How it Could Have Been

Disclaimer: Maki Murakami is my GOD and I would never dare think about plagiarizing any of her work!

Okay this is my first Gravitation fanfic so go easy on me. This is all in Eiri's POV. InuYasha Alchemist gave me this idea. If you are reading Gravitation and have not found out what Eiri has done DO NOT READ! And of coarse it contains Yaoi it's frigging Gravitation.

I remember that day. I remember every moment. Why Kitazawa? How could you ever do this to me? After all we've been through. I liked you too, but only you. How could you let those thugs' take me? It was another one of our tutoring days. As always I was so happy to see you. Your smiling face always brightened my day. You were sitting under our special tree reading your book in the shade. A light breeze flew across the park and your golden hair was messed up in the wind along with the dry dead leaves, but I didn't mind. I liked you however way you looked.

I knew that was your thought about me too. You didn't care that I was Japanese and I looked the way I looked. People in Japan use to point and questioned my race. Is he Japanese or White? I felt odd with everyone starring at the back of my head and at my golden hair. But you didn't care, you saw me for who I was. And that's all the mattered to me in the world.

"Yuki!" I called out. You looked up from you book and smiled at me.

"Ah Eiri, you're here."

I nodded excitedly. "Uh huh." Looking back on it I was so innocent. I sat in you're lap as you taught me all you knew about the world. As you read to me I push up my black horn rimmed glasses. You smiled at me and continued reading. I loved the feeling of your arms going around me as you turned the pages, the soft sounds of your sensual voice blowing in my ears. I sometimes wondered if you did that on purpose. You knew anything to do with my ears made me blush.

"Very good Eiri." You would say to me, as you encouraged me. "You're really getting the hang of this."

"Thank you sensei, it's because of you're great teaching I get all this stuff." You smiled at me.

"Oh come now, you're an intelligent little boy as well." You screwed up my hair and I beamed up back at you. You walked me to my apartment that I shared with my dear friend Tohma. I would ask you many questions about you and your dreams. I wanted to know everything about you. After being with you so long I developed a little crush on you. As you held onto my shoulder I found out the reason I became an author.

"Yuki sensei, what did you want to be when you grew up?" You let out a little chuckle and I blushed. "I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have asked."

"It's okay." We continued to walk to my apartment and you stopped at the front door. You turned me to look at you and you gleamed at me. "I wanted to be a writer." I was shocked at the occupation.

"How can you like something as boring as that?"

"It may be boring to you, but I love writing."

I stood there and pout. "Then I guess I want to be a writer too." You gave me a reinsuring smile. "Did I prevent you from becoming a writer?"

"You're so cute. No, if anything I'm glad I became you tutor." You gave me a little push towards the door which told me enough talking for the day.

I looked back at you and waved with Tohma at my side. "Good night Yuki!" Later that night, when I was about to go to bed, I got a call from you. "This is Eiri Useigi, whom might I be talking to?"

"Hey Eiri, I can't meet you under our tree tomorrow. Would you be so kind to walk to my house after school, I'll show you the new place we'll meet." My heart was racing. I finally get to see Yuki Kitazawa's house!

"Ya, ya, sure, sure!" I said in excitement. "I'll be right over!" I paid no attention in school at all that day. My mind was racing on what we were going to study later. Maybe the place is secluded and I can finally get my moment with Yuki! I began to blush on the spot in the middle of class.

"Mr. Useigi, since you seem to be distracted I want you to read the passages on page two hundred and ninety four." I stood up blushing, but did what I was told. If it weren't for Yuki I wouldn't know this stuff. I owe him so much.

I hurried and ran the whole way to your house. I knocked on the door and slumped on the bean panting. A little boy opened the door that I did not recognize. "Ah…" I stuttered. He tilted his head and looked at me confused. "Is this the Kitazawa residents?" He nodded at me.

"Ya I'm Yoshiki Kitazawa, Yuki's little brother. Are you one of his students?" I blushed and turned away, but none the less nodded. "YUKI!" he screamed and my tutor came walking from the kitchen.

"Wow that was quick." Yuki said to me. "Didn't your school get out just ten minutes ago?" I shook my head enthusiastically.

"Yes, but I couldn't wait to see you. So I ran as fast as I can." You beamed at me and screwed up my hair like you always did.

"Well let's not keep you waiting. Let's go." I was at the gate when I turned around to see that you weren't following me. You were on your knees talking to your kid brother.

"Onii-chan who's that?"

"He's some one very special to me." You came striding towards me. You grabbed my right hand and we walk down the side walk. I looked back to see your kid brother starring at me with a little baby in his hands. Who's that child, another one of Yuki's siblings? We seemed to be walking forever. It was so dark when we reached our destination. I stood there confused.

It looks like an old abandon apartment home… The house looked like one big earthquake could knock the whole place over. It was old and dirty, with moss growing all over the place wildly. It did not look like it had been occupied in several years. "Come on," you said as you took me inside.

The inside didn't look any better than the outside. If anything it looked worse. I was right to think it was abandoned. All around were dead bugs and left behind possessions and cobwebs on the staircase. I trusted you completely. Why did you do this? "Come on," you continued, as you took me upstairs.

Every so often I took glimpses into the rusty rooms. My eyes widened as I saw something that looked remotely like blood. You took me to the very top of the flight of the stairs. "Here you go." You lead me into a dark empty room where the only light that was seen was coming from the old dusty windows. Behind me I heard a click and I turned around to see you locking the door. "There's no need to keep this old thing unlocked."

I saw no reason to keep it locked. You came, walking menacingly towards me. I quivered and backed into a corner. "Oh Eiri, there's nothing to be afraid of. I'm not going to hurt you." You pinned me to the wall leaving me no way to escape. I stared at you, trembling bodied and watery eyes. "You know," you continued as you gentle caressed my face. I recoiled and you smiled at me.

"Did I ever tell you you're special to me?" I shook my head as your face drew closer. "Well you are." I was so confused. I loved Yuki, but I felt very uncomfortable. "I've had a crush on you the moment I saw you get off of that airplane." My eyes widened. He liked me? Did he like me as much as I liked him? Suddenly everything didn't seem so bad. If it's Yuki who's going to take me, that's fine…

You slowly unzipped my jeans and you smoothly slide you hand in. You gently stroke me and I blushed madly. "Oh Eiri, this isn't so bad." You blew into my ear as you whispered. "This can feel a whole lot better. Do you want to feel a whole lot better?" I nodded as I tried to hide my blushing.

You took off my glasses and your face drew ever closer to mine. You passionately kiss me. My first kiss… But you do not linger. You soon added your tongue into it making are kiss hotter and heavier, all the while still stroking my length. You get bored and moved to my neck, but not before nipping my ear lobe softly just to get the full satisfaction of hearing me enjoying this. Lower and lower your mouth traveled as you removed my shirt.

Not too much longer have you tossed aside my pants and I stood there completely naked. I shivered as you smirked at me. You were about to eat me when we both heard knocking at the door. "Finally," You muttered in exhaustion. I tilted my head in confusion as you walked over to the door and opened it. Two thugs' come in and you locked up behind them.

"You're late." you state, in an upset toned. I have never heard your voice so cold before. Are you still my lovable sensei?

"Yeah, yeah." The both turned to me and pointed. "Is that the boy?" You nodded with a huge smirk. I suddenly felt very embarrassed as I stood there naked. "Nice one you found this time. You mind if we get at him first. We have somewhere we have to be." I looked up at you sad eyed, trying to tell you a secret message. If you were my first it wouldn't have been so bad, but how could you let those other men take me.

"Go ahead." You agreed. I widened my eyes and tears fell from my face. One of the thugs' handed you some money and I watched terrified as the men walked towards me. I knew the two men didn't care. One took out an odd bottle from their pockets and put it all over their fingers as the other one unzipped his pants.

"Let's get this three way done fast." The man with the slippery fingers quickly slid two fingers in me and I squealed in pain. "Silence," said the first thug. "Be a good boy and give me a blow job." I did nothing and he back fisted me across the face. I rubbed my bruised face before the first thug took my face and shoved his cock in my mouth. How can you allow this to happen?

As I was forced to suck on the first thugs' penis the other thug seemed to be adding more fingers in. I turned to look at the man whom I was giving a blow job. His gun! I struggled and it fell to the floor. I reach out for it, but didn't do it. I did not want to be a murderer.

The other thug slipped himself in my ass and I screamed. "No!" yelled the first one, as he struck me once again. I cried as I was sucking on his cock while the other one was thrusting harshly into me. It was not long before my job was done and the men left. That only left you. You walked over to me, crying, and smirk.

"You think you're up to me inside of you?" I gulped. I could use the gun and this all would be over with, but too late. You entered inside me and thrust hard. I squirmed and squealed, but you didn't care. You raped me for hours and not one sign of emotion came from you. Once you had your way you left me there, alone, with my ass bleeding from the pain.

I wake up, breathing hardly. I turn to look around and sigh. I'm in my room. "I hate that fucking nightmare! Always replays in my head!" I knew in my mind that's what would have happened if I didn't kill Yuki KitazawaI scratch my head as I enter my living room. There laid Shuichi cuddled in a bunch of blankets. I smile. If it weren't for killing Yuki I would have never met Shuichi. I would have never become a writer.

I pick up my pinked haired lover and put him on my bed for the first time. I stroke his hair as he lays there snoozing. So cute. I know I don't show it often, but I really do love Shuichi. Even if I don't say it he's changed my life for the better. He's made all those nightmares start slowly fading away. I'm glad with the outcome, it is worth it. As he lays there dozing I kiss him on the forehead and spoon him to sleep…