Worst Pairings Ever
By-Toby-Chan
A/N: This was my first installment in the 'worst pairings ever' series. I felt like I needed a break from writing and figured parodying angst, the thing I do best, would be a good way to get back on track. This was originally going to be 'Worst Yaoi pairings ever', but I thought I should make it more general, should another category pairing show up.
Anyway, have fun reading!
* ** *** ** *
Shishio sucked on his pipe and took a deep breath. He had a lot on his mind today, and the fact that Battoussai was interfering with his plans wasn't helping.
No matter, though. His sempai was weak. There would be no trouble in that area. What really plagued his mind was his love, his true love. No, not Yumi, [that biznatch].
The one Shishio Makoto pined after was one dearer to him than anybody in the world. The Juppon Gatana it seemed nobody appreciated, the lonely lost soul whom he loved with all his heart. The round Demon, Iwanbo.
Just as he was preparing to read his book, he heard a noise outside his door. What was that? He quickly sprung up from his chair and dashed to the entrance of his room, where none other than his darling Iwanbo stood.
"Iwanbo-Chan!" He cried, his heart leaping with joy at the sight of his love.
Iwanbo stared blankly with a wide grin on his face.
"Oh, Iwanbo. Koibito! I'm so glad you came to see me! I just knew you returned my hidden feelings!"
Iwanbo stared some more, and picked his nose.
"Come to me, my dear Iwanbo! Kiss me like you've never kissed anyone before!"
The round demon simply scratched at his belly, and pulled out some lint. If Shishio knew any better he would have realized that Iwanbo wasn't coming to his room with a romantic escape in mind, rather, he got lost on his way to the bathroom, and then promptly forgot he was lost.
"Iwanbo, my love. Why won't you come to me?"
The JupponGatana's blank eyes blinked, he turned his head to the side, then he turned his head around 180 degrees.
"Koishii? What is it?"
The giant man stepped to the side, to reveal a cross-looking Yumi.
"What the hell is this all about!?" She demanded angrily.
"I'm sorry Yumi! I just couldn't tell you yet! I was waiting to find the right Linkin Park song to match my feelings in a songfic."
"Sure you were!" She spat, swiftly unsheathing her hidden katana. She charged and did all sorts of cool sword moves before finally aiming her attack toward Shishio, who also did cool stuff with his sword.
"Ah! We fought. Now I will show you who is the most powerful! Oh yeah? I am the most powerfull! My power levels are above one million!" Shishio proudly declared.
"You are wrong! My power levels are above two million!" Yumi said, licking her sword, "Plus I have the power to go super saiyan!" With a burst of light, Yumi's hair turned bright yellow, and her arms bulged with muscles, only to quickly deflate again.
"That was the most pathetic super saiyan transformation I ever saw." Shishio remarked.
"Well... maybe you can do better... um, when you're dead. Because I'll kill you!"
Shishio wasted no time in stabbing Yumi non-lethally (As all villains are required to do) in the shoulder.
At this moment, Kamatari entered the room and dropped his scythe. He quickly ran to Yumi's side and cradled her wounded body in his arms, before throwing his head back in an angsty dramatic way and crying out
"Yumi... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
There was a long pause.
"Kamatari... what the crap?" Shishio blinked.
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, Yumi-San." Kamatari choked through tears, "You were the one I loved all along. I just pretended to love Shishio so I could get closer to you. I was so terribly mean. Could you ever forgive me?"
Yumi coughed up blood (No she's not that badly wounded, but it adds a dramatic effect) and stared with glazed eyes at the purple-haired scythe fighter.
"Kamatari... I- I-"
"No need for words, my love." Kamatari said in a debonair romantical way. He swiftly kissed Yumi, then broke it off and spit out blood.
"Ew. I forgot your mouth was all bloody."
"Well Excuuuuse me for being injured!"
"Well you could have at least told me before you kissed me back!"
"As if I would kiss you back!"
"Yumi-San,"
"WHAT?"
"We're fighting like a couple."
"You're right! Let's go get married!"
So, the two quickly scuttled off together hand-in-hand.
"Where were we, then?" Shishio asked to his new lover.
"Me... strong..." Iwanbo boomed incoherently.
"Of course you are! And that's why I love you!"
He wrapped the completely clueless man in a loving embrace.
"I'll never leave you!"
"Duh..."
"Rawr!"
*Owari.*
A/N: Yay! It's over! Good thing or not? Depends on what you think. Now REVIEW, please, and I'll leave you with an abstract thought of the day: Would Yumi x Kamatari be considered Yuri?
-Toby-Chan
By-Toby-Chan
A/N: This was my first installment in the 'worst pairings ever' series. I felt like I needed a break from writing and figured parodying angst, the thing I do best, would be a good way to get back on track. This was originally going to be 'Worst Yaoi pairings ever', but I thought I should make it more general, should another category pairing show up.
Anyway, have fun reading!
* ** *** ** *
Shishio sucked on his pipe and took a deep breath. He had a lot on his mind today, and the fact that Battoussai was interfering with his plans wasn't helping.
No matter, though. His sempai was weak. There would be no trouble in that area. What really plagued his mind was his love, his true love. No, not Yumi, [that biznatch].
The one Shishio Makoto pined after was one dearer to him than anybody in the world. The Juppon Gatana it seemed nobody appreciated, the lonely lost soul whom he loved with all his heart. The round Demon, Iwanbo.
Just as he was preparing to read his book, he heard a noise outside his door. What was that? He quickly sprung up from his chair and dashed to the entrance of his room, where none other than his darling Iwanbo stood.
"Iwanbo-Chan!" He cried, his heart leaping with joy at the sight of his love.
Iwanbo stared blankly with a wide grin on his face.
"Oh, Iwanbo. Koibito! I'm so glad you came to see me! I just knew you returned my hidden feelings!"
Iwanbo stared some more, and picked his nose.
"Come to me, my dear Iwanbo! Kiss me like you've never kissed anyone before!"
The round demon simply scratched at his belly, and pulled out some lint. If Shishio knew any better he would have realized that Iwanbo wasn't coming to his room with a romantic escape in mind, rather, he got lost on his way to the bathroom, and then promptly forgot he was lost.
"Iwanbo, my love. Why won't you come to me?"
The JupponGatana's blank eyes blinked, he turned his head to the side, then he turned his head around 180 degrees.
"Koishii? What is it?"
The giant man stepped to the side, to reveal a cross-looking Yumi.
"What the hell is this all about!?" She demanded angrily.
"I'm sorry Yumi! I just couldn't tell you yet! I was waiting to find the right Linkin Park song to match my feelings in a songfic."
"Sure you were!" She spat, swiftly unsheathing her hidden katana. She charged and did all sorts of cool sword moves before finally aiming her attack toward Shishio, who also did cool stuff with his sword.
"Ah! We fought. Now I will show you who is the most powerful! Oh yeah? I am the most powerfull! My power levels are above one million!" Shishio proudly declared.
"You are wrong! My power levels are above two million!" Yumi said, licking her sword, "Plus I have the power to go super saiyan!" With a burst of light, Yumi's hair turned bright yellow, and her arms bulged with muscles, only to quickly deflate again.
"That was the most pathetic super saiyan transformation I ever saw." Shishio remarked.
"Well... maybe you can do better... um, when you're dead. Because I'll kill you!"
Shishio wasted no time in stabbing Yumi non-lethally (As all villains are required to do) in the shoulder.
At this moment, Kamatari entered the room and dropped his scythe. He quickly ran to Yumi's side and cradled her wounded body in his arms, before throwing his head back in an angsty dramatic way and crying out
"Yumi... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
There was a long pause.
"Kamatari... what the crap?" Shishio blinked.
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, Yumi-San." Kamatari choked through tears, "You were the one I loved all along. I just pretended to love Shishio so I could get closer to you. I was so terribly mean. Could you ever forgive me?"
Yumi coughed up blood (No she's not that badly wounded, but it adds a dramatic effect) and stared with glazed eyes at the purple-haired scythe fighter.
"Kamatari... I- I-"
"No need for words, my love." Kamatari said in a debonair romantical way. He swiftly kissed Yumi, then broke it off and spit out blood.
"Ew. I forgot your mouth was all bloody."
"Well Excuuuuse me for being injured!"
"Well you could have at least told me before you kissed me back!"
"As if I would kiss you back!"
"Yumi-San,"
"WHAT?"
"We're fighting like a couple."
"You're right! Let's go get married!"
So, the two quickly scuttled off together hand-in-hand.
"Where were we, then?" Shishio asked to his new lover.
"Me... strong..." Iwanbo boomed incoherently.
"Of course you are! And that's why I love you!"
He wrapped the completely clueless man in a loving embrace.
"I'll never leave you!"
"Duh..."
"Rawr!"
*Owari.*
A/N: Yay! It's over! Good thing or not? Depends on what you think. Now REVIEW, please, and I'll leave you with an abstract thought of the day: Would Yumi x Kamatari be considered Yuri?
-Toby-Chan