I WISH I WAS BESIDE YOU
A/N – AU! AU! Get yo Yuri On ice AU hea' luvs! Yuuri is an actor/celebrity and Victor is his PA. Also soul mate AU. See? Lotsa AU! Also, Victor's POV.
The movie Yuuri is acting in is Kill Your Darlings, and Yuuri is acting instead of Daniel Radcliffe. Dane deHaan remains the same. But you don't need to know the story of Kill Your Darlings for this. All you need to know is that it features the characters acted by Daniel and Dane as gay. And in this fanfic, it will be Yuuri and Dane. And I also realized towards the end of the story that there's no Makkachin. So no Makkachin in this fanfic *laughs nervously*
Victor couldn't be a happier person. He had a perfect job, and he had a perfect soul mate too. The most perfect part was that his job required him to be around his soul mate. His soul mate was rising movie star and celebrity Katsuki Yuuri. He knew it as soon as Yuuri was assigned Victor as a personal assistant. And Yuuri did too. It was pretty easy to figure it out. They could see the red string connecting their pinky fingers. They were pretty nervous and anxious at first, but after Victor protected Yuuri from a mentally unstable over obsessive fan, all the tension vanished, and they slowly started actually talking to each other. And within no time, they became exclusive.
The red string connecting two potential soul mates can connect one person to more than one person. And if it has already connected two soul mates, it doesn't mean that it won't be visible when either one of them are in close proximity with another. Victor always thanks his stars when he wakes up, that neither him nor Yuuri have found anyone else with whom they are connected. Because deep down, Victor is selfish. And doesn't want anyone else other than himself being on the receiving end of Yuuri's love. No one else should be a contestant for Yuuri's love.
All this changed when Yuuri got a contract to act in Kill Your Darlings along with Dane deHaan. Victor was pretty apprehensive of Yuuri acting in it, because he didn't want his soul mate act like as if he was in love with someone else, especially a guy. Yuuri normally had to act like as if he was in love with a woman, but that never bothered Victor, because he knew very very well that Yuuri liked men and only men. But acting as if he was in love with other man, it gave Victor a bad feeling.
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The first time Yuuri met Dane, his eyes widened, and so did the other man's. Yuuri looked at his pinky finger. "Victor, could you please get me some coffee, while I introduce myself?" he asked Victor sweetly. Being a sucker for that voice, Victor had readily agreed. He didn't notice anything fishy about the situation then.
He knew exactly how Yuuri liked his coffee, and it took him ten minutes to get Yuuri his perfect cup of coffee. By the time he went to give Yuuri his coffee, he and Dane were comfortably sitting next to each other, getting ready for the shot, laughing. Victor's stomach clenched at the sight, but he suppressed his emotions. It would affect Yuuri's reputation if his personal assistant attacked a fellow actor. "Here's your coffee Yuuri." He said, handing Yuuri his coffee. He said Yuuri's name, dragging the vowels in it a bit, the way Victor knew he liked it. But Yuuri looked uncomfortably flustered and didn't meet his eyes when he accepted the coffee. Strange. "Oh, Victor," Yuuri said, still not meeting his eyes, too busy stirring his coffee, "Don't worry about lunch. I'll be eating lunch with Dane." When Yuuri said this, Victor took his first good look at Dane.
He was wearing a smirk, and also a sneer, like as if he knew something Victor didn't while looking down at him at the same time. He had to admit that the actor looked good with his blonde hair and blue eyes.
Then, realization dawned on Victor. They had planned a lunch date that day, and it had been postponed for weeks already. "Are you sure you want to cancel today's lunch meeting?" he asked, in full PA mode, not sure whether Yuuri wanted Dane to know so soon that he was going out with his PA. "Yeah, I'm sure. Can you schedule it for tomorrow?" he asked, finally meeting Victor's eyes. They were so wide and brown and innocent, that he had no option but to agree. He was weak to Yuuri's eyes. He could get lost in those beautiful eyes, and he wouldn't want to find his way out. Victor just nodded.
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Victor sat on the side of the set, away from all the commotion. He made sure to never get in anyone's way, but always chose a spot where he could see Yuuri clearly without any obstructions.
Yuuri acted perfectly as usual, but something felt different, like as if he was pre occupied. His mind wasn't the character, only his body. Victor had seen Yuuri act many times, and from observation, he knew that when Yuuri acted, his mind and body became the character. Why was today different?
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Lunch break came too soon. Victor was hoping to get a minute alone with Yuuri, to ask him whether everything was alright, but as soon as he and Dane got off the set, they started a conversation and went for lunch. Yuuri didn't even give Victor a smile like he usually did. As he saw Dane and Yuuri walk away, he felt the red string connecting his and his soul mate's fingers tighten a bit.
Shooting got over for the day after lunch. During lunch and after shooting gets over for the day, Victor goes through Yuuri's emails and answers a few, and makes note of the very important ones to discuss later on with Yuuri, usually when the actor was relaxed and calm. While he was doing that, he felt his phone vibrate. Not taking his eyes off of the laptop screen, he took it out and opened the message. Seeing that it was from Yuuri, he focused on the text.
Am going for a walk with Dane to get to know him better. Don't wait for me. Go home. I'll see you there.
Such a short, crisp message. There wasn't even a smiley emoji. Victor felt hurt. These were the times he treasured the most, he and his soul mate going home together after a tiring day at work. These were the times they actually spoke to each other, ridding each other of their anxiety and reassuring each other. He thought Yuuri also felt the same way he did about this. Was he wrong all this time? He was no longer in the mood to go through emails, so he just shut down the laptop, put it in its bag and made his way to the apartment he and Yuuri shared.
He felt the red string tighten a bit more as he entered an empty apartment.
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Victor didn't know what was going on. For the past two weeks shooting had been tough, difficult and hard. Multiple shots of the same scene were taken in one day. He was sure Yuuri would be tired and would want to go home as soon as possible and avoid contact with his fans until he had recharged himself. He also expected longer cuddle times. None of his expectations were met.
In fact, after a day of shooting, Yuuri always seemed to disappear somewhere with Dane. For the past week, Yuuri had been sending Victor emoji-less texts telling him that he couldn't make it back with him. But today came as a shock for Victor. Almost everyone had left the set, and even Victor had finished his work as the good PA he is, and was waiting in an empty set, holding his coat. It was getting extremely late, and Yuuri always enjoyed getting home as soon as possible and spend quality time with Victor. He checked his phone for what felt like the millionth time, wondering if he had missed a text or phone call from Yuuri. But there were no new notifications.
Just when he decided to forget about it, and went out of the building, a security guard suddenly got up. "You were in there for so long, Victor?" he asked, surprised. Victor just nodded, puzzled. "Were you waiting for Yuuri?" he asked. Victor didn't trust his tongue, so he just nodded. "Didn't you know? Yuuri went out ages ago, with Dane. I thought he would've told you!" The guard appeared genuinely shocked. Victor was shocked himself. Yuuri had gone on without even telling him? Victor took a deep breath and remembered his manners. "Thank you. I'll call and find out." He said, giving a fake heart shaped smile.
Once he entered their apartment, he couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Yuuri didn't even tell him. And yet, he had waited for him. He would always wait for Yuuri. But he was ignoring Victor, not even telling him anything. Victor had nothing against him going out to eat with Dane, but he would've preferred if Yuuri informed him.
Victor was emotionally tired. Too tired to even have a shower or make some quick dinner. He didn't even change. He just flopped onto the bed; his and Yuuri's, his mind unwittingly supplied. The memories of Yuuri and him, time they spent together, on that very bed, just cuddling and talking about work and how much they loved each other caused a fresh wave of sadness and depression to crash on Victor. And along with it came the tears.
Late at night, when Victor heard the front door click open and slam shut quietly, he shoved his depression, anxiety and sadness aside, hoping some alone time with Yuuri would solve everything. He waited eagerly for the door to their room to open. But it never did that night.
Victor cried some more, scolding himself. Was he being too clingy? Was he not paying Yuuri enough attention? Had he overstepped one of Yuuri's boundaries? Was Yuuri ASHAMED of Victor? Did Victor embarrass him? Can he be forgiven? What if Yuuri never forgave him? What if Yuuri stopped loving him? He could always find himself another soul mate. Even Victor could, but would he want to? All these questions churned in Victor's brain, and each possibility caused Victor to cry harder and more.
Once Victor was numb from the tears and completely out of breath, he stared at his red string, waiting for sleep to engulf and make him momentarily forget his apprehensions. He could see and feel it tighten a bit more. It was now almost a straight line.
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A month passed by. Filming for the movie was almost done. And as always, towards the end of filming, work gets harder and longer. There's chaos almost everywhere and the hidden excitement for the completion of one of the most crucial parts of a film is bubbling inside everyone. That is everyone except Victor. As the last day of shooting came closer, Victor spoke and even saw Yuuri less and less. They barely spoke. They barely saw each other. Yuuri spent more time with Dane, and Victor, more time alone in their apartment. Victor didn't have to heart to ask Yuuri to cancel an outing with Dane to spend time with him. He could clearly see how happy Yuuri was, spending time with Dane, and he didn't want to be an obstacle in Yuuri's happiness. That's what love is right? Putting another person's happiness before your own. And Yuuri was his soul mate, of course he would want Yuuri to be happy always.
He did ask Yuuri out to dinner, breakfast, lunch, brunch, ice cream, coffee, anything that could be eaten, or even just watching a rented movie in their apartment, but Yuuri fidgeted, not meeting Victor's eyes at all, before giving the standard answer – "So sorry, Victor. I've already got something planned with Dane. Maybe some other time?" before shuffling away, uncomfortably to talk to Dane.
Each time Victor's invitation was declined, the red string grew tighter and tauter. This worried Victor to no end. If it grew any tighter, he was sure it would snap. And that meant Yuuri no longer considered him to be his soul mate.
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It was the last day of shooting. Victor had planned a surprise dinner at their apartment. He was getting excited about it. Maybe they could sort out their differences then, and everything would be back to normal. He couldn't ask Yuuri whether he was free for dinner, but he was sure that it wouldn't be a problem. At the end of the day, everyone was congratulating each other for all the hard work they had put in for the success of the filming. In all the commotion, Victor couldn't find Yuuri. Once it had died down, he found out that Yuuri had gone out somewhere with Dane. Victor was in good spirits. He wasn't upset over that fact. He quickly took out his phone and sent Yuuri a text. "When will you be home?" before putting it back in his pocket and making his way home.
He had just come out of a nice warm bath when he received a text from Yuuri. It was just one word, "Soon" but that was enough to make Victor happy. He put on his best clothes, and got the champagne and flowers ready.
He waited and waited. The clock struck twelve. The front door didn't open. Victor shifted locations from the dining table to the couch after covering the food. He tried watching TV, but couldn't focus on it. He tried calling Yuuri, but his phone was switched off.
He waited and waited. But Yuuri didn't come home that night.
Victor fell asleep looking at his red string. It tightened more. It was now so tight and taut, that Victor was afraid of moving his finger, because he was sure it would snap at the smallest action.
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Yuuri wasn't back even when Victor woke up from his uncomfortable position on the couch. His suit was rumpled. Aimlessly, Victor changed into something comfortable. He took out a beanie and covered his hair and pulled it down until it covered his forehead too. He wore sneakers and went outside for a walk to calm his mind and to think carefully. He didn't touch the dining table, even to remove the wilting flowers or to put the champagne inside.
Victor wandered aimlessly. It was like his feet had a mind of their own. It took him to places Yuuri and he visited often and had made happy memories. Now, the onslaught of memories just made Victor upset even more. He saw the grocer, baker and milkman. They all looked at him in shock. Victor never wore anything casual outside, even though Yuuri did, and YUURI was the celebrity, not Victor. And he NEVER covered his hair. The silver hair was Victor's personal pride and glory. He was known for his flawless silver hair among the local people. "Hey Victor, is everything ok?" the kind baker asked him. Victor looked at her and just nodded, his eyes and face expressionless. "Do you want a chocolate cupcake? They're fresh out of the oven. It's on the house." She said, handing out one to Victor. They were still warm and smelt heavenly, but it didn't spark a reaction. "No thanks." He replied, trying to force his cheeks to smile. It didn't work. The smile looked more like a grimace. Before he embarrassed himself further, and break down in public, Victor walked away.
Victor's feet took him to the little coffee shop that he and Yuuri visited every Sunday and on the mornings after the final shot for any of his movies. He peered into the shop through the window, and stopped. Yuuri was sitting in the booth near the window. And he was laughing, tears streaming down his face. He wasn't alone. On the other side of the table, Dane was sitting. His eyes were sparkling as he saw Yuuri laugh. Victor had enough. He took a deep breath and entered the shop. It was time to confront Yuuri and get answers from him.
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The bell on the door jingled. Dane and Yuuri didn't notice it; they were too engrossed in their conversation. Victor took another deep breath and made his way to their table. The first thing he saw was Dane was playing with Yuuri's hand; the hand that had their red soul mate identifying string. This angered Victor, and solidified his resolve to get answers. "Yuuri. Do you have a minute?" Victor said, standing near the table, his fists clenched. Both the actors looked at him, startled. Yuuri's was more surprised than Dane. "Victor, what're you doing here?" he asked, very bewildered. Victor's fists clenched harder. How dare Yuuri ignore him and play dumb?
"Oh, maybe because this is the coffee shop we visit every Sunday and the day after the last shot?" he asked, his voice quivering with suppressed anger.
Yuuri's mouth twisted into an O. "And also, why weren't you home yesterday? I even texted you, asking you when you'd be back. And you said 'Soon'. How long is soon for you? I had planned so much for us. AT HOME because I knew you'd be tired. You stood me up in our own house. Do you know how much it hurts? Don't you feel the string tightening? Doesn't it worry you?" All the anger had dissipated and Victor was filled with sadness. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes.
Dane looked at Yuuri, absolutely baffled. "You didn't tell him yet, Yuuri?" he asked, surprise clear in his voice. Yuuri just shook his head. "Tell me what, Yuuri?" Victor asked, anger slowly replacing the sadness. At that time, the shop owner approached them. "Sir, you've been standing here for quite some time. Do you want a chair?" she asked, with a kind smile. Her smile faltered when she saw that it was her regular, Victor, with his hair covered and dressed so casually. Her eyes filled with concern when she saw the tears in his eyes. "Is everything alright?" she enquired, eyeing the three men closely. "Yes, everything's fine. Dane, I'll meet you later, yeah?" Yuuri asked. "Victor and I are going for a walk." He said, before grabbing Victor by the arm and taking him out of the shop.
Those words made Victor so happy.
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They walked in silence to the park they visited every week. As soon as Yuuri dragged Victor out of the coffee shop, he let go of Victor, and kept some distance between them. It was alright, Victor thought, at least I have him here next to me. He wanted to start a conversation, but he didn't know how to. Instead, he observed Yuuri.
And Yuuri had changed.
He wore better fitting clothes, which seemed to have been bought from a designer store. He wasn't wearing his spectacles, which meant he was wearing contacts. Also, Yuuri's hair wasn't floppy. It looked styled and shined a bit when the sun struck his hair, like as if he had applied some gel. This wasn't how Yuuri normally was. He preferred loose, soft clothes when he went out, and preferred glasses as well. And he never bothered about his hair outside the set. Yet here he was, a complete contradiction to the Yuuri Victor knew and loved.
Uneasiness settled deep in his stomach. He didn't not like Yuuri's new look, but it felt so different.
They came to a bench and Yuuri sat down. And Victor sat next to him. There was a moment of silence. Yuuri sighed and took a deep breath. "Dane is my soul mate." He said. Victor's heart clenched tight. "He is one of my soul mates, and he asked me to spend time with him to get to know him better and to choose between him and you. And so I did. The more time I spent with him, and the more I talked to him, I realized how similar we are. How much I've been missing out on before I met him. And it got me thinking about us."
Victor listened, holding his breath. He could feel the red string tighten minutely with each word Yuuri said.
"I told Dane about it, and he helped me through. And I've made my decision. I want to be with Dane. And I have my reasons too. Our jobs are different. You are my PA, and I spend too much time with you. In fact, I'm barely ever away from you. And I need personal space and time to think. With Dane acting too, we both get privacy and thinking time alone."
Yuuri kept giving more and more reasons, but Victor didn't listen to them. Yuuri didn't want to be his soul mate anymore? What was Victor going to do? Yuuri was like oxygen for him. How could he live without Yuuri? Tears started filling his eyes.
"I'll be moving in with Dane and I've also asked for a new PA. I hope you find your other soul mate soon. I'm doing this for both of us." Yuuri said, giving him a look of pity, before leaving him all alone on the park bench and walking away.
As Yuuri left, the sky darkened as rain clouds gathered. Once Yuuri was out of Victor's sight, it started raining heavily. Yuuri had walked out of his life, and had taken the light of his life too.
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Yuuri entered the local bar late in the evening after crying in the park and sitting there all alone the whole day, wondering what to do with his life. He went straight to the bar and called for a drink. The bar tender attended to him quickly, before returning his attention to the others. Victor was a regular, after all.
Victor kept drinking his way through the night, and was slumped against the bar counter when the last customer finally left. The bar tender finally noticed Victor's defeated, crumpled form and gently shook him up. "What's up Victor?" he asked. Victor looked up, and the bar tender gasped. Victor had bags under his eyes, and his eyes were rimmed red because of the tears that didn't stop flowing. "My soul mate doesn't want me anymore." He croaked out, before bursting into fresh tears. The bar tender felt bad for Victor. He couldn't even offer any words of consolation because Victor was howling so loudly. He just patted the distraught man's back. "Why don't you spend the night here? There's a spare room in the back. Give some space. Yuuri will get his senses back. Why wouldn't he accept you?" he said gently, as he guided Victor, who was leaning heavily on his shoulder, to the room. "Sleep on it. Yuuri will too. Talk to him tomorrow." He said with a kind smile, before turning off the lights and closing the door.
Victor covered his face with the pillow and burst into fresh tears. Exhausted due to his grief and all the crying, Victor fell asleep.
He didn't notice that his red string was so tight and taut that it was quivering on its own.
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Victor woke up feeling numb. He felt cold, even though sunlight streamed into the room through the window. Aimlessly, he went to the attached bathroom and splashed some water on his face to bring some semblance of sanity back to his body. He had lost his beanie some time yesterday, and his hair was all mussed up. He tried his best to fix it, but nothing worked.
Once he walked out of the room, he saw the bar tender, getting the bar ready for the day. "How much do I have to pay? I'll go and get the money." Victor asked in a monotone. "It's all on the house. Don't you worry about it." Came the reply, along with a cheery smile. Victor tried really hard to return it, but he couldn't. He just wanted to go home and find Yuuri, and fall into his arms, with him reassuring him that it was all just a bad dream.
Once Victor turned onto his street, the first thing he saw was a sleek black car in front of his and Yuuri's apartment, with tinted windows. Anxiety made his heart clench. He quickly made his way to the front of the apartment. He had to cross the road to reach home, and it was a bust street. From across, Victor saw Yuuri, wearing sunglasses, pulling his suitcase towards the car. He then carried it and put it in the boot.
Without bothering about any traffic rules, Victor dashed across the street to stop Yuuri from leaving, tears streaming down his face. He didn't see a car coming at full speed.
The boot of the sleek black car clicked shut. The car on the street crashed into Victor. The red soul mate string connecting Yuuri and Victor broke. All of it happened at the same time.
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The last thing Victor remembered was the colour black filling his vision.
When Victor regained consciousness, all he could see was white. Victor tried to snort at the irony, but felt a sharp pain shoot down his side. He winced before a face came into view.
"What do you think you're trying to do their, mister? No moving until you're completely healed." The face admonished. The face's voice was also very nice. Soft and musical. Victor squinted, and the face slowly became clearer. The face was nice. The mouth was twisted into a cute pout, eyebrows were knitted together to form an adorable frown, and the face was topped with slightly messy dark brown hair. Green eyes looked at him with worry. Even though Victor had no idea what was going on, he knew that the face was cute.
"Where am I? Who are you?" Victor croaked out, before coughing hard. Pain shot up his side, and it hurt even more. The nice face hurried out of sight for moment, before reappearing again with a glass of water. It helped him sit up and gave him some water. It was when the water touched his lips did Victor realize how thirsty he actually was. He drank another glass of water before asking the face the same question again. He noticed that the face had a body, which was wearing a white, very sterile looking uniform.
The face with its nice voice explained what happened. Victor had met with an accident, and he was hurried to the hospital. He was diagnosed with mild amnesia, and on further questioning from the face, who was called Luke, it turns out that he had lost five years' worth of memories. He looked away from Luke, the thought of him having no memory of what happened in the last five years causing him to hyperventilate and panic. Luke forced Victor to look at him again, maneuvering his head and held his hair, stroking it to calm him. "Want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked in a soft voice. The hand stroking Victor's hair felt so nice and calming. All of Victor's anguish at having lost his memories reduced a bit at the soft voice. Luke looked like someone in who Victor could confide his pain and sadness with. He glanced at his pinky finger. There was a red string tied loosely around his pinky. Have I found my soul mate? Victor wondered, eagerly following the red string. It went up, towards his head. He tried to look up, but was admonished by Luke. "What part of what I said do you not understand? No moving till you're ok!"
Victor relaxed into his touch and closed his eyes and relaxed. His panic slowly fading away.
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Luke took good care of Victor, and paid a lot of attention to him. Victor enjoyed talking to and spending time with Luke. He was very light hearted and knew just how to make Victor laugh. He felt at ease with Luke. Within two weeks, Victor was discharged from the hospital. Before leaving the hospital room, Victor fidgeted, feeling a bit nervous. "Want to get coffee some time?" he asked Luke nervously, not looking him in the eye. At some point during the two weeks, Victor's panic and apprehension of not remembering what happened in the past five years vanished completely. He wanted to make new ones and wondered whether Luke would help him in making a few. "Well, aren't you lucky!" Luke said cheerfully. "My shift has just gotten over. Let's go now!" Victor was happy.
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Luke and Victor tried to meet as often as possible. With Luke's help, Victor found a new job as a sales rep. Both of their jobs required them to spend long hours away from each other, but whenever they met, even after a tiring day at work, they still had enough energy to spend time together happily.
The day Luke asked Victor to move in with him was one of the happiest new memory for Victor. He followed the red string connecting his and Luke's pinky fingers with loving eyes, before directing them to Luke and agreeing.
Victor had found his perfect soul mate to make new happy, loving memories with.
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A/N – Fic request by Shiranai Atsune who had sent a bunch of prompts and asked for a surprise fic. Naturally, I couldn't choose just one so I chose soulmates AU, amnesia, celebrity AU, actor AU, brainwashing (done by Dane to Yuuri which results in his style change. It isn't very obvious since it's Victor's POV), affair (kinda sorta I guess?) and a twist on secretary/CEO relationship.
And no, I didn't want to make this with a non Victuri ending, but when I saw the prompt 'amnesia', the only thing that came to my mind was Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer, and well, that's a break up song isn't it? No matter how hard I tried to change the line of the story, this stuck. Sorry!