6 YEARS AGO
"We never wanted it to be this way for all... our lives..." Gerard sang with his unique, unmistakable voice.
He looked at Frank. He knew he had to kiss him, apart from the fans, and the fact that it made the crowed go wild, Gerard loves kissing Frank, so hot and furious, yet sweet and fun.
He came over to Frank. Frank let go of his guitar, put his arms around Gerard's waist, and they kissed for about ten seconds until Gerard pushed him away and started singing. The crowd roared, or squealed rather, and Frankie was smiling uncontrollably.
After the show, Frank and Gerard went to a unseen location, the distant screams of fans still in the audience.
"You know I love you Frank, forever?" Gerard said, as Frank was lighting up a cigarette, that they both shared.
"Of course Gee, I love you too." Frank took a drag and passed it to Gerard. Gerard held it in his hand, and after Frankie exhaled the smoke, Gerard pushed Frankie lightly against the wall. He leaned in and kissed him lightly, passionately.
Frank didn't oppose, quite the opposite, he put his arms around Gerard and pulled him in closer, Gerard hands intertwined in Franks long black hair, a bit greasy, but he didn't mind.
They kissed until they Mikey came around the corner. They pulled apart and blushed like little kids, sheepishly smiling, Mikey just rolled his eyes.
"Let's get on the road guys." Mikey said.
Gerard grabbed Frank's hand, and they walked together, fingers laced, just like that.
NOW.
Frank looked at the ground. He loved his beautiful children. His gorgeous wife. Though something was missing. Something important. He just didn't know what.
His life felt bare. Empty. He didn't know why. He was in a amazing rock band with his best friend.
Friend.
Gerard was his friend, and that's now all he can be. Frank had to move on, but he didn't know if that was exactly possible. His eyes watered up with the memory. He could still hear Gerard saying "I'll love you forever, Frankie!" He didn't know forever was so short. Tears streamed down Franks face. He wiped them away with his sleeves. He was meeting the guys in 30 minutes.
"But I love you Gerard..." Frank said aloud, to know one. He fell to his knees, and buried his face in his hand, "I love you, Gee..." Tears pouring out of Franks eyes. "Why don't you love me anymore?" He cried for a few minutes, uncontrollably. He just loved Gerard so much. He thought that Gerard love him... And maybe he did, 'til the fight. The fight that was about him drinking.
The fight that ruined Frank's life.
5 YEARS LATER
"Daddy!" Lily screamed when she arrived home from school. "Daddy! My new teacher says, that she loves My Chemical Romance, and she says that she is so excited to be teaching your daughter, me, and it's so cool! And she sat me and Bandit next to each other and she's super nice, but Cherry got the mean teacher, Mrs. Brable. She was so upset; she doesn't know anyone in that class." She babbled on and on like most six year olds do.
"That's awesome sweetie! Where is Cherry?" He asked.
"She and Bandit are playing in the back yard, Uncle Gee said that I could too, but I wanted to see you because I missed you Daddy." Lily hugged Franks leg.
"I missed you to sweetie." Frank patted Lily's head and told her she can go play outside now. She rushed out to go play. Frank went to the garage where he was getting Miles out of his booster seat.
"Miles! How Pre-school buddy?" He asked his 5 year old son.
"It was fun! We got candy. The teacher said that she has heard of your band and she thinks it's so cool. But Daddy, I was kinda afraid, 'cause the other kids were mean and took all the crayons!"
"Hey buddy, it's okay, just politely ask them to share, then ask the teacher to help if he doesn't share, okay?"
"Okay Daddy." Miles went off to go play, but tripped over his laces, Frank caught him from falling.
"Watch it, tie your shoes!"
"Okay." Miles said but instead just took them off.
Frank talked to Gerard, "Thanks for picking them up, I was so tired from working on that album last night."
"I can't wait to hear see our fans reactions. The reuniting of My Chemical Romance, after 5 years..." Gerard's face grew long, sullen, he was thinking of the accident.
"Hey, it will be okay, they are in a better place." Frank put his hand on Gerard's shoulder, comforting him.
"I know, I'm just so scared for Bandit. Also Lily, Cherry, and Miles. Miles barely even knew his mother..."
"Well get through this. With the love of our fans, our family, and each other, we can, I know this."
He smiled at Gerard, "Let's go inside, they will want snacks soon."
Gerard thought of the loss of his beautiful wife Lynd-z. He developed a severe depression when she and Jamia had the accident. Frank and the kids got him through. He's better now, but he misses her. Though he feels better knowing they are in a better place. Frank had hard times too. Dealing with Jamia and at the same time all of the "where's mommy?" questions, every time Gerard heard Bandit ask that, his heart ripped up and fell to pieces. They understood now. And that was good, but they will still miss them so much.
Frank made peanut butter and apple slices for the kids. Their favorite. Miles would only eat green apples though, and only 4 pieces, so Gerard and Frank shared the rest of the apple.
The kids went back outside. Frank and Gerard wanted to be good dads. They only allowed T.V. for 2 hours a day. Though, they had an entire room filled with art supplies, small instruments, and costumes, they were never bored.
Gerard and Bandit were at Frank's house a lot, because Bandit wanted someone to play with, and Lily, Cherry and Miles liked Bandit, it also gave Gerard time to talk to Frank about ideas for songs and guitar.
Mikey, Alicia, their daughter and Ray and Krista (who is pregnant, and has a son) are coming over tonight to celebrate the reuniting of My Chemical Romance. Mikey and Alicia arrived first, with Jessie in Mikey's arms, sucking her binky, and in a black dress, she's only 1 and a half.
Ray and Krista arrive next with Don, who is three. He runs up and hugs Frank on the leg, he's attached to him.
They all greet each other and decide to go out, since none of them feel like cooking. They decide on a Chinese restaurant.
They ate and talked about old times. Everyone avoiding the subject of the car wreck. They all missed Jamia and Lynd-z. But tonight wasn't about sadness, it was about celebration.
Frank excused himself to go to the bathroom. He went in and a few moments later, Gerard followed. Frank smiled sheepishly. "Hey dude." Frank was just washing his hands. They looked at each other...
Something happened.
Gerard looked into Franks eyes, deeply, his hazel eyes shining. Neither looked away.
Gerard's' cheeks bushed. He broke eye contact and went to the stall, Frank left to go back to the table.
...
Bandit wanted to sleep at Frank's house with Lily and Cherry, so Gerard and her stayed there.
Alicia and Mikey left with a sleeping baby in their arms as well as Ray and Krista.
"Tonight went well," Frank told Gerard as the kids dragged themselves to the bathroom to get ready for bed.
"Yeah, it did." Gerard went to the kitchen. He opened the top shelf and pulled out a bottle of Captain Morgan. Frank rushed over and grabbed it out of his hand.
"Gerard, what the hell is this doing here? Why do you have this?" Frank was alarmed.
"It's just a little something, Frank, no big deal."
"A little something? Gerard, you've been sober for so long, why would you-"
"I can handle it now, Frank. I promise." Gerard smiled at Frank. "It's been years since I had a problem
you know that."
"I know... I just don't want you going through that again, Gerard, it worr-"
"Don't worry," Gerard interrupted. "I'll be fine. Now, do you want some?" Gerard grabbed the bottle back, with a little too much force, that worried Frank even more, but he let it slide.
"Not tonight, I'm good. I'm going to go tuck in the kids, wanna watch a movie?"
"Yeah, I'll put in a horror." Gerard said, horror movies were their 'thing' now. Always.
"Awesome." Frank went upstairs and got Lily and Cherry in their bunk beds, Bandit had a small blow up mattress next to theirs. And put Miles in his 'big boy bed'.
Frank came down stairs, and Gerard was drinking straight from the bottle. "Slow down there, Gee. Get a cup, will ya?" Frank laughed.
"Okay, okay, it's whatever." Gerard got a glass and poured more than a little. That also worried Frank. The bottle was now over half empty.
Gerard sat down next to Frank on the sofa. Gerard downed more of his drink. "Gerard, really, slow down."
"I can handle it, Frank." Gerard didn't even look at him, he just downed a bit more.
"It still worries me. Just slow down a bit?" Frank said, Gerard was already at least a little drunk, if not completely. Frank didn't know how long Gerard had gone back to drinking, which obviously wasn't good either. Frank didn't like this at all; it worried him more than anything that Gerard might go back to his old self.
'No Frank, don't think that," Frank thought to himself. 'He can handle it, times are different, I know that he can do this, I believe in him.' Frank wasn't sure if he truly believed these thoughts, but he tried.
"Frankie, I can handle myself. The kids are up in bed, it's just a little treat to myself. I'll be completely fine, Frankie." Frank looked at him cautiously, but didn't persist.
"If you're sure... Let's just watch the movie." Frank said and turned his head toward the screen. Although only half of him was paying attention, he was preoccupied with the thought of Gerard going back to what he had been. He won't, he can't. He is a father, an uncle, a brother, a best friend, and a front man to My Chemical Romance, who is coming back after five whole years. Frank knew (or wanted to know) that Gerard wouldn't let a little alcohol get in the way of all of that. Especially the dad part, Gerard loved being a dad of the little eight year old girl, she was everything to him.
When the movie was over, Frank looked at Gerard. Gee was passed out on the couch, drooling a little, Frank admits, seeing that again after everything, it stung, it really hurt. Frank tried to get Gerard up.
"Come on," Frank said, trying to heave him up. Gerard mumbled something, but gave in and stood up, although wobbly and woozy looking, he and Frank went up the stairs.
Frank inserted him into his bedroom. Let him fall onto his bed, and he helped him out of his shoes at least. Next he got his jacket off of him, and that looked enough, he covered Gerard up, and turned out the light, though first looking at him with a sullen face, 'Aw, Gerard, don't go back to liquor, please...' he shook his head sadly, 'Please...', he closed the door and went across the hall to check on the kids. They were sound asleep.
He looked at Bandit, even when she was sleeping, he could see Lindsey in her, and Gerard. Then he looked at his own angels, Lily had mommies beautiful eyes. Cherry had her smile. Miles had her adorable little nose. They all had dark hair, like mommy and daddy, and they were all the most precious things in the world to Frank. He wished that Jamia could have been there growing up with them, she would have been so proud. Tears started to flood his eyes.
He closed the room and went into his own room, which originally was the guest room, Frank has mostly taken over now. Pansy was in the corner, he had clothes in the closet or dresser, he even had pictures of the kids on the side table. The most beautiful one being Frank, Jamia, and all three of the kids. They were so much younger then, but it was his favorite, they were all happy.
Even if Frank wasn't.
Frank was still in love. He couldn't fight it. He wasn't sure how much he wanted to fight it. He loved his best friend. He was in love with Gerard. This made Gerard drinking hurt, just that much more. Frank made it a priority to not even drink beer anymore, so that Gerard will also stay strong.
Frank changed into sweat pants and a tee-shirt before jumping into his bed, and turning out the light.
He didn't know of what was to follow in the next few weeks. He didn't know the horror, pain, endless nights. All he knew was that Gerard had a little liquor, and that was it.
It wasn't it.
...
Frank looked at the clock for the fourth time in 3 minutes. 'Where is he?' Frank thought to himself. He had just put the kids down and waited for Gerard to get back home from where ever he went tonight. He had been doing this for days. Go out at around four; come home at maybe three in the morning in a taxi, piss drunk and falling over. The first night, after Frank had put him in his bed, he went to the bath room and cried for fifteen minutes. His hands buried in his face. This was happening again, no way to deny it.
The day that Bandit asked why daddy wasn't out was the day Frank snapped on Gerard. This morning Frank had told Gerard to be back by eight o'clock. It was now eight fifteen and no sign of him. Frank sighed.
At around one o'clock, Gerard pulled up in the drive way. He was driving himself. He came in, his long black hair soaked with sweat.
Though he wasn't drunk.
He was high. Frank didn't yet know what on, so he tried to find out.
"Gerard!" Frank said, not loudly so that the kids don't wake up and see this, but in a harsh tone. "What are you on, Gerard?" he asked.
"None of your business, butt head," Gerard laughed as though what he had said was funny. Frank done into his pocket, and came out with pill tabs from Percocet's.
"You're doing perks!" Frank was furious at Gerard. And a little heart broken. "What the hell Gerard, what happened to you?"
"NOTHING!" Gerard yelled at the top of his lungs, he was about to wake up the kids, so Frank took him outside.
"GERARD," Frank snapped, as they got out on the patio. "What the hell were you thinking taking Perks!?" Frank was so upset that it took everything he had not to cry, Gerard was definitely going back to his old ways. "Gerard..." Frank whimpered his eyes watery.
"You don't understand what it does... for me..." Gerard's words were everywhere, he probably didn't, or barely knew what he was saying.
"No Gerard, you don't understand what this is like for me! You come home every night, drunk and now this! Gerard, you said you could handle it. You said you could do it..." Frank put a hand on his shoulder.
Gerard shrugged his hand off, "You don't even care, Frank..." Gerard said almost soberly.
"Yes, Gee, I do care, I care more than anything. Gerard..." Frank trailed off.
"What Frank, what is it that you will say that you think will change anything?"
"I... Gerard..." Frank couldn't bring himself to say it.
"That's what I thou-"
"Gerard I love you!" Frank spurted out, Gerard looked at him with wide eyes, "I am in love with you, I never stopped being in love with you, Gee... I still remember kissing back stage, holding hands, sharing a cigarette. Do you remember, Gerard? Do you remember?" Frank looked at him with pleading eyes... Gerard broke the stare.
"Of course... Of course I do Frank. You know I do..." Gerard was still high, so Frank knew anything said here might just be forgotten.
"Then don't you understand why this hurts me. You doing this to yourself, neglecting your daughter, and then going out and getting stoned or drunk? Don't you see the damage it's doing?
"Yeah, doesn't mean that I can stop, Frankie boy." What was happening to Gerard? "I can't stop, I'm in too deep now."
"No, Gerard you aren't you can get help again, remember? You got out of it last time. You can do it again."
"No I can't' Frank. I can't. I don't want too."
Frank was literally falling apart at the hands of this conversation. "Gerard, don't you love me anymore?"
Gerard looked away.
"Gerard..." Franks eyes were gleaming with tears. "Don't you... love me?" Hot tears were streaming down Franks cheeks. He was falling apart with this, "Don't you love me Gerard?"
"Frank... I, I can't." Gerard turned away. "I'm sorry." Gerard rushed in to the house. Frank almost dropped to his knees.
"Gerard..." Frank cried, slowly going down to the ground. "Gerard..." Franks heart was broken. Completely gone.
Frank sat out there for about fifteen minutes, pouring out his eyes. Screeching for the love of his life to come back and hold him and say that he's better, that he does love him. That he wants to be with him. That he needs to be with him.
But that never happened.
He never came.
Frank picked himself up. He felt tired, and heart broken. All he wanted to do was cry and go to sleep. He went in.
He walked by Gerard's room, where the door was open, and the light was on.
The room was empty.
Frank thought nothing of it, until he got back to his room, and there was a note on the door.
'Frank,
I do love you to tell you the truth. But I can't do this, Frank, I'm sorry. I'm going out for a while, I need a drink, and I'll be back sometime.'
Frank wasn't sure how to feel. Gerard loved him, but he couldn't do this? What was 'this'? What happened to Gerard?
And then the part that he hated, how Gerard went out to get a drink that hurt him even more. Frank dismissed it, he needed sleep.
Frank climbed into bed without changing, turned out the lights, and fell asleep as soon as he hit the pillow.
...
"Daddy! Daddy! The phone is ringing! The phone is ringing!" Said Cherry, she was on his bed, holding the phone out, Frank looked at the clock; it's six in the morning, why... It didn't matter, he guessed, he answered it.
"Hello?"
"Yes, Mister Iero?" It was a pleasant sounding woman on the other side.
"This is him, yes." Frank got out of bed.
"Sir, do you know a Gerard Way?"
"Yes, I do, is everything okay?"
"I'm sorry, but there has been an accident, we need you to come to the hospital right away."
"Is he okay?"
"It's best if you just come yourself, sir." She said.
"Ok-okay, I'm on my way."
"Thank you, bye." She hung up. Frank sprang off the bed.
He got dressed and went down stairs, about to get in the car when Lily asked him a question, he didn't hear. "Oh... We have to get you guys somewhere."
He opened up the phone, and dialed the neighbor.
"Hello?" Mrs. Finskey asked in a tired voice.
"I'm so sorry to bother you, it's Frank. Gerard has been in an accident, would you be able to watch the kids, I have to go to the hospital."
"Why of course sweetie, is he okay?" She asked, she was a sweet old lady who lived alone, she loved kids.
"I'm not quite sure." Frank said, he knew panic was in his voice.
"You go right on ahead; I'm on my way over this minute." She said.
"Thank you so much, Mrs. Finskey, I really appreciate this."
"No problem, dearie." She answered, they hung up. She was there maybe 2 minutes after they hung up, and Frank left.
"Good bye, be on your very best behavior kids!" He hollered as he was leaving.
"We will, love you daddy!"
"Love you too."
Frank got in the car and drove the fastest he could without breaking the speed limit too much. He arrived at the hospital.
He walked up to a nice looking lady up front and asked for Gerard Way. A docter came up behind him and introduced his self.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Ronnel."
"Frank," He shook his hand, but his eyes were pleading for information.
"Frank, your friend was driving under the influence..." Frank nodded his head, although mortified. "He went straight through a red light, and was hit by and on coming eighteen wheeler." The doctor looked sullen.
The doctor and he walked to a room. The doctor stood at the door, and talked.
"Gerard had major internal bleeding, that couldn't be stopped. Frank, there is no easy way to put this, but... You friend didn't make it."
Franks eyes that had been watering the whole conversation, were now pouring. He fell to his knees; his heart was torn up into shards.
"But, he said... he said he loved me." Frank whispered to himself.
He buried his face in his hands. He started screaming. "No! Gerard! No!" His sobs were attracting eyes, but he didn't care.
He looked up at the doctor with a sullen face.
"Where... Where is h-he?" Tears were still pouring in a steady stream down Franks face.
"Right in here," The doctor opened the door, and switched on a light.
"I'll leave you to your grievances, I'm very sorry for your loss."
Frank slowly walked up to Gerard's lifeless body.
"Gee..." Frank said allowed, in between sobs. "Gee..."
Frank sat on his bed, caressing his face, his hair. He laid down, next to Gerard, holding him, smothering his face into Gerard's chest.
"Gerard, I love you." He said his voice wobbling. "Gerard... I love y-you." Tears were soaking through Gees shirt. "Gerard, don't you l-love me? Don't-Don't you love me Gerard?" he kept sobbing quietly. "Gerard!" the strain in his voice hurt his throat, but he didn't notice. "Ger-Gerard... I love you." he grabbed a hand full of Gerard's beautiful hair, and held it, "Gerard," he whispered, "Don't leave me here, don't do this..." "Gerard!" he sobbed harder, breathing raspier. "Gerard I love you! Don't go.. Don't leave m-me!"
"Gerard... Don't you love me?" He squeezed against his body, wanting an answer more than anything. "Gerard, please.. Love me..." He sobbed, his eyes were swollen, his face red. "Gerard!" He screeched, "Gerard!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, in the silence. He cried like an infant, holding the love of his life in his arms. Holding him for dear life.
"No... Gerard! Don't go..." he squeezed harder, "I LOVE YOU; I LOVE YOU; I LOVE YOU; I LOVE YOU; I L-LOVE YOU!..." He screamed, he kept screaming. "No!" "I mean this, forever..." He couldn't do anything but cry.
And that's all he ever does now days. He takes care of the kids, (he gained custody of Bandit, who is now in therapy for emotional therapy.) and he cries. He lost the love of his life that night, and he couldn't do anything about it.
On his dresser, he has a picture of him and Gerard holding hands, from the old days, and part of a note that said "Frank, I do love you to tell you the truth." He looks at it every night before he goes to bed, crying, dreaming, of holding his loves hand again, and being able to feel the sweet touch of his lips, once more.