This war is getting out of hand.
And she was the one who felt mainly responsible that it happened and before she even had the chance to try and undo what mistakes that have been done, it was already too late. Now she had to face the consequences.
Clarke Griffin once believed in peace and that it could be achieved despite the grief and sacrifices she had to do in order to obtain it. However seeing her own people, the people she had done terrible things for in order to survive, being responsible for more death and catastrophe than she could ever imagine that belief vanished along with the hope that everyone could be happy.
You know what you have to do. Those were the words Lexa told her after several events made by her people and the possibility for an alliance with the Grounders were broken. You are a true leader, who is willing to take the necessary decisions no matter how hard and difficult they may be.
She knew what she had to do. It is the right thing to do yet it feels so wrong at the same time. Lexa's orders were clear, bring the ones responsible to face their actions and be punished by death, and then afterwards once things are settled down with her people peace could be considered again. However the price in doing this was too high, not only for her, but for everyone. It might allow them another chance to become allies with the Grounders, but it would destroy her people and break them even further than they already was. That's why you have to do this.
No one knew of her plans. If anyone knew they would all try and stop her, convince her that there had to be another way. But there wasn't another way; she wished more than anything that there was and that she didn't have to do this. She didn't want to hurt and kill anymore people, because honestly nothing good have ever come out of it, but it was the only way.
So that night she rode back to Arkadia, left the horse behind and walked the rest of the way back. Then without anyone knowing that she was there, she snuck into the camp and slipped through the few people that was still awake or on guard duty that night.
Clarke followed the same path she had done before when Octavia had snuck her into the camp before, but unlike that time she had no intention of trying to talk and convince Bellamy to stop and surrender. He's not that kind of guy. Never was and never will be.
She sighed as she entered his room to find it unsurprisingly empty. Must be out and doing whatever he has been doing for Pike the last few months that has lead them all to this moot point, but nevertheless she sat down on one of the empty chairs and waited for him to make his return.
Maybe he wouldn't return at all. After all from the little she had heard from Octavia was that she had officially ended things with her brother. Her more exact words were, 'He's dead to me.' Those words alone were enough to throw Bellamy out of his mind, because he loves Octavia more than anything and the possibly losing her is something he would never get over.
Her head fell into her hands. This was all her fault. She had ruined everything, lost so many people, and now her dear and closest friend was at the same place as her.
"Clarke?"
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Bellamy's warm voice. However just as she feared and expected his voice was hollow and broken, almost like he had finally stopped crying and wearing his voice out from all the sobbing.
She looked up and gave him a small yet sad smile, "Hey, Bellamy."
Bellamy didn't smile back, not that she wanted or expected him to do so because the last time he had seen her he had told her about his resentment towards her and had tried to bring her in to Pike, but despite those things she couldn't hate or resent him. You were the one at fault here. You had indeed abandoned him. And no matter how much you try and tell yourself that you trusted him and believed that he could take care of their people it didn't change the fact that she had left him.
"What are you doing here?" His question came quiet, not with anger or resentment, and simply tired.
"I heard from Octavia," Clarke said gently. "She's safe and back at Polis if you were wondering."
Of course he was wondering. This was his little sister they're talking about. The only family and the most important person in his life, but was apparently now involuntarily estranged to.
"Thanks, but that's not why you are here, isn't it?"
She shook her head and sighed defeated. Her tears were building up from the corner of her eyes, threatening to cascade down her cheeks, but she had to be strong. Right now, she had to be the strong Princess as he used to call her and face everything.
Bellamy closed his eyes for a moment before reopening them. "You have orders from Lexa…to kill me and everyone else responsible for this war that is going on out there."
She didn't comment his assumption, honestly because she didn't need to. He already knew and he was never the one for a sugarcoating explanation.
"Great, so you are going to kill me like Finn," Bellamy scoffed. "That's just freaking fantastic."
No. You are not end up like Finn, and you never will. Not while I'm still alive to save your sorry ass. No, this mess is my fault and my responsibility to clean up. And it doesn't matter what you, Lexa or anyone else thinks about the matter, because I'm not going to lose someone else I care about.
Clarke just stared at him for a moment before she stood up and reached out her hand to touch his cheek. There were traces of dirt and blood, just as there was no hers although hers were more cleaned up do to the fact that she had been wearing war paint, but despite the not so lovely sight she still saw the good and charming man that he really was.
Bellamy froze up a second by her touch, but shortly afterwards leaned in and accepted the caress. Clarke smiled gently at him, glad that he wasn't rejecting her or at the very least acting out his resentment towards her right now. If she was going to do this then at least she wanted her last few moments with Bellamy be good and gentle just as the man he truly was and she had faith he could be once again.
"I'm sorry," She whispered sincerely. "I wish there was another way…"
Finally her tears fell and she reverted her gaze away from him. She couldn't handle looking at his sad eyes, when she truly longed for his happy ones.
Bellamy put his other hand at the back of her head and pulled her closer to him. Then his head went down and kissed her on the temple. "I'm sorry too."
It was a bittersweet moment. A moment she wished she never had to go through again, not with him or with anyone else she cared about, but it had to be done because in the morning everything would end and there was no turning backs after that.
She pulled away from his warm and protective arms, giving him a sad smile that underneath that she didn't want to go or leave him again, but she had to. So just as she was about to go out that door she turned around one last time, taking quick steps towards him and kissed him on the lips. He was surprised, but he kissed her back and shortly afterwards she could feel his hands in her hair and on her cheeks. From sweet and gentle to loving and passionate, that's how the kiss escalated, but it ended as quickly as it had started. Yet somehow the underlining feelings were conveyed between them, feelings that they couldn't put in words, and after tonight they would never have the chance to do it.
Without looking back she turned away from him and walked out of the camp, feeling incredibly distraught about everything. Guilt, sadness and regret, those were on her mind and in her heart the entire trip back to Polis to face Lexa and the Grounders.
Bellamy knew something was wrong. Hell, he has known for a long time that something wrong was going on. Part of it had been and still is his fault, but after his visit with Clarke last night something inside of him just felt uneasy. Not that there wasn't a reason for it considering the fact that Clarke warned him that Lexa and the Grounders were coming to kill him, Pike and everyone else involved in the massacre, but this feeling he was feeling it was different. Something is wrong, but it's not about me. Could it be Octavia? Clarke?
Just as soon as the thought struck his mind Abby entered his room, wearing the same distressed expression on her face. He knew immediately something had happened and jumped out of his chair and asked frantically, "What's wrong? Did something happen to Octavia or Clarke?"
She shook her head, "I don't know, but Lexa's here along with her entourage. However I can't find Clarke among them."
They must be here to end me then. At least I thought I had some time to talk to my sister and tell her I'm sorry for everything, but then again she had made her point that she had no intention of seeing me again. So maybe it's for the best.
He followed Abby out to the center of the camp, where Lexa and her Grounders were waiting for them. Octavia and Lincoln were among them, but both of them appeared sad and regretful. Although that wasn't something new since nobody has been happy since this new war started, but his sister looked like she had recently been crying, which in set off his big brother alarm.
That is why he turned to Lexa, with his face hard and stony towards the Grounder leader who had once betrayed them and certainly couldn't be trusted. "Are you here for me? Clarke mentioned that you were coming."
The Great Commander shook her head and replied emotionless, "No. Clarke brought in Pike and the few others involved in the massacre earlier today. They were executed at dawn."
Okay, that means that the war in on hold for now. But it didn't make really sense that I was still alive, since I was one of those few responsible yet Lexa just told me that she wasn't here for me. What does she mean? And where is Clarke?
"It appears that you are not aware what happened," Lexa said coolly. She sighed annoyed and closed her eyes for moment. "Clarke turned herself in, claiming the responsibility for the massacre and the war, hence why she was executed along with the other criminals."
Time stood still after that or at least that's what it felt like. Everything seemed empty and dead around him. Yet he couldn't wrap his mind around what he has just been told.
No, no, no. It can't be true. Clarke Griffin, the Princess, the co-leader of the 100, can't be gone. She came to me last night to inform me that…
She never said that they were coming to kill me. Not once did she correct him instead allowed him to presume the worse fate. Now I realize why she came last night. It wasn't to warn me about my death, but rather saying goodbye.
He wanted to scream, shout, cry or all the above, but none of those things came out. It's like it didn't seem real that she was gone, but there was no doubt about it that she was. However what he couldn't understand was why. Why did she take his place? Why didn't she tell him the truth? Now none of those answers could ever be answered.
His or everyone else's unresponsive manner weren't ideal enough for Lexa and her entourage to keep sticking around and watch. They have done their duty, killed off Clarke and delivered the message, and simply left. However he didn't care if they stayed or not because the only thing he wanted was to have Clarke back, but that's clearly not an option.
I can't stay. I can't stay here…Bellamy thought just as he was to leave to run and hide somewhere no one would find him, but Octavia called out for him and stopped him from going anywhere. She walked up with him, threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. He had not expected that, not after everything that went down with her before, but she was here and he wasn't going to waste time questioning things. So he returned her hug, wrapping his own arms around her before they pulled apart.
"I'm sorry, Bell," Octavia apologized, with tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry about everything."
"I'm sorry too, O," Bellamy said softly, but with a clear trace of regret and sadness in his voice. "For everything…I lost many people and now I have lost one of the few people I cared the world for."
She nodded. "Yeah, I know. I was there when they…executed her. I also got the chance to talk to her before she went into the fire. At the time I hoped I could talk her out of it, although I've had still not forgiven her for what happened in Tondc, but I couldn't let her die knowing that you would be unhappy. But then she told me why she was doing it…"
Bellamy stared at her, wishing her to continue her explanation, but it was clear that whatever came next was very hard for Octavia to convey to him. For what reason he wasn't sure, but he waited quietly until she was calm enough to continue.
"She sacrificed herself, both because she felt responsible for what happened and also because she didn't want to lose you."
What? I know that there were moments between us that could have lead to something more than just being close friends and then there was also the fact that she had kissed me last night before she went back to Polis. I thought that maybe someday we could have been together, happy and no longer at war with anyone, but clearly life had different plans for us.
"What do you mean she couldn't lose me, O?" Bellamy asked carefully. "Do you know something I don't?"
"From the beginning, even back in Tondc, everything she has done was to protect you and keep you alive. You were the one person she was willing to go through hell and back for. She didn't say it, but she loved you Bellamy. She loved you very much."
Bellamy turned his gaze towards the ground, ashamed that he felt the same about her yet never told her out loud. How could she have loved me, a monster who created a massacre and a war that she had to give up her own life for in order to save everyone?
Octavia must have realized what kind of thought was plaguing his mind because she said softly. "She's the reason I'm working on forgiving you. Clarke had the craziest loyalty to you, and she kept on holding on to the hope that you would return to the man we both knew who you really are. She always believed in you, trusted you and gave you so many chances despite the serious mistakes you made, because she knew you and never lost faith in you. Her last words were a message to you. She asked me to tell you, 'If you need forgiveness. I'll give that to you.' So you see Bellamy her last thoughts in this world was you and she didn't want you to feel guilty over her death. She forgave you, because she loved and believed in you."
Bellamy stood there; comprehending the importance as well as the heaviness of the information she had just given him. The tears that had been locked away since he learned about Clarke's fate finally was unlocked and was falling heavily down his face. He didn't deserve her and wished that she was back here, telling him their forgiveness speech, but she wasn't and there was nothing he could do about it.
Other than prove to her, everyone and himself that he is the man that Clarke believed in until her death, that her sacrifice wasn't a worthless action. That was what he intended to do from here, at least until he have gotten over the worse part of his grief. To be the man she wanted and knew him to be and when the time comes and they are reunited he could finally say the words he wished he had told her before.
If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you.
You are forgiven.
May we meet again…
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Hope you guys like this one-shot story. It was something that popped up in my head after watching the 100 season 3 trailer, which was also my inspiration along with instrumental piece A Message by Charlie Clouser. So just to be clear this is a pure AU speculation on my part.
Clearly I don't own either the series or the song, they belong to their respective owners.
And for other news, my new long-length story with the 100 fandom is soon here and will be released on Monday. You guys requested a Modern AU fic, so your wish is my command. Hope you guys will read and like it once it has been released.
Review, favorite and/or follow.
xXrebelgirl07Xx