. Trust can be hidden, underplayed, and misinterpreted, and sometimes, it can appear as if it isn't even there. These are only a few laws of the game.

I played this game with many, and I always failed; I never actually wanted to succeed. I never desired the game to come to a close, and the contest would start anew in only a matter of time.

He, on the other hand, never played the game at all. Perhaps he had never found a suitable partner in engage with in the sport. He always found a reason, or an excuse to avoid it. He didn't believe in the bond two beings needed to be dependent on each other. He didn't depend on anyone but himself. It kept him alive for this long, but how much more could his dark soul bear?

I thought nothing of it when we first met. He was cold and isolated; that was obvious to everyone. No one sought his trust; no one wanted it. Ever. I knew not to expect it from him, he and I both accepted that fact at the very beginning of our mutual relationship.

In some way, I did trust him though. I trusted him to do the same thing he always did. Fight, push away, fight more, get stronger, fight again, hate, fight until death consumed him, avoid the game. It mattered so little to me then.

Did I ever imagine that we would get closer? I'd laugh at that a few years ago. I, who had given the game a bad reputation, finally see a worthy reward fit to fight for? In the eyes of a cold bastard like him, no less. It plagues my mind to this very day. Why the hell would I ever trust him? How could he ever think that he could trust me?

The night we met, I trusted him to try to kill me, in vain. I could see he trusted his strength, his mind, his grace, speed, and resourcefulness. Above all else, he trusted his weapon. Not his sword of course, as it had long since fallen second; he trusted his instincts.

We became partners in crime. He sought me out, only because I was the best. I lied, and deceived, and betrayed with such beauty and grace that it left my predecessors baffled; I had mastered the art, milked it for its due; I bathed in its honey...

We became fighting companions. Together we were like the roots of the tallest oak. The support and foundation of our very lives rested on the others' ability to survive. To win at any cost. I didn't trust him, but I trusted in his abilities. With our backs to each other, we walked away from many battles

We became friends. Something neither of us really ever needed, or wanted. It just happened. I had grown weary of the game a long time ago. I had no need for a friend, I didn't want another obligation in my life; I already had two. Yet there I was, slipping into another game, gradually; I should have stopped it there. I should have ended the bond when I had the chance, before it had the chance to bloom.

We became best friends. I hated it, I hated him, or so I thought I did. Every time I saw him, I always wore my sweetest smile, little did he know, that inside I was retching. It was sickening to me, that how a seemingly inconspicuous relationship would become so much more in over such a short period of time, without me, I, my knowledge.

We became sexual partners. There was something I was always comfortable with. It was a whole new game; one I was well experienced in. It was different somehow, though. With him, it didn't feel right, it didn't feel like a game, it wasn't how the game was supposed to be played. I wanted so badly to end it right there and then. I wanted to shun him and shoo him out of my life, watch and laugh as he ran away with his tail between his legs. It never happened. Against the rules of both the games I had somehow gotten tangled up in, I made pains to keep him there with me, by my side, and in my bed as often as possible.

We became lovers. Damn it, I had fallen in love with him; the third stage of the game had begun. Now I couldn't let him go. He was there, if not in body, then in my mind, morning, evening, and night. He brought forth feelings that weren't permitted in my game, but he was playing by his own rules now. He trusted me now... and I trusted him.

We became mates. Of all the damned, it had to be him. That bad tempered little imp had captured my heart and was holding on for dear life. How could I possibly ever hurt him now? Now that I was his world. He was mine. I am still to proud to admit it, that I had been wrong; I still am. I know it, he knows it, the whole world knows.

Finally, the finish line was in sight. We were so close... but then I tripped.