This isn't how she planned it.
Then again, she supposes that love never goes as you plan it. It's too complicated, too unpredictable. Love doesn't follow any rules, can't be contained by them, and sometimes, sometimes, seems like it likes being able to bounce out of society's rules.
Now she's known as the woman who slept with the married McDreamy (even though no one knew he was married. But what does that matter?)
She's sorry. She's sorry. She's sorry. She's sorry. She can keep repeating it until it's the only thing she knows how to say, but she knows it's only to rid herself of her guilt.
So, instead, she's staying away and trying to make sure no one feels sorry for her, that she doesn't feel sorry for herself.
She tries to post a smile and ignores the sympathetic looks that her friends are giving her. Ignoring the looks everyone else is giving her. The ones of disgust and gossip and the fact that the famous doctor Grey's daughter has fallen.
But most of all, she's ignoring him. Ignoring the sound of his footsteps, ducking out of corridors when she smells him coming, his scent proceeding him.
It's hard. Because he's everywhere. She's in one place but he's everywhere. And she knows this isher punishment. Because she slept with a married man.
Apparently that's not enough for her and she's going back for another round. Show how tough she is.
She knows this because she tells him she misses him. And God. She misses him. Him. Not the sex. No. He was more than that. He saw her. Her. She let him in. And now she's paying for that. Which isn't fair. But she doesn't cry.
Because she's Meredith Grey. And she's a surgeon. She's out to save lives, even if that means she doesn't get one.