Leah
I'm not good with change. It scares me, it paralyzes me, and it makes me feel small and hopeless. With all the change that had gone on those past few weeks, I receded into my shell and became nothing. I hadn't left my small studio apartment in Central City for days. I had people to turn to but I was too afraid to talk- talking would only make it real. I had woke up every morning hoping that it wasn't. I didn't want any of it to be real. I didn't want to continuously feel this empty. That's what happens when you lose your other half, literally.
As awful as it was, I shut everyone out. I didn't answer anyone's calls. I read everyone's text but I didn't reply. I got one long text from my boyfriend, Drew and it read:

Drew: Babe, I'm sorry about everything that happened but you need to, talk to me. I've knocked on your door a couple of times, I know you're alive, I've seen you scrolling through Facebook a few times. Don't shut me out, Leah. You don't want to push the people you love away.

I still didn't reply though. Something made me think that he was going to make this about him and I wasn't in the mood. I needed my space and he was just going to have to respect that, be my boyfriend of 6 months or not, I needed time.
Two more weeks went by and the text and calls added up; 4 calls from Wells, Harrison Wells, my idol and my boss. 16 calls and 3 text from Caitlin, though I was almost positive she was the last person I wanted to see right now. Just seeing her would bring everything back and I wasn't sure I could do it just yet. Though I did miss her like crazy. Her text read:

Caitlin: hey, can we talk?
Caitlin: you're making everyone worried. No one has seen you in days. Do you need anything? Food? I can grab takeout and we can talk... Ronnie wouldn't want you to starve yourself, Leah.
Caitlin: at least I know you've read these so I know you're alive. And it's okay that you're not ready to talk, I get it... I miss Ronnie, too. And I wish he was here, he would know what to do to help comfort you. And me. When you're ready to talk, let me know. I'll be there in a flash. See you soon, I hope.

She wasn't too far off with the food thing but I was living off small things like ramen noodles and cheez-its. Only once did I sneak out to buy some groceries from the store right across the street. It was awful. There were a lot of happy people around that frowned when I walked by. I must've looked as awful as I felt.

I was positive that I had Cisco worried the most; 23 calls and 64 text. Most of them went like this:

Cisco: can we talk?
Cisco: hey, let's have another movie night!
Cisco: I haven't touched any of the Star Wars DVDs in days. It's not the same without you.
Cisco: hey, you promised to watch the Walking Dead series with me, is that still a go?
Cisco: I'm sorry, Lele.
Cisco: I miss Ronnie.
Cisco: I miss you.

It broke my heart to see my best friend trying so hard. He wanted to help me, to heal me. But how do you come back from your own twin brother dying? I missed Ronnie, I wasn't whole without him. He was literally my other half. "Half of the egg that made you," he would tease. Now the egg is broken and only half of it remains.
In the beginning, it was hard to even look in the mirror. Those light eyes and dark hair weren't just mine, they were his two and it haunted me, even in my sleep. The nightmares were constant, I would be so close to getting to the door of the particle accelerator but it always closed with Ronnie on the wrong side. The worst nightmare was when dream Cisco had turned to me and apologized for closing the door and I slapped him... I wanted to slap him so bad that night. But I knew, deep down, that he didn't have a choice. If he hadn't closed the door that night, we all could've been killed. Like Ronnie. My twin brother died a hero that night. A hero to me and a hero to Caitlin.
About two more weeks after that, I got a knock on the door. Except the voice was new. He has never made a trip to my place before.
"Leah, its Wells. Open up."
I decided that when your boss tells you to open the door, you open the door. I took a deep breath, ready for him to yell at me and fire me before I grabbed the doorknob and turned it. He sat in his wheelchair with an exhausted look on his face and I couldn't blame him. He had been getting loads of crap from his most recent failed experiment. Ronnie wasn't the only one that got hurt when the particle accelerator failed its purpose that day. But when he saw me standing there, there was a brief look of surprise and then he smiled.
"I didn't think you would open the door," he admitted.
"Yeah, me either," I sighed.
He took his glasses off to wipe the lenses on the hem of his shirt. "Even outside of the lab, you're my most obedient worker. That's why you're my favorite." I wasn't even able to crack a smile. We both knew it wasn't true, he didn't have favorites, and he was too professional with that. With almost a pity look in my direction, he asked, "may I come in?"
I hesitated. The house wasn't exactly appropriate for a boss or even a friend to come over but considering the conditions, I could only hope that he would be understanding. After a short pause, I stepped aside and held the door wider for him to wheel through.
He made his way in, taking in the scene around him. My house was... More or less a gigantic mess. There were blankets and pillows on the couch and all around it for the nights that I felt crawling into bed was too much work. Delivery food was all along the kitchen counters and the coffee table. My fish tank looked like it hadn't been cleaned for centuries, it was a wonder how my fish, Squirt and Paddle were still alive.
I didn't look any better; my hair was thrown in a messy bun due to the lack of times that I bothered brushing it. My face was pale from lack of sun and my eyes were red and puffy. I had just finished crying ten minutes prior to when he knocked on the door. I also wore the worst possible outfit I could wear in front of my boss (in my opinion); a Harry Potter T-shirt and Doctor Who sweat pants with fuzzy R2D2 slippers... Which never made sense to me considering R2D2 is a robot and nowhere near fluffy. It was actually a topic discussed between Cisco and I once.
But I made my way over to the couch and sat down as he sat across the coffee table in front of me. I could tell he was observing me and it almost angered me. Was he expecting me to break down and cry in front of him? That was the whole reason why I was staying put in my apartment, we were all grieving and I didn't want to have to share my pain with everyone else when they're suffering too. So, I kept my eyes down, taking fake interest in my hands and nothing that the blue nail polish that I had on was long since peeled off.
I should probably fix that.
He finally spoke up, "I'd like you to come back to STAR labs."
Short and sweet like usual, that was Wells. He was never one to beat around the bush, especially if it was to make clear of what he wanted. I had a terrible feeling that I would have to let him down though.
"I'm sorry..." I said, my voice coming out a lot more groggy and weak than I had expected. Guess that's what happens when you don't talk for a while and all you do is cry. I cleared my throat and tried again, "I'm sorry, Mr. Wells, but... I don't know if I can do that."
"What can I do to change your mind?" I honestly hadn't expected him to ask that. It was such a broad question. What could he do?
"I don't know. What can you do?" I was starting to feel angry again. Why would he come into my house and try to fix things that can't be fixed? To toy with my emotions? "You can't help me love that building again. I hate it. I hate the idea of stepping into it. I can't even think of me walking near that machine again. I haven't spoken to Cisco or Caitlin in 4 weeks, who knows how working with them will turn out? I've basically disappeared, Wells. I've dropped off the face of the planet, what am I supposed to do? What do you want with me?" It wasn't until I had realized how much I had raised my voice that I became embarrassed of how much I had snapped. I quickly shut my mouth and looked back down at my hands again to avoid the concerned eyes of the guy that first inspired me to be a scientist in the first place.
"I'm sorry about Ronnie, Leah." At the sound of his name, my heart slammed against my chest and I flinched. My eyes began to water again but I dug my nails into the palms of my hands. Not now, not right now. "I wish I could take it back... If I had known it would get him killed, I never would've turned it on."
There was a part of me that didn't believe a damn word of it. He didn't care that Ronnie was dead, he was more upset that his life's work was flushed down the toilet that night. But I closed my eyes and told myself that it wasn't true. I was just angry, frustrated. It wasn't Wells fault. He didn't want any of this.
"It was your dream, though..." I said in a small voice, not bothering to look up from my hands. "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you."
I wasn't the only one who had lost something that night and I had to remind myself of that. A lot of people were affected. I was affected by losing my brother, I just had to learn how to cope with it and move on.
He shook his head, "all things happen for a reason."
I sighed, "This is one shitty reason."
"I still want you to come back, Leah. We need you. You're part of the family."
I guess that's why I had agreed to go back... Because he was right. My twin died that night, my parents were already long gone, and without the family I had built in STAR labs, I would be completely alone. I didn't want to be alone.
And just before he had left that night, he apologized for being in a rush and said he had to go visit someone at the hospital.
"Oh. Really, who?"
He turned to me and for a second, I thought I saw a spark in his eyes. Little did I know the name was going to forever change the way I see things in Central City.
"Barry Allen."