Hi, guys. This is just a little story I'm doing about the Disney Princesses and some shenanigans. I don't really know if my tone is a parody or whatever, but yeah, it's not awfully deep or meaningful. Just a sprinkle of fun here and there.
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THE DISNEY CHARACTERS.
Once upon a time, lovely ladies arrived to royal banquets on horse-drawn carriages. They wore beautiful gowns of intricate design and embellished with the finest jewels of any land. They carried themselves with all the poise, grace, and alacrity that they possessed, smiling and waving at the cheerful peasants who called them 'Princess,' and serving their lands with kindness and compassion.
"Hurry up!" Princess Jasmine hissed. Her face was streaked with mud and little pieces of bark as the rain continued to hit her and her fellow princesses on the face. Her long dark hair hung limply on her back, except for some strands that insisted on covering her eyes, making her stumble on the rocky path. A large, teal duffel bag alternated between being clasped in her arms for warmth and hanging on her shoulder. Either way, it was far too heavy for her tiny frame. In addition to all that, her shoulders were bare except for a thin shawl, and she was shivering. "We're already late, and I'm soaking wet!"
This, clearly, was not exactly 'once upon a time.'
It was a dark and stormy night. The sky was black, except for a thin slash of lightning that appeared every so often, striking near a tall mountain, and near this mountain, we lay our scene. The winds roared and moved like wounded animals, causing tall, gloomy trees to slap against each other. The pavement, peppered with fallen leaves and slick with rain, was devoid of either human or animal touch, for no one dared to venture on this kind of weather.
"Hey, at least you don't have to drag seventy feet of hair around this muddy road!" the uncharacteristically cranky Rapunzel shot back, teeth chattering. Her purple gown, most likely fit for royalty a few hours ago, currently looked no better than an old sack on Her Royal Highness, the Princess of Corona. "Even magic won't salvage this mess. It's gonna take a year's supply of conditioner to remove the tangles!"
At least, no one except for a small group of young princesses, apparently.
A rock fell from one of the higher planes of the mountain nearby, and nearly hit Ariel, the mermaid princess, on the head. She shrieked and ducked away. "Why, oh why, couldn't we hold these sleepover meetings in my palace?" she sighed as she dragged her suitcase full of her clothes and thingamabobs up the crooked road. "Even if it's underwater, I think we'd actually be drier there than here."
They lapsed into a tense and annoyed silence, wanting so badly to release their negative energy on somebody, anybody at all, but the person who was to blame for their predicament was, sadly, not around at the moment. Unfairly distributing anger wasn't a habit of any of the princesses, so they opted not to speak rather than yelling at each other.
Suddenly, Snow White gasped. "Oh, dear!" Hugging her cloak closer to her, she regarded her expectant friends sheepishly, and said, "My friends, I seem to have gotten us lost."
And just like that, all Dreamworks broke loose. "You WHAT?" the princesses screamed in unison.
Snow White, their designated guide, sheepishly turned her phone off. She had been using the GPS thingy in her iPhone, and it was confusing, to say the least. "Well, it says here that we're only two miles away…from Peking, China. Oh, I'm really sorry! I always said that I wasn't any good with Apples," she joked weakly. She swallowed when she turned and saw four pairs of eyes looking at her venomously. "Um, perhaps I could sing for my bird friends to guide us?"
"Why do you even need a GPS? How on earth do you not know where Cinderella's palace is?" Rapunzel cried, throwing her arms up in the air in exasperation, and dropping her bunched-up hair to the wet ground with a splat. "You guys have been friends longer than all our combined existences!"
"Now, that is not true!" protested Snow White, a dark blush staining her ivory cheeks. "I'm not that old. And I am technically just fourteen!"
"Well, now I know why Cindy's our so-called leader," Jasmine scoffed, "even if she's not the first ever Disney Princess."
"Oh, come on, girls, stop the bickering," Tiana said, although her teeth were clenched and her eyes spelled murder. Although she had a soft spot for the kind Snow White (and they often cooked together during these royal banquets), the Princess of Maldonia now felt the strongest urge to hit her on the head with a badly-fried (and therefore rock-hard) beignet. But Snow White wasn't number one on her hit list. The first target was the person who got them into this mess, which was none other than Princess Merida, for insisting that they skip the usual royal carriages and take a healthy hike. "You can't always expect to be waited on hand and foot," Merida had said matter-of-factly, in her thick accent. "And besides, you girls need all the exercise you can get. Oh, no, I'm not insinuating anything," she added hastily when Aurora glared at her. "Everyone needs exercise. Now off we go!"
They actually agreed to her plan, because the weather was rather lovely and, after the 'light' refreshments they had from Maudie, felt like they did need a walk. All except for Aurora, who was so fatigued that, after promising her appearance at Cinderella's party, she promptly fell asleep. Her fairy aunts eventually had to bring her to the banquet. Merida, impatient with the princesses' leisurely pace, finally running off to the horizon, shouting that they'd better catch up. Two hours later, it rained. And rained. And rained even more.
It was her fault that they were all stuck in this maelstrom, and that frizzy-haired kid was probably already at Cinderella's warm palace, wearing dry clothes and sitting comfortably by the fire. It was hopeless. Still, Tiana tried to comfort her fellow princesses. "We're almost there."
Lightning flashed, and the rain continued to pour in buckets. "And I wanna be part of their world…the world of the dry and not scary!" the mermaid princess spluttered. "Can we please stop by a store or something first?"
"I'm with Ariel," said Jasmine. "Let's look for shelter."
They forged ahead, and within ten minutes of searching, they found a small, boarded-up barn.
"Should we, or should we not?" Rapunzel asked, eyeing the place nervously.
"The roof might cave in!" Snow White said fearfully.
Ariel and Jasmine exchanged glances. Jasmine sighed. "I say we go for it," she said. "My hair feels like it weighs a thousand pounds."
"Your hair? What about mine?" Rapunzel giggled a bit. "Oh, all right, let's go see the inside."
They gingerly stepped in and collapsed on the damp hay in exhaustion, except for Ariel, who was unable to sit still. She decided to explore the back of the barn.
"Look," Tiana suggested, "Snow White, you have a phone. Can you contact Belle or Mulan? I think they're already there. Maybe Pocahontas is, too."
"I only have Aurora's number right now," Snow White replied. "A lot of our royal friends blocked my number, because Dopey's cousin Sleazy stole my phone and sent them some…thing." She turned scarlet and looked away.
"Oh, ew, I got that message, too," Jasmine said disgustedly. Rapunzel laughed, her crankiness subsiding a bit, and Ariel only thought long and hard about what the 'thing' could possibly be.
"I don't want to know," Tiana said tiredly. She reached down and massaged the kinks on her feet. It felt like it was on fire. "Aurora, then?"
Snow White nodded and immediately put the phone on speaker. It rang, and rang, and rang, but the fair Briar Rose didn't answer.
"I reckon she's asleep again," the princess in green said dully. "Terrific! This is the last time we are going anywhere with Merida."
Rapunzel nodded. "Rowing would have been better exercise than hiking in this case," she remarked, curving her lips in a small smile. "I think it's flooding already."
"Princesses!" Ariel's muffled voice cried. "Look who I found!"
They immediately rushed over to their friend and stared.
"Oh, poor guy!" Rapunzel gasped, immediately kneeling before the stables. A donkey stared at them with woeful eyes. He didn't look sick, just sad. They all felt their hearts melt.
"You must be awfully lonely here, being all alone," Snow White cooed, rubbing the donkey on behind the ears. "What's your name, my dearest friend?" She looked at the name card on the stable door. It was blank.
"Well, in any case, you are coming with us," Snow White proclaimed with a smile.
"Whoa, wait a minute," interrupted Tiana. "We can't just go on and steal someone's donkey!"
"Sure you can!" the donkey declared. He stood up and grinned at the girls, waggling his eyebrows (did donkeys have eyebrows?) at them. "Hey, how you doin'?"
Snow White immediately backed away, tripping over a pail and landing on the muddy ground with her rear. The princesses looked at each blankly. Then they screamed.
The donkey looked confused. "Jeez," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "You'd think they'd never seen a talking donkey before!"
"Wait, guys, stop!" Rapunzel cried. She examined the donkey, thinking of her horse buddy Maximus. She's never seen a talking horse before, but… "What's your name?" she asked.
"Donkey! And I'd be willing to give you ladies a ride!"
"How?" Tiana asked, breathing heavily. She'd seen talking animals before, of course (Louis was probably still wreaking havoc in her restaurant), but the creepy-looking donkey caught her by surprise. "There's five of us and only one of you."
"You underestimate my stamina! I'll have you know that I eat five dozen carrots a day! And that's only for breakfast!"
Ariel looked thoughtful. "You know," she remarked, "you sound really familiar. Like…like…Mulan's dragon, Mushu!"
"Yeah, he kind of does," Jasmine murmured, eyeing Donkey suspiciously.
Donkey coughed slightly, averting his eyes. "Aww, what? That's insane! I don't know no talking dragons. Hey, I do think there's a buggy over there. It can hold three, I think? Two of you can sit on my back, now, ladies."
"I'm not sitting on his back," Jasmine quickly stated.
"Yeah, well neither am I," Rapunzel sighed.
"Oh, I'd rather not," coughed Snow White.
"Oh…fine!" Tiana grumbled. "Ariel, you come with me."
"No way! I don't want to get all wet anymore."
"You lived in a freaking underwater kingdom!"
"Well, I suppose I can handle a bit of rain," Ariel said resignedly. "I'm just not used to water anymore, I guess…"
"That's the spirit," Tiana grunted. "Now, girls, help me put your stuff in the trunk."
And much to their collective relief, they were finally able to go to Cinderella's royal banquet.
Next chapter features the other set of princesses. Please review!