Little Red (The Big Bad Wolf Remix)
As soon as Remus Lupin entered his Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, he immediately wished he had skived off class. It wasn't in his nature to skip classes generally, but yesterday had been the full moon and he had a pass from Dumbledore to skip if he needed to. He hadn't because they had O.W.L.s coming up. He needed the review.
What he did not need was Slughorn's penetrating gaze. The potions professor explained that he was substituting today for their ordinary professor, Professor Infortunium, who had gotten several fingers removed in an unfortunate accident with a Kappa.
Lily Evans, for her part, looked enthused and excited to be getting a lecture from Slughorn. Potions was Lily's favorite subject, as anyone knew, and Slughorn was her favorite teacher. It was possible that she was also his favorite student.
Remus, in addition to being balls at potions, was probably Slughorn's least favorite student. Slughorn eyed Remus with suspicion at almost every opportunity, and Remus could nearly feel Slughorn wanting to 'out' Remus to the student body. It was clear that Slughorn did not think very highly of werewolves.
Therefore, when Slughorn wrote the title of the day's lecture on the board in bold white ink, Remus couldn't restrain a groan. "Detecting a Werewolf," Peter mumbled. He had a tendency to read aloud.
Next to Remus, Sirius whispered, "This ought to be rich." Sirius, of course, had gleaned what Remus himself had discovered: that Slughorn held some grudge against werewolves in general, and Remus Lupin in particular.
Slughorn proceeded to explain to the class that werewolves were the most treacherous of dark creatures, owing especially to the fact that they resembled humans and could easily pass as them.
Garthelda Thrumd's hand darted up. "My mum used to tell me about Fenrir Greyback," she said. "She told me that he came after boys and girls when they didn't listen to their parents, but that sounds like an old witches' tale. So why do werewolves attack some people and not others?"
"Ah." Slughorn smiled a satisfied smile. His glinting eyes flashed to Remus, and then back to Garthelda. "In fact, werewolves do not discriminate on who they attack. They will attack anyone whenever the opportunity arises. They have even been known to attack others outside of the full moon. Whenever you know there is a werewolf in your midst, it is your absolute duty to disclose this fact to everyone in close proximity."
Sirius breathed heavily into Remus's ear. "Good thing he doesn't take his own advice, eh?" Remus elbowed Sirius roughly in response. Sirius groaned and tried to look put-upon, but he could never be angry at Remus. Remus playfully stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend, and Sirius laughed, but both of them were brought to a complete stop by Slughorn's next words.
"That is why," their professor said, raising his voice, "I feel compelled to inform you that someone in this very room is one of these fiendish creatures. If you correctly name the culprit by class time tomorrow, you will earn one hundred percent on the assignment as well as five house points. If you fail to discover the enemy among you, you will receive a zero."
The room was deadly quiet. Remus thought at first that this was because of the blood pounding through his ears, but as that sound faded he realized that no one was speaking. Large-eyed students carefully surveyed the faces of their classmates.
It was James who broke the silence, springing to his feet. Remus could have pelted him simply for the fact that every eye was now turned toward the row of seats where the Marauders sat. He was sure that whatever James was about to say would only make Remus want to pummel him even harder.
"There's no way Dumbledore would allow this," James declared, his chest puffed up. A few students murmured their assent with James.
Slughorn simply leveled his gaze at James and answered, "Potter. Albus is in London for the week, so I'm afraid he cannot be reached to chime in on this matter. Nor is it his policy to oversee the curriculum of each class in the school. Be seated."
Without any more idea of what to say, James sat down.
"You may leave now in order to get started on your investigation," Slughorn said as he let them out early.
On the way back to the dorms, Sirius walked close to Remus. "Don't worry," he whispered to Remus. "We'll find some way around it."
Once back in their dorm room, James was quick to volunteer one such way around it. "I have an idea!" he declared. Unfortunately for Remus, though, James was not willing to share his idea with the other three. He said it was too brilliant to disclose. He was out of the room in a minute.
"This will be perfect!" Sirius said, nearly glowing with excitement. "James will straighten it all out."
"I wish I could believe that," Remus mumbled under his breath.
In about fifteen minutes, James returned to their dorm room. "Fixed," he declared. "I told them all that I was the werewolf."
"Oh, say, that's a good idea," Peter said.
"Sure," Remus answered, his voice dripping in cynicism, "It's a great idea until they all submit their papers and get zeroes. Then they'll be after you."
Sirius shrugged at this. "It'll hardly be the first time the House is angry with us. Remember when I lost us a thousand points?"
"Don't remind me," Remus mumbled. Sirius had decided to break into Filch's office using a special knife that he had. He'd use the banishing charm then to permanently get rid of his own permanent record, as well as those of his three friends. Unfortunately for him, Dumbledore had copies.
"Wait," Peter interrupted, "You told them you were the werewolf and they didn't care at all?" Peter, like Sirius and James, had been raised in a pureblood household where he had been told terrible werewolf stories as a child.
James shrugged. "I guess they don't think it's that big of a deal?"
Remus stood.
"Where are you going?" Sirius asked.
Remus focused on Sirius for a moment. What he was about to do would effect the lives of his friends as well. Still, he couldn't bring himself to confess it. "Just follow me," he told Sirius. Sirius glanced across to James, who looked to Peter, and almost as one entity they rose to follow Remus from the bedroom.
Once he was in the common room, Remus cleared his throat and announced, "Can I have your attention please." After a few moments, the voices of the Gryffindors in the common room fell. Remus was, after all, their prefect.
He stared indomitably at the far wall and continued. "I'm the werewolf. You can go ahead and put that in your reports."
Silence fell over the common room until a second year exclaimed, "I thought it was Potter."
"Well," Remus answered with some frustration in his voice, "It's not. It's me."
"This is bollocks," someone else said. "Dumbledore wouldn't make a werewolf prefect."
Remus was about to speak again when Sirius stepped up. "My friends are covering for me," he declared. "It's me. I'm the werewolf."
"Oh bullshite," Bridget Taylor laughed. "The Blacks would have had you killed." Sirius turned a bit pink.
"Well then," a fifth year stepped forward, "It has to be Pettigrew!"
Peter, in response to this, shied away towards the wall. Unfortunately, this reaction made him seem an even more plausible candidate to the gathered students. Remus grumbled under his breath and took the stairs back up to their dorm. Peter was very quick to follow. Not knowing what else to do, Sirius and James turned away from the crowd gathering in the common room and likewise followed Remus and Peter up the stairs.
"Well that was pointless," Remus said as they entered the room. He picked up one of his pillows, handled it roughly, and threw it back down again with a grumble.
"You sound disappointed," James observed. "We saved your arse down there."
Remus gaped at James. "Excuse me," he was nearly shouting now, "But when they thought you were the werewolf it was cool? If it's me, you're saving my arse?"
James raised his hands in a symbol of innocence. "Slytherins wouldn't mess with me. But you, mate... Also Dumbledore might have to take your prefect's badge away."
Remus still thought there was a flaw in James's logic, as the Slytherins messed with him all the time, but Remus knew better than to argue with James's over-inflated ego.
Perhaps sensing tension, Sirius interceded. "Look," he said. "It doesn't matter because they didn't believe you anyway, Moony."
Remus, forced to concede that fact, wondered helplessly, "So, what do we do?"
The Marauders exchanged looks, and it was in fact Peter who answered. "Nothing, I guess. Right?"
James and Sirius nodded their agreement. "The Gryffindors can't be angry with us. We did tell them the truth. If they choose not to believe it, that's on them."
*****
In the ensuing twenty-four hours before their deadline, all four Houses bandied about suspicions about the third-years who had been in Slughorn's Defense class. As in Gryffindor Tower, the accusations and queries were not only from the third years. Everyone wanted to discover the werewolf among the students. Somehow, Remus Lupin stayed completely off of every one's lists.
When the next day's Defense class finally came and they were told to write a name on a piece of parchment, Remus wrote his own. He took a peek over Sirius's shoulder and saw his name on Sirius's paper as well. So, this would be it. His secret was going to be out.
Sirius caught him peeking and winked. Remus did not feel assured. He sighed heavily as he turned his parchment over to Slughorn.
There ensued about ten minutes of awkward silence as Slughorn sorted through the papers. The class held its collective breath. Finally, he looked up. "Four of you have gotten it correct. Twenty points to Gryffindor." In front of the entire class he handed James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter back their papers. He turned to the class and said, "I am very disappointed in you. Apparently this particular werewolf is so sneaky that he can elude an entire classroom of suspicious students."
Sirius was as quick as his beater reflexes would allow. He snatched the papers from Remus, James, and Peter and, in a flash, they were smoldering on the desktop in flames. He had a smug expression on his face.
Slughorn, however, was slowly turning red with anger. "Black," he barked, "I was going to share those with the class."
Sirius leaned back in his chair and shrugged. "Why do you think I burned them?" he asked. Many of the students giggled.
"Nevertheless," Slughorn interrupted the giggles, "I demand you stand in front of the class and expose this fiend among us."
Sirius stood, his head was tilted in curiosity. "Why would I do that?"
"I'll fail you!" Slughorn responded.
"Why don't you just reveal the answer yourself?" Sirius asked.
Suddenly, the classroom door opened. Remus felt his blood pressure drop when he saw Professor McGonagall standing in the doorway. In her smart, no-nonsense voice she answered, "Because, Black, he knows as well as you do that there is no such creature here at Hogwarts. Horace." She turned to Slughorn. "I'm afraid there has been an accident in the potions lab. You're needed immediately."
Slughorn didn't look disappointed to have an excuse to escape McGonagall's glare. He hurried from the room.
"Now class," McGonagall smiled back at them, "Shall we continue with hinkypunks?"
*****
"They just believed her?" Peter gasped in amazement back in their dorm room.
"She's McGonagall," James answered matter-of-factly.
Sirius flopped down on Remus's bed. "I still don't understand why Slughorn tried to get the class to do his dirty work for him. Why didn't he just tell the class?"
"Don't look a gift hippogriff-" James started, but Remus cleared his throat, interrupting James.
"Actually," Remus said, "I have a theory about that. It's difficult magic, but of course not beyond Dumbledore."
"What's that?" Sirius asked. You could almost see his canine ears perking.
"Have you ever heard of an Unbreakable Vow?"
And, just like that, their focus shifted from the troubles of Defense class to the difficulties of stealing advanced Charms texts from the Restricted Section under Madame Pince's rather well-equipped nose. She'd somehow mastered the knack of smelling their intrusion, so of course first they had to find a potion to mask smells, and before they could make that, they needed to find a way to get into the potions stores, and before they could do that...
It was, in other words, just another week for the Marauders.