I never really thought of writing a Harry Potter fic,since I'm more into writing anime fics like Beyblade and Pokemon(I like a lot of strange things,goth-themed shows for instance). Originally,this was going to be a pokemon story,inspired by the small cluster of insanity stories in the community. But,sitting down at my computer,I just couldn't get the words flowing,so I wrote this instead. I suggest eating a large bowl of ice-cream or any other sugary sweets prior to writing crazy,nonsensical fics. Get yourself really hyper.
All my fics are written for a reason or a person. This one is dedicated to my Harry Potter-loving friends,CircleofTortall,Dylan,Krista,Grover,and Destany.
I owe Uncle Billy Bob and the green carcass to Nicole.
Happy holidays.
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Warning:This story makes no sense whatsoever and may induce feelings of confusion and cravings for chocolate pudding
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The dawn,the time of sunlight,had slowly faded away,bringing the cold and lonely hours of midnight.
The hour of insanity.
A pale,ripe moon hung in the ebony,starless sky,beckoning various nocturnal creatures.
Harry was talking to cream cheese.
Cream cheese,his one true love. A love that filled his heart and stomach better than Cho Chung,an older Ravenclaw student,ever could have. It was the center of his universe.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered,stroking the shiny,white plastic lid. "If I wrote you a symphony...just to say how much you mean to me...what would you do...?"
"I love you,Philidelphia-brand cream cheese. I love you so much. And...please don't ever leave me."
"Harry,are you talking to cream cheese again?" Hermoine's pet owl pellet questioned.
"Like it's my fault Pepto Bismol went out of buisness!" Shouted a purple hippogriff.
Lucius Malfoy became the new owner of the Dairy Queen franchise.
"We remember...we remember...we remember...these waterssss..." strummed a dozen airbourne anchovies.
"I hate you all,you stupid screaming pink lungfishies!" declared Fleur deLaceur.
In the distant land of Tortall, Draco Malfoy's newest squishy humbug self-destructed.
Hedwig cackled mysteriously "I summon my evil Teletubby of chewiness!"
Neville Longbottom's feet grew to large black oranges,bulging out of his tiny sockets.
The billygoat gruff-thing emerged from Sirius's television set.
"Soap...sopa...shampoo-oo...how I love you..." It sang in a rather high voice.
"Will someone please help me write my symphony?" pleaded a blue-tounged Harry.
Lupin plunged into the watery depths of the grand piano."I'm a spellin' as fas' as ah can,Ma!"
Seamus Finnigan's brain exploded,resulting in a five-star ballet of strawberry-flavored butterflies.
"I love orange-winged Pinks from Meow-mix Land more than I could ever love you,Batman's penut butter n' jelly!" roared Goyle.
Professor Sprout won Jeopardy,but then lost to Ming-Ming,the pastry hippopotamos.
"But who is the billy-goat gruff thing?" questioned Cho.
"He's Uncle Sam,the great king of waste management of course!"
Crabb grinned. "I had an uncle once, his name was Billy Bob!"
"Uncle Billy Bob,he's out to save the day,any where and any way...Uncle Billy Bob...he's just a dial away,Uncle Billyyy Bobbb!"
Fuschia lemons invaded Hogsmead,demanding forty-two stray dogs accompanied by Timmy Turner,the greatest cheese puff ballerina in Dinotopia.
"There's a carcass on the road that's turning green!" screamed the owl pellet.
Hermoine threw up a shiny new Apple computer,causing an eruption of enchanted,flea-eating unicorns.
Hello Kitty drank a casket of polyjuice potion and became a Twix bar in Doom III.
Professor Snape became a millionaire,thanks to his singing yellow teeth.
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Epilogue
Harry did indeed marry the Philidelphia-brand cream cheese,thanks to the legalization of culinary marriage and the 1984 classic,Spaceballs.
They had a child a year later,who turned her nanny,the owl pellet,into a pile of Duralogs.
Such a shame it was,though she did make excellent kindling.
Malfoy created a new humbug named Carlos,who self-destructed seconds later.
We are all doomed.