Okay hallo everyone :D This is a story idea I have had for what feels like forever and finally I'm uploading it! It is my first oneshot (a verry long oneshot focused on loss and hope :D I hope you like it, and before I start talking too much, here is the story!
(Disclaimer I do not own Naruto is I did many dead characters would still be alive and well .)
"Sleep my love, sleep my love, the moon is high in the sky my love, close your eyes... don't you cry..." Yuki Uchiha hummed to the newborn in her arms. As the pale girl looked down at the baby cradled in her arms, all black hair and sleepy onyx eyes, wrapped in red and white cloth, she couldn't help but let a lone tear run down her ashen cheek, glistening before splashing onto her lap like a crushed diamond; and just like that diamond, she'd been crushed - or maybe the world was caving in on her threatening to crush her at any moment. One thing she knew for sure though was that a piece of her heart had been crushed, dispersed, gone forever. It was nights like this that Yuki hated, nights where she couldn't find sleep no matter how hard she tried. Nights like this that she was able to think and feel; let her mind wander to painful places, places that during the day what with taking care of Rize and struggling to deal with the turbulence of everyday life, she didn't have time to wander to. Such painful places.
She remembered the first day she'd spoken to him, the memory was clear as day and it was one she cherished, a memory that was and would always be a part of her. It had been another day in Ninja school - boring and tedious with the odd delinquent getting sent out of class. Avid note-taking Yuki had never really spoken to the withdrawn raven who sat by the window, his chin perched up on his hand, his black eyes distant, clearly in another world far from the rest of the class. Now that she thought about it, she supposed the reason she never approached him was because she was... shy. The mention of his name sent heat rushing to her face and when his dark, mysterious gaze met hers - though only fleeting - she couldn't forget the weakness in her knees and her sudden need for a drink of water. But she was drawn to him. She always had been. Something in those jet black eyes intrigued her, a curious and insatiable longing to know more. So she'd come to a firm conclusion to admire him from afar, to glance over at him when he wasn't looking, to replay in her mind over and over the accidental 'moments' they shared such as when her books had fallen out of her grip - which seemed to weaken when he was around - and he'd picked them all up for her or when her pen ran out of ink during an essay and he'd passed her his spare one. With a smile.
Yuki remembers, it was rare for him to smile but when he did, it was so perfect. It sparked a light within her, warm and glowing, lasting for days. Itachi kept to himself mostly except for when he was with Shisui or his little brother Sasuke. He not only smiled then, he laughed and made silly jokes and looked truly happy. It was as if those two people brought out a side of him that no one else saw - excitable and full of energy - a side that no one else saw except Yuki of course who had chosen to admire Itachi from a distance. As a result her friends always told her that she was borderline 'stalkerish' but Yuki didn't care. She didn't know how else
to love him. She'd wished she was able to bring out that fun-loving side of him too but she had no idea how to go about it."Yuki-chan! You're basically spying on Itachi-kun, why don't you just approach him?" Her best friend Kagura had urged so many times but each time Yuki oh so stubbornly refused. Kagura had things easy with her confident attitude and long blonde hair that constantly had boys craning their necks to fetch a glance at. Yuki on the other hand had zero to no experience with boys and was beyond afraid of rejection from this cold, calm Uchiha who had probably turned down so many proposals in the past. She was terrified of being heartbroken. In such a short space of time, she'd fallen so far in love with him and he didn't even know. But Yuki preferred things that way, preferred to save herself the embarrassment of having her feelings harshly turned away.
Yuki kept her feelings to herself all the way until the day her class graduated to Genin and everyone was sorted into three man teams each lead by one jonin level sensei. In a way the transition from rookie to genin brought with it the transition from hiding her feelings to showing them. Well, being forced to show them at least. Yuki could recall it like yesterday; charismatic blonde Shizuka Sensei calling out the team number: team 5, followed by those three names that made the unit: Hikari Yuki, Hyuuga Keigo and Uchiha Itachi. Yuki remembered how her stomach had somersaulted in that moment and how for a frightening second her heart had threatened to fail her. Never in her life had she expected to have to face her feelings so suddenly, so unprepared.
And so the three of them made team 5: quiet Yuki, proud Keigo and aloof Itachi. Weeks passed and swiftly turned into months and the three young ninja spent almost every moment together with their brilliant leader Hitsugaya Sensei. Mission after mission came and they were all completed with the teamwork, skill and dedication the three had been taught to apply to every situation since they could walk. And still, Yuki admired Itachi. But it was different now - they spoke now, though not as much as Yuki had hoped because she found that with Itachi, she was always too nervous to talk, too timid to continue a conversation. Before they were genin, she'd seen him in class, scoring full marks in written exams, perfectly reciting the 'rules of shinobi' word for word in that eloquent, well trained way of speaking he always used but never in her life had she expected him to have such amazing practical skill. She would watch him fight and hardly believe he was just genin level. His skill was reminding of an experienced Jonin. The high level jutsus he used with such ease, his ability to think up strategies in the tensest of battle situations, his incredible speed and agility - he was a true genius.
This only made Yuki's starstruck admiration for him grow stronger and more intense to the point that she aspired to be like him. She wanted to catch up to him, to walk by his side always, to not have to be protected so much but to be the one doing the protecting. So when she wasn't occupied with either team missions or acting cashier at her family florist, Yuki trained... and trained and trained. She focused all her free time on training - on becoming stronger and catching up to Itachi so that he'd notice her more and maybe even approach her. Each time she practiced a jutsu, or worked to improve the force and speed behind her kicks, Itachi was the one at the forefront of her mind. Her focus was set on him as much as it was on improving her technique. She could just imagine him approaching her after a mission, candor in those piercing obsidian eyes, his velvety black hair whipping in the warm summer breeze, that rare smile gracing across his lips, lighting her up inside: "you did really well today Yuki," he would say, "I've noticed how strong you've gotten." That was her motivation, he was her motivation.
Seasons passed and team five only grew stronger and closer as a unit. As fast as they'd become genin, they graduated to the next stage of being a ninja. Chuunin. The chuunin exams were gruelling, daunting, frightening but thanks to Itachi's genius, they passed and with flying colours too. How many times during the second stage of the exams - the forest of death - had Itachi's intelligence and skill saved her from sure death, she didn't know but it had. He'd saved her many times.
The day for the official 'chuunin graduation ceremony' came about a week after the actual excel from genin to chuunin. It was held in the great hall. All the newly initiated chuunin had sat at beautifully decorated tables with their families as the awards and certificates were called out one by one. Yuki's mother had fussed over her like she was a baby and not an independent fourteen year old girl, telling her how proud she was and what a 'good girl' Yuki had grown up to be. She'd pinned her long black hair into a fancy updo kept in place with elaborately adorned chopsticks and for the first time Yuki was allowed to wear the expensive makeup from the high-end stores and not from the corner shop nearby. That had been exciting. "You're going to be the belle of the ball!" Her mother had sang merrily, brushing rouge onto her lips and rimming her eyes with black kohl which was apparently meant to bring out their sparkling navy blue.
Yuki had sat between her elegant mother and dignified father - her back straight, hands on her lap like her mother had told her - taking timid sips of sake every now and again as the festivities of the evening wore on. She remembers several people complimenting her on her kimono; the deep blue colour, the richness of the material, the way it set off the paleness of her skin and the navy blue of her hair because in truth her hair was more navy blue than black. And each time she'd smiled and curtsied a grateful 'thankyou' which was from the heart. But there was only one person who she truly wanted to notice her, one person who
she wanted to tell her that she looked beautiful. That person was sat just two tables away from her with his kin, his dark hair falling over his face just so as the warm lighting illuminated his graceful features. She looked over at his charming little brother Sasuke, barely seven and with the same piercing black eyes and dark, dark, glistening hair. Then his best friend and cousin Shisui, his father Fugaku and his mother Mikoto, beautiful and dignified. For a cheek burning moment, Yuki had imagined herself next to Itachi on that table, her slender, pale hand held tightly in his. She didn't know how long she'd been staring at him or how smitten her gaze had been but when she came to, he was looking straight at her, those piercing black eyes fixed on her, intense as the red hot of a
burning fire. And that was how they'd shared their first real moment - more real than a pen being passed or notebooks being hastily handed over - this was a secret glance, two gazes meeting each other, exposed and honest as truth itself and she could swear that for a red thread formed between them. Yuki's heart had fluttered within her chest then and as soon as she'd looked up, she'd dropped her gaze again, her face flushed and her heart thudding, her fingers restless.
The moment was over but it stayed within her for the rest of that night, true as the beating of her heart and even now thinking about it, that intense feeling hadn't died - no, it still felt as real and burning as if it she were still in that moment.
In the weeks following their exchange more secret glances were passed between Yuki and Itachi - during training or at Kagura's weekly house parties and each time, she'd spent the rest of the day feeling warm and complete inside.
She also plucked up the bravery to talk to him - really talk to him. It was on a warm Sunday afternoon and Itachi had strolled right into her family florist but he wasn't there for two had talked and talked at the checkpoint until the quaint little shop closed it's doors at nightfall, pausing only for the occasional customer. In the end, he'd told her how her hair reminded him of anemones which were the colour of the
midnight sky, a glistening indigo blue. She'd gone to sleep happier that night than she'd done in weeks and something within Yuki felt complete, she didn't know back then what it was but thinking back, it was love. A kind of love she'd never before experienced, never before felt but it was good.
Yuki thought back to the morning she'd sat down with her mother to talk. Her mother didn't know about her and Itachi yet. It wasn't that Enju Hikari never asked her daughter about love interests and the like, no, she was forever asking about 'that handsome Hyuuga boy' or 'the sweet boy who lived next door'. Yuki has just never taken a liking to the subject and would always manage some witty way to change the dismiss the topic. But with Itachi, how she yearned to tell someone about how she felt. Kagura had left town for the year and the rest of Yuki's friends couldn't keep a secret if their lives depended on it so she turned to her mother. 'What could go wrong' she'd thought.
Yuki had approached the matter gently, not sure how to admit she was in love. But she was, so she'd figured saying it plainly would suffice. She'd looked right into her mothers eyes, optimistic blue gaze meeting grey and in one long barely coherent string of words, she'd told her mother everything about Itachi from the beginning to the present moment. And the look of horror on her mothers face is something that would be an imprint on her mind forever.
"An Uchiha?" She'd cried, "you want to dirty our clean bloodline with that filthy clan?" It had been an unexpected reaction. Yuki hasn't expected that. Each angry word has stabbed at Yuki's heart, angered her. She supposed that was when she began to rebel because despite her mothers unmasked contempt and disgust towards the Uchiha name, she still spent time with Itachi, still climbed out of her window every night to meet him in secret. In a way, it was the possibility of getting caught, the aspect of secrecy and danger that made things even more exciting, all the more thrilling.
It was impossible to be away from him for too long. Not being with him put a bad feeling in her chest, a sickness cured only when he held her hand in his, or when he hugged her close or smiled that beautiful, rare smile. Besides, her mother couldn't pull her away from him completely. They were a part of the same team and missions needed to be completed together, so did expeditions and daily training - another sign they were inseparable, that they belonged by each others side. The red thread of fate between them was only growing stronger and stronger in spite of her parents efforts to cut it.
The first time he'd said to her he loved her is another day forever printed in Yuki's memory. They'd been sitting on a park bench watching the warm dusky shades of sunset whilst sharing dangos; something that they had grown accustomed to doing as a couple despite Itachi's dislike for anything sweet. He'd looked right at her, lowering his gaze so his dark eyes were part shaded by his long lashes. But they were still as piercing as ever. They seemed to look right through to her soul, to her heart which he'd so easily made himself a part of. And he'd tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear before saying those three words that though short, had stunned her, then made her feel warm inside - the way his smile always did - before making her fall even further in love with him.
And she'd replied "I love you too."
Her voice had been barely a whisper but the moment they passed her lips she knew it was true, that she meant it. Really meant it.
Their relationship only developed after that. Soon enough, just his presence was enough to brighten up the worst of Yuki's days. She only needed to hear his name for every part of her to ache to see say that is what love does. When you've spent so much time with a person, you become so dependant on their presence that they become like oxygen or water; you need them in order to live. And that's exactly how it was for Yuki. She needed Itachi. All those years of admiring him from afar, then all those months of being able to love him - and then and gain his love too, had made him the center of her existence.
Though she'd looked upon his face many times, each time took her aback as much as the first. He was beautiful. His obsidian gaze that seemed to have it's own gravitational force, pulling her in until she became lost in it's beautiful darkness. The tear troughs underneath his eyes that told so many stories, tales of sleepless nights and hard work. The seriousness in the curve of his lips that indicated his solid upbringing. It all fascinated her. Yuki loved reading faces, expressions, looks. She believed that one could tell a multitude of things about a person from just the set of their features. And out of all faces, Itachi's was her favorite to read because she was so good at it. So when those dark eyes became more weary and those lips more frowning, Yuki knew something was wrong. The thought of Itachi being troubled made her heart ache. That's another thing that love does to people: it sews their feelings together with the one they love, it puts their emotions in sync to the point that ones tears become the others, ones heartache becomes the others.
But when she asked, he never told her. Time and time again she'd let a question about his wellbeing slip into their conversations but being intelligent, withdrawn Itachi, he somehow managed to brush those questions away. Yuki hated the feeling of not knowing, the feeling of being left in the dark as to the cause of his pain. She loved him, she wanted to comfort him but how could she when she didn't know what for?
All relationships had their up's and downs but one of Yuki and Itachi's most trying times had been Shisui's death. He'd committed suicide. To say it was a shock would not do it justice. The finality was daunting, looming and intimidating. He was gone. Itachi's eyes which she'd thought looked sad before became so sullen and dark with grief that Yuki couldn't bear it. His cousin and best friend was gone just like that - the only thing left of him a suicide note, his thought just before he'd taken his own life.
Despite having lost someone so dear to him, Itachi never cried - no, Itachi was above letting people see his emotions. He didn't wear his heart on his sleeve and that was a quality Yuki both loved and hated. She loved it because that part in him had taught her to show strength but she hated it because she felt like there was a side of him that she just couldn't unlock and she yearned to know all of him, not just the parts he wished to show. She wanted to know that he trusted her with his emotions like she trusted him with hers.
So on the week of Shisui's funeral when he'd talked to her about the unexpectedness of his friends death, Yuki had urged Itachi to say more. The look in his eyes read only candor as he confided in her about not knowing Shisui was depressed or suicidal and Yuki had listened. She'd listened and every word had brought her unimaginable sadness. She'd almost burst into tears when Itachi called himself a bad friend for not seeing the signs, for letting Shisui die all alone with no one to comfort him. Back then she could only imagine his pain, picture his anguish at the situation but underneath all that Yuki had seen something else within him; an underlying burden, a grief deeper than what was on the surface.
On rainy nights, Itachi would walk Yuki home - as far as he could, of course without getting caught by her parents. He would wrap an arm around her waist and hold her close as if to protect and shelter her from the dangerous outside world. He'd make up terrible impromptu poems that made her laugh, he'd twine her wet hair between his fingers and her face would flush - despite the cold - at his playful yet gentle touch. That's another thing she loved about him. How his presence could brighten the worst of weathers. Because she loved him.
It was on a rainy night that everything changed.
Yuki hadn't been able to sleep, she remembers how the torrential rain had beat down relentlessly and the frequent clap of thunder followed by a flash of lightning had put her on edge. How she'd wished for Itachi to be there to hold her and comfort her. She'd stood at her window waiting for him to appear like he always did on a Monday night. And they'd talk and laugh and flirt till the moon went down and the sun peeked up over the mountain in the east.
But when he came to visit her that night he was different. Too different. He'd been wearing his ANBU gear, his dark velvety hair rain soaked; whipping about his face, a look of agony in his eyes. She hadn't been sure back then whether it was sick guilt or horror - thinking back, she knows it was a twisted cocktail of the two. In his grip was a double edged long sword engraved with the Uchiha clan symbol along the centre of the blade - and covered in Uchiha blood, the blood of his own family. Yuki remembers not recoiling in fear but rather wanting to approach him, to do whatever she could to help. When he'd spoken to her it wasn't the friendly Itachi she knew; the Itachi that doted on her and told her that her hair reminded him of midnight blue anemones and her eyes of the sea on a dark, dark night. Instead he spoke almost as if he was in pain - she knows now that it was pain of the emotional sort, not physical.
Outwardly, he upheld the calm Uchiha exterior she knew, but his anguish still shone through. She hadn't missed the tears that shone in those pitch eyes as he told her not to look for him, never to think about him again, that he loved her but they had to let each other go. She doesn't remember what her thoughts were in that moment; she supposed because she had none. Her mind had gone blank at those oh so final words, frozen for a heart lurching moment. She'd asked him why and he'd said nothing - no answer, static. He was evading her questions, something she'd observed he was very good at.
And in a panic and with confidence she didn't know she had in her she's ran to him and pressed her lips against his. Finally she'd done what she'd dreamt of doing months, finally, she'd shown him just how much he meant to her. The whole world stopped when he pulled her into him on that rainy night with equal parts fierceness and gentleness. She remembers the dizzying sensation of his lips against hers as she held onto him as if he was her lifeline - and he was. She'd do anything - no, she'd go to the ends of the earth to keep him by her side. He was the only thing in her life that made sense. Why hadn't he known that? And
that was their first kiss - more intense than the playful nip of an ear, so much more than an innocent peck on the nose - and as feverish and desperate as it was in all it's entirety as they'd clung on to each other for everything they had left, it's still and always will be the kiss she remembers most. The one that makes her heart thud like it did that night whenever she reflects on it.
But despite them having taken the next step in their relationship, despite her finally - after what seemed like an eternity showing him how much he meant to her, how willing she was to stay by his side, by the next morning he was gone. His parting words: "take care of Sasuke."
When Itachi left, heartbroken is not a word enough to describe how Yuki felt. No, it was more that. Her whole being, everything she'd come to live for, the source of all happiness and fulfilment in her life had simply ceased to exist. It had been too quick, much like Shisui's death. Yuki hadn't just cried, she'd wept and for a short while fallen into a dangerous
depression. Her mother by now had knew of her and Itachi's relationship and she did her best to comfort her distraught daughter but there was always that 'it was for the best' 'he just wasn't good enough for you' tone in her soft, sympathetic voice. And Yuki couldn't stand it - no, it infuriated her.
But as pained as she was, never for a second did Yuki ever give up hope that Itachi would return. He was her lifeline, without him she was slowly drowning. She knew at some point he'd have to be there to pull her out of the deep depths of despair and resuscitate her. News travelled with speed in Konoha, damaging and fast spreading as fire. Before long everyone had heard about the brutal murder of the famed Uchiha clan - at the hands of Itachi Uchiha himself. How he'd killed them all in cold blood, sparing no one but his younger brother Sasuke.
People gossiped and shook their heads in disgust, passers by on the street even cast furtive glances at her and Keigo. After all, they were Itachi's teammates. Yuki felt sorry for Sasuke - poor, poor little Sasuke who cried every single day to her, asking where his family were, where his brother was. What could she have said, 'they're all dead, your kind nii-san killed them all'? Questions circulated, never to be answered for sure. The government knew how to hide things from people but yet, the slaughtering of the Uchiha clan remained the talk of the town. 'How could a fourteen year old or anyone for that matter do such a thing?' 'How does he live knowing he committed such a heinous crime' 'Is he even alive or did he kill himself too, out of guilt?' And each time she heard those words whispered around her, threatening to drive her insane, she did what Itachi would do and kept calm and strong.
She tried her best not to have her hope tainted by the terrifying rumors that came and went - because a lot of them just weren't true. Yuki knew Itachi better than any of the gullible town-people surrounding her. She'd loved him - actually loved him. And she still did and always would. When he'd run away, Itachi hadn't left anything tangible for her to keep hold of but unconsciously he'd taught her so many life lessons that would live with her forever.
And each night she sat by her window watching the stars twinkle and the moon wane. And when the occasional shooting star flashed across her vision, vivid and vibrant as anything, she made the same wish time and time again in her heart: please let me be with Itachi again. How she yearned to be in his strong arms and not have to worry about how bad her day had been or how heavy the rain beat down on the earth. How she'd longed to bask in his indulgent fragrance. How she'd wished to relive their beautiful kiss on that stormy night because despite the harshness of the weather, it had been warm... oh so warm. How she'd hoped against hope that it would not have been their last.
When he'd disappeared, Itachi had left a gaping hole in Yuki's heart. Nothing could fill it up except him. Kagura's hastily arranged blind dates hadn't even begun to patch it up but Yuki had thought it was sweet that her best friend was trying so hard for her. But it wasn't just Yuki who had been affected by Itachi leaving, he was important to so many was a pinnacle of the town: Keigo, his friends, Sasuke...Team 5 was now one member short which though seemingly small was a huge loss seeing as they'd been working together for nearly a year. Itachi's replacement was Tohru Kojima. A charismatic blue haired chuunin originally from the hidden mist village. He was funny and smart... but he wasn't Itachi. Soon enough though, Yuki came to realise that comparing
Tohru to her long lost love would only bring her bitterness and unhappiness because no one else could bring her the joy Itachi had. No one.
In time, with the daily hustle and bustle of Konoha and new issues and affairs arising, the Uchiha clan massacre had become less spoken about and life in the Hidden Leaf returned to normal. For Yuki though, the events of that night were still as clear in her mind as day. She supposed they always would be.
When Yuki had wished for Itachi to return to her, for their first kiss to not be their last, someone must have been listening or the stars working in her favour because one fateful day those very wishes were granted.
It had been six years since he'd left on that night and as those years passed Yuki cannot exactly say she got used to life without Itachi but she did learn how to manage it. She learnt how to deal with the agony of seeing other couples and knowing she no longer had what they had, the anguish of waking up in the middle of the night having dreamt of Itachi but not having him there by her side to hold her. She learnt how to tolerate it.
There was nothing else she could do.
But one day - a rainy spring afternoon, she remembers - now a newly qualified jonin, Yuki was out on an A-class mission in Amegakure. She and her teammates Keigo and Tohru had split up so as to make the search for the Akatsuki more efficient. As they excelled in rank and became Jonin, the missions they completed became more difficult, more dangerous. It hurt that Itachi wasn't there to see how much more skilled she'd gotten since they were last together. How she wished to show him.
The wind had whipped through her long midnight hair as she sped through the woods, enjoying the feel of the earth under her feet, the greens of nature whizzing past her eyes - the speed, the rain. Back when they were still together, Itachi had been the fastest in the class. Without him she most likely would never have become jonin or even chuunin. She sometimes wondered what he was doing wherever he was, the kinds of people he associated himself with... if there were any girls... no, she would not allow her mind to wander to such places. Itachi told her he'd be faithful to her always... but what stopped him from straying a little, after all he was no longer bound to her.
She remembers it being just another mission, nothing about it stood out. Nothing had been out of the ordinary within or around her. Yuki had just been upholding her duties to her village as a Jonin of Konoha. She'd been running for a long time and hadn't seen a single hint concerning the location of their target. She remembers wanting to stop, beginning to doubt how well she'd been keeping to her map but nonetheless her feet just kept going faster and faster and faster still.
Yuki loved running because it occupied her mind. When she ran she didn't have to think or feel or concentrate on things that threatened to make her cry. All she had to feel was ecstasy. The ecstasy of travelling so fast her feet barely skimmed the ground, the rain barely touched her skin. So she didn't stop running, not until she saw the black cloak patterned with red clouds followed by a flash of black hair that almost made her heart stop. Velvety, rain-soaked, whipping about that beautiful face she knew so, so well. And those eyes, black and bottomless as the abyss. Eyes you could lose yourself in.
She remembers halting so suddenly that she had almost lost her balance yet she never once took her eyes off him. She couldn't. Yuki was transfixed, her eyes wide on him as she'd taken step by tentative step nearer to him, unsure whether she was dreaming or indeed awake - or somewhere in between the two. It turned out that she was quite awake because on closer inspection Itachi's eyes weren't black like she'd dreamed so many times. No, they were a rich blood red, piercing and startling with something sinister behind them that would be frightening if he wasn't Itachi.
She supposed she'd thought they were black because that was how she'd seen him so many times. That's how she'd remembered him. When they were fourteen Itachi never used his sharingans except for during battle situations. Now, it seemed they were constantly activated. When she'd called out his name - in a voice so faint it came out as a hitched whisper - and extended a trembling arm in his direction, his lips had parted in a sharp intake of breath and his eyes grew wide, then became clouded by guilt. But he didn't have to be guilty. Yuki knew that everything he'd done had been for a reason. A reason he could explain to her when he felt the time was right. And as painful as it had been, maybe him leaving had been in her best interest. After all, he had told her many times that he would protect her at all costs. Thinking back, he'd only started saying that when his expression began to appear more weary, darker - when she could almost feel the burden he was bearing.
But that didn't matter now - in his own time, he would explain to her everything that had happened all those years ago. As she'd walked towards him in the pouring rain, in the middle of the woods, all that mattered was the fact that he was standing just metres away from her. All she'd wanted to do was run into his arms and never let go. She'd been without him once already and it was an agony she wished never to experience again. Nothing could take him from her now. Forgetting her A-rank mission and the fact that she was probably lost in the woods and the rain soaking through her clothes, she had laid a cautious hand against his chest, surprised by the firm muscle that lay beneath. The years had done him justice. Then with a gasp of joy she had pulled him into a tight hug - having to stretch to her toes because he was taller now - and it seemed that for the first time in what had seemed like forever she was able to just breathe. For the first time in so long she was able to feel his strong arms around her waist, feel his long fringe tickle her neck as he'd placed his chin onto her shoulder, inhale his cedarwood and musk fragrance like it was a sweet, indulgent drug. He'd pulled her in close till there was no distance between their bodies. Just perfect friction.
The rain could have frozen in mid air for all Yuki cared. Itachi was holding her in his warm embrace, smoothing her wet hair down lovingly, saying next to her ear that he was sorry. And she'd half laughed-half cried that he needn't be. How she'd held on to him, half afraid to let go because he was her lifeline. All those years that she'd been drowning were over now because he was back with her. He'd come back to pull her out of the depths of loneliness. He'd come back.
But their relationship couldn't just return to normal as Yuki came to find out. She couldn't just waltz back into Konoha with Itachi by her side under the loving gazes of the townspeople. Itachi had killed his clan - the Uchiha clan - only seven years ago. Less than a generation. Konoha wouldn't simply forget about an event which had caused so much unrest. And just because Yuki accepted him didn't mean everyone else would. Her parents, neighbours, even Kagura who always urged Yuki to forget about Itachi, to stop crying, would hardly welcome him back to the hidden leaf with open arms and smiles. And they hadn't. Nor had he wished to return to Konoha. He was now a member of the Akatsuki. A criminal organisation notorious for capturing jinchuurikis all over the world. His cloak said it, so did the ring he wore so proudly on his finger. She wondered how skilled he'd become since he'd left Konoha, how much visual prowess he'd gained. She knew you had to be unfathomably skilled to be accepted into a group such as the Akatsuki - skilled and ruthless. Itachi now gave off such an aura of confidence, authority, experience far beyond his years.
He was the same but different in so many ways. His sharingans seemed to pierce her through to her soul, peering into her thoughts. To her, it read far more than jutsus and hand signs, it read people, it read her. And then the persuasion began. How Yuki had begged her love to come back to Konoha and how outwardly he'd refused. Itachi was like that - stubborn to a fault. Nothing shook his resolve, not even her words, her pleading blue eyes. Nothing worked so in the end they made a wager. She would meet him outside Konoha's border each week. Yuki had been reluctant at first. She wanted him around all the time not just when it was convenient. But eventually she'd agreed. After all, any time spent with him was precious time no matter how little.
And so they began to meet in secret every week just outside The hidden Leaf border. It was a long journey for Itachi - coming all the way from the hidden rain village - but one he told her he was willing to make. This new thoughtful, philosophical Itachi only made Yuki's admiration for him blossom. He was so dignified and mature now but at the same time he was still the same Itachi she'd been too shy to talk to all those years ago. Whenever they had their rendezvou', Itachi always had a present for her. She remembers him once putting a white rose in her indigo blue hair because he thought it matched the pure whiteness of her skin.
And he'd often tell her how her dark glistening hair and deep blue eyes took him aback with their incredible beauty every time he set eyes on her. He made her feel so beautiful, so loved. She remembers how he'd let her wear his Akatsuki cloak for the fun of it and when it was cold and the billowing wind was icy with rain, he'd wrap it around her shoulders and kiss her from her neck to her collarbone, embracing her with a tingling warmth. Before, she'd always thought that each part of her body was separate - her arms, her legs, her stomach, all different sections forming one unit - but Itachi's touch proved otherwise. Never in all her life had she expected a kiss on the shoulder to be felt all the way down to the soles of her feet, but with Itachi it did. And then there were the days when they'd lie on the soft green grass under the same apple tree and kiss till the sun set, him whispering sweet nothings next to her ear and her giggling like a child again and longing for more. Being with him had been like reliving the times when Yuki had defied her parents to see her love. When her and Itachi would meet at her bedroom window and talk till the sun rose the next morning. When they'd go to the park in secret and share dango on the swinging bench even though Itachi didn't like sweets. It was fun.
But after a few months, an hour a week just wasn't enough and the six gruelling days between those hours frustrated Yuki. If only Itachi would just come back to Konoha for good so that he could hold her whenever and kiss her whenever. And one day she'd told him those very words - that what she had for him was more than want, it was need. She needed him around. And if he wasn't going to return for good at least he could visit Konoha in secret to meet an old friend. It had taken Itachi a while but eventually he'd agreed - not to returning permanently but to grace 'this old friend' with his long awaited presence. Yuki was the embodiment of happiness. Her and Itachi were together again and their relationship bloomed with each passing day. She had had so much hope for their future. It had seemed so bright, so full of positive prospects, a life worth living. Yuki was so overjoyed that right there and then she'd blurted out her innermost thoughts: "After you meet your old friend you and I could elope to another country and make a new life for ourselves!" She remembers being so embarrassed but when she looked up at him - her cheeks flushed with expiration and mortification - Itachi had looked astonished if not amused. He'd just smirked and told her that getting married wasn't completely necessary because what they shared transcended some stamped and signed document. Looking back she knows he just didn't want to get married. He'd wanted to protect her from the stigma of being an Uchiha.
So like they'd agreed; they two had gone to meet Itachi's old friend, Lady Tsunade, who Yuki had in fact trained under privately till she became a jonin. Itachi had crossed the border under cover of disguise, a wide brimmed straw hat shading his eyes and identity. To say that Lady Tsunade had been shocked to see Itachi walk through her rosewood office doors would be a grave understatement. Yuki remembers vividly how the woman had jumped out of her chair, her light tawny eyes impossibly wide, her champagne blonde hair flying loose from its usually well kept fastenings. And then nostalgia had washed over her expression. After all, Tsunade had used to obsess on Itachi's charming looks when he was little. She'd used to coddle him and - admittedly - show favoritism towards him. She had been around when the slaughtering of Itachi's clan took place and she had always held onto the hope that Itachi would return one day. She'd spoken on length with him and doted over him like a mother welcoming back her long lost son. But as wonderful as this emotional reunion was, the rest of Konoha still existed outside Tsunade's office door and not everyone would receive Itachi as well as Tsunade had. So the woman had advised Yuki and Itachi to continue their meetings in secret as ANBU officers were like flies on the wall. They blended into the environment like chameleons and Itachi was high on their wanted list.
Being able to see Aunty Tsunade had done Itachi a lot of good. She could see it in those brilliant red eyes, there was a light in them now that hadn't been there before, a look he only got when something truly wonderful had just happened. It made her heart flutter with joy to know she'd been the one who'd arranged the meeting, the one who'd reunited the two. After that their love just grew stronger and stronger. The number of days they met in secret increased and Yuki began to find it extremely difficult to leave at the end of each meeting. On the days they didn't meet up, they would exchange letters, long expressive letters proclaiming their love and longing for each other. Itachi's letters were always so heartwarming. She loved how sincere they were, yet so beautifully and articulately expressed. Whenever she received one in the mail Yuki would read it over and over again at her desk - half crying half laughing at his sense of humour and sweet words - before folding it away in her jewellery trinket and proceeding to start her own letter back to him.
And so they continued their harmonious existence together. Yuki was happy to just be able to bask in his presence and him in hers. They were more than content to just be near each other, content just to hear each other's voices and listen to each other talk. Glad to just be. When they were together Itachi could be himself. He didn't need to be Itachi Uchiha, the ruthless s-ranked criminal wanted back in him home village for killing his clan. He could - if only for a few hours - discard his iron pride and solid honour and all the things that threatened to destroy his life to shreds and only be himself. The kind, witty, endearing person that he truly was behind the mask of malice he'd been forced to wear. He could be the Itachi that Yuki had seen all those years ago with Shisui, leaning nonchalantly against a tree, flipping coins, laughing and making the kinds of jokes that teenage boys made. Yuki knew that she'd never be able to replace Shisui but she felt in her own way she'd made herself a place in his heart, taught him to love again - properly love.
In the end, it was.
Yuki could count the number of times she'd seen him without his sharingans since their reunion. His eyes - those deep dark endless black eyes were no longer. Instead they were red now, an intense burning red that made her heart race every time she looked into them. It was a part of his identity now, who he was. When she'd asked about it he'd said it was second nature and that his first was loving her. But in the end Yuki came to learn that things couldn't be perfect forever. The idea of living happily ever after was just a far fetched fantasy. A fantasy which, no matter how idealistic, would never be the case for her.
Storms were a bad omen. It was in a storm that Yuki had first lost Itachi. And it was in a storm that she'd lost him again. This time, it would be for good.
It had been painfully cold, the arctic wind had seemed to bite into Yuki's bones as she'd battled against the strong gusts in her jonin gear, the wind blowing her long midnight hair this way and that as she'd tried so desperately not to scream. Itachi and Sasuke were fighting. But it was more than a fight, it was a battle to the death, a battle for revenge. The revenge that Sasuke - Sasuke whose heart had been blackened with grief and subsequently, hatred - had sworn against Itachi for killing the clan, the revenge that Itachi had spared his brothers life for, so Sasuke could live to exact that revenge. Itachi was strong, and Yuki knew that so why did Sasuke have such an upper hand over him? Why was Sasuke winning a fight where all the odds had a been against him?
Because, death was Itachi's wish.
Yuki had begged Itachi not to fight Sasuke, to find a way to resolve he and Sasuke's issues through words rather than blind violence, but he'd been resolute. Not a single one of her words managed to sway him. He was Itachi, strong willed, ever impossible Itachi… stubborn to a fault. And even now as she stared on in terror at the bloody scene, the clash of metal on metal loud as fear itself, ringing through her ears, sending ripples of panic coursing through her nerves, she knew that she'd wanted them to resolve their issues... with no one having to die. But in a fight to the death, at least one life would be sacrificed. Heartbreak would ensue. That was just the way things worked. That was the world's way of punishing people. To Yuki the fight had been a flurried frenzy of blood and violence and hatred, the two brothers much too fast for her eyes to follow, blurring into one. She was panicking, both of the people before her were so dear to her - Itachi and Sasuke - and they were both in so much danger as she watched on helpless, unable to do anything because of the chakra restriction jutsu Itachi had made her inflict on herself till the fight was over. She wouldn't be able to help him, she wouldn't be able to help Sasuke, she wouldn't even be able to use the simplest of healing spells. It was torture. Why would he torture he like this? She thought he'd loved her. Hadn't thier relationship given him hope? Hope that he could move on from his black past and live without regret?
The outcome of this fight was literally out of her hands. Itachi hadn't wanted to get her involved in what he called his self inflicted problems. He'd wanted to protect her from everything, but that would prove impossible as there was no way she would let such an important fight take place without her being present.
Then Sasuke fell, followed by Itachi. And Yuki felt for a moment that she too had fallen into the abyss called death because at that point the whole world stopped, so did her heart, and her consciousness, all for one frightening, sickening moment. She would have ran towards them, but her legs would not - could not - move. She should have screamed, but no sound could come out. And, desperately pushing back the urge to sink to the floor in a sea of tears and sobs she made her way towards where the Uchiha brothers lay, still and pale and beautiful as alabaster. Identical in all but one feature. Sasuke's heart still fluttered faintly within his chest.
And Itachi's didn't.
Yuki had expected to be wrought with emotion, to weep and cry till she was a numb, empty shell but instead she'd just knelt there beside Itachi, her eyes wide, her body paralysed. It hasn't felt real at first, none of it had. Life wouldn't be unfair enough to take her first love away from her a second time... would it? And that was when the reality had dawned on her, harsh and raw as an open wound. Itachi was gone, but this time... it would be forever. She wouldn't stumble across him in the woods again, wouldn't look into those blood red eyes again. Yuki hadn't been able to cry at first because of the immense concoction of emotions all crashing into her at the same time, unfathomable and shocking. But in the same way an object breaks on impact, the gravity of her situation came upon her like a bucket of bricks. Painful, unmerciful and overwhelming. She'd cried because there was nothing she could do, she'd cried because she didn't want him to go, she'd cried because he was gone, and he'd never come back again.
Yuki didn't know when she'd been dragged away from the cliff edge where she'd watched him take his last breath. She supposed she'd cried away her consciousness. When she'd woken up the next morning, she felt a strange sense of finality - acceptance even. Not an acceptance of his death but an acceptance of the fact that he'd died. Looking back, Itachi had always spoken of his regret over killing his clan - it was too painful a topic for him to address. It had changed him - he'd never stopped being her Itachi... but it had changed him all the same. How could such trauma not affect a person - especially one so young? Itachi had never held his life in high regard. He'd always taken risks, life endangering risks that no one else would dare to take. Taking Sasuke on was just another one of those risks. It had been Sasuke's wish to avenge his clans death and it had been Itachi's wish to assist him with that, even if it meant his own death.
But acceptance didn't mean it didn't hurt.
He'd left her all alone He hadn't even said goodbye. And without him, she couldn't begin to imagine how she'd survive.
Indeed, Yuki came to find out that life without Itachi was like life without air. It was impossible. He'd given her feelings and in the same way, he had taken them with him when he'd left. Nothing brought her joy anymore. Not the rising of the sun or the warmth of her home. She couldn't feel any more. And when she did feel, all she felt was anguish. Anguish at him not being there.
But when Itachi died, he'd left behind more than just heartache. He'd left behind beautiful memories that Yuki would cherish forever, inspirational life lessons that had made Yuki the person she was - and Rize. Small, fragile, and the only part of him that Yuki had left - a blessing.
"sleep my love." Yuki whispered one last time, leaning over Rize's cradle and placing a kiss on the sleeping baby's pure white cheek.
If there was nothing else in her life, she had Rize and that in itself was more than enough to keep her going.
Told you it was long :D anyway, how did you feel about it? Bearing in mind it is my second fanfiction and I am in nooo way or form professional (I wish!) but I'm getting there . anyways yeah, like, rate, comment or move on to another fanfiction lol, just, thanks for reading :D