"I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when I asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that's why you were here right now also wtf is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger's backyard in the middle of the night?" AU
A crash in her yard woke Regina Mills. The woman bolted upright and listened for any other noises. Not two seconds later, a curse sounded from below her bedroom window. Fearful it could be a burglar, Regina crept to the window and peeked out. Down below in her backyard, was a young woman, stumbling around. She didn't look dangerous, just incredibly stupid for breaking into the Mayor's property. Regina pulled on a bathrobe and slippers and made her way down into the backyard. She burst through the back door to confront the woman, who was currently fawning over a garden statue.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Regina demanded. The woman looked up and stumbled a little. She had a stupid grin on her face and continued to pat the dog statue's head.
"Dogsss are great!" she said, slurring her words. "This is a good dog." Out of nowhere, she turned a little green and puked all over Regina's slippers. Regina jumped back, but it was too late. Her new slippers were ruined. Regina caught the woman before she could fall face first into her own puke. She kicked her ruined slippers off outside the back door - she'd deal with them in the morning - and led the blonde woman into the house.
She sat her drunk guest at the table and got to work brewing a cup of coffee and getting something cooking. Alcohol on an empty stomach made the worst hangovers, and Regina had no idea why she was helping this woman, but she went on and placed a plate of food in front of her.
"Where'd the dog go?" the woman asked. "I think I'm teleporting."
"There is no dog and you are not teleporting. Eat this, you'll feel better." Regina ordered. The blonde woman didn't so much eat as she inhaled the food presented to her. She scalded her tongue multiple times on the coffee, but eventually finished everything.
"You can sleep on the couch. We'll talk about things in the morning." Regina said. She led the girl to the living room where she started to help her out of her boots. It was when she tried to help her remove her tight skinny jeans when the girl freaked out.
"Stop kicking!" Regina hissed, hoping her son wasn't woken up from all the fuss this blonde stranger was making. The blonde was still intoxicated and was pounding on Regina's back, so Regina left her jeans where they were.
"Fine, sleep in your ridiculously tight pants." Regina huffed. So the blonde did. Within seconds, the woman was snoring away. Regina covered her with a throw and trudged up to her room, dead tired now that it was nearing 4 AM and she had to take Henry to school in the morning. She also had work, but she didn't trust the woman downstairs enough to leave her alone in her mansion, so she figured she could take a day off, if only to make sure the woman was okay. Regina drifted off to sleep and dreamed of a certain blonde woman.
Emma Swan woke up in a strange place. The pure white walls and plush leather couch were way too clean and expensive to belong to her tiny little apartment. How did she get here? She remembered going to the Rabbit Hole with her friends. She remembered five shots and dancing on a table with Ruby, then... nothing. The smell of bacon got her sitting up. She frowned at the feel of a dull thumping in her head. She closed her eyes and tried to massage the pain away.
"Aspirin?" A sultry feminine voice asked. Emma wondered for a second if she had a one night stand, but peeking out from behind her fingers, she shot down that idea. No way in hell could she get a woman like that, even if they were both drunk. This lady looked rich and not the kind of person you'd meet in a bar. With her dark hair and eyes, those red lips... wait... isn't that the Mayor? Oh, God what did she do last night?!
"Thanks." Emma said, taking the offered pill and swallowed it down with a glass of water.
"So, can you tell me who the hell you are and why you were in my backyard in the middle of the night?" The woman's beautiful features turned angry.
"Um... Emma Swan. And I did that?"
"Yes, then you proceeded to vomit all over my feet, thus ruining my slippers!" Emma flinched when the woman's voice raised in volume. Regina took pity on the woman and lowered her voice again.
"Yes. And you were petting my lawn ornament." Regina answered.
"Wait... was it a dog? You mean that wasn't real?" Emma frowned, searching her very fuzzy memory of the night before.
"No, it was not real." Regina confirmed.
"Damn, I was drunk." Emma groaned.
"I hope this isn't a common occurrence." Regina commented.
"No. It was my friend's bachelorette party. We went out for drinks, then Ruby and I did some shots... and that's all I remember. Though I did have a dream I was playing with a hundred dogs..." Regina's mouth quirked upwards unintentionally. This Emma Swan was actually quite beautiful. And though she wanted to stay mad at her, there was something about her that intrigued her.
"Well, when you sober up, you're welcome to have some breakfast. There's some leftover eggs and bacon waiting for you in the oven and I can start some coffee." Regina offered.
"I don't know, I've taken up enough of your time. I should probably go." Emma said, trying to ignore the pounding in her head.
"Nonsense, at least stay for breakfast." Regina said. "Besides, we need to talk about how you're going to pay for those slippers." Regina smirked and sauntered off towards the kitchen.
"You are too good to me." Emma said as she followed her. Emma collapsed at the table as Regina put a cup of coffee in front of her.
"Thanks... Madame Mayor."
"Regina." Regina answered, taking Emma's breakfast plate from the oven and putting it in front of Emma.
"Thanks, Regina. And sorry about last night. Like I said, this kind of thing doesn't usually happen."
"And I should let you know, I don't usually allow drunken strangers in my house." Regina said.
"Then why did you?" Emma asked.
"I'm not sure." Regina and Emma locked eyes, both watching the other. Emma thoughtfully nibbled on a slice of bacon. Now that she was 99% more sober, Emma felt self-conscious. Her usually never-ending hunger was suddenly suppressed, a fact Regina had noted.
Emma knew almost nothing about Mayor Mills. She was rich, she had a son named Henry... and that was it. She didn't even know if she was married, yet the woman's gaze was sending tingles all throughout her body. But what if she was reading her wrong? Was Regina Mills even into her, or not?
"I- I think I should go now." Emma said, standing up from the table. "Thank you so much for helping me out, but I should get home before someone files a missing persons report on me."
"Very well. Goodbye, Miss Swan."
Regina went to work after all, but around lunch time, a package was delivered to her office. She asked who it was from, but the intern didn't seem to know. She thanked him and sent him away before sitting at her desk and opening it. Inside was a pair of fluffy white slippers with bunny faces on them. It wasn't anything she would pick out herself, but it was undeniable who they were from. The thought sent a smile to her face. There was a note inside, which read:
"Sorry about the slippers. Here's a new pair. I have matching dog ones ;)
So I was wondering, and sorry if I read you wrong, but would you like to have dinner sometime? Or lunch? I promise not to have a recreation of last night.
-Emma Swan"
Regina had a full on grin by this point. She hadn't dated since before she adopted Henry. Then her reputation for being the stern Madame Mayor kept everyone away. She'd never dated a woman, unless that college adventure with her best friend counted. She picked up the phone and called her secretary.
"Get me the number for Emma Swan." She had a date to plan.
A.N.: Not gonna lie, I based a little bit of this fic on Swoozie's story of when he got really drunk.