I can't believe this. I like her; the girl who, up until now, had only been my step-sister and friend that I could count on. I know I couldn't tell her, she'd thing I was some sort of sick and perverted freak.
I was supposed to be doing my homework for English, but my mind kept going back to Lizzie. Her brown, straight her, and the smile with teeth that white, I couldn't believe I was thinking this.
Relax, I told myself, you can't like her... she's your stepsister. That's gross.
But... even if that was true, then why in the hell did I still like her? I mean, she was just another girl, like all the girls in my senior class, but there was something about her. There was a saying that some things were hard to forgot, and I guess Lizzie was one of them.
I sneaked a glance at my alarm clock. It read 12.00a - midnight. Great... my bedtime was three hours ago, and everyone was probably asleep. Well, I knew there was a chance that Derek was in his room jerking off to porn or something. Casey was probably just not getting to sleep after her late night chats to her boyfriend.
Sighing, I slipped a pair of shorts and a wife-beater shirt over my nude body before I opened my bedroom door and walked down the hall. I opened the door to Lizzie's room and looked in.
She was sleeping, her stomach slowly moving up and down. She looked so serene in her bed, which was something else to make me look so guilty about.
I looked at her for what seemed like forever, but I knew in reality that it was probably only a few minutes. I heard a loud bang, then a fuck, and then the sounds of a light turning off. I knew that it was probably Derek finishing whatever he was doing tonight and going to sleep.
As I walked back to my bedroom, I started thinking of her more. I knew I had to get some advice, but I didn't know who I could talk to that wouldn't laugh at me or think I was disgusting.
I figured I might as well see if Derek had managed to hang onto his consciousness long enough, or he might've still been drying himself with the towel. After taking the slowest walk of my life, I nervously knocked my hand on his door.
He opened up and his shaggy hair was a disheveled mess. His boxers were drooping off his skinny body, and he was covered in sweat. You could see him trying to get his heartbeat back under control.
"Edwin, it's 12:30 in the morning, what do you want?" he groaned.
"I need advice," I replied, looking helpless and lonesome.
"Can't this wait until morning?"
"No," I replied. "I need advice now."
He groaned and looked at me for a second. He wiped sweat off his tan forehead with his arm, which didn't help as it too was sweaty, before he rolled his eyes and said, "Come in."
I walked in and sat next to him on the bed. He was rubbing his eyes, trying to stay awake. I looked at his computer desk. He had a pile of homework still to finish.
"What's the problem?" he asked.
"I like someone... someone I'm not supposed to like..."
"Look, if this is about coming out of the closet, please don't give me the details," he said.
"No! It's not that!" I replied. He did a sigh of relief and waited for me to continue. "I like Lizzie."
"Lizzie?!" he exclaimed, nearly falling off the bed. As in our stepsister Lizzie?"
I wasn't sure what to reply; I remained frozen to the core. Finally, I mustered up the courage to reply with a single "yes."
"Does she know?" Derek asked.
"No," I replied, "and I'd appreciate it if she didn't know, so don't tell anyone."
"Don't worry, I won't," he said. "But, how're you going to tell her when it comes time too?"
"I didn't think of that," I sighed. I fell back in his bed, nearly on the verge of tears. It was soon after that Derek fell asleep. I was too lazy to move, and he was at the foot of the bed, so I figured what the hell? I found myself falling asleep only a few minutes after that.
I woke up and saw Derek still asleep at the foot of his bed. It was dark outside, and his room was even darker. His alarm clock flashed 5:30am, and after trying unsuccessfully to go back to sleep, I got up.
I got of out his bed and walked back down the hall, back to Lizzie's room. Her door was still cracked from when I had been to it earlier. She was still sleeping, except now her covers were askew. After contemplating whether I should go in there and fix them or not, I decided to go ahead and do it.
Her room felt like an icebox, and I was wondering how on earth she could possibly sleep in this. I reached her bed and breathed like I hadn't done it all night. I took her covers and pulled them back up to her face. Her arms slipped down and snuggled onto the cover. Her calm body looked so serene in the light.
I could tell dawn was coming through the small cracks in Lizzie's room. With that, I ran my finger down her cheek and I walked out of the room, reliving those few precious moments.
I needed a shower, so I walked into the bathroom. I slipped my shirt and basketball shorts off before stepping in the cold shower. I didn't even bother to turn the ice cold water to warm – all I needed was a place where my tears would look like water droplets, and the shower was the perfect place for that. I needed to cry, and cry I did.