Eclipsed
Summary: It's impossible to break out of orbit. Juubei / Kazuki. Spoilers for the IL arc, episodes 18 and 19.
Radishface
It had crossed his mind, now and then, especially in those years. The curve of Kazuki's back, the rustle of Kazuki's hair as he moved, the gentle ring of the bells by his ears. The nape of Kazuki's neck was pale and smooth and did not betray the sinewy strength that he knew the other man possessed.
Juubei's hand was large enough to wrap around Kazuki's neck—not with any malicious intent, but merely to protect.
Kazuki was beautiful, of course. By now it had become a fact of life, although it never was anything that Juubei would ever take for granted. From the first day he had set eyes on Kazuki, even as a young boy of indiscriminate immaturity, he had realized the meaning of that word, beauty, and had never been able to associate anything else with that word again. Kazuki's ignorance of his own strength, his own ability to inspire desire to protect, attain, and serve, in others—yet his benign acceptance of it—this was the first thing that began to drive Juubei mad.
He would be there to protect him, of course. He would be there to serve him, to heal him, to comfort him, at beck and call. Juubei realized that what he had said as a child conflicted directly with traditional values of masculinity, although perhaps not as much with traditional values of chivalry.
Whether Kazuki held these same values—was not something that Juubei was entitled to know.
But it crossed his mind, now and then, these selfish whisperings, these things that kept him laying awake at night in the depths of Mugenjou, with Kazuki sleeping quietly beside him on the opposite side of the room, hair spread across the floor in sensuous tangles and beckoning waves,
Would Kazuki die for you
The question was an internal paradox of its own; why would Kazuki ever be placed in a situation where one of their lives would have to be valued over the other's, if Juubei did his job correctly?
But to consider this question without that assumption; Juubei had already conceded any possible reign of superiority by declaring his devotion; indeed, Juubei's role had already been predetermined from his birth, and though he had never questioned it then, though he should never question it now, though he loved Kazuki and loved to serve him, loved to hate his position of eternal subservience, a masochistic scrap inside him echoed, enjoyed tormenting him with this question,
Would Kazuki die for you?
This question was irrelevant, Juubei thought, and kept silent as he watched Makubex. Makubex, who had promised them their freedoms, individual and collective, Makubex, who had seen through Juubei's stony exterior the minute they realized that Kazuki had disappeared without a trace—
Juubei, Makubex said, without any pretense at compassion, I'll get you what you want—
But Makubex, even with whatever genius he possessed, would not be able to get Juubei what he wanted. But maybe the next best thing—
Juubei knew the answer now, he knew it as Makubex nodded silently at him, as Juubei walked out of the control room and into the virtual reality construct that Makubex had created. Juubei had never been one to deal with suppositions, middle grounds, or the intangible abstract.
Would Kazuki die for you?
That question was irrelevant. That question should rather be—
Would Kazuki Fuuchoin would die by him?
Makubex gave them a slight nod, permission for them to proceed. Emishi stood at his side, nearly shaking with anticipation. Rooms 2 and 3 were theirs for the taking. The holographic door floated in front of them; they both stared at it, waiting for the other to make the first move.
This was the fight that would determine—
Everything—
Juubei was the first to reach out for the doorknob; static buzzed through his hands and up his arms.
The room was dark and murky, the pipes above dripped water. This had used to be an old recreation room before Makubex had turned it into his practice arena for his virtual reality constructs. Juubei was aware of the wires running through the walls and the electromagnetic field that surrounded them— black lodestone needles shivering in his gloves, Juubei closed his eyes and listened for the soft patter of footsteps, the soft whistle of strings—
The sound of ringing bells—
Juubei opened his eyes and saw Kazuki.
"Juubei," Kazuki peered into his room. "My mother told me that I shouldn't bother you, and it looks like you're busy—"
"Not at all," Juubei said, looking up from his books. "Come in."
It was a nice day outside, but Juubei's father had come into his room bright and early in the morning and dropped some fat traditional medicine textbooks on his desk, telling him that he had to finish the first fifteen chapters within the next six hours. Used to the Kakei patriarch's arbitrary (if not beneficially educational) whims, Juubei had confined himself to his room all day, so Kazuki's presence was a breath of fresh air.
"I won't stay long," Kazuki said. "What are you studying?"
"Acupuncture," Juubei grimaced at the huge tomes lying on his desk.
"It can't be that bad," Kazuki laughed at his expression. "You're a diligent student, aren't you?" Kazuki sat down on the floor, and Juubei joined him, laying out one of his books on the floor for Kazuki to see.
"Being a good student doesn't make the subject any more enjoyable." Juubei huffed. "I'm trying my best not to fall asleep—"
He caught a slightly wide-eyed expression from Kazuki and choked back his train of thought. "I'm—I'm sorry! I shouldn't be saying that, not when it's my duty to learn this so that I can protect—"
Kazuki laughed. Juubei pressed his lips together tightly. Maybe he just shouldn't say anything at all; what an embarrassment he was to the Kakei name. He should just have Kazuki sew his lips together and not let him say another word; it wasn't as if he offered very scintillating conversation anyways, Kazuki's voice was much nicer to listen to—
"I hate to practice, you know." Kazuki intoned solemnly, a smile still playing on his lips. "Not string technique—" he clarified, seeing Juubei's horrified expression, "the koto."
"But—" Juubei's eyes were wide this time, "but you play it so well, Kazuki."
"My mother makes me practice at least three hours a day." The Fuuchoin heir flopped in an unusually ungraceful display onto the floor. "I just finished with my practice for today, she told me I had to finish before we could come here. Look—"
Kazuki sat back up and stuck his hands out in front of Juubei.
"Calluses…" Juubei took Kazuki's hands and gingerly inspected them, running his finger's over the other boy's. He looked up worriedly. "Too bad you can't wear gloves when you practice the koto…"
This sent Kazuki into another peal of laughter. Juubei was slightly confused; had he said something funny—?
"It's a funny picture," Kazuki giggled, answering Juubei's silent question. He withdrew his hands from Juubei's, inspected them himself. "It's a good thing I can still feel the koto strings when I fight—I hope the calluses won't interfere with that."
"They should improve your technique, if anything." Juubei squinted at his own hands. "If you're still able to feel your strings as keenly as you did when you hadn't had the calluses—that raises your level of awareness, doesn't it?"
Kazuki pursed his lips. "I suppose so."
The room went quiet as Kazuki pondered this thought. Juubei flipped absently through his acupuncture textbook.
"Ne, Kazuki,"
"Hm?"
"Just something I was wondering about," Juubei looked up. "Since you use koto strings… do you hear music when you fight?"
Kazuki's face lit up. "Actually, I do," he sighed. "…Although it's not very nice music."
"What's it like?"
"Well," Kazuki cocked his head sideways. "It's really all my music, because I use the koto strings… and fighting comes very naturally because it's just like composing music, but," and here Kazuki wrinkled his nose in distaste, "whomever I'm fighting usually manages to interrupt me, and it just ends up sounding like a bunch notes strung together without any regard for the musical phrasing. I can never finish 'composing' my song."
"Oh." Juubei didn't know what to say to that. "Well…"
Kazuki looked at him curiously.
"…I hope I never have to fight you." Juubei looked down suddenly in shame, aware that his words were a too hushed, too serious, when they shouldn't be.
"Really?" Kazuki's voice was light. "We will still have to spar, sometime. I've never sparred with you yet, Juubei."
Juubei looked up, wanting to protest, of course they would spar, it was just that he didn't want to fight Kazuki—
Their eyes met, Juubei's voice got stuck in his throat. Kazuki's eyes were serious, but happy.
"Ne, Juubei," he said quietly, "I don't think that will ever happen."
There would be the sound of dripping water—
He could make out Shido's form somewhere in the darkness, stoic and still. Juubei could feel Emishi's hatred, Emishi's frustration, rolling off him in waves. He knew that Emishi was aware of Shido's sensitivity to these things—this animal aura of fear and hunger that surrounded him. Juubei wondered if this was a part of Emishi's plan to distract Shido from his battle, or to direct Shido's attention away from Kazuki, thus breaking their defense—
But Kazuki—Kazuki was not giving off an aura, and in fact, seemed strangely closed, strangely defenseless. The other man was standing completely still, waiting.
There would be the sound of dripping water—
The four of them, poised still and waiting, barely breathing,
There would be the sound of dripping water
Emishi tightened the grip on his whip, and Juubei unleashed the needles from his gloves; opposite them, Shido took a step back, and Kazuki raised a hand to the bells in his hair—
Juubei rushed through the air, needles ready to strike, when he felt the sting of Kazuki's threads hit his cheek, when he smelled the familiar scent of Kazuki's hair rush by him, all a moment too soon. He had not sensed Shido at all; he was too distracted. Juubei cursed to himself.
"A perfect defense…"
He could see Emishi's brazen smile, could hear Emishi grind his teeth in frustration, "not a single gap."
Shido turned around, a smirk on his face, managing pride and arrogance even in the dark of the room. "Do you understand? For us Four Gods, one plus one is not two."
Kazuki stood up, voice hard. "In Fuuchouin, the first thing we learn is how to find holes in the enemies' defense—"
I don't need a lecture from you, Juubei thought suddenly, wildly, I know this.
"—Shido and I complement each other,"
The Kakei clan has served the Fuuchouin clan
"and we create a perfect defense without gaps."
The Kakei clan has served the Fuuchouin clan since time immemorial.
"That's why we're part of the Four Gods of the Volts."
"If you couldn't even do that much during the Volts' time in Infinity Castle," Shido said, "no wonder you couldn't serve as Raitei's protectors."
I was not Raitei's protector, Juubei thought, I was Fuuchouin's protector,
Emishi laughed , teeth clamped together, pained and forced.
"What's so funny?" Shido glared.
"It's foolish for us to wait," Emishi smirked, "your prided combination ends here."
I was Kazuki's protector.
Juubei found his voice through a haze of denial, memory, and weakness. "Make no mistake, Kazuki."
"Juubei—" The Fuuchouin heir said his name like it was something new, like he was disappointed, heartbroken, betrayed.
"This is no longer the Infinite Castle you once knew." Juubei continued, "this is what we found—the ruins of Babylon Tower."
As if on cue, a bright light emanated from the walls, blinding them all.
Juubei stepped out into the Grand Canyon, the ground whispering beneath his feet in binary code and sandy grains, craters and abysses as far as the eye could see, the sky as blue as the ocean and clouds floating along serenely, platonically, the faint scent of dust and decaying metal reaching his nose, stirred by an imperceptible breath of wind—
These are the ruins of Babylon Tower; this isn't just a three-dimensional image. A complete imaginary reality gives you the same mentality as a real one.
"See for yourself the arena that Makubex created for us," Juubei said, finding strength and resolve in the sunlight of the coliseum, no matter how false it was, no matter the fact that whatever it portrayed was an imaginary construct based on binary foundation.
Kazuki, see for yourself the freedom that I will attain.
There was no limit to his understanding, nothing that he would not give.
Kazuki often spoke this way of Raitei—a mix of admiration, compassion, and respect. Those who were of the Four Gods did not have the fear of Raitei that the majority of the Mugenjou did. Juubei did not fear Raitei either; in all aspects, he was everything that Kazuki said he was, and Juubei understood this. But with all due respect to the Lightning Emperor, Juubei was just not that impressed. Benevolence was only rare within the confines of Mugenjou. And perhaps that was why he had not sworn allegiance to Amano Ginji, but still kept his prime loyalty to that of the Fuuchuoin clan.
Kazuki sat precariously poised on the edge of a rotting windowsill, a far-away gleam in his eye. Juubei was slumped on the edge of the couch in their shabby room, the only place that they could call home, some uninhabited dump with a conspicuously absent landlady who only appeared once a month to collect rent. Juubei was surprised, and somewhat chagrined, that even the formidable Kazuki of the Strings had to pay something as humble and pedestrian as rent.
"Are you going to sleep soon?" Over the years, Juubei had realized that it was more polite to phrase things as questions, to leave people with the impression of choice—rather than to give explicit orders. You should go to sleep soon, he wanted to say. Kazuki, you have fought hard today; you need to rest.
But Kazuki was a grown man, quite capable on his own.
Quite capable—
"Soon," Kazuki murmured, then hopped off the windowsill. "You go on ahead."
And in his head—
I just want to know, I just want to feel, I just want to touch, haven't I seen it for so long, Kazuki, haven't I been watching you for so long, ever since I first saw you,
He lies writhing within his grasp, Juubei has Kazuki's hands pinned against the wall, has one knee shoved between Kazuki's thighs, but Juubei is only breathing in Kazuki's scent, is only smelling Kazuki's hair, such a sweet smell, and Kazuki is the one moving against Juubei, all of it at once, moving hard against each him, maybe trying to push him off, maybe trying to embrace him more
Don't you know, Juubei pants, is he the only one speaking, he's ever the only one saying anything, without saying anything, without opening his mouth, he says these things, his mouth is trailing a line down Kazuki's neck, to the collarbone, that fragile bone that Kazuki displays so willingly in his loose shirt, that bone that drives him to distraction, how Juubei is always watching Kazuki, don't you know how beautiful you are, how much I want to stay close to you, how magnificent you are in the daylight, the sun beaming down on you, Kazuki, I swear that you will enter Babylon someday, to the City of Gods, Kazuki, how could you be anything but
Kazuki's lips are parted and panting, his cheeks flushed with a rosy tint, eyes at half-mast, a thin trail of perspiration running down his neck, collecting in the hollow of his throat, he moans when Juubei presses his lips there, he can't help himself, even though he swore he would not touch Kazuki any further, and Juubei takes his hands off Kazuki's wrists, and Kazuki's arms come to wrap around Juubei, they fall together to the floor
and he is trapped under Kazuki, Kazuki's hands are now pinning him on the floor, Kazuki's hair has been let loose from its binds and is cascading down on the two of them in a silky waterfall, a curtain for Kazuki's kiss, and Juubei snakes a hand around Kazuki's head and brings him down, hard, tangling his fingers in that hair, how he's longed to touch it ever since it became so long, how he's watched Kazuki brush it every night, envious of the brush, envious of the night,
their teeth clash together, their tongues spar, Kazuki nips at his lower lip and takes his hands and runs them under Juubei's shirt, up his ribcage, he pushes himself into Juubei and moans, he moves his hips wantonly, grinding against him,
until Juubei can't stand it anymore and pushes Kazuki up and throws him back down on the floor, taking that stunned moment to tear off his flimsy shirt, the one that slips off his shoulder, the one that betrays Kazuki's neck and shoulders and shows them shamelessly, how could anybody be privy to Kazuki's beauty except for Juubei, how could there be anyone else, how could he be trapped by anything else
Kazuki Kazuki Kazuki,
I am so full of you, I need you, I want to surround myself with you and I want to make you feel every inch of pain and pleasure and desire that you have made me feel, you drive me mad, Kazuki, I'm going mad, you chain me to you so unwittingly, I should want freedom from you but I want freedom in you, to love you when I will and how I will
Kazuki
—ah, Kazuki gasps, his body shaking, and he presses them closer together, winding his legs around Juubei's back, burying his head in the juncture of Juubei's neck and shoulder, words whispering hot and wet past Juubei's ear, ah—
—Juubei
"Juubei."
He wakes up. He can feel the perspiration dribble down his face, his pillow is soaked. His face is flushed, his ears are burning.
The Fuuchouin heir looks mildly worried, kneeling on the ground beside Juubei's bed, hand paused in mid-air, as if to reach to touch him.
"Don't worry about me," he says brusquely, voice hoarse. "Just go to sleep."
"Juubei—" Kazuki reaches out anyways, touches his forehead. Kazuki's hands are cool and gentle. "Don't."
"Please." He closes his eyes, a parody of sleep, and cuts off the image of Kazuki. "It was merely a bad dream."
The cool hand cups his cheek, a thumb lingers over his lips. "All right," Kazuki intones, and Juubei can hear the smile in his voice, and this soothes him—"all right, I'll let you sleep. I'll be going to bed fairly soon as well. I'm sorry to have woken you."
Kazuki stands up and walks away. After a minute, Juubei can hear Kazuki brushing his hair, the steady, faint beat of what sounds like cloth whispering against cloth. Then this is finished, and Juubei hears Kazuki's footsteps patter to the other side of the room, the slight groan of the mattress as it bends underneath Kazuki's weight, the rustle of the covers being overturned, and the faint sigh of contentment as Kazuki settles into bed.
Juubei cracks open one eye, peers in the direction of Kazuki's bed. His breathing is deep and even, his chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm, Kazuki's hair, undone for the night, spills over the side of the bed and grazes the floor.
His breath catches, stops, and Juubei lets himself indulge, just for one moment—
haven't I been watching you for so long, ever since I first saw you
Juubei forces himself to turn around, to face the wall as he sleeps. He reminds himself that he is not there, he does not exist, to watch Kazuki.
His purpose is to watch over Kazuki, to protect Kazuki. He is to do everything this entails: no more, no less.
In the end, Makubex's predictions proceeded without deviation.
"Fuyuki Shido left the battlefield for foolish, useless compassion." Juubei found himself saying, watching as Shido walked across the empty sky, Emishi slung across his shoulders. A fitting end. Since when was the Beast Master tamed?
"Foolish compassion, you say?" Kazuki tensed, and then shook his head, as if he were realizing something. "I thought you were my best friend."
Juubei laughed to himself, dry and emotionless. "Those are words of the past. Now you are just an enemy to me."
It's easier to think of things that way.
"After I left Infinite Castle," Kazuki continued, "to me, you were still my best friend."
You would leave your best friend behind, without saying anything? You would not even say one word? Foolish Kazuki, where was your compassion then?
"I didn't reflect on you at all," Juubei replied immediately, without thinking. By now, the response was a reflex.
"Even after the time you threw needles at me from behind—" Kazuki's voice betrayed a small tremor, a small weakness. Juubei forced himself not to look, to keep staring straight ahead. The gaping abyss of the Grand Canyon—like a huge tear in the Earth—
how fitting, that you should fight here,
how this reminds you of your own state
"—my feelings didn't change."
Once upon a time, Juubei would have never believed that Kazuki would have been able to lie.
"I believed we could come to an understanding. I still believe." Kazuki's tone, earnest, hurt, and desperate—
but Juubei would not give in. "Nonsense."
"Juubei."
Yes? Juubei wanted to say, wanted to acquiesce, turn and follow and make peace, damn him, for managing to weaken his resolve even now, when he had spent all this time hardening his heart.
"Kakei Juubei." Kazuki took a step forward, bells clenched tightly in one hand, voice hard. "It has really been a long time—since I felt this angry." Juubei heard the faint glissando of koto strings, growing ever louder in their crescendo,
"You will taste it now. That which plays all the natural phenomenon, the clearness of my hidden song."
Juubei pierced his arms with his needles, felt them spasm within the confines of his skin, felt the strength of steel penetrate his muscles, turning them into an immutable barrier. He crossed his arms, prepared himself for the barrage of attacks.
This is Juubei's favorite memory.
He and Kazuki are taking a stroll on the Fuuchoin estate and it is springtime. The Fuuchoins have invested a lot throughout the generations into the planting of and maintaining of sakura trees that regularly dot the landscaping. The sakuras are in full bloom and like a flower himself, Kazuki is dressed in a delicate pink kimono, his hair starting to grow past his shoulders, kept back with a ivory clip.
They wander to the edges of the estate. The estate itself is located on the top of a very high hill and overlooks most of the countryside; from this view, Juubei can see everything; the wide expanse of fields and straw-hatched cottages, oxen and men scattered in the crops, as small as little black ants crawling along the roadside. The sky is clear and the scent of sakura and grass hangs in the air, barely detectable. It's just a little past noon; Kazuki and Juubei have finished lunch in the Fuuchoin household and are taking a stroll to walk off some of the food. It wouldn't pay to sit around and let the food congeal in their respective guts, after all…
Except Kazuki plops down, incongruously graceful, next to a sakura tree, resting his back on its trunk and letting out a happy sigh. Juubei is about to tell him that they should head back if Kazuki is tired—but he knows that Kazuki isn't tired, not in the least. He takes a seat next to Kazuki, crosses his legs, and leans back into the bark of the sakura tree.
"Let's just sit here for a moment, Juubei." Kazuki says, a little belatedly. Juubei hides a smile, nods.
It's almost too picturesque—a breeze shakes some sakura petals loose, birds are singing somewhere far away—inevitably, Juubei feels the urge to sleep settling over him. There's no need to resist, right now, there's no sense of urgency—
"Kazuki," he says, turning to look at the other boy.
"Hm?"
"I'm going to close my eyes for a minute." Juubei says. "Is that all right with you, Kazuki?"
Wide eyes blink at him, lips curl in a gentle, amused smile. "You don't have to ask for permission, Juubei."
"I feel better if I do." Juubei replies staunchly.
"Of course you may." Kazuki sighs, and leans into Juubei's shoulder, just a bit. "I think I will too."
"Oh, well…" Juubei wants to protest, then—somebody should stay awake, right? But it's not as if he's really going to sleep…
Juubei wakes up, his head in Kazuki's lap. The other boy's fingers are loosely laced in his hair, his head bent in a light sleep, a soft look on his face. Kazuki's mouth is slightly open, and his hair has somehow become undone from its clip, and is streaming loosely over his shoulders and over his face. Juubei is wide awake and a little tense now, he can't remember having moved himself into his current position.
Kazuki shifts, and then opens his eyes. Juubei stares up at him, unable to say anything, not sure whether to offer an apology, or spring up immediately and pretend like the whole thing had never happened.
But Kazuki just smiles benignly, eyes crinkling and lips parted as if to laugh. "You looked so stiff, just sitting there against the bark, Juubei, so I moved you."
"Surely—" Juubei frowns, "surely I should have been more considerate."
"It's no trouble." Kazuki laughs, and Juubei can feel the laughter from the way the side of his face is pressed against Kazuki's stomach. It feels pleasant, and Juubei can feel his ears growing hot.
"In any case," Juubei says a bit too loudly, sitting up abruptly, "we should probably be heading back. We're lucky that we didn't sleep until the sun set, or your mother would really have our heads."
"It's true." Kazuki agrees, nods his head. Something falls onto the ground, and Juubei feels through the grass for it—it's Kazuki's ivory hair clip.
"Oh." Juubei blinks. "Kazuki, did you—"
"Can you do it for me, Juubei?" Kazuki turns around, a little hurriedly. "I'm still not sure of the way mother does it for me. It'll just look sloppy if I do it myself."
Juubei isn't entirely sure he is capable of tying up Kazuki's hair and fastening it in the way he's seen Kazuki's mother handle it, but he has some vague idea—he knows that Kazuki would do a far better job than he, so why—
But his hands are already running through Kazuki's hair, combing the dark, silky strands with his fingers. He counts what he deems were the appropriate number of strokes, and then twists Kazuki's hair into a loose knot, and fastens it with the clip.
"There." Juubei says, standing up. The other boy pats the back of his head, and laughs.
"It's just a little crooked," Kazuki says, eyes twinkling as he turned around to look at Juubei "Just a little. But I suppose it'll do."
"You should have done it yourself, then." Juubei smiles. "I didn't think I could do it like your mother could."
"It's fine." Kazuki laughs, and stands up. As he does, a few strands of hair slip out from the clip and fall forward, framing his face. "Come on, Juubei, let's go."
They walk back in relative silence, comfortable and content, through the sakura arbors and over the cobblestone path. They reach the main courtyard of the Fuuchoin estate just as they hear the servants calling for Kazuki-sama and Juubei-san. Kazuki gives Juubei a smile, the special, mischievous, conspiratory sort, and Juubei feels his ears grow warm again even as he returns Kazuki's coy smile with a brazen one of his own.
Before they walk through the doors into the house, Kazuki puts his hand on the back of Juubei's neck, the lightest of touches, fingers whispering over his hair, and then takes his hand away.
Juubei wanted to laugh. Was it never obvious during that time, no matter how many times Juubei said it—
Said that he would give his life away, do anything, to protect Kazuki, to protect what he treasured—
Was it that hard to understand—?
"Don't worry, Kazuki. I'll definitely protect you. After all, that's the reason I was born."
"You're so old-fashioned, Juubei."
He had just sent a flurry of needles plunging up through the ground; Kazuki had managed to avoid the attack. "To dodge the Land Spider—just what I expected from you, Kazuki. But you shouldn't have any strength left to dodge. This is the end…"
Kazuki vaulted over him, and Juubei felt the lightest of touches graze over his body, like a million fingernails gliding along his skin—
Kazuki had ensnared him in a web of strings.
"Spear of rain, rain of fog."
The strings tightened around Juubei, and he felt himself lose control of all muscle coordination and muscle movement; the string technique worked as well as his needle technique in that it tightened around the vital points of the body and rendered the victim completely helpless. Juubei was helpless now, collapsed onto the ground in a pathetic, shivering puddle. He could barely lift his head—
Kazuki looked back at him, pride and fury evident even in his restrained tone. "You lost, Juubei."
Juubei could barely find the words to admit his loss. "Why didn't you finish me? If you don't do it now—" I'll just come for you again.
"--you'll regret it."
Empty threats now, Juubei. You're powerless.
Kazuki paused, his voice strained. "Even now… you're still my—" the dark eyes grew soft, gentle. "You're still— my best friend from childhood."
This kind of thinking is unbelievable, Juubei shook his head. He tilted head down, closed eyes, chuckled. "You really didn't change at all…"
Kazuki's look further softened, and Juubei wanted to—he wanted to move toward Kazuki, and embrace him, and greet him like he really wanted to greet him, before he became bitter and resentful and felt the abandonment so keenly—
His fingers moved, adjusted the taichi sphere of their own accord, with their own mission. Needles broke through the ground, and Juubei laughed, one last bid at his remaining pride—"But you're still too naïve!"
The needles came flying up and Juubei felt the pain of a thousand of his own needles entering his body, and he should have been prepared for this, he should have expected that he would suffer to a certain degree, but this—
Kazuki let out a horrified scream, "Juubei!" ran over to him, picked him up off the dust and the dirt, "why?"
Juubei grimaced in pain and looked at Kazuki. He let himself go, lost himself in his physical weakness. His eyes were watering.
it hurt .
"This is fine. A suitable ending for a fool. The fool who didn't believe in his friend, who tried to take his life."
It hurt when you .
Kazuki burst out into tears, "Juubei!"
Tears fell on Juubei's face, and he smiled now, so strangely happy inside, and—and everything could just end now, couldn't it? "Stop that," he said, trying to sound strong, uncaring, still on the edge, the periphery, "don't shed tears for a guy like me."
Kazuki ignored him, tears still streaming down his cheeks, but he stood up, slung Juubei's arm over his shoulder. "Hold on. We'll get you to a doctor."
Juubei limped along, just barely alive. The pain was searing, and all he wanted to do was drop down and close his eyes, forget about things for a while,
It hurt when you left me, Kazuki.
"Leave me." Juubei whispered. The doubt was starting to disappear, and Juubei didn't know if there was a point in holding onto that. "There's something you have to do, isn't there?"
It hurt when you left me, Kazuki. And I--
Kazuki's voice was hushed. "There's nothing more important to me than your life, Juubei."
I was so tired.
Juubei knew that there was supposed to be air under his feet. He knew that he was supposed to be stepping out in to the great abyss of the Grand Canyon, plunging some hundred feet down below into a gravity-induced, blood splattered death.
But Kazuki's steps were sure and resolute. Juubei closed his eyes, his head spinning crazily, going a million miles an hour in orbit, no signs of stopping.
It's no different now. He could smell Kazuki now that they were walking side by side, and he smelled like blood and sweat and tears, but he smelled like sakura and grass and shampoo all the same, still the same old Kazuki, unchanged, beautiful Kazuki. Juubei knew the column of that pale neck, the curve of the shoulder, the texture of hair, Juubei knew it all without ever having it, without that prospect, and being this close to Kazuki, he suppressed a shudder—
And I really thought I could have been free of you.
He followed Kazuki out of the abyss, like he would always follow, one resolute footstep at a time.
end
This is my first Get Backers fic, but Juubei/Kazuki has been my OTP for a long time. ☺ I hope you guys enjoyed it! Feedback is highly appreciated.