How to be a fangirl!
Are you ugly, alone, and a hopeless romantic? Then fandom is the thing for you and this guide is the thing for you. This guide will help you start your new part-time job as a fangirl. It will teach you the right way to claim and obtain any man/woman.
1. The Prey
When selecting your prey make sure to pick one that will peek your interest for the rest of your life. For whether you're into the math geek or vampire drama king he must fit your qualities of the perfect man. (Remember if he is an actor then he may play the perfect man, this is also acceptable. Also, fictional characters are open to claim in the fangirl world.)
2. Research
When prey is selected find out the following info to get you started.
His name, which includes- Real name, alias, prison name, pet name, nick name, known as, and his name in every language (optional)
What he is, who he was, what you want him to be, and who his characters are (if actor)
When he was born, his zodiac (also his religion)
Where he was born, where his family is from, who his family is, all his special abilities (or diseases) and his social security number
These are also things to find out about your prey.
Where does he live?
What is his favorite color?
What is his favorite food?
Is he a dog or cat person?
Is he scared of the dark?
The last time he went to the doctor
When does he go home and when does he leave the house?
What time does he wake up in the morning?
What time does he go to sleep ?
Does he snore in his sleep or does he move around a lot in his sleep?
If he has a security alarm, what's the password?
Does he leave any doors unlocked or maybe a window?
What is his license plate number?
And that's only a few of the simple questions…
3. Claiming
After knowing who your man is, you are ready to claim. Just remember a clean shrine is a happy shrine, so make a shrine in your closet, basement, or attic! It must include pictures, a sample of his DNA, and his house key.
The claiming process is easy to do in these four steps.
Go to every fan site that may mention your man and create the ultimate fan girl blog, which should include a place for people to talk about him and at the same time they know you are the top dog.
Make your own fan site to ONLY him. Any mention of anyone else may send your crazy- I mean fandom off course.
Find a way to drug your man and tattoo a tramp stamp with your name on it on his lower back.
Make the world know he is yours; tell family, friends, and neighbors that you're a fangirl.
See, that was easy.
and attack
Now you must obtain your object of interest. First, you must find his location currently and where and when he will go to sleep. Second, find a spot to hide in his room, if he has a girlfriend/boyfriend then stuff them under the bed. Third, when man enters inject him with drug of your choice to seduce him. He is now yours, now and forever!
After you have dragged him back to your lair you have just completed the ultimate fan guide to craziness! Now that the cops are after you and you have your mate you can now buy the "What to Do Now that I Am the Ultimate Fan and the Cops Are After Me Guide to Jail or Mexico… Maybe Canada… They Have Good Bacon," for only 7 payments of $26.29! Tee-Hee!