NOTE:My Dad was singing this song in the shower tonight, I could hear him all the way in my room, lol. It made me think of Matt and Jeff, I don't really know if this is any good or not, but the song just reminds me so much of Matt and Jeff. (To give credit where credit is due, the song is by The Hollies.)

He's Not Heavy, He's My Brother

People often ask me about Jeff, and our relationship. I like to look back and smile at the funny moments we've shared, the random things we've done, the laughs. But of course there are other times when laughter was far from our ears. We had fears when we first stepped on to this road. We didn't know where we would end up we just knew this was the path we wanted to follow. We only hoped we could keep our footing and not stumble, fall, or veer helplessly and hopelessly off the path. So many never get to realize their deepest desires, their wildest fantasies, their craziest dreams. Many times, our journey seemed like—and still seems like--a dream and we didn't know where we would find ourselves at the end. I guess you would say Jeff and I made it despite the obstacles and turbulence we encountered along the way, and we will continue to make it—together.

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows where

I have always found it ironic how our dreams can also be our nightmares. Everyone knows that with joy there also came sorrows. Jeff struggles with his demons along this road we wander and I stay by his side to offer a listening ear, advice, a shoulder to cry on, a harsh word when a harsh word is needed, and love when love is needed. I could never let him stray alone I can't let him be lost. Above and beyond all he is my brother even when he isn't my friend, and yes there have been those times. He is a stubborn one, he likes to try and do things on his own as much as he can. He'll wonder around and try to find his own way out of the darkness until he succumbs and falls hard and can't pick himself up. Those are dark times, and those are times when I even feel unsure of my strength.

But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
So on we go

Some think I shouldn't concern myself as much with him and his troubles. They tell me I have my own life to live and he drags me down. If Jeff wants to take so many risks and make so many foolish choices then I should just let him crash and burn and pull himself out of the rubble of his life. But I can't do it. People have suggested that Jeff is just another worry for me, a wrinkle in my brow, or a weight on my shoulders. He is a catastrophe waiting to happen and I will only be dragged down alongside him. If I must be dragged down with him, then so be it, because beside him is where I'll be. We've came through too much for me to leave him solo and abandoned. I would soon abandon my own needs before I walked away from him. People don't understand the bond we share. He's not a millstone around my neck, as some feel that he must be, he is my brother.

His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know he would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If anything is a burden to me, it is the sadness that I feel for others. Some would rather stand on the outside and point at him as he falls on his face again. They never open their hearts enough to step in. They see a selfish man in him, they see a fool, they can not look deeper and see his pain or his broken heart. If they would only take the time to get to know him, then they may find the wrong of their assumptions. It saddens me that they pretend to care but don't really care enough to get to know the amazing person who is my brother. They call him an enigma, but he is not so hard to figure out. All I know is, despite his flaws, I am glad to know my brother. I am one of the lucky ones to share his life and his love and no matter what hole he tumbles into or what trap he ensnares himself in—of his own doing or not—that will not change my heart and the place he has inside it.

If I'm laden at all, I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It's too long a road to feel bitter or angry for mistakes. We make them and we either learn from them or not, and we either make better choices in the future, or stumble back into the same mess that brought us down before. There is no going back to change what we have chosen. On we go, trying our best to stand against the pain and the trials, why should we have to do it alone? Why not look past the flaws and share our lives for what they are and help one another through?

It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share

As for me? Like I said before, it doesn't drag me down. I love him. I would carry my brother through hell and back and I don't care what anyone says. I know he would do the same for me, so as long as I am able to be strong for him I will. He is no affliction to me, he is my brother.

And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy he's my brother

I carry him because he would carry me, he's my brother.

He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother