*I don't own Twilight, it all belongs to Stephenie.*

Gray eyes gleamed.

There were so many unspoken words, so many hidden truths behind his gaze…

The fascination with those ocean green irises only deepened the torture. The world literally disappeared as he dove involuntarily into those mysterious tropical pools.

Edward sighed.

How could he be so vile? He felt like a despicable human being. No matter how hard the effort was, there was no way for him to restrain himself... Nothing he did was effective in the battle to modify or even ignore those feelings. He remained desiring and loving the only person who would never, under any circumstance, be his…

Jasper walked through the party completely oblivious to the covetous and guilty look that followed him tirelessly. In the midst of the magnificent celebration he lavished his grace and elegance, overflowing in kindness and smiles. Innocent of the deep feeling that was devoted to him, he did not realize the sharp pain he caused by sealing his lips with Jacob's, his boyfriend, in a soft kiss.

"Are you well, son?" Carlisle asked, noting the tension in Edward's stare.

"Yeah, Dad... I'm okay." He replied directing his focus to his hands that lay cold in his lap. "Why?"

"You look uncomfortable."

"I'm not."

"How are things in Hanover?" Carlisle tried to compromise.

"Same old, same old..." Edward replied clearly distracted.

Carlisle sighed as frustration flooded him once more. He pretended to turn his attention to the glass of whiskey he despondently sipped. He had been noticing the son's atypical behavior for awhile. At first he concluded that it was the effect of moving to another city, the changing of environment was not that easy after all, or perhaps it was just a sign of his becoming an adult…

However, two years had passed since Edward transferred from NYU to Dartmouth, a completely unexpected attitude for which he had offered no explanation. The patriarch of the Cullen family felt more and more that, the more time passed, the more uncomfortable his first-born seemed when he returned home.

The great tycoon of the SAUGER telecommunications company remained in a constant state of distress, for he was sure that something was happening to Edward, something very serious, but he did not even allow questions to be asked about it.

Whenever he was back in New York he kept his distance, being often evasive, closed in on himself, impossible to be reached.

"I'm going to take a walk..." Edward stood up without looking at his father's tormented countenance, eager for some relief from his own torment.

He walked quickly, head down, across the great hall to the garden. In the so familiar greenhouse the dazzling lights and the stunning sound seemed a remote nightmare. After hours of sustaining the facade and keeping control he could finally breathe for real.

Unable to contain himself anymore, he allowed thick tears to flow down his face, while his usual questions cut through him like sharp knives.

Why me? Why him?

Questions for which he would never find answers.

His heart clenched unpleasantly. There was so much guilt, so much desire, so much frustration and pain... So much love…

Edward gasped, seeking sanity, trying hard to regain the control he momentarily lost. He knew from seven years of sheer agony that he would never be free from that torture, he could never be happy. Seven years struggling hard against that gigantic feeling, so impossible to be realized, so shameful, evil and painful. And each and every day he found himself more and more submerged into his own hell, with no hope of ever finding a way out.

He stared straight ahead, his eyes not really seeing anything, the pain incapacitating him. How could anyone survive that?

Edward lost count of how many times he considered ending his suffering in the most drastic way. But the simple smile, the soft expression of a certain face held him back…

Each time he had thought of killing himself, he saw, with surprising clarity, the warm countenance of his mother, the pain his act would cause in her. So he always chose his own suffering to the unhappiness of Esme. Not even to staunch his despair could he inflict such torment on her.

"What are you doing out here, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen?" Jasper asked in his husky voice, startling him.

Edward rubbed his hands nervously over his face before turning to face him, but it did not have much effect, since his face was completely flushed with anguish.

Jasper noticed his vain attempt to express some normalcy, but knowing that there was no point in asking, he deliberately ignored it.

"Hi…" Edward managed to murmur through his gasping breath. "I just needed some air…"

Grinning, trying to cheer him up, Jasper jerked his head to push his shoulder length blond hair away from his face and elbowed Edward's arm playfully, then glanced at him through his thick lashes.

"You came back to New York yesterday... We barely saw each other, we hardly talked... And in the middle of my birthday party you disappear without even saying hello..." He complained in a somewhat sweet tone.

Edward swallowed hard, trying vainly to calm his thundering heart that would threaten to fly out of his chest whenever the younger man was that close.

"The mood inside was very... Intense. I had to get out a little... " He smiled tentatively.

Jasper frowned slightly, again suspicious.

"What's the matter with you, Eddy?" His tone was confused. "You don't call me anymore, it always seems you don't want to be here... And you've been so reticent when you're around…"

"Oh, please, not you too, Jay." Edward snapped, trying to get away from it.

"No, Edward! You can't even disguise it! I understand I'm farther from you now, we really are apart from each other, and let me be very clear about this, it is absolutely against my will, but I've known you since forever... I know there's something very, very wrong... I just don't understand why you don't open up to me…

Edward sighed nervously, staring at the floor. It was as complicated to hide his feelings from him as it was to deny him anything. But this secret, the reason for his distance, his avoidance, his deliberate absence could never be known to anyone but himself. It was too terrible.

He heard Jasper exhale impatiently, and remembered the real reason for the Herculean effort he made to be there.

He slipped his hand into the pocket of his trousers, wrapping his long fingers tightly around the rectangular velvet box.

His greatest desire was to be able to give his own heart to the stunning guy before him... With all the love and passion he harbored in secret. But since that was an impossible dream, he had chosen the perfect and completely unsuspected symbol to give Jay.

He looked hesitantly at the ocean green eyes that were the center of his world, eager for the reactions that would soon be evident in there. Jasper stared expectantly back at him, still waiting for an answer.

"Happy birthday." Edward murmured as he offered the small box to Jasper.

Jasper smiled spontaneously, his dimpled broad smile, the smile of a naughty boy, forgetting any reasons to remain suspicious and defensive.

He picked up the box, feeling in his heart the comforting sense of fulfillment that moment provided him.

This was the moment he anticipated the most on all his birthdays... The moment Edward gave him his gift. Not because he gave him the most expensive ones, or the ones he wanted most… No. It was because he gave him the most significant and special gifts he could ever get.

There was no logical reason for that, but since his fifteenth birthday the moment when "his favorite person in the world" gave him the gift was undoubtedly the highlight of every July 21st…

Inside the box, from the black velvet, a thick bracelet adorned with an intricate spiral of embossed spines gleamed, reflecting on Jasper's widened eyes. He touched the jewel, feeling the coolness of the white gold on his fingers, sighing in surprise as he noticed something was engraved on its inside.

"What does 'Plus que ma propre vie' mean?" He asked quietly as taking the bracelet from the box.

Edward smiled contentedly. That was the exact effect he wanted to provoke. It was all he would ever have.

"More than my own life." He replied, making sure his tone was light enough, so Jay would never reach the depth of the meaning he truly wanted to convey with that phrase.

Jasper smiled tremulously, his eyes welling up with tears and understanding.

"Thank you… It's…" He murmured. "I don't even know what to say. I love you…"

Edward sighed, feeling an uneasy mixture of satisfaction and agony.

"I love you too, Jay... You have no idea how much..." He replied, pulling him closer and into his arms, secretly wishing the younger could understand the nature of his feelings.

Feeling the guilt emerge in a flaming wave, but incapable of stopping himself, Edward allowed himself to just feel Jasper's warmth for a moment.

"You're the best brother in the world..." Jay said innocently. "You know that, right?"

Edward narrowed his eyes, feeling the word he hated most make the stake that lay buried in his shattered heart to sink deeper.