He was the only one who ever believed in her.
When Maya Hart was just six years of age, she told her mom she wanted to be a gymnast. Her mom laughed at the thought, brushed it off and told Maya she was going to be late to school.
Or how about Kermit? How about when Maya's dad up and left her and Katy? He didn't have much faith in her. He didn't believe in her.
Maya always felt like Riley's sidekick in life. Maya was there to help Riley study for her exams. She was there to help Riley practice for cheerleading tryouts. She was there for seventh grade awards night when Riley was up for a prestigious award. But when did Maya ever do anything for herself? When did Maya finally believe?
Sitting on the slab of rock just outside the bullring, Maya kicked the dirt in the ground with her boot. She fidgeted with her fingers, felt her chest get tight and her eyes well up.
Why? What the hell do I care?
Maya never cared about anything. She always supposed it would keep her from getting hurt. So when she did care, she never knew how to handle it. She just kicked around the dirt, tried to steady her breath and bit her lip, waiting for Riley to scream and the stadium to draw blank.
He's gonna die out there, he's gonna die out there.
Maya knew she should have been more supportive. She knew she should have been more like Riley, patting Lucas' shoulder, telling him it was all going to be alright. But something in her gut stopped her, something telling her this wasn't going to have a happy Matthew's ending.
Farkle said it was because she didn't believe. Maya never believed.
When Maya had excused herself, Farkle followed, noticing the inconsistency in the pitch of her voice as she tried to restrain from crying. She slumped into a bench just outside the bathroom, threw her head back and closed her eyes, trying to grasp the mess she- Lucas- was in.
"You alright," Farkle had whispered, sitting beside her and startling Maya. Hastily, she sat up, crossing her legs and staring straight ahead.
"Fine."
"You don't look fine."
"My bad."
She flipped a few pieces of hair over her shoulder and started to twiddle her thumbs. Her leg bounced, her fingers trailed along the bench restlessly. Farkle said nothing. A few moments later, he announced it would be starting soon. Maya said nothing. Farkle had left to join the Lucas Friar victory party, while Maya stayed along on the bathroom bench, her leg bouncing and her heart racing.
3, 2, 1.
Maya heard the horn blaze. She could almost feel Riley's heart beat out of her chest that very moment, as Riley had decided to watch on the stands. She was a good friend.
Maya felt a variety of emotions overwhelm her- fear, guilt, anxiety, dread. She kicked around the dirt again. The seconds felt like hours. And when the horn finally blazed again, the stadium drew silent.
Maya rose to her feet. She stood on her tippy-toes, struggling to see what happened. She didn't want to believe she cared about Lucas. She didn't. That was silly. She just wanted to see what happened. That was all.
"Lucas!" a Riley-sounding voice had shrieked, as a figure, (presumably her's) jumped over the fence and ran into the arena.
Lucas' body laid in that dirt- dead, alive, it didn't matter. He was lifeless down there, and Maya felt her heart stop in her chest.
She started to run. She never ran faster. Her eyes burned- she wasn't sure if it was from the dust she was kicking up or the tears that welled in her eyes. She wanted to think it was the dirt. She wasn't crying. He was okay. He was fine. It was nothing to worry about.
Riley laid next to his lifeless body, shaking him, trying to wake him up. It wasn't helping.
Pappy Joe pulled Riley away, as she was relentless at first. She kicked. She screamed. She couldn't let go. When the ambulances had arrived, Riley sobbed into his shoulder, for she had no one else. Maya was speechless.
It all happened so fast, the events leading up to this. Maya now sat in the hospital waiting area, just as lifeless as Lucas had just been. Her eyes were dull, glued to the floor. She was motionless. While Riley struggled to catch her breath, her face wet, cheeks rosy, Maya sat in her chair, legs crossed and her mind blank.
Farkle shed tears beside Riley. It was the first time Maya had seen him cry, now that she'd thought about it. He shed single, lonesome tears. His lips were pouted, eyebrows furrowed, and he nestled into Pappy Joe's other shoulder, sobbing occasionally.
Zay talked to the doctors. His confusion clouded his sorrow. He, like Maya, didn't like to cry, though, Maya couldn't explain why she wasn't crying. It was as if she couldn't find the tears, or she couldn't make sense of anything around her. It was like a dream, a distraction from reality, and Maya was ready to kick around the dirt again, to wake her from this nightmare and find herself just outside that bullring again. Lucas would be okay, a little scuffed up, but fine. Awake. Healthy. Alive.
Maya gulped. The doctors stood before them, almost suddenly, and Maya blinked, acknowledging their presence. They rambled about a head trauma, using medical terminology only Zay seemed to comprehend, for he'd been WebMd-ing this since they'd arrived at the hospital.
They nodded sympathetically towards Pappy Joe, who talked reasonably, and tried to calm down Riley, who couldn't catch her breath as she spoke.
It was as if Maya couldn't hear anything, or at least understand the depth of what was happening around her. The words she heard she took at face value. It wasn't until the crowd stood from their seats and followed the doctors when Maya's blinded perception had finally dissipated.
She walked in the dull, colorless hallways of the Austin hospital, her feet dragging behind her and her posture slumped.
Everyone surrounded Riley. Zay and Farkle had their arms around her, as she was hesitant to enter his room, to see his body-stiff, cold- on that hospital bed. She pleaded no, her tears cascading once again, her body frail but stubborn as she fought Zay and Farkle, trying to break away from the door. Maya watched from afar. She knew she should be there, helping Riley confront Lucas. But she couldn't, as her body too was too frail, too tired. She was afraid. Terrified, in fact.
The door opened slowly. Riley bit her lip. The door closed behind the three, and when Riley left, she whimpered.
Riley looked at Maya. Her eyes were sad, her heart broken. She needed her best friend. Standing before her, Riley waited. A hug. A word. A tear. Riley waited for a sign that Maya was alive. There was nothing. Riley headed back to the waiting room.
When the hallway was empty, Maya thought about Lucas. She thought about belief, or her lack of. She stared at the lettering on his door. LUCAS FRIAR– HEAD TRAUMA.
Is that all he was? Is that all he'd be remembered by?
Maya didn't want to think he was dying. Maya wanted to believe. Lucas believed in Maya. He was the only one. He was the only one that ignited that hope within her, and allowed Maya to dream, to aspire to be something more than her mother was. When Maya's art was almost taken from her, Lucas fought for Maya. He wanted her to have that. She had nothing besides that. Or when Maya had the opportunity to write to Kermit. Lucas wanted that for Maya. Closure, happiness. He was the only one who ever cared, who ever believed in her.
A tear rolled down Maya's cheek. It was time.
She slowly twisted the doorknob, peering left and right to make sure no one was coming. Quietly, discreetly, she closed the door behind her, sinking against it and taking a deep breath as she saw Lucas.
Wrapped in bandages, attached to breathing equipment, Lucas laid with his mouth open, drool dripping down his chin. Maya couldn't help but chuckle, her heart breaking too as she began to cry.
She sat beside him on a metal stool, taking a tissue from his bedside table and cleaning him up.
"You'll thank me when you wake up," whispered Maya, laughing softly as her eyes continued to well up. She sniffled, moving the loose pieces of hair out of his face. She took his hand.
"When you wake up, we're gonna- we're gonna,-" Maya took a deep breath, composing herself and wiping her tears, "we're gonna go back to school. And you're going to be seen as the hero you've always meant to be, Lucas Friar."
Silence.
"I know your name, by the way," Maya began humbly, fidgeting with his hand in her's, "I've always known your name. You're the only guy who ever believed in me."
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
"When nobody else believed in me, you were there, and- and, I think I owe that to you now," Maya laughed, sniffling again.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
"Riley's really uh, distraught," she mumbled, "we all are, really."
She took a deep breath. She wanted him to wake up then and there, open his big blue eyes and smile at her, letting her know it was all okay.
But it wasn't.
His life was dependant upon a machine. A piece of equipment, which any asshole could unplug from the wall and end his life. He wasn't breathing on his own. His mind was gone. He was gone, lifeless, motionless, dead. Maya began to sob, sinking into his chest.
He still smelt good. His cologne lingered, even after a traumatic bull accident. Maya cried harder.
"I should have been there Lucas," she said, struggling to catch her breath, "I should have been there."
Maya took hold of his hand again.
"I've never been one to pray much," she began, looking up at the ceiling, "but I could use a favor."
Maya closed her eyes and prayed. She prayed for Lucas. She prayed for all of them, for all of them to get out of this mess healthy and safe. And she couldn't help but feel like this was all her fault, if only she and Riley hadn't-
There was a knock on the door. Startled, Maya jumped, letting go of Lucas' hand and wiping the tears under her eyes.
"C-come in."
A nurse poked her head in with a clipboard.
"I just have a few tests I need to run."
"Just a few more minutes," Maya pleaded, "Please."
The nurse had shut the door behind her, and Maya turned back to Lucas.
Choking up, she whispered, "Please don't leave us here, Lucas. We need you, I-I," she paused, pursing her lips, "I need you. Because I love you," she whispered, more shocked at herself than Lucas was, if he'd heard, of course.
So Maya took his hand, and rested her head on his heart. She laid there with her eyes closed, knowing these were her last moments of solitude, yet wanting to fall into a deep sleep, escaping this disaster and just going home. Home. Maya's heart ached for home, for Lucas, for the last bit of normalcy her life once had.
And suddenly, Maya felt her hand squeezed. She jolted up, looking at their hands interlocked, and realized Lucas had heard her. Her heart filled with joy, her eyes were jubilant, and she rushed up to get the nurse, before the changing pattern of the heart monitor stopped her. She turned back. The machine had increasingly sped up, and Maya had watched enough Grey's Anatomy to know what this meant.
She opened the door. She screamed.
Nurse, doctor, please help me!
She ran to Lucas.
Lucas! Lucas, please! Stay awake!
Flatline. He was gone. It all happened in seconds, the death of Lucas Friar.
Surrounded by nurses, doctors, Riley, Zay, and Farkle, Maya stood in the far back, trying to catch a glimpse of the boy she loved one last time. The boy she loved. That was something Maya never thought she'd hear herself say.
A week later at the funeral Maya had no more tears left to cry. She left a lonesome flower by his grave, the one he'd given to her at their homecoming, the night Maya realized there may have been something more between them than a playful friendship. On her way out, Farkle stopped her, placing his hand on her shoulder.
"You alright?" he asked.
"Fine."