The scene was convincing enough. Nancy had chosen a desk close to the journalism section, and piled it high with textbooks and pens. But her notebook lay depressingly empty; the paper she was meant to turn in the following morning seemed as though it would never be written. Making matters worse, fellow classmates sat all around in intense, focused concentration, pouring over books and intently scribbling notes, their diligent silence doing little to distract Nancy from her conflicting thoughts about Ned.
She loved Ned; she knew she did. He had been the one constant in her life, the only guy she could claim she truly loved. He had always been there for her, had always supported and loved her, and Nancy couldn't deny that she hadn't truly felt like herself since their parting. But they had broken up for a reason, she reminded herself sternly, and they were very young. Maybe they really needed the time apart; childhood sweethearts were rarely destined for forever. But then, why was she feeling so lost and so alone, like she had left a part of herself go when she had let Ned walk out of her life? This was Bess territory, Nancy reflected forlornly, Bess having staked her claim years ago as expert in all matters boy related. Now, though, the mere notion of seeking solace from her friend was laughable, considering the compromising position she had discovered Ned and Bess in was the very thing that had prompted Nancy to take this radical step in the first place. She could call George or perhaps even talk things over with Kara, she surmised uncertainly before dismissing the idea outright. This was a decision she had to be happy with herself and she couldn't risk being swayed by a well-intentioned comment or remark.
Her eyes roving distractedly around the library, Nancy smiled slightly on finding a pair of dark-haired girls, their shiny ponytails bobbing up and down as they whispered excitedly to one another, causing the more diligent students to sigh in protest. Then her gaze finally came to rest on a couple. The girl, blonde and delicate, was a study of focused concentration as she carefully highlighted notes and shuffled through papers, but even so was unable to suppress a smile as her boyfriend bent in and bequeathed her with a kiss, her face practically lighting up at his touch. Their actions were so tender and adoring, arms brushing purposely close together, hands lingering on knees, and there was something about them, something so familiar that Nancy couldn't take her eyes off them. Watching them, she felt a need grow inside of her, so strong it almost made her sick.
She had had this, she had been that girl and she had given it all up. And for what? A string of meaningless relationships and half attractions to unworthy men. The realization suddenly so clear in her head, Nancy gathered her books decisively and without a backward glance was gone.
Her grip on the keys so tight that the metal dug painfully into her skin, Nancy paused uncertainly outside her car. Winter was on the cusp of invasion, the trees long de-robed of their golden splendor, and there was a definite chill in the air. Several students hurried past, shivering as they huddled into their warm, padded coats, scarves wrapped securely around their necks, but Nancy barely felt the cold, fear and apprehension somehow the best insulation from the frosty night. Could she really do this? Head for Emerson on a whim with the intention of winning back Ned's heart? It was selfish at best, but Nancy had to try, knowing she would not be satisfied until she was certain things between them were unequivocally over.
Risking a quick glance in the rearview mirror, Nancy decided her hair wasn't too unfortunate, having made the effort to wash and straighten it that morning, but her skin could definitely benefit from some make up and her jeans and shirt weren't her most attractive choice of outfit.
Well it will just have to do, she sighed inwardly as she abruptly ran her fingers through her hair, knowing in the time it would take to step out of her jeans and run a comb through her hair, Nancy would have irrevocably changed her mind, determining it easier and less complicated to stay and deny her feelings than to race to Emerson, wearing her heart on her sleeve and risk breaking more than a few speed limits.
The weather forecast had been threatening rain all week and the promised inclement conditions weren't far off; the stars and moon were concealed under a blanket of stormy black. The first of the rain seemed innocuous enough, a faint patter on the windshield, before it gave way to a more insistent downpour, water hurtling at the car menacingly, and the wipers working furiously to keep up.
Switching on the radio in an effort to break the monotonous black of the road ahead, Nancy half-listened, half-drifted into her thoughts. As the opening notes of a song spilled into the car she was forced into alertness, so intertwined with her memories of Ned was that song. It spoke to her of long hot summer days spent by Fox Lake, the press of her damp swimsuit against her skin, Ned kissing her softly, the taste of her lip gloss sweet on his lips. Suddenly overwhelmed by bittersweet memories, Nancy jabbed the seek button urgently, even buzzing static preferable to this torturous reminiscing.
The entire drive from Wilder had been a mad, frenzied dash but now, standing at Ned's door, water streaming down her face, her bag raised over her head in a pitiful attempt at gaining shelter from the pelting rain, Nancy felt time inexplicably slow down. The few nervous seconds she spent waiting outside the door of the Omega Chi Epsilon house seemed to stretch into eternity.
And then he was there, standing at the door in an adorable state of disarray. The pair just stared at each other, the threshold of the door a mere physical barrier, but their hurt and uncertainty a more real barrier that neither of them was willing to step over just yet.
"Nancy, what are you doing here?" Ned asked in confusion, his hands shoved nervously in his pockets as he regarded his ex-girlfriend uneasily.
"Getting soaked to the skin and hoping maybe to talk to you," Nancy smiled uncertainly, scraping her wet hair out of her face. "But if now isn't a good time," she shrugged, her voice trailing away, as if sensing his reluctance.
"No, I'm sorry, come in," Ned apologized, suddenly remembering himself. "It's just a surprise to see you, that's all."
Hearing the soft hum of laughter emanating from behind the closed door of the living room, Nancy felt suddenly deflated. How had things come to this? Before, her voice would have been among them, laughing and joking, her hand warm in Ned's as they engaged in the light-hearted banter, but things were different now, nothing illustrating that fact more clearly than the pair of them standing awkwardly in the hallway together, struggling to communicate even the barest necessity of words.
"I suppose we need to talk about this," he shrugged resignedly, answering the questioning look in her eyes by motioning at her to follow him up the stairs.
Ned's room was unfailingly untidy, the comforter dragged lazily over the pillows, his clothes draped randomly on the sparse furniture. Even so, Nancy couldn't stop herself from searching for some sign that Ned hadn't been the only occupant of the room; the scent of an unfamiliar perfume perhaps, or a stray item of clothing left mistakenly behind, but there was none and she felt undeniably relieved at that realization.
"Nancy, what are you doing here?" Ned finally asked again, perched uncomfortably on the side of the bed, his face noticeably flinching as her arm brushed accidentally against his.
Cringing at the rejection, Nancy's face reddened in embarrassment as she sat at a dignified distance away from him and sighed. She just didn't know where to begin and Ned's aloofness wasn't making things any easier. Although complicated at times, her relationship with Ned had always been natural and comfortable and this strange awkwardness that had sprung up between them was utterly alien to her.
"I should never have broken up with you, Ned," Nancy found herself admitting softly, risking both anger and crushing rejection in her endeavor to uncover the real truth of his feelings.
"I'm sure you had your reasons, Nancy," he shrugged indifferently, though Nancy could hear the hurt in his voice. Hearing Ned mention her name, Nancy felt a small piece of her die inside. He had called her Nancy, a seemingly insignificant detail, but Ned had always referred to her in an affectionate way, his endearments stretching but not limited to Nan, babe or gorgeous, but never Nancy. His formality just made her sad and was further reminder of how much things had changed between them in the interim.
"They weren't the right reasons, Ned," Nancy tried again, struggling to maintain her composure under his resigned frostiness. "If they were, I wouldn't be feeling like this and you wouldn't be acting like this," she added a little nervously, cringing as she braced herself for an angry tirade.
A heavy silence lingered between the two of them after that, and Nancy was unable to contain the shivers that traveled up her spine, her cold wet clothes clinging uncomfortably to her skin.
"Here, take this," he commanded, his voice breaking the silence as he rummaged in his drawer and pulled out a pale blue shirt, tossing it to her. Stripping out of her wet clothes a little self-consciously, Nancy was very aware of Ned's gaze on her back as she pulled on the shirt, the pale blue of the material just short of hitting her knees, exposing acres of long tanned flesh favorably.
"Ned, I miss you," Nancy sighed, turning around to face him, and it was as simple as that. She missed him now so much that it was impossible to imagine how she had survived the previous months without him. Was the power of denial so strong that she'd thought herself satisfied dating Jake and the bevy of other men she'd become shallowly infatuated with during her time in Wilder?
"And I think I'm still in love with you," she finally found the courage to add, forcing her blue-eyed gaze to meet his hesitantly.
"Nancy, what makes you think you have the right to do this?" Ned blurted out in frustration. "You were the one who broke it off with me, remember, and who's to say that next week or the week after, you won't decide that you've had enough of us for a while and decide to break it off again? I can't live like that."
"It won't, I swear," Nancy retorted defiantly, feeling suddenly scared. In finally allowing herself to admit the truth of her feelings, Nancy hadn't counted on how desperately she needed them to be reciprocated, how much she craved for a blissful return to normalcy between them.
"Nancy, look, you know how I feel about you, how I've always felt about you," Ned admitted softly, shrugging in defeat. "I love you but I hate the control you have over me, the way you can just come up here and do this," he gestured helplessly, his eyes running longingly along the length of her bare skin, powerless to stop his hand straying under the hem of the shirt
"Like what?" she managed, all rational thought ceasing to exist at the wonder of his touch.
"Like this," he replied, catching her off guard by reaching out and pulling her into his arms, his lips immediately finding hers. Returning his kisses eagerly, Nancy practically shivered in delight. Now that she was back in his arms, it was almost unimaginable to be outside of them and feeling him pull reluctantly away, she twined her arms tightly around him in an act of near desperation.
"Nancy, I need to know that you want to work things out as much as me," Ned began seriously, determined not to let their passion cloud the matter at hand but even so was unable to resist pulling her close for another kiss. "And that this isn't just some jealous reaction to what you think happened between me and Bess," he tried again, his tone wary as he gauged Nancy's reaction.
Hearing her friend's name, Nancy's body stiffened almost immediately. This was the one thing she didn't want to have to deal with tonight. As a couple Nancy and Ned had seemed almost invincible, having survived poisonings, kidnappings and dodged many a bullet together, but Nancy knew they were nowhere near strong enough to deal with the fallout from that night.
"It hurt to see you two together," Nancy admitted with a shrug, not mentioning the fact she'd also felt jealous and betrayed by two of the people she cared most about in the world.
"Nothing happened," Ned sighed, and that was the truth; it hadn't. For a while now, he had been questioning his reasons for insisting on keeping up contact with Bess and now the answer was as clear as day: Bess kept him linked to Nancy, a necessary comfort considering the speed Nancy had employed to remove him from her life. "It was always you, has always been you. Forget about Bess, now close your eyes and imagine I'm asking you out on a first date, what would you say?"
"Yes," she answered without deliberation and was rewarded by the tender press of his lips on her forehead, finding their way slowly to her lips. Her uncertainty and doubt were slowly stripped away as they kissed tenderly, Ned's arms wrapped tightly around her, reluctant to let go.
"Then let's try again," he murmured lovingly, Ned pinning her hands to the bed as they made out passionately.
"And if things don't work out?" she couldn't help wondering.
"Then at least we'll have a lot of fun trying," he shot back playfully before taking her back in his arms, the pair clinging to each other in sudden relief. Maybe they would get their second chance after all.