Oh right yeah the disclaimer! Erm...I do not own Cats. There. Oh and, I wish I could say that this is an original idea, but it's not. I knicked it off Monty Python. Sorry Monty!

Also this might make you chuckle if, like me, you are a little bit insane. If not then its ok. You're normal!

A big thank you to IrredescentDawn443 (love your name btw!) for a rave review! Haha!

Jellylorum: Alright love?

Jennyanydots: Yeah Demi how ya doin me duck?

Demeter: Actually not so good today Jenny and Jelly.

Jm: Why what's up?

Js: Yeah you're usually so chipper these days.

D: It's me and Munk.

Jm: What about you's two? Tell me you haven't been fighting again, have you?

D: That would be preferable to what's going on lately. *Starts to cry.

Jm: Oh love! Ere Jenny get us a cup of tea and you can tell us all about it, Dems.

Js: Yeah we're here to help, love.

D: It's just, he's so busy all the time that he hardly ever pays me any attention. When he comes home in the morning after patrolling all night, all I get is a peck on the cheek and a "Morning Honey". Then he eats his tea and goes straight to sleep. He doesn't even say "I love you" when he leaves anymore.

Jm: Peck on the cheek? Peck on the cheek? Oh how I'd have cherished such displays of affection! You're lucky to get a kiss at all, young lady!

D: Am I?

Jm: Aye. When my husband (God rest his soul) came home, all I'd get was a "Where's me tea wench!" Then he'd stuff his face, complain about me cooking and then after that he'd expect me to lie on me back for him!

Js: I used to dream of my husband acknowledging my existence! No, when he'd come home after a week of being God knows where, I'd get a beating to within an inch of me life cos tea weren't on the table and then another one after cos he didn't like the tea.

Jm: Does he say goodbye to you, love? You know, when he leaves?

D: Not always. A lot of the time he's gone before I wake up.

Jm: Ah! That's so considerate of him not to wake you up, ain't it Jenny? Mine used to kick me in the head when I were fast asleep just for fun and then while disappearing on out the door he'd yell, "You'd better be ere when I gets back bitch so I can give you a good thrashing!" I'd look forward to him coming home!

D: That's another thing. Me and Munk want another kitten, but we only get to do it once a week, if that!

Jm: Wow, once a week? Blimey! If I was lucky I'd get it once a month.

Js: Once a year if I were lucky!

Jm: Yeah you're lucky yours actually makes love to you still. Mine used to shout at me, call me a useless fat cow, then he'd rape me. Then I'd have to put up with his bleedin snoring!

Js: Oh! To be shouted at! Mine just used to thrash me with his belt, the he'd half choke me before burying me in the ground.

D: If he buried you how come you're sat here talking to us?

Js: I used to have to dig meself out every morning.

D: Blimey!

Jm: So yeah love. You and Munk. You got something there. Something worth treasuring.

Js: Yeah I'd have loved to have had me a tom like that. He's a good one. Don't you forget it!

Jm: Remember though love. All toms are bastards. You just get different levels of bastard. I'm afraid yours is a low level one which is knight in shining armour territory. Mine were top level bastard all the way through. Couldn't wait for the git to drink himself to death.

Js: I murdered mine.

D: What!?

Js: Oh yeah! When things got so bad and he moved from beating me with a belt to hitting me with the fire poker, I waited till he was asleep and bashed his brains out with a frying pan. So you could always try that dear, see if it works?

Jm: Or you could just go and give him a big kiss from us. Look there he is now come to see ya look. Alright Munk? We were just talking about you! Nothing bad of course!

Hee hee! Thanks for reading. This was based on the Four Yorkshiremen sketch so if you haven't checked it out I really think you should!