Lord of the Hemorrhoids
Chapter 1: The shofar
Dawn was setting in. The sun spit out the intensity of the morning into tremulous heat waves. The boy with mauve hair looked beyond the burgundy, eroding castle rock. There were more. He slithered down from his massive perch where he could see the shimmering, clear azure water, and scampered off to make the acquaintance of the others.
There were many others. Ralph extended a quivering hand to a boy who looked to be scratching his anus, quite furiously.
"Name's Ralph," said Ralph. "Where are you all from?"
" I dunno," they replied in unison. "We kind of just, well, descended from the sky."
"I say," said Ralph. "What are we gonna eat? Where are we gonna sleep? I think we need some kind of meeting. Something to discuss things, like how are we gonna live, and what're we gonna do for food, stuff like that." It was then that the boys declared Ralph the chief of the boys, the leader to decide things at their meetings.
"But how are we gonna call meetings?" asked the boy who had been nipping at his behind earlier, Jack. "I mean, what if we're all hunting and such, how are we gonna know when a meeting is being called? We're too small to shout loud enough." Suddenly the little boy who had been wearing a funny hat on his head and had funny little curls bouncing and blowing from the side of his head called out, "It's Passover. I have a shofar! We can blow this! It makes a loud noise when it blows! Here Ralph, try this!"
And Ralph, not knowing what Passover was, let alone a shofar, and thinking it was probably some kind of Latin word, acquired it with swollen pride. He curled his slender fingers around the strange tool, and began to spit into it. A low, base-like sound erupted from the conch-looking object. The boys immediately began to applaud.
Chapter 2: Fire on the "Mountain"
Chapter 1: The shofar
Dawn was setting in. The sun spit out the intensity of the morning into tremulous heat waves. The boy with mauve hair looked beyond the burgundy, eroding castle rock. There were more. He slithered down from his massive perch where he could see the shimmering, clear azure water, and scampered off to make the acquaintance of the others.
There were many others. Ralph extended a quivering hand to a boy who looked to be scratching his anus, quite furiously.
"Name's Ralph," said Ralph. "Where are you all from?"
" I dunno," they replied in unison. "We kind of just, well, descended from the sky."
"I say," said Ralph. "What are we gonna eat? Where are we gonna sleep? I think we need some kind of meeting. Something to discuss things, like how are we gonna live, and what're we gonna do for food, stuff like that." It was then that the boys declared Ralph the chief of the boys, the leader to decide things at their meetings.
"But how are we gonna call meetings?" asked the boy who had been nipping at his behind earlier, Jack. "I mean, what if we're all hunting and such, how are we gonna know when a meeting is being called? We're too small to shout loud enough." Suddenly the little boy who had been wearing a funny hat on his head and had funny little curls bouncing and blowing from the side of his head called out, "It's Passover. I have a shofar! We can blow this! It makes a loud noise when it blows! Here Ralph, try this!"
And Ralph, not knowing what Passover was, let alone a shofar, and thinking it was probably some kind of Latin word, acquired it with swollen pride. He curled his slender fingers around the strange tool, and began to spit into it. A low, base-like sound erupted from the conch-looking object. The boys immediately began to applaud.
Chapter 2: Fire on the "Mountain"