Part 1-Visions
Pondering
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A maiden attempt at fanfic
writing.
Standard Disclaimers Apply
A creation spurred by a
moment of frustrations from insomnia. Enjoy. Comments are most welcomed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
My mind is in a hazy blur.
No, it's not just my mind… I find myself wandering in a foreign land,
stumbling about every now
and then as I worked my way out of this cloudy maze.
Am I lost? Where am I?
I know I am looking for
something but I can't really point out what. Suddenly, I realized that
there was no one else
around but me. Just me.
Am I dead? How come?
Solitude. Is this what
I've always been seeking for? Through hours and hours of
meditation? Prayed for
everyday? Is this really it?
All I could see were hazes
and hazes of clouds. They are all real, in the sense that they do
indeed exist, but nothing
that I can grab and hold on to. Nothing concrete.
Is it possible that I am
but a cloud too?
No, I stretched out my
hands before me and they are hands, not clouds.
So, this is loneliness.
This indeed feels… sad. Is this what I had wished for? To be cut off
from the rest of the world
and be encompassed in a world that evolves around me, me,
solely me, and nothing
else?
Then, visions of a face
appeared before me. Oceanic eyes as deep as the deepest sea, smiling
sweetly at me.
Can eyes smile?
I know hers do. So
innocent, so sincere, so joyful, they overwhelm me so and… I am so
unworthy of it all.
And as if she heard me, her
bright shiny eyes that were once filled with hope, filled with so much
love, turned sad and
anguished. She looked hurt, devastated, her eyes now watery with tears
that threatened to fall
against her wishes. Her rose bud lips were no longer curving up a smile.
As she shut her eyes tight,
the welling tears fell, leaving a trail down both sides of her cheeks.
Will I ever get to hear the
sounds of jubilant laughter again? Hear her honey voice and
see her warm caring smile?
And not be able to take in her sweet scent, her bright loving
eyes and that stubborn
nature of hers that amuses me so? 'Cos if this is peace, then I
don't want it. No, I
don't want it.
