The Lovers, The Dreamers and Me

Don't own One Tree Hill or the song 'Rainbow Connection'.

Summary: Brooke, Haley, Peyton, Lucas, Nathan, and Jake reflect on those in their life of the oppposite sex. I've also taken a bit of liberty with some storylines.

BROOKE

When it comes to me and boys, there are two categories: the men I've had and the boys I've passed by. It's as simple as that. Sadly, I don't remember all the men I've had, and there things about the guys I have had that I wish I could forget. There it is. Early high school was going from guy to guy. I'd never let it get to far, time was, short and sweet and simple. Kinda like the one night stand with Nathan, hmmm, then again that night only hit one out of three. I guess I was the less friends, more benefits kind of girl. Then there was Lucas.

Lucas began as a conquest to me, and he became so much more to me. It's funny that somewhere in my head I consider him my first everything. And what makes the situation...funnier, and what sucks about it is that betweeen the beginning and the end of us, Lucas and I switched places. Luke went from the compansionate and loving boyfriend to man whore and I was the slut who realized all she wanted to do was love that one boy. You know something I feel guilty about that sometimes, like its my fault...in order for me to become good he had to become bad. That's why I fell in love with him. And when I see him now, there are times I can see the boy wanting that one girl, I fall for him all over. That's my secret: I could fall for him a million time over again. I've seen that boy become a man become a boy again. If by chance down the road he could stay a man, it might be really hard for me to say no. Then again, after graduation who knows maybe I'll never see him again...ever, maybe I won't have to face the temptation. But if that temptation comes ten years down the road maybe I'll be able to resist. Huh...ten years down the road.

Ten years down the road...I've always imagined the people I would still know in ten years. That list keeps getting revised to the point that I don't if I want the people on my list to be on it and wishing desperately for those who aren't on the list to jump on. There's been one name that remains constant, and it's not one I expected; even when I hated him and he hated me his name was still there. Maybe his staying power came because he was one of the boys I've passed by. I don't think Mouth and I could have ever have been been, for both our sakes. The moment I called him a little brother I knew I was hurting him, I knew it would hurt him as much as it did every time some one called me a 'slut', but in that moment, despite my slight stupor, I knew I was also saving him. Protecting him, protecting me...I don't know where my life would be with out Mouth.

There was Felix, the one time I could go back to the old me, the me I was before Lucas, before the hurt when all it was was fun. Then it happened again. He got sincere, he became real to me. It isn't the first cut that cuts the deepest and in some warped way it wasn't when Lucas cut again. He was a boy both times. What cut the deepest was Felix, because in that moment of realization I felt the pain of not only him, but every guy I had before I changed.

And finally, the last was really Chase. Chase...the one I wish I would have had more time with. Not forever, just a little more time. It wasn't until Chase was I able to see that I had never really been entirely honest with not only the people in my life, but with me. It's easy to see what you see, get pissed, yell, push away, and stand there and be hurt. And sometimes it's even easy to walk away, and easier to say it was the hardest thing we've ever done. But it is really hard to see that you were all you expected to be.

So, here I am, walking down the street and wondering where I would end up if I just followed. Would I find myself chasing the one who got away just have a few more minutes, would I walk back to the pain, would I face temptation or would I stand facing the one I hope will always be there?

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Just a short character ananlysis story piece. No more than 10 chapters...hopefully.

Until next time, this is me...signing out.