Today is the day,
the worst day of my life.
You sulk until it hurts me.
I don't know why.
The cost of misery is at an all-time high.
I keep it hidden.
Close to the surface, inside.
This hurts. So incredibly bad. I feel like it's the worst day of my life, but I've felt that way every time you've come to the Farplane to see me. I feel like every time I see you, you rip open another hole in my heart. As if it wasn't already torn up enough. I don't know you why you keep coming back, or why you brought a man with you this time. Auron recognizes him. He won't tell me from where, though. Typical. Still, I just smile at you, trying to pour all my love into one look when I can't speak.
I'm learning to fall.
I can't hardly breathe.
When I'm going down don't worry 'bout me.
Don't try this at home.
Pretend you don't see.
I don't wanna know that you know it should have been me.
Oh, God. If I thought I was hurting before, it's nothing compared to now. You might as well have dug a hooked knife into my chest, twisted, and pulled out. I can't breath, I can't think, but unfortunately, I can still see. All too clearly. That man, blonde like me, with the eye-patch…his arm is around you. He's holding you close, and kissing your forehead. I stare at you, and your gaze meets mine. Pain rips through me again as I see regret and acceptance in your eyes. You know that that man should be me. But you've accepted the fact that I'm gone forever. Oh, God. No, no, no…I don't want to know this. I want to know you still love me. I don't want to know that you still think about me every day, I don't want to know that. It only makes me miss you even more. Oh, God…
Could you be with him?
Or was it just a lie?
He doesn't get you like I do.
And you don't know why.
You change your clothes and your hair,
but I can't change your mind.
oh, I'm uninvited. So unrequited, now.
Can you really be with him? My mind is spinning, but then I see a child. I take a deep, shuddering breath. The boy…My God. His hair is blonde, and cut like mine. And his eyes…deep green with swirls. So very clearly an Al Bhed. He's beautiful. I can see you in him, Yuna. He has your nose, your mouth. Maybe even your cheeks. And your daughter…she looks more like him. But she has your hair, and your beautiful, bi-colored eyes. I know he doesn't understand you as well as I do. You don't know why, but I do. In the world, there's one, true soul mate. I am that one for you, and you for me. But there is always another, one that can take the place of the one you lost. Maybe not completely, but he can take care of you. You've changed as well. Your outfit, your hair. More edgy. It's like you became bolder. It's interesting, watching your changes. And so incredibly painful. Because I couldn't have been there to witness them first hand.
Words screaming in my head.
Why did you leave?
And I can't stop dreaming.
Watching you and him.
When it should have been.
It should have been me.
I'm mentally screaming, watching you turn and leave. I'll never be able to get that out of my head, seeing you with him. I know I should be him, but I can't. I never will be able to change that. I don't regret what I did for Spira. You were allowed to live and love again. But it hurts, seeing you live your life without me there.
You look back as you leave. I know this is good bye from the look in your eyes. You're not going to come back. I can understand this. You have a life to live, which you can't, if you keep thinking about me. My eyes take in all they can of you, knowing that is with this image I will have to content myself for a long time. And suddenly, I can hear your thoughts, clear as day, in my head. I choke at the sound of your voice. I love you, Tidus. There'll always be a place for you.
I shudder but I look back up at you, my gaze burning into yours. I love you, Yuna. Finally, the words that had been left unspoken for too long came out. I can tell by the look of contentment and acceptance that you heard me. You turn and leave, and I repeat your words in my head. I try to find peace in them, and in a way, I can. But I know that not a day will go by that I don't relive this moment. I shudder and fall to my knees. Somehow, I think it might have been better, not knowing that you know that the man in the eye-patch should have been me.
Today is the day,
the worst day of my life.