I remember every detail of the 74th hunger games, the games that changed my life for every. Those games changed my life so dramatically, and I didn't even compete. It blows my mind at how much they have changed Katniss' life.
I woke up early on the day of the reaping, like always. "Catnip" and I were hunting. We meet in our usual place. I had traded a squirrel for a loaf of bread and put an arrow in it. "Look what I shot," I said when Katniss showed up. She laughed. I always felt privileged to hear her laugh; she never did it anywhere else but the woods. We laughed about Effie Trinket and how much of an idiot she was. Katniss is looking through some bushes for edible berries when I suggest it. "We could do it you know." Katniss doesn't understand.
"Do what?" she asks.
"Leave the district. Run off. Live in the woods. You and I, we could make it." she doesn't know how to respond. "If we didn't have so many kids," I add, quickly. Not our kids, of course. Our younger siblings, and out parents. "I never want to have kids," Katniss tells me.
"I might, if I didn't live here." I would want to have kids. I know it.
"But you do live here," she says, irritated.
"Forget it," I snap. She doesn't understand. We fish for the rest of the time, but have to leave earlier than we normally would, because of the reaping. We start to go home, but have to make a few stops first. We go the hob, a black market and trade a little there. Once we finish out business at the hob, we swing by the mayor's back door. His daughter, Madge, answers. "Pretty dress," I tell her. I use a sarcastic tone, wanting to confuse her. But it was a pretty dress, something she would never normally wear.
"Well if I want to go to the capitol I want to look nice, don't I?" Madge says. Now she is messing with me, I can tell. This made me a little angry. "You won't go to the capitol," I tell her, coolly. "What can you have? Five entries? I had six when I was just twelve years old."
"That's not her fault," Katniss defends her.
"No it's no one's fault. Just the way is it," I say, which is an outright lie. It is someone's fault. It's the bloody capitols fault. I hated the capitol, so much. I want to get my hands on those colorful, week, tyrants badly. I would make them pay. I wanted a revolution, but I knew the risks of that.
"Good luck Katniss," says Madge, closing me off.
"You too," responds Katniss. We walk back to the seam in silence, Katniss doesn't like how I took a dig at Madge, but she knows I was right. We say out goodbyes and go home to get ready for the reaping.
At one o'clock my family and I walked to the square. None of my sibling's names was in the reaping, they were still too young. But my name was on 42 of those God damned little papers. I spotted Katniss before she saw me. She looked very pretty in one of her mother's old blue dresses, and her hair was done up. I looked away before we made eye contact.
Effie trinket declared that she was going to pull the girls names. Katniss and I made eye contact, both thinking of the others changes. The odds were more in her favor than they were mine; she only had twenty names in there. But that was still more than I was comfortable with her having. However, I couldn't prevent that. Effie pulled the name,
"Primrose Everson!" she shouted.
I knew what Katniss was going to do before she did herself. She gasped, and pushed through the crowd shouting "I volunteer! I volunteer!" I felt like a pullet plundered into my chest, I couldn't have Katniss go to the games. My feet carried me over the front of the stage. Prim was in hysterics behind Catnips back. I grabbed Prim's arm and lifted Katniss onto the stage, "Up you go, Catnip" I said, my voice shaking with emotion. But I would not cry, not now anyway.
My head is swimming around me, my brick wall of self control is about to break. I swallow the lump in my throat and decide to put all my concentration on the stage. Haymitch, the mentor for district 12, is acting up. He is drunk, obviously. Someone whisks him off stage. I am still putting all my effort in concentrating on him that I only have a seconds notice before Effie pulls out the boy's name.
Let it be me! I think, passionately. If it is me, I will be able to protect Katniss until the end. She could win if she and I were a team. With me by her side, she would have no doubt of making it home. Effie draws the name. Peeta Mellark.
That marshmallow.
FUCK! I scream, inside my head. I only know him because he is in love with Katniss. I see it every time he looks at her. It makes me want to snap his neck in two. That fool could never keep her safe! Yes, he was strong but not in comparison to those other tributes he will be up against.
I could see Katniss wasn't happy either. Why? Because now she wouldn't have a strong ally? Or was there another reason? She and Peeta were not friends, but they were on friendly terms. Did she simply not want to kill him? Or did she have some hidden feelings for him that I never noticed because I was too busy trying not to kill him? Peeta looked like a scared dog walking up on stage. My jaw was set and I was biting the inside of my lip so hard it bled.
Katniss and Peeta are ushered into the Justice building. "If anyone would like to come visit, please walk into the justice building now" Effie says. My body tells me to sprint to the building, but I walk coolly. I hear whispering around me, a volunteer tribute in district 12 is very uncommon. Because the people in district 12 are smart enough to know that being a tribute is basically a death sentence.
I wait as the other visitors go in and see Katniss. I want to be last, for an unexplainable reason. After Katniss' mother and sister leave her, they break down into hysterics. I go and give each of them a hug and they walk out of the building. I am surprised to see the baker, Peeta's father, leave the room with Katniss in it. I hadn't seen him enter. Madge, Katniss' friend, goes in after that. Madge, who I treated rudely this morning. I felt a little bad about that. She leaves the room wiping small tears from her eyes. It is my turn now, I walk in the door.
The sight of Catnip breaks my heart. She is trying so hard to be strong. To anyone else, she would appear to be unfazed by the events, but I knew her too well for that. I hold out my arms and she practically runs to me. I told her for a minute, memorizing her. She smells like the woods, a comforting smell to me. Her mussels are harder than most 16 year old girls', but then, she's tougher than most 16 year old girls. Most girls would crumble if thrown into the situation she has been in, her mother, for example. Katniss was a strong, strong female, and this may be the last time I ever touch her. NO! I command myself, if I think that I will lose control.
As much as I would like to, I cannot stand here and hold her forever. I have things to say that she needs to listen to. "Listen," I say, "getting a knife should be pretty easy, but you've got to get your hands on a bow. That's your best chance." Your best chance not to die. But if she could get her hands on a bow and arrow, she might have a good chance at winning.
"They don't always have bows," she says.
"Then make one, even a weak bow is better than no bow at all," I tell her, this would help, but not guarantee a win. She has tried to copy her father's bows, with little success. "I don't even know if there'll be wood," Katniss says.
"There's almost always some wood, since that year half of them died of cold. Not much entertainment in that." that was a terrible year, watching them shiver to death was almost as bad as watching them cut each other's heads off. "Yes, there's usually some," says Katniss.
"Katniss," this is one of the few times I have actually called her by her real name, "It's just hunting. You're the best hunter I know," I tell her, in a gentle tone.
"It's not hunting. They're armed. I think." I could hear the fear in her voice.
"So do you. And you've had more practice. Real practice," I had to make her see sense. She could not be consumed by fear that, which kill her for sure.
"Not people," she says.
"How different can it be, really?" I say, bitterly. I know that if she thinks of the other people as animals, she will be able to kill them, a terrible truth. The peacekeepers come in, and I ask for more time. More time, like forever. They say no and start to pull me out of the door.
"Don't let them starve!" Katniss shrieks after me.
"I won't! You know I won't!" I reassure her. I am screaming now, "and Katniss, remember I-"the door is slammed between us. She will never know what I have to say. I punch the nearby wall at the thought, and the peacekeepers toss me out the front door.