AN: My musing...or rather, Shawn's musings during the SummerSlam 2008 PPV. Yes, I do realize Shawn's a Christian and I respect that. I also realize that he'd probably never cheat on his wife as the Bible is completely against. However, this is strictly a 'What If' story. I am giving you my muse on what went down between the two of them that led up to Shawn taking a leave. If he was NOT a Christian and was indeed gay, I believe it would have went something like this...Enjoy.
One night. It was just one night but who knew how much damage one night could cause. We were both fighting an attraction that started five years ago and somehow we let it get the best of us. I'll start with me. HBK. The legend that everyone looks up to. The one who everyone comes to for advice. The perfect being. Yeah right. Nobody's perfect and though I walk around holding my head up proudly, deep down my heart aches with regret and I want to shout to the world of the mistakes I've made. But not him. Not Chris.
I was probably the one who was most afraid when it happened. We wrestled a near flawless match at Mania 19. The fans roared loudly after our performance pumping our already overly large egos with more ammunition. We shook hands and he pulled me into a hug. That's when I first felt it and he felt it too. As I slid down his body, a look of remorse on my face, his eyes said differently and my heart started to pound.
But that was all in the past. I went home to my wife afterwards and forgot about that moment. He left the WWE about a year later and all thoughts of him vanished. I sold out arenas as a main eventer while Cena, the boy hood wonder with a school girl crush on me, bested me as WWE champ. I couldn't complain though. Life was good. Everything was the way I wanted it to be and for the first time in a long time, I had no worries. Yeah right. Since when has life ever given me a break?
I remember the date like it was my own birthday. November 19, 2007. I was standing backstage, shirtless with wet hair. I had just showered and was getting ready to leave the arena when I saw him. Coming up the hall towards me was Chris Jericho. In the flesh. So what? No big deal. Mr. Rock Star has decided to grace the WWE fans with his presence again…or so I thought. I'd find out later the real reason he came back. He walks by me and I pretend like I'm busy rummaging through my bag. I don't know why I'm acting like this but I do. A soft hand touches my shoulder and I freeze on the spot.
"Shawn." I turn to face him and when our eyes meet, my heart starts to pound. There it goes again. That feeling. That feeling that supposedly died five years ago.
"How's your wife?" I ask.
"Fine." He says. It's awkward. We both know it but as I watch Chris he seems unaffected by it. I guess he would. He was always cool and nothing ever bothered him. I guess that's why we worked so well together years ago.
"Well…I'll be seeing ya." I go to walk off but he stops me.
"Shawn." His voice is low and commanding. I stop not really knowing why. I guess a part of me wants to hear what he has to say. He steps closer to me and I I can feel his warm breath on the side of my face. "Have a good night."
Nothing I tell myself. It was nothing. The weeks pass and he feuds with Randy. I never expected him to look so well but he did. Like he never even left I think. The thought made me smile. That's what people said about me when I returned. We saw each other backstage, but we never made contact with one another. A smile and a nod every now and then but that was all. Why were we being so secretive? Why were we so afraid to be around each other? I'd soon find out courtesy of Vince McMahon.
"You're working together." I take this news from Vince and shrug. I'll be alright I think to myself. I couldn't have been more wrong. The first two highlight reel segments and I notice the twinkle in his eyes. I do my best to hold a straight face but believe me it's hard. I can't help but feel like he's checking me out but I brush the thought as we complete our segments. Our first match in five years and we tear the house down. The next night on Raw would be the real test. A heel turn for Chris was supposed to take place but it never happened. As we matched each other move for move in the ring, with every slam and cover, my heart begins to pound a little more.
I'm vaguely aware of what's going on and I feel myself being tossed out of the ring. Oh right. I'm supposed to get hit with a chair. I see Chris looming over me with a chair and I brace myself for impact. But it never comes. He tosses the chair aside and stretches out his hand. As I stare into eyes, I can sense that same something that's been driving me crazy since his return. I slowly take his hand and he pulls me to my feet. His hand lingers and I once again I am hit with that feeling…that feeling that makes me question everything about me. I am scared. I was scared five years ago and I am scared now.
I hurry backstage to get a hot shower hoping that the steam would calm my nerves. I wrap a towel around my waist and start towards my locker.
"Shawn." I look up to see Chris standing just a few feet away. He's half dressed with only a towel around his waist as well. He must have been showering on the other end I think. He moves towards me and with every step my heart begins to pound. Before I know it he's standing right in front of me his eyes locked with mine. I quickly look away and think to myself, do I dare to look back? I feel his hands clasp my shoulders and I look. Like a fool I dare to look. His hand cups the side of my face and then our lips meet. This is wrong I think. My body starts to tremble out of fear and I feel myself resisting his touch but he pulls me closer, wrapping his strong arms around me. I feel his warm breath on my ear and I fall to pieces.
"Don't be afraid." He whispers. His lips brush my neck and the heat that courses through my body sends me into shock. Before I realize it, I am up against the locker moaning softly while his hands feverishly explore my body. I feel the towel around my waist come undone and I realize what's about to go down.
"No." I cry. "I can't." He places a warm hand on my erection and I whimper softly. He brings his lips to mine capturing them for another kiss and once again, I am powerless to resist. He presses his body closer and deepens the kiss. My head starts to spin while my heart pounds steadily. He pulls away from me and slowly unravels his towel. I don't know why but it made me blush. I turn my head to look away, feeling embarrassed, but then I feel his naked body next to mine and I'm sent over the edge.
"Chris." I beg. I was well aware of what was going on. Of course I knew. I knew because it was strange. Two men being together. It was unheard of…at least for me but Chris made it seem so natural.
"Don't think." He whispers. Don't think. It was hard not to think. The consequences of our actions would be more than great. He is married. I am married. We both have loving wives and children and yet…
"Shawn don't think. Just close your eyes and lose control." He says. I want to lose control. Everyone wants to lose control at some point in their lives. I stop his assault and look him in the eye.
"One night. Just this once." I say.
I cannot tell exactly what he's feeling but he nods and continues with his assault. He touched me down there again and this time…this time I let go. I cling to him while he kisses me all over…touches me all over…his tongue leaving wet trails all over my neck and chest. He lifts me in the air and I wrap my legs around his waist. He gently lowers me to the floor and I am hit with fright again.
"Chris…I'm…I'm…"
"I'll be gentle." He says. My fear went away and I close my eyes letting Chris take control. He trailed a path with his tongue down my body, purposely missing throbbing member.
"God Chris…" I plead.
I am fully aroused like I have never been before and it's driving me crazy. He looks up at me and smiles as he takes me into his mouth. Immediately my hips buckle and my back arches. I whimper and moan at the sensation, calling out his name softly. Just when I think it couldn't get any better, I feel vibrations and I just lose it. "Chris I'm…" He looks up at me but instead of moving, he slides me deeper into his mouth. I can't hold it anymore. I release in his mouth and fall back to the floor, completely satisfied and yet…I still want more. Chris inserts a finger and I cry out. He looks up at me and his softened expression lets me know I'll be ok. I nod my head, bite my lip and take the pain. It only lasts a little while. I soon begin begging him for more and he's only too happy to oblige. He settles himself between my legs, his alluring eyes captivating me once more.
"I love you Shawn." He says. I don't have time to react. He captures my lips for a kiss and thrusts inside me. I cry out from the mixture of pleasure and pain, forgetting all about what he said. Tears stream down my face but he kisses them away, whispering comforting words as he makes love to me. After a while the pleasure takes over and I begin to match his rhythm. I urge him to pick up the pace, arching my back and clasping his sides. He kisses my neck and I moan in pleasure, our bodies moving as one.
"Oh…God…Shawn…" He bites down on my neck and we both release, crying out each other's name. He collapses on top of me and we both lay there silently in each other's arms. After a while he helps me up, we take another shower and then we leave. We go our separate ways and we never utter word.
I guess I could say that I'm the one to blame for this whole mess but who knew he'd fall in love with me. As I watch him, coming down the ramp a part of me feels like I should apologize to him. If I never would have let him touch me…If I never would have lost control, I probably wouldn't be here tonight, walking away from the only thing I loved as much as my family. However, I know that if I stay, there's a chance he could hurt his family and the same applies to me. I feel my wife cling tighter to me and I assure her that everything will be alright. She of course, knew about me and Chris's so called deep hatred as once or twice it actually unfolded on live TV. There was one night when Vince McMahon wasn't there, Chris cornered me backstage. He said some things that I didn't like but no one likes the truth. And standing here right now watching him glare at me, I know in my heart that every word was the truth.
"I love you Shawn and you love me. You're just too fucking afraid to admit it." That's what he said and pushed him away from me but he grabbed my shirt, jacking me up against the wall. "I'm not asking you to leave your wife for me. I just need to hear that you love me too." I punch him in the stomach and the two of us go at it. Cody Rhodes, a promising young talent, had been watching us argue the entire time. He signaled the refs but it was too late. We were already live on the air. He and the refs pull us apart and we go our separate ways…or so they think. As soon as they think we are calm, we go at it again. Punching, swinging, clawing at each other all the way to the ring. We continue to fight from the ring and eventually found ourselves where we started. We were both starting to tire. I took one last swing at him but he tackled me to the ground. We roll around for several seconds until he finally manages to grab my wrists pinning me to the floor.
"Let me go!" I scream.
"Tell me you love me." He says.
"I won't!"
"Fine." He lets me up and storms off. The end of it. Or so I thought.
Now he stands before me and my wife. I have no idea what he's going to say and though I'm sure he'd never tell about that night, a part of me is still terrified.
"No Shawn. You can't leave on your own terms." He recites the scripted lines written by a McMahon but I can't help but notice the hurt in his eyes as he stresses certain words. I can read between the lines alright. And I hear everything he says. His lips are now barely inches from mine and I feel myself starting to sweat. His eyes are piercing and they can see right through me. Yes Chris. You're right. I do love you. I do love you but there's no way I'll admit it – not the way you want me to. Pride? Shame? Whatever the reason, I just can't do it. I grab the mic from my wife and push her behind me. I step closer to Chris and already my body starts to betray me. I can feel my wife watching us closely but I brush it aside. I get right in his face and I let him no how I really feel.
"Sure Chris. You're right. I admit it." I carefully stress the right words and I see his eyes tear up. My eyes start to tear up as well but I blink them away. He takes a step back and we follow up with the script. My wife…I love her so much for being a good sport. She took that punch like man. We both exit the ring to a thunderous applause and head backstage. I let the docs check her out and I head to the restroom. I go straight to the sink to splash some water on my face and when I look up into the mirror I see Chris.
"Chris. What are you doing in here?" I manage. Chris comes up to me and pulls me into a warm embrace.
"Things sure will be boring around here without you around."
"I know but it's for the best." Chris raises my head and looks at me, a sad expression on his face.
"Are you sure Shawn?"
"I can't lose control like that again Chris and neither can you. Besides, we agreed…"
"One night. I know." He lowers his head and kisses my lips for one last time. My heart pounds like always and though I wished I could have enjoyed it, I didn't and I push him away.
"Good bye Chris." I say.
"Will you ever return?" He asks. I turn to him and shrug, a wide grin forming across my face.
"One night." And I meant it. I just might return…even if it's just for one night.
AN: This is not usually my style of writing so if it threw you off then I'm sorry. When they replayed that SummerSlam segment Monday night, this is what I felt and I had to get it out exactly the way I felt it. Call me crazy but I have a weird muse. Anyway, I do have a more light-hearted approach to the Shawn/Chris saga. It's a story called 'Revelation'. If you want to read then it's somewhere out there in the world of fanfiction. Might take some digging since I updated it last saturday. I really hope you enjoyed this and now I am off to do something productive. Like watch some Yu-Gi-Oh. Ta Ta