LIFE: THE RIGHT WAY
SERIES ONE
EPISODE ONE
"PILOT/THE RIGHT ROOMMATE"
WHITE SCRIPT
by
LEWIS JEFFERIES
( C ) LEWIS JEFFERIES 2016
02 MARCH 2016
FADES TO:
1. INT: ADAM'S FLAT - NIGHT
ADAM is sat on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn and about to watch a film on television.
ADAM MARTIN
Alright. Film Friday. Truly the best day of the week.
TV CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER
Now it's time for Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone.
ADAM MARTIN
This week could not get any better.
ADAM grabs a Harry Potter Gryffindor scarf from underneath the coffee table.
ADAM puts the scarf on.
ADAM MARTIN (Continued)
Okay. Let's do this.
There's a knock at the door.
ADAM turns to look at the door.
ADAM turns back around again to face the television.
ADAM MARTIN
Kids today baffle me.
There's another knock at the door.
ADAM turns around again at points his finger at the door like he is telling a child off.
ADAM MARTIN
Once more an I'm telling your parents!
ADAM faces the television again.
There's another knock at the door.
ADAM MARTIN
Right that's it! One does not interrupt Film Friday!
ADAM gets up and finds an A4 notepad and pen.
ADAM writes a note on the piece of paper.
ADAM walks towards the door.
ADAM kneels down and posts the note underneath the door.
CUTS TO:
LUKE is stood at the door and kneels down to pick up the note.
The note reads: "Piss off. It's Film Friday."
LUKE JASON
Adam just open the door!
ADAM MARTIN
Oh hey Luke! I didn't hear you knock.
LUKE JASON
Sure!
LUKE hands ADAM the note back.
LUKE JASON (Continued)
Wanna come for a drink?
ADAM MARTIN
But it's Film Friday. Rule number eight in this flat, Luke. One must watch a film on a Friday. I can't go against it and you know it.
LUKE JASON
Come on! I met this cute girl at work and I told her all about you and she wants to meet you.
ADAM stares awkwardly at LUKE for five seconds.
ADAM MARTIN
Let's go.
ADAM closes the door and walks away.
LUKE turns around.
LUKE JASON
You're seriously going out like that?
LUKE slowly follows ADAM with embarrassment.
CUTS TO:
OPENING TITLES
FADES TO:
2. EXT: OUTSIDE THE BAR CALLED BUCK AND EAR – NIGHT
ADAM and LUKE are waiting outside the pub.
LUKE JASON
I told Lauren to meet us outside here at nine.
ADAM looks at his watch.
ADAM MARTIN
But it's nine o one now. She's late. We may as well go. Harry Potter has started without me.
ADAM begins to walk away.
LUKE JASON
Get back here, Adam! Just be patient.
A twenty-two-year-old girl approaches LUKE.
LAUREN DIOR
Hey Luke. You must be Adam?
ADAM MARTIN
Hello, I'm Adam.
LAUREN DIOR
I know. I just said your name.
ADAM MARTIN
You didn't say my name. You presumed that my name was Adam. For all you know I could be a spy for the Royal Family.
LAUREN DIOR
Are you though?
ADAM MARTIN
I can't tell you that. Then I wouldn't be a spy. What spy gives away their identity? Don't ever become a spy will you?
LUKE JASON
Let's just go inside. It's freezing out here.
The three of them walk into the bar.
ADAM MARTIN
A spy wouldn't admit he's freezing either.
LUKE JASON
You're not a spy. You're a crazy person with a Gryffindor scarf.
CUTS TO:
3. INT: THE BUCK AND EAR – NIGHT
ADAM, LUKE and LAUREN are all sat around a table in the Buck and Ear.
All of them are drinking Cider.
LAUREN DIOR
So Adam.
ADAM MARTIN
Still assuming my name is Adam then?
LAUREN DIOR
I know your name is Adam.
ADAM MARTIN
It was a rhetorical question. I didn't need an answer.
LUKE stares at ADAM frustratingly.
ADAM MARTIN
Don't look at me with that tone of language.
LUKE JASON
Then let her finish!
ADAM MARTIN
Alright. Go ahead.
LAUREN DIOR
So Adam, tell me about yourself.
ADAM MARTIN
Assuming that was a statement and not a rhetorical question. I'm adorable and no one can live without me. I work in a little corner shop as a customer assistant. People love me in there. I live alone in a flat with plenty of video games, and I'm a major Harry Potter Fan.
LAUREN DIOR
Busy life then.
ADAM MARTIN
Not exactly. Pretty dull. I'm still awaiting my letter to Hogwarts. I applied ages ago.
LUKE JASON
Like that's ever going to happen.
LAUREN DIOR
You applied for Hogwarts?
LUKE JASON
He found a website online and filled a form out.
ADAM MARTIN
Excuse me! You never know. I Tweeted J.K Rowling and she said it's on the way. I just have to be patient and wait.
LUKE JASON
I didn't see this Tweet.
ADAM MARTIN
I blocked you on Twitter.
LAUREN DIOR
What did you do that for?
ADAM MARTIN
He constantly spammed me. So I've been the bigger man and put a stop to it.
LUKE shakes his head.
LUKE JASON
I'll be back in a second.
LUKE gets up and leaves the table.
ADAM MARTIN
It's been a second. Get your ass back here!
LUKE turns around and makes a 'T' shape with his fingers and smiles.
ADAM MARTIN (Continued)
That was just rude.
LAUREN DIOR
What?
ADAM MARTIN
He made a T shape with his fingers.
LAUREN DIOR
So? That means timeout doesn't it?
ADAM MARTIN
You really need to get to know me. It's mine and Luke's way of calling someone a tosser.
LAUREN looks confused.
LAUREN DIOR
Right…
ADAM and LAUREN sit there awkwardly.
Long pause.
LAUREN DIOR
What do you really think of Luke? He's cute right?
ADAM MARTIN
Interesting you're asking me. Why are you asking me? Are you assuming something again? If you are then you should know what's coming!
LAUREN DIOR
Wh- What is coming?
ADAM makes a T shape with his fingers.
LAUREN grabs one of ADAM'S fingers and gets ADAM to poke himself in the eye.
ADAM MARTIN
You're mean!
LAUREN DIOR
It was a simple question. I wasn't assuming that you were gay.
ADAM runs to the bathroom and brushes past LUKE on the way.
LUKE stands by the table looking confused.
LUKE JASON
What's wrong with him?
LUKE sits down.
LAUREN DIOR
Boy trouble. So, how old is he?
LUKE JASON
He's twenty-five. Wouldn't believe that, would you?
LAUREN DIOR
Wow. Twenty-five. What age is he mentally?
LUKE JASON
Like seven. He's just mad and always has been.
LAUREN DIOR
There's probably one way to make him normal.
LUKE JASON
That's never gonna happen, come on Lauren, admit it!
LAUREN DIOR
He just needs a roommate. It might sort him out a bit more. Assuming he has a two-bedroom flat?
LUKE JASON
Err. Yes, I think. I tend to avoid his flat as much as possible.
LAUREN DIOR
Why?
LUKE JASON
You just saw him! He's crazy. He pretended to be a spy for god's sake.
LAUREN DIOR
One day he'll become a spy and we'll both look embarrassed.
LAUREN and LUKE both laugh.
LAUREN DIOR
Seriously though. I think you should leave your flat and move in with him. It'll do him good.
LUKE JASON
Would it work though? The amount of work I take home with me. That's a lot of paperwork. For all I know, Adam will fold them up and hold a paper airplane competition in the park with my documents.
LAUREN DIOR
Shush. He's coming back. Just ask him.
ADAM stand by the table and hold up a piece of paper to LAUREN. The piece of paper has a T on it.
LUKE JASON
See what I mean?
LAUREN rolls her eyes at LUKE.
LAUREN DIOR
Adam sit down.
ADAM sits down.
LAUREN DIOR (Continued)
Luke has something to say. Luke…
LUKE JASON
Adam, how would you feel if I moved in with you?
ADAM MARTIN
In my flat?
LUKE JASON
Yes.
ADAM MARTIN
With me?
LUKE JASON
Yes.
ADAM MARTIN
Us two in the same flat together? Roommates?
LUKE JASON
Yes!
ADAM MARTIN
That could work. There would be rules though!
LUKE picks up the piece of paper with the T on it and holds it up to ADAM.
LUKE JASON
Seriously?
LUKE puts the piece of paper down.
ADAM MARTIN
Yes seriously. What if you drink all the milk and then there's none left for me? What if you take over the entire fridge with your food? What if you break something and hide the pieces somewhere I won't find them? I could sit here all night.
LUKE JASON
Get why I didn't want to now, Lauren?
LAUREN DIOR
No wait, Luke. Hear him out.
ADAM MARTIN
If there's rules, everything will run smoothly. I'll be gone soon. J.K Rowling just Tweeted me again saying my letter to Hogwarts will be here in three working days. How exciting!
LUKE face palms the table.
LUKE is getting frustrated.
LUKE JASON
Are we going to be roommates or not?
ADAM MARTIN
Of course we are! First thing tomorrow!
LAUREN DIOR
See! Everything will be fine.
ADAM MARTIN
I have to get going. There's time to watch Harry Potter on catch up before Film Friday is over. I'll see you tomorrow, Roomie. You too, Luke.
LUKE angrily stares at ADAM.
ADAM MARTIN (Continued)
I'm kidding! Or am I? A spy wouldn't say.
LUKE quickly gets up and chases ADAM out of the Buck and Ear.
LAUREN is sat at the table and finishes her cider.
LAUREN DIOR
I guess I'm walking myself home. Typical boys.
FADES TO:
4. INT: ADAM'S FLAT – DAY
ADAM is stood in front of the television holding a clipboard and a pen.
LUKE is sat on the sofa looking bored.
ADAM MARTIN
Now, let's get these rules sorted. If you have a question, raise your hand. If you don't get any questions, then I suggest you remain silent.
LUKE JASON
Got it.
ADAM MARTIN
This piece of paper is your handout for the session. Rule number one. Television time is between twelve pm and three pm. Then again between seven pm and eleven pm. If you break this rule, the remotes will be taken away from you and put somewhere you don't want to know. Sign here please.
LUKE JASON
I have to sign each rule? I know I work at a school. But I'm the teacher not the student.
ADAM MARTIN
Hey! Pipe down! Just sign it.
LUKE JASON
Why don't I just sign each rule as I read it myself? It'll save so much time and the guys are here in the lorry with my stuff to bring into the flat.
ADAM MARTIN
A lorry? How much are you bringing?
LUKE JASON
Just a few things. Sofa, my bed and stuff like that.
ADAM MARTIN
But we have a sofa. I like this sofa.
LUKE JASON
This sofa is destroyed! Have you seen it?
ADAM MARTIN
It's perfectly fine.
LUKE JASON
It has a rip in it and a giant stain on it. It's going, Adam. Whether you like it or not.
ADAM MARTIN
Fine. But I call dibs on sitting on it first in this flat.
LUKE JASON
It's my sofa.
ADAM MARTIN
This is my flat. Rule number three. Whoever calls dibs on something first wins. If the roommate protests, then they have to put £5 in the penalty pot.
LUKE JASON
Fine.
ADAM MARTIN
Fine.
LUKE JASON
Fine.
ADAM MARTIN
Fine.
LUKE JASON
Fine.
ADAM MARTIN
Fine. I can do this all day.
LUKE JASON
Ha! You lose!
ADAM wheels over a white board in front of the television with a big version of the letter T written on it.
ADAM MARTIN
We should get downstairs. The lorry is waiting for us.
LUKE JASON
I just said that!
ADAM MARTIN
Now I said it. Rule ten, Luke. It clearly says that Adam Martin is always right because he is the smartest.
ADAM leaves the flat.
A big crash is heard in the corridor.
LUKE smiles.
LUKE JASON
Rule ten no longer exists.
VOICE OF ADAM MARTIN
I heard that!
LUKE smiles to himself and leaves the flat.
FADES TO:
5. EXT: THE BLOCK OF FLATS DRIVEWAY – DAY
A lorry is reversed in the driveway.
ADAM walks out of the main doors followed by LUKE.
ADAM MARTIN
Smell that fresh air. Such a shame it gets polluted every day.
LUKE JASON
What? Since when did you care about the environment and pollution?
ADAM MARTIN
About ten seconds ago.
LUKE JASON
Explain to me why I agreed to this?
ADAM MARTIN
Well-
LUKE JASON
It was a rhetorical question. You should've known that.
ADAM walks towards the lorry.
ADAM MARTIN
Where's your so called lorry drivers then? Driving another lorry by any chance?
LUKE JASON
I don't know. They should be here with their lorry. You're not allowed to leave it unattended.
ADAM walks round to the driver's door.
ADAM MARTIN
Hey they left us a note. Gone for lunch, you bastards took too long arguing over roommate rules. Yes, we heard you. Even the stupid guy falling down the stairs. Bunch of muppets. I am not a muppet! Do I look like a frog?
LUKE JASON
Is that a rhetorical question?
ADAM MARTIN
Was that?
LUKE JASON
Let's just unload the lorry and take it upstairs.
ADAM walks back round to LUKE.
ADAM MARTIN
Alright. You got the key to unlock the door?
LUKE JASON
Yes! Let me get it out of my pocket!
ADAM MARTIN
Oh goodie! Knew you wouldn't let me down.
LUKE JASON
That was sarcasm, you idiot.
ADAM looks shocked.
ADAM MARTIN
Hey!
LUKE JASON
What do you say we do then? Come one chief roommate. Let's hear what you have to say.
ADAM MARTIN
If I was at Hogwarts, I could use the Alohomora spell to unlock it. But I haven't brought my wand yet. I must do that.
LUKE JASON
That doesn't help.
ADAM MARTIN
We'll have to break in.
LUKE JASON
We can't do that. It's against the law.
ADAM picks up a stone.
ADAM MARTN
Do I look like I care?
ADAM throws the stone at the lorry.
The stone rebounds and hits ADAM on the head.
ADAM falls to the floor.
ADAM MARTIN
Oh good lord. That hurt.
LUKE JASON
Smart move!
ADAM gets up.
ADAM MARTIN
Don't be sarcastic.
LUKE JASON
Don't be such a dick then.
ADAM MARTIN
Look. They're back now.
LORRY DRIVER 1
You guys the owner of this stuff?
LUKE JASON
Yes I am.
ADAM turns to LUKE.
ADAM MARTIN
Excuse me. I'm chief roommate. I decide.
ADAM turns to LORRY DRIVER 1.
ADAM MARTIN (Continued)
Yes this is our stuff.
LORRY DRIVER 1
You do know it was open right? You could have unloaded it by now. I could be at home watching a film by now.
ADAM MARTIN
That seems highly unlikely. I doubt your shift has finished. Plus you'd have to drop the lorry back at the depot. Then you'd have to drive home. Then you'd watch a film. That would take a few hours. Also it's Saturday.
LORRY DRIVER 1
So?
ADAM MARTIN
Films are for Film Friday.
LORRY DRIVER 1
Oh shut it.
ADAM MARTIN
Hey!
ADAM makes the T shape with his fingers and directs it at LORRY DRIVER 1.
LUKE JASON
We haven't got time for this, Adam. Let's just get this upstairs.
LORRY DRIVER 2
Do you guys need a hand taking the boxes and furniture upstairs?
ADAM MARTIN
Seeing as we're muppets according to you, I think we might. Muppets aren't very strong.
LUKE JASON
Adam!
LORRY DRIVER 2 puts the last box on the ground and jumps off the lorry.
ADAM MARTIN
Come on Luke, let's take this upstairs and leave Kermit and Miss Piggy to it.
ADAM picks up a few boxes and takes them inside.
LORRY DRIVER 1 walks towards LUKE.
LORRY DRIVER 1
Hit him for me, won't you?
LUKE JASON
He's likely to injure himself anyway. Thanks for delivering the boxes. I'll give you a hand with the sofa and bed.
FADES TO:
6. INT: ADAM'S FLAT BLOCK LOBBY – DAY
The lobby is filled with boxes, a bed and a sofa.
ADAM is sat on the sofa.
LUKE is stood in front of ADAM with his arms crossed.
ADAM MARTIN
Alright. How are we doing this?
LUKE JASON
The boxes can go in the lift and we can carry the furniture up the stairs.
ADAM MARTIN
You read my mind. I'll go in the lift with the boxes.
LUKE JASON
No, the boxes will be done last. Help me pick the sofa up.
ADAM MARTIN
Fine.
ADAM and LUKE pick up the sofa.
ADAM MARTIN
Why do you have a three seater sofa? You lived alone for crying out loud.
LUKE JASON
Shut up and walk. I'll go up the stairs backwards as you're a liability and will just fa-
LUKE falls backwards up the stairs.
ADAM MARTIN
Who's the liability now? Come on get up. Work to do! Plus, it's nearly time for Sing Star Saturday. You don't want to miss that. Hey we should invite Lauren.
LUKE gets up.
LUKE JASON
God's sake.
ADAM MARTIN
Don't blame God. He hasn't done anything wrong.
LUKE JASON
Oh don't start.
ADAM and LUKE walk up the stairs.
FADES TO:
7. INT: ADAM'S FLAT – DAY
ADAM'S flat now has two sofas in in the living room.
ADAM MARTIN
Weren't we better off removing the old sofa first?
LUKE JASON
Would've been easier.
ADAM MARTIN
Shotgun not moving it. This is your mess. You can move it.
LUKE JASON
Well that's easy. It's on wheels.
ADAM MARTIN
Damn! What are you going to do with it?
LUKE JASON
Roll it down the stairs and use it like a snow sledge as I go down the stairs. Then I'll take it out to the skip like a responsible adult I am.
ADAM MARTIN
Oh yeah sure. I'm the responsible adult here. Go on. Take your sledge and go down the stairs.
LUKE JASON
Alright. I will!
LUKE wheels the sofa out of the flat and into the corridor.
ADAM stands awkwardly in the flat.
Long pause.
ADAM MARTIN
None of these boxes are mine… I can't start Sing Star Saturday yet… Hang on Luke, I'm coming too!
VOICE OF LUKE JASON
So much for being a responsible adult.
VOICE OF ADAM MARTIN
It's my sofa. Back off! I call dibs on front seat.
FADES TO:
8. INT: ADAM'S FLAT – NIGHT
ADAM and LUKE'S flat is spotless and cleaned from top to bottom.
ADAM and LUKE are stood in the kitchen looking at the clean flat.
LUKE JASON
This place looks pretty decent now.
ADAM MARTIN
It was decent anyway. How dare you compare it from before and after. This is not Blue Peter. Oh look here's one I made earlier. Pathetic!
LUKE JASON
Calm down, Adam. It was a joke. I've invited Lauren over for your Sing Star Saturday. Hope you don't mind?
ADAM MARTIN
Of course I don't. As long as she bring alcohol. Rule one to Sing Star Saturday. Always get drunk in the process. Assuming she's staying the night?
LUKE JASON
Well she can't go home drunk.
ADAM MARTIN
Well she could. She might end up with a broken leg or something. But it won't be anything serious.
There's four knocks at the door.
ADAM MARTN
Spooky.
LUKE walks towards the door.
LUKE JASON
What's spooky?
ADAM MARTIN
He will knock four times.
LUKE JASON
I don't understand.
LUKE opens the door.
ADAM mutters to himself.
ADAM MARTIN
You never will.
CUTS TO:
LAUREN DIOR
Hey! I got wine for this evening.
LUKE JASON
Nice. Careful of Adam. He's acting strange tonight.
LAUREN DIOR
He acts strange anyway. Did you not see him last night?
LUKE JASON
I'll give you that. Come in, make yourself at home.
LAUREN DIOR
Thank you. Hey Adam. Got some wine for you.
ADAM MARTIN
How sweet of you. Do you have two hearts?
LUKE JASON
Told you.
LAUREN DIOR
No I don't. Why?
ADAM MARTIN
You knocked four times… He will knock four times… Oh forget it.
LAUREN looks at LUKE.
LUKE shrugs his shoulders.
LAUREN DIOR
This place looks pretty nice. Perfect for the two of you. I told you it was a good idea moving in together.
ADAM MARTIN
Luke, I need to drain my bladder out. Pour the wine and set up Sing Star on the Xbox. You and Lauren are doing the first duet.
ADAM walks into the bathroom.
LUKE goes to the kitchen and gets three wine glasses out of the cupboard.
LUKE pops the cork in the wine.
LUKE JASON
He's acting really strange this evening.
LAUREN walks into the kitchen.
LAUREN DIOR
Maybe it's because he has a roommate now and needs to impress his him and show he's responsible enough.
LUKE JASON
Responsible?
LUKE hands a glass of wine to LAUREN.
LUKE JASON (Continued)
We both slid down the stairs on a sofa. Neither of us are responsible.
LAUREN DIOR
That's adorable. Being an adult doesn't mean being grown up all the time.
LUKE moves closer to LAUREN.
LAUREN moves closer to LUKE.
LAUREN and LUKE both kiss.
ADAM exits the bathroom and walks into the kitchen.
ADAM breaks up the kissing.
ADAM MARTIN
Woah! Woah! Woah! Enough of that. You can have the s word later when you're drunk. You'll unlikely to remember it then. Let's get Sing Star Saturday Started.
ADAM walks into the living room singing.
ADAM MARTIN
I'm walking on sunshine. Woah. I'm walking on sunshine. Woah.
LAUREN DIOR
This is going to be one long night.
LUKE JASON
You better.
CUTS TO:
9. INT: ADAM'S FLAT - NIGHT
The three of them are all drunk. An empty wine bottle and multiple cider cans are seen thrown across the coffee table.
LAUREN is singing on Sing Star.
ADAM is dancing in the background like a lunatic to LAUREN'S singing.
LUKE has crashed out on the sofa fast asleep.
LAUREN DIOR
It's my life. It's now or never. I am gonna live forever. I just wanna live without a life. It's my life.
ADAM jumps towards LAUREN playing an air guitar.
ADAM MARTIN and LAUREN DIOR
It's my life. It's now or never. I am gonna live forever. I just wanna live without a life. It's my life.
The song finishes.
ADAM and LAUREN cannot stay stood still and are all wobbly.
LAUREN DIOR
I should be getting home.
LAUREN walks towards the door.
LAUREN stands in front of the door.
LAUREN DIOR (Continued)
Is this like one of those automatic doors?
ADAM stumbles towards LAUREN.
ADAM MARTIN
Don't go. Stay the night.
LAUREN DIOR
Wh- Wh-
LAUREN burps.
LARUEN DIOR (Continued)
That's better. Where will I sleep?
ADAM MARTIN
Luke is on the sofa. Sleep in his bed.
LAUREN DIOR
Woah!
CUTS TO:
10. INT: ADAM'S BEDROOM – DAY
The birds are singing in the distance.
The sun is beaming into ADAM'S bedroom.
ADAM wakes up and looks to his right to see LAUREN in bed with him.
ADAM looks shocked.
CUTS TO:
The messy living room and LUKE crashed out on the sofa.
CUTS TO:
VOICE OF ADAM MARTIN
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
LAUREN quickly wakes up and sits up.
LAUREN DIOR
Jesus Christ, Adam some of us have a headac-
Woah! Why're we in bed together?
ADAM MARTIN
There's a chance we got drunk last night. But I'm not quite sure. You might know.
LAUREN DIOR
We got drunk you muppet.
There's a knock on ADAM'S bedroom door.
VOICE OF LUKE JASON
Everything alright, Adam?
ADAM and LAUREN are whispering.
ADAM MARTIN
You need to hide.
LAUREN DIOR
Where?
ADAM MARTIN
Get in the wardrobe? Climb out the window?
LAUREN runs towards the wardrobe and gets in it.
LUKE knocks the door again.
VOICE OF LUKE JASON
Adam?
ADAM stumbles out of bed and walks towards the door.
ADAM opens the door.
ADAM MARTIN
Good morning.
LUKE JASON
Everything okay? You yelled.
ADAM MARTIN
No I didn't.
LUKE JASON
You did. I heard you. I think the entire neighbourhood heard you. Where's Lauren?
ADAM MARTIN
Is she not on the sofa?
LUKE JASON
No. I was on the sofa
ADAM MARTIN
Why were you on the sofa? Is she in your room?
LUKE JASON
I obviously fell asleep on the sofa. No she's not in my room. I checked.
ADAM MARTIN
She must've gone home then.
LUKE JASON
Meh.
LUKE turns around and walks away.
LUKE JASON (Continued)
I'm going for a shower.
ADAM closes his bedroom door.
LAUREN opens the wardrobe door.
LAUREN falls out of the wardrobe.
ADAM MARTIN
You okay?
LAUREN DIOR
Yeah. It's cool.
LAUREN gets up.
ADAM MARTIN
You have to leave.
LAUREN DIOR
Why?
ADAM MARTIN
He thinks you've left.
LAUREN DIOR
Are we playing Big Brother or something?
ADAM MARTIN
Exactly that! He's in the shower. You leave and I'll keep an eye out for you. Oh my God. I'M A SPY! I TOLD YOU I WAS A SPY
LAUREN DIOR
You… Are… Mad!
ADAM opens the door.
CUTS TO:
11. INT: ADAM'S FLAT, ROOM CORRIDOR - DAY
ADAM exits his room and checks that it's clear to walk through.
ADAM rolls across the floor using his fingers as pretend guns.
ADAM kneels in front of the bathroom door.
ADAM MARTIN
All clear!
CUTS TO:
12. INT: ADAM'S FLAT - DAY
LAUREN exits the bedroom and heads across the living room.
ADAM rolls towards the front door using his fingers as pretend guns still.
LAUREN DIOR
You're crazy.
CUTS TO:
LAUREN opens the front door.
ADAM MARTIN
I know. I should go and see a doctor to get checked over. Anyway, Tweet me when you're home.
LAUREN DIOR
Why?
ADAM MARTIN
You're hungover. You might injure yourself. Just looking out for you.
LAUREN DIOR
Okay…
LAUREN turns around and walks away.
ADAM MARTIN
Safe travels!
ADAM closes the door.
CUTS TO:
LUKE exits the bathroom.
LUKE JASON
Who was that?
ADAM MARTIN
Oh. Um. That was someone from upstairs who have… Gone away for a few days. YES! It was someone from upstairs who have gone away for a few days.
LUKE JASON
You're crazy.
LUKE goes into his bedroom.
ADAM MARTIN
Why does everyone keep saying that? I'm not crazy.
ADAM gets on the floor and rolls to his bedroom like a spy.
FADES TO:
13. INT: ADAM'S FLAT – DAY
ADAM and LUKE are clearing up the living room.
ADAM is collecting the empty cider cans, glasses and wine bottle.
LUKE is putting Sing Star away.
ADAM MARTIN
We should so do that again some time.
LUKE JASON
Are you saying you actually enjoyed last night?
ADAM MARTIN
Why are you so surprised, Luke? Why? Why?
LUKE JASON
Just curious. Don't get so paranoid.
ADAM MARTIN
Me paranoid? Never! More like Padamoid. Get it? I mixed paranoid and Adam together.
ADAM walks into the kitchen.
LUKE JASON
That's ridiculous.
ADAM'S phone buzzes on the table.
LUKE JASON (Continued)
Adam! Your phone vibrated. You got a Twitter mention.
ADAM comes racing into the room.
ADAM knocks over the kitchen chairs as he sprints in the room.
ADAM dives onto the sofa to collect his phone from the table.
ADAM MARTIN
So much for not being a spy!
LUKE JASON
What was all that about?
ADAM MARTIN
That's none of your business. Rule number two. Don't interfere with your roommate's life if they don't ask you not to.
ADAM unlocks his phone.
ADAM MARTIN (Continued)
Ah she got home safely.
LUKE JASON
Who did?
ADAM MARTIN
Do you listen to what I say? Or is there a little monkey in your mind dancing around?
LUKE JASON
We-
ADAM MARTIN
That was a rhetorical question.
LUKE JASON
You and your rhetorical questions.
LUKE goes to his room.
ADAM is Tweeting back.
ADAM MARTIN
Glad you got home safely. Sing Star Saturday returns next Saturday. Bring your friends with you and alcohol. We'll recreate S Club 7. #Chuckle. Dammit. Gone over the character count. I hate you Twitter! Errr. You, friends, alcohol come to mine on Saturday. S Club 7 reboot. #Chuckle. Send! That's better.
ADAM walks away.
ADAM MARTIN
#Chuckle
FADES TO:
CLOSING TITLES