Disclaimer: I don't own Leah, Jacob, Shakira, her songs OR Sam (not like I'd want to). I just like to give them the happy endings they deserve (Jacob + Leah). /sighs/ If only...
SUMMARY: JUST READ IT! lol...yeah.
& don't forget - COMMENTS ARE LOVE!
A/N: If there a plethera of grammatical errors, let me know in a PM. Again, I was just "free-writing". I'll edit late if need be :)
I live, I fight, I win
Who
would have thought that you could hurt me
the way you've done
it?
So deliberate, so determined
I don't think it's fair that everyone gets to the point the finger. What they all should be doing is trying to imagine what the feeling would be if one of them lost their imprints.
That's impossible, they say. Well, no. It's not impossible. It can happen to them just as easily that it happened to me. Yeah, I know I didn't imprint on Sam - I didn't even know what imprinting was - but the way I felt about him...it sure felt that way. There was no greater feeling; no greater power than the love I had for him. And just threw me away like a used kleenex.
It's not like I left you by choice, Leah! Sam told me - over and again.
That's not the problam, Sam, the problem is you didn't fight for me!
I couldn't, dammit!
You didn't try.
Since
you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
and
question my own questions on and on
I trust no one. I even question my own mother's actions. I feel like any minute now, someone else I love will turn their backs on me, dumping me on the side of the road. Emily did it; she was incapable of no wrong in my eyes. And she was right up there with the ones I put up - up, up and away - on that pedstool that proved me wrong; that crushed my soul; my spirits.
At night, I'd become restless; more restless than the sun gave me the energy to be. The moon caused my mind to go into overdrive. It liked to remind me of what I used to have.
What I didn't know was that it was trying to show me what was going to heal me; my ultimate revision.
So
tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still
so close
One night I gave up fighting with my kicking and screaming, my memories that liked to creep up on me in my dreams. I decided to take a walk; a night-long walk as me, myself...with only my thoughts...
One of the many things I'd like not to have.
I came across the beach and took in a deep breath when an feeling - an overwhelming feeling of freely falling - overcame my body and my eyes flashed open-
You
don't even know the meaning of the words I'm sorry
You said you
would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still
alive
Baby
I searched for him everyday, screaming my lungs out, hoping he'd hear me. I hoped he would respond. But days and days went by and gave up.
Until Sam showed up one night, knocking on my window. He whispered my name and the hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention. I didn't believe it was him...
You
don't even know the meaning of the words I'm sorry
I'm starting to
believe
it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart
I saw Jacob standing on the edge of the cliff - the same cliff he told me to jump off of not too long ago. My heart fell from its place and I was overcome with a feeling of loss. I ran to him with lightning speed, "JACOB! DON'T"
I could see his eyes open and he smiled at me, then, taking a step on air...he fell silently into the crashing water below. "JACOB!"
The feeling hit me as hard as the sight of seeing Sam and Emily together for the first time. I was laying down on the other side of the meadow, phased, along with Seth. I was waiting for Jacob to come back - he was there at the leechs' house too long for my liking. Finally, when he phased and our minds connected again...I became sick to my stomach. All the promises I had made him, I wanted to back out of. I promised him these things when he Jacob; the boy-turned-man that I had grown to respect. Not the dickless wonder that became Jacob...imprinted.
I really had no idea how much it would hit me; how much it would hurt me.
Theres nothing like being hurt...twice.
I
tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted, always
supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong?
I'm wondering
for days and hours
it's clear, it isn't here, where you belong
The water was freezing; even through my own heat, I felt it. My limbs began to tremble. Not because of the cold, but because of my own.
Everything in my right mind told me that he was fine; that he was able to swim back to the shore with no problem. But I couldnt bare the possibility of walking nights alone again, without him with me.
The first time I walked outside along to ease my restless legs, I stopped by a tree and was found. There he was; Jacob Black, trying to find peace the same way I was, with his own thoughts.
"I don't know how we're going to do it," I confessed, "Going on with our lives..broken. You've got Nessie, but I've got nothing. No one."
He sighed, "Leah, I think you and I both know that I never wanted to imprint. Ugh, especially on Nessie - of all...creatures."
We shared a laugh. "Yeah, but you'll be better because of it."
"I'm not so sure about that."
I watched him for a moment. Jacob never looked so unsure.
Running a hand through his jet back hair, he turned around to look at me in the eye. I'm not sure how black eyes can seem so perfect, but at the moment there was nothing more enticing; nothing more enchanting.
"When I'm here...I'm so unhappy; the sadness is...I can't describe it."
To lighten the mood, I laughed, "I'm sorry I make you suicidal."
"No, not you," he smiled, "If anything, you make me feel at ease. I appreciate you being here."
I felt myself unconciously scoot closer to him; I wanted to comfort him.
"Well, I appreciate you keeping me company, too. It seems like no one wants to be around me these days..."
"They don't get it," he sighed, "they never will. It's not fair that they get to point the finger."
I couldn't keep my eyes off him.
Anyhow,
anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along
"I've been meaning to ask you...how are you holding up? You are my Beta; I know that must suck for you."
He laughed; I blushed. "I'm great; worried about you...worried about myself. It's been a blast throwing myself a pity party!"
"Emily should be the one throwing herself a pity party."
I scowled, "Whys that?"
"Well...she had to have someone imprint on her to fall in love with her. Now that sucks!"
The forest errupted with laughter as the two of us fall back laughing. His arm snaked around behind me, bringing closer to him.
"The only person that makes sense is you."
I squeezed his forearm, letting myself - for a moment - enjoy the rises of his muscles. "I know exactly what you mean. Theres really no one that understands me better than you."
"Not even Sam?"
"Not even Sam."
But
you don't even know the meaning of the words I'm sorry
You said
you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still
alive
Baby
The water wasn't going to let me win. The current kept pushing me back to the shore and my cries for him became muted as the water would fill my mouth. My muscles, despite their best efforts, were giving up on me. "Jacob..."
I was thrown back onto the sand, out of breath, out of hope.
You
don't even know the meaning of the words I'm sorry
I'm starting to
believe
it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart
"It sucks doesn't it?" I heard his voice above me. I opened my eyes to see his beautifully sculped bronze face, his black hair dripping.
"What the hell are you talking about, Black?"
He smiled, sensing my anger...as usual.
"It sucks...fighting against something so much bigger than you. Doesn't it? It's like you want to give up."
I thought he was making me fun of me; calling me a quitter. "Shut up."
"Now you understand how I feel with imprinting."
I finally realized that he was talking about.
He continued, "All I want to do is get past that point, but that current just keeps pushing me back. And I hate it!"
I sat up, "What the hell were you thinking? Were you going to just give up like that? Your a fighter, Jacob!"
Again, he smiled...like he was up to something. It gave me the chills.
You
don't even know the meaning of the words I'm sorry
You said you
would love me until you die
As far as I know you're still alive
Baby
"I was up there, thinking about everything thats happened to me. Thinking about Nessie...how I'd do anything to just hand her over to someone who wants to love her. See, thats the thing - I don't want to love her; I've never wanted to."
"It's too late," I whispered.
"No, it's not! I've decided that I'm strong enough to keep on pushing past that current."
"If you are trying to be funny and have some dam epiphany, this is not the time, JACOB!"
"Could you just try to listen? I'm trying to tell you something important!"
"Well, then, spit it out, ya goon!"
He started laughing hysterically, which made me start punching him. It only made him laugh harder.
You
don't even know the meaning of the words I'm sorry
I'm starting to
believe it should be illegal to deceive awoman's heart
"I'm in love with you. I want to love you, Leah! Not Nessie."
"Oh, don't play games. This shit isn't funny."
I got up and started to walk away when he whispered, "I couldn't be more serious."
There were a few silent beats that passed before I heard him clear his throat.
"I was standing up there, thinking about you. I was hoping that you'd show up to stop me."
"I did show up and I did try to stop you!"
"I know...but the walk down the cliff was too long and I was tired enough as it -Ah, Leah, stop!"
I started punching him again, enraged. Then, my punches were being caught and I was being pushed down onto the sand once again, but by a force much more forgiving.
All his weight was on top of me, keeping me in place. His fingers, prying open my clenched fists, entwining his fingers with mine, squeezing them.
Instictivly, I wrapped my legs around his, keeping him there. He let out a small groan of approval. Before I could say anything to kill his spirits, he interrupted me.
"Just don't fight this, Leah. This is right; it feels right. Let me in..."
He leaned down a kissed my chest, right above my heart and continued up my neck.
"Jacob-" I panted.
"Shhh, Leah, please. Let me love you."
He kissed me, full of questions, full of patience. It was so soft, so sweet. My arms went limp, fumbling about as I ran my hands through his hair, up and down his back.
"Please, don't hurt me..." I sobbed.
My eyes still closed, he kissed my eye so sweetly it should be criminal.
"I won't hurt you," he promised, "I hurt you, I hurt myself; we're kindred spirits."
So, there he spent the rest of the night proving his love to me; there we spent that night making inpenetrable promises; creating bonds never to be unlocked.
And that we did.
Day after day. Night after night.
I live. I fight. I win.
Open heart, open heart, it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart...
I love.