Painful Recognition
Author Notes: It's been a while since I wrote taito, let alone some of the other pairings that are going to be in this fic, so I hope everyone gives me feedback and lets me know how they think it is!
Chapter 1
It was at that moment, when the bitter taste of coffee flowed over his tongue, that he saw him. Holding the paper cup in one hand, the rim still at his lips, he stared across the crowded cafe to meet familiar eyes. For a moment, he froze, and he didn't hear the cacophony of voices around him. Then the other boy stood to approach him and everything snapped back into place.
Suddenly Taichi was all too aware of his rain soaked appearance. He'd left the house in such a hurry that he'd left behind his umbrella, but he was too proud to go back for it. Instead, he came here to brood. But now that his hair was plastered to the back of his neck and his clothes were soaked through, he regretted it.
'Still,' Taichi thought, setting his cup down as the boy approached him, 'I never expected to run into him here.'
They stared at each other for a moment, and Taichi was sure the other boy felt as awkward as he did. 'Not much of a 'boy' anymore though, is he?'
"Taichi-senpai!" Daisuke said, smiling widely and breaking the silence abruptly. "It is you!"
Grinning despite himself, Taichi cocked his head. "Yeah, I haven't changed that much, have I?"
"Mm." Daisuke shrugged and pulled out the chair on the other side of Taichi's table, sitting down in front of him. "Your hair. It's all flat."
"Oh, right," Taichi reached up and ran a hand through it self-consciously. "Damn rain. Forgot my umbrella."
"How could you forget it? It's been raining for days!" Daisuke leaned forward over the table, resting his chin in his hand and grinning. He was still adorable, Taichi noted mentally.
"When did you get back?" Taichi asked, ignoring the question completely. He didn't want to talk about the reason he'd left the apartment in such a hurry, it just made his stomach tense and quickly brought all his thoughts back to the past few hours.
"A few weeks ago," Daisuke said, sitting back and sighing. "I was gonna visit you but your mom said you and Yamato-san moved in together," Daisuke began, and his voice got just a bit tenser, the way it had ever since that day. "I didn't wanna burst in on anything."
'Oh, yeah. This is why we didn't keep in touch.' Taichi forced a grin and shrugged. "Yeah. Well, you can always visit, but you should call first. Yamato's pretty anal about that kinda thing."
"Uh huh." Daisuke took a long sip of his own cup and an awkward silence dropped over them like a heavy blanket.
Taichi sighed and sat back in his chair, feeling heavy and exhausted. A familiar feeling of guilt washed over him. After all, he was almost certain that the entire reason the younger boy had moved away for college was what had happened that spring.
Daisuke had asked Taichi to meet him outside the science lab, under the cherry tree. The blossoms were in full bloom, and Taichi was completely oblivious as to why Daisuke would ask to meet him there of all places.
When he sat under the tree he was early, but the high school didn't get out until after Taichi's last class of the day and it would take Daisuke a while to walk from the high school to Taichi's college campus. He kept himself busy braiding a few pieces of grass together in boredom when a shadow fell over him.
Normally, Yamato would have teased him for sitting under the pink tree like this, or for braiding something, or simply for being him. That was the way their friendship worked. But in the past few months, things had become awkward and strained. Taichi found himself having a harder and harder time ignoring the way the blond boy looked with his ever growing hair pulled back in a ponytail and his new found affection for black slinky shirts that were never buttoned up all the way.
So instead of saying anything, Taichi just watched as Yamato sat down next to him.
"You waiting for someone?" Yamato finally asked, staring at him in an intense way that made Taichi just a little nervous. Yamato was always too intense.
"No," he said, immediately feeling bad for lying. But after all, the high school didn't get out for another fifteen minutes, right? So it wouldn't matter if he talked to Yamato in the mean time.
"Taichi... I-"
Of course, Taichi hadn't meant to kiss Yamato like that, it just sort of happened. When his friend opened his lips to say his name, he just lost it. They'd been spending so much time together, with Taichi helping Yamato study for his English finals, and Yamato helping Taichi study for his literature ones. They'd fallen asleep leaning on each other after studying too many times, and Taichi had become more and more obsessed with finding out if Yamato really did taste the way he smelled. They'd been best friends for so long, they'd come out to each other, they'd grown up together. Not considering if this new found obsession was love or lust, all he'd known was that he had to do this eventually.
And it had finally happened. His lips were on Yamato's, and the other boy was kissing back.
He didn't think fifteen minutes had passed. Maybe they hadn't, maybe Daisuke got out of school early. But either way, one kiss blurred into another, until they both froze at the sound of the younger boy's voice.
"Taichi-senpai?"
When Taichi broke the kiss and saw Daisuke standing only a few yards away with the most hurt expression he'd ever seen anyone make, he'd felt a strong pang of guilt and regret, although he honestly wasn't sure why. But his hands were still clenching Yamato's shirt (it was silk and was difficult to hold on to, it kept slipping through his fingers) and he could still taste the other boy on his lips (and he tasted nothing like he smelled, which was a little disappointing.)
It wasn't until after he and Yamato had found their way into Taichi's dorm room, and then his bed, that Taichi thought back and wondered what had happened. For a moment he thought he might be able to go after the younger boy. He could go to his house and apologize for hurting his feelings, he could ask what he'd done! But his best friend, now lover, was lying next to him asleep, and he decided not to. After all, he'd probably imagined Daisuke's expression. He'd probably just been surprised.
But ever since that day Daisuke had been distanced. When they were alone together things were fine, when they were alone together there was still that same feeling of acceptance and relaxation that he'd always had around Daisuke. But when Yamato's name came up, or he was around, Daisuke would become very cold and polite. Taichi didn't understand why, but he was sure it would be a bad idea to ask.
No one was shocked when Daisuke decided to go to college on the other side of the country when he graduated that year. He moved in with his grandmother, who lived near the school.
The guilt that Taichi had carried since that day still haunted him whenever he thought about the younger boy. He'd never been completely sure as to why Daisuke had been so deeply hurt, although Yamato had always said it was because the younger boy was jealous. Taichi would always glare at Yamato for teasing him, but secretly he'd hoped it was true. He supposed he just liked the attention.
"I got an apartment," Daisuke's voice broke Taichi's thoughts and he jumped a little, feeling stupid for spacing out.
"O-oh? Nearby?" Taichi swallowed hard, suddenly realizing just how long it had been since they'd spoken. Had it really been two years?
"Yeah, just up the street. I got a job at this advertising place. It's an interning thing but it's just until I make it big as a world famous artist." Daisuke was grinning again. "And if I don't, I guess doing graphics design isn't so bad."
Taichi immediately relaxed at the sight of Daisuke's grin, and he went back to admiring the way the younger boy looked. His hair was still that rich mahogany color and still totally untamed, and his eyes were just as wide and innocent looking. Somehow going to college and aging two years hadn't done much to make Daisuke look older. In fact, Taichi was almost certain he hadn't grown an inch since high school. Instead of wanting to tease the younger boy about this however, Taichi just decided that it was good that Daisuke was still so cute. "You didn't graduate, did you?" Taichi asked, trying not to let on what he was thinking.
Daisuke shook his head, his hair swaying a bit. "Decided it wasn't worth it. I got that interning offer and I'd rather do that than go to school, anyway." He grinned. "I'll either make it or I won't, a degree won't make a difference. Anyway, college was boring."
Sighing dramatically, Taichi shook his head. "You, an artist. That's just depressing. All that time I was tutoring you in soccer and you turned into a girly-boy."
Daisuke smirked in a way that reminded Taichi a little of himself years ago, and chuckled. "And you're an accountant. That's real cool, senpai."
Feeling his entire body tense, Taichi gripped his cup just a bit tighter. "Yeah, well teaching snot nosed little brats soccer isn't exactly a high paying job."
Daisuke's eyes had widened and he sat back just a bit. "I guess but... didn't you tell me you didn't care about that kinda stuff? I thought you loved teaching and-"
Taichi snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but I grew up."
"...Oh," Daisuke mumbled, looking hurt.
Outside, lightning lit the evening sky for a brief flash, making Taichi realize just how tense he'd gotten. He let out a long sigh and shrugged. "Sorry. It's been a shitty night."
Smiling again as if nothing had happened, Daisuke nodded. "I know what that's like. But at least you can go home to Yamato-san, right?"
"Yeah, that's kind of the problem. We had a fight."
"My parents always said fighting shows you love each other," Daisuke said, nodding wisely.
"Didn't your parents get divorced a few years ago?" Taichi raised an eyebrow at him, holding back a chuckle.
"Well... yeah. But... um... probably your kind of fighting isn't as bad as theirs!" Daisuke scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.
"I dunno," Taichi mused, looking back out the window. "We fight a lot." He frowned at his own reflection in the glass. 'Why the hell am I telling him this? Yamato would be so pissed if he knew.' Somehow, that thought only encouraged him. "A lot."
Daisuke looked worried when Taichi turned back towards him. "Why? What did he do?"
'He still assumes it was Yamato and not me who fucked up. Man, does he still think I'm that great of a guy?' "Nothin'. He just gets pissed when I do stuff like forget to clean up after myself, or stay out too late and stuff."
"Oh." Daisuke said, but he obviously didn't understand. Then he brightened. "But that's just 'cause he loves you!" The smile on his lips didn't quite reach his eyes and Taichi felt that familiar tug of guilt.
"It's not always that easy. We don't even screw anymore, we just fight..." He licked his lips slowly, his eyes fixed on Daisuke's. They still had that same full, pouty look they'd always had. The same lips that had always made him wonder just how much trouble he'd get into if he molested his underclassman. 'Of course, back then I thought about all my friends like that. Teenage hormones, that's all that was.'
"Oh." Daisuke had turned a bright red color.
'He looks good like that,' Taichi cocked his head and felt his eyes narrow into a leer. The loud crack of thunder outside shook him out of it, and he gritted his teeth. 'Not getting laid in months isn't a reason to go rapist on him, Taichi. Get your mind out of the gutter.'
"If... if you're having trouble...um..." Daisuke began, biting his lower lip and taking away Taichi's focal point, forcing the older boy back into reality. "You can always stay at my place."
Pursing his lips, Taichi wondered for a brief moment what would happen if he took the younger boy up on his offer, and he tried to repress the fleeting images that danced across his mind. Daisuke naked, Daisuke naked, Daisuke... 'No, damnit. Get control of yourself!' Taichi bit the inside of his cheek to clear his thoughts. 'You haven't seen him in years, you shouldn't be hitting on anyone, and he's probably not interested anyway!'
Suddenly Taichi was reminded of the way Yamato had teased him so many times about Daisuke having had a crush on him. He wanted to believe it. He liked the attention, and having a cute young boy like you was never a bad thing, that was all! But suddenly it was important for it to be true. And he wanted it to still be true.
"Sorry," Daisuke said quickly, standing. "I didn't mean... um... I just want you to be happy!" His eyes widened and he quickly corrected himself. "You and Yamato-san! I just mean... sometimes it's better to take a break if you're fighting a lot, that's all!" He grinned nervously at his senpai.
"Oh, right. Yeah, I know. I know, I mean... I know," Taichi mumbled lamely, taking a deep, cleansing breath. He felt oddly disappointed.
"So... um... I should go..." Daisuke backed away slightly, tripping over the chair and knocking it over. The loud noise silenced the boisterous talking around the cafe and heads turned to stare at the red head. Daisuke ducked his head and blushed as he pulled the chair back into place, not looking up again until he was sure no one was looking any longer.
Feeling something click in his mind, Taichi stood up as well. "You serious?"
"Huh?" Those large mahogany eyes turned back to stare at Taichi. "What about?"
"That I can crash at your place. You mean it?" He didn't care anymore, he just wanted to go home with Daisuke. Meeting him like this was way too much good luck to throw away. Anyway, he was certain nothing would happen. Despite his own strange yearnings to have the younger boy want him, he was certain that wasn't true, even if it had been long ago.
"Um... yeah!" Daisuke beamed at the older boy. "Whatever I can do to help!"
"I'll just stay the night... Yamato'll have cooled down by tomorrow and we can make up and all then." Taichi picked up his still full coffee cup and sighed, realizing it had gone cold during the dramatic confrontation that had just taken place. He tossed it into the garbage can as they walked towards the door, then frowned out at the still pouring rain. "Man, I'm gonna get wet all over again."
"I brought an umbrella!" Daisuke said cheerfully, holding it out. "It's kinda small, but I think it'll cover us."
Holding the door open for Daisuke first, they stepped out onto the street. Daisuke quickly opened the tiny red umbrella and held it up, trying to cover himself and Taichi, then sighed. "You're too tall. Here." He handed it to Taichi, looking annoyed. "Someday that growth spurt's gonna hit me and then I'll be taller than all of you!"
Taichi grinned and held the umbrella in his left hand, wrapping his right arm around Daisuke's shoulder. He felt the younger boy tense at the touch and tried to ignore the pleasant sensation that ran up his spine at the feeling of having Daisuke's body so close. "So we'll both fit under," Taichi said quickly, explaining.
"R-right..." Daisuke said, the word sticking in his throat just a bit.
As they walked down the street, guided by Daisuke's instructions on where to turn to get to his apartment, Taichi felt the younger boy relax, and he was suddenly really glad he and Yamato had fought.
And then he felt that wave of guilt all over again.