A/N: A companion piece to Lack of Understanding. Pretty depressing and short.

Will I lose my dignity?

I stare down at the small orange pill bottle, half filled with AZT, which had kept so many people alive.

And here I was, preparing for it to kill me.

It was just too easy. Swallow the pills, and I would be gone. No more pain. No more watching people die.

I laugh. Well, except myself.

I was never a coward. That was Roger. Roger couldn't kill himself. He wanted to, after April, and during withdrawal- but he couldn't.

But, how could I do this? What would they think of the great Mark Cohen now, huh? I wouldn't be detached from the world any longer. I'd just be gone from it.

Will someone care?

Roger. Mimi. Collins. Maureen. Joanne. Angel.

The names of my friends ran through my mind. Where were my friends?

Did I even know?

Half of them were gone.

Angel and Collins, taken by the disease that, one day, would kill Mimi and Roger as well.

Maureen was who knows where. She and Joanne had broken up "for good this time." Last I heard, she was in California. Joanne and I don't really talk much. Our only bond was Maureen. Now that she's gone from both our lives, what is there to talk about?

Mimi and Roger.. well, they both had their own lives. They didn't need me to tag along. Roger.. well.. he'll say he misses me, for a minute, but secretly, he'll be glad. No more Mark to care for. I'm just a burden on them. They have to pretend to like me, spend time with me when they'd really rather be alone.

I hope they come to my funeral, at least. If they have the time.

Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

I stare down at the bottle one more time. I take a breath. This is it.

Life is no longer worth living for me now.

I numbly pick up my camera and drop it out the window.

It hits the pavement with a crash and immediately breaks into several pieces.

That has sealed my fate.

I pick up the bottle and shake the pills into my hand. My hand shakes, and for a second I believe I am losing my nerve. But then I see Roger and Mimi's faces, and I know that I am doing them a favor.

I breathe once more, put the note I have written to explain on the table, and drop the pills in my mouth.

Soon I will go to sleep, and never awake again.