Ice Water

Written on 7/4/13, 7-ish PM on the back of a napkin with my knee as the tabel.

Typed at 9:42PM

Felix gripped the pen he held in a white knuckled fist, one hand still clenched around the cloth of Gaius' shirt, the man's shadowed green eyes still staring up at him with pain and triumph hidden in them, the silver pen now stained with blood reflected in the wide pupils. Out of the corner of his suddenly blurred vision, he saw the red of the blood that rolled down the other man's neck in cascading rivulets, staining the off-white shirt he wore a deep, dark red.

Distantly, he was aware of voices speaking to him, commanding him to step away, to drop the pen, to stand down, but his gaze was locked into the green eyes below him, as rage and betrayal and some other emotion that he didn't want to think about fought to gain control over his actions. He gripped the pen tighter, only half paying attention to the words he shouted in reply.

"Mr. Gaeta? Mr. Gaeta, wait. Please. Look at me." And suddenly the world came back into focus slightly, and he realized that the President was speaking to him. His head snapped to look at her, his hand tightening its grip on Gaius' shirt so that it constricted his breathing.

What?! His mind screamed at her, demanding an explanation, though his mouth never moved. He struggled against the conflicting emotions warring inside him, making the hand that held the silver and bloodstained pen shake.

"I understand what you're feeling." She said, leaning forward as if that would make her words true.

"No you don't!" he hissed, face twisting in rage. How could she understand? No one understood!

"Yes I do!" she said, her voice rising, her eyes sincere. He hesitated, suddenly hooked onto her voice like a fish being pulled in to land as she continued. "The other night, you didn't come here to interrogate Doctor Baltar." She said, gazing at him as though all truths were known to her. It wasn't a question.

His breath caught in his throat as both relief and devastation crashed down on him like a tidal wave, tearing him loose from the bait of her voice and leaving him wounded and bleeding. Someone had finally figured it out. Someone had figured it out. It wasn't a secret that he would have to keep to tear his hearts to shreds in silence anymore, it—

"You came here to kill him, didn't you?"

And for a split second, the world seemed to stand still.

And then, in an instant that lasted an eternity, it shattered.

Whatever other words Laura Roslin spoke to him were drowned out by the chaos his mind had descended into, spiraling deeper and deeper down until he opened his mouth to speak, to tell them—because they still didn't understand, they still didn't know, and he couldn't keep it a secret anymore, it was killing him, and—

And then a blur of dark blue shot toward him, and pain exploded as a fist collided with his face, and, falling into the dark of unconsciousness, all Felix Gaeta could do was laugh.

Finished on 7/4/13, 10:02PM

Okay, now I'm going to get back to writing my Doctor Who/Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical crossover. This doesn't count.