I'm going through some shit right now, so I figured I would write something a little depressing...
Warnings - this is dark. Hints at a relationship between them so if you can't handle that, close out and find something else to read.
And it's a bit choppy because it's Remus' thoughts... and well... thoughts are choppy.
Disclaimer - I obviously don't own these characters. I would never take that away from the Queen herself.
I don't even see the point anymore. You were gone. There was no point to existing. When James and Lily passed - no. They were murdered. Just like you. Like we probably all will be.
When they died the hole left in my heart was almost unbearable. But this, what I'm feeling right now, it doesn't even come close.
I kept it together for Harry. But only for those few minutes I was in front of him. Only until I got home to that empty place. As soon as I was alone, everything fell apart. Everything was crumbling in front of me. And there was nothing I could do to try and save it. Everything slipped through my fingers.
I saw our lives flash before my eyes. My life was over. Our life was over. That was the one and only truth I held.
I felt like there was a full moon out. Wild and out of control emotion was the only thing that was pushing me, driving me to do horrible things. Murderous intent bubbling underneath my surface. Only, it wasn't really being geared toward others. Toward homicide.
What would he do?
If I could only see you once more in front of me. If I could only hear your voice. If I could touch you once more and feel your cool touches against me. If you could just be here again.
These are the thoughts that drive wizards to dark magic Remus…
I don't care right now.
Moony with no Padfoot. Lupin with no Black. Remus with no Sirius. Remy with no Siri.
Fuck What do I do now? Alone again.
Always alone.
I thought back to adolescence, to Hogwarts. To when we first met. When you found out what I was and changed yourself to be with me. When we first started together. The first touch. The first taste. The excitement, the spontaneity, the sheer power we had when we entered a room. We were unstoppable. Even in those rough times that came monthly, if he was there, I was complete. I was on top of the world. I was loved.
I curled up on the sofa I lay upon and sobbed.
I thought about how we grew older together. We were all so happy. The four of us. Until that horrible day came. James and Lily were taken from us. Harry was left an orphan, being taken care of by those horrible Muggles. And you was taken away to rot in that horrible place.
Those dark times when only I knew your innocence but couldn't prove a thing. Of course everything pointed to you. Of course it all made me believe it could have been you. But you had said never. You were you. I had to believe you. I knew I believed you.
I only had you back for a little while. In that short amount of time we healed the wounds from Azkaban. You told me they had taken your happy memories, tormented you, broke you. They left you with nothing but the death and destruction. But no matter how they tried, they could never take everything you felt about me away.
Not even dementors were that strong.
I let out another heavy shaking breath, trying to calm myself but feeling as if a part of my very soul had left my body through the act.
It had.
You would have wanted me to move on. That's what you would have wanted me to do. But how the hell was I supposed to do that? I didn't allow myself to do it when they took you away to Azkaban. Simply letting you go was just not simple. I needed you. I need you now.
Come back. How do I do this without you?
Don't worry about me now Remy. I'm with James, waiting for you to come join us. Live, find someone like me. Prongs and Padfoot will be just fine. Mr. Moony will be just fine.
I nodded slightly. Wait for me?
What else do I have to do?
Well... I went through this recently and I thought I should spruce it up. Still short, like it's meant to be. I felt these two needed a bit more