Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with wrestling.

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"Jesus Christ, Matt!"

Jeff Hardy's fingers ghosted over the angry red mark on the right side of his face, wincing slightly as the area throbbed painfully. He stared disbelievingly at his older brother, who was ironically dressed like him in a black tank top and black jeans. The only difference was that Jeff wore his black and white armbands. Jeff rubbed the sore spot on his cheek one last time before he redirected his attention to his brother.

"What the hell is wrong with you? I'm sick of your shit man, and you won't even talk to me! How are we supposed to get past this if you keep ignoring me like you've been doing for the last few weeks?" His light southern drawl became more pronounced as his irritation grew.

The two men were in the empty locker room, the other wrestlers having cleared out over an hour ago. Matt had something to do that kept him over and Jeff…took a nap. As soon as the enigma heard someone in the room and saw it was Matt, he immediately made his way over to him and tried to talk with him. He was rewarded with a stinging slap to his face. Now it looked as if things would boil down to a fight.

Jeff simply stood there looking at his brother, wondering how he could still look like the same Matt that kept him safe while embodying a completely unpredictable and unfamiliar persona. He didn't understand. Matt's usually warm and affectionate brown eyes were cold and unforgiving, and now he avoided touching Jeff at all costs when he'd always joked around with him, either pushing him playfully or giving an energized hug after a win back when they were the Hardy Boyz. The man staring icily at him was not the same Matt that would stay up with him at odd hours of the night, making sure that Jeff was okay and getting enough rest. He didn't know this Matt, and that scared him more than anything. It seemed as if he was on the edge of loosing his brother.

"Matt, please, just talk to me. Say something and then I'll leave, okay?"

Jeff looked hopefully at his brother. Matt lowered his head, crossing his arms across his chest as he thought. Dark shadows played across his narrowed eyes, which now resembled black pits. Jeff always liked Matt's eyes. They were deep and intense, maybe as intense as Jeff's at some point.

After a moment of deafening silence Matt raised his head and looked straight into Jeff's bright eyes. He stepped forward and leaned in next to his ear.

"Every time I look at you I think of mom. And every time I'm disappointed because you're still here."

Matt stepped back in order to observe the pained expression on his brother's face. He watched as Jeff's gaze lowered and as he picked at his armbands absentmindedly.

"You don't mean that," he finally spoke quietly, still staring down at the floor. "I know you don't. I know you." His pensive gaze returned back to Matt, whose face had blanked at Jeff's quiet but confident response. Then a smirk spread quickly across his features. He clapped Jeff on the chest as if he were joking, flashing him a lopsided grin. A smile crept up on the younger Hardy's face, believing that the worst was over.

"Of course I mean it, Jeffy. When have I ever lied to you? Well, except for all those times I told you that I loved you, but that isn't really high on my priority list anyway."

The enigma's spirit plummeted as Matt continued, "You're such a hassle, Jeff. Always getting in trouble and then expecting your big brother to make it better. Now that I'm not taking care of you anymore, I can do whatever I want. It's great." He patted Jeff on the shoulder, whose empty eyes were now on his own black and white boots. His hair hung limply around his face. "Later, Jeff." Matt grabbed his things and made his way to the door, stopping with his hand enclosed around the doorknob. He turned around to face Jeff, who was watching him intently with imponderable green eyes. There was something about his stare that didn't sit right with Matt, but he shrugged it off and exited the room, whistling a tune as he headed out.

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Matt sat in his car in the deserted parking lot with his head on the steering wheel. He felt terrible about what he had told Jeff. What also bothered Matt was how Jeff could see that he didn't mean it. Jeff had always been perceptive. Matt could always tell that something was always occupying the enigma's mind; it would reflect in his eyes. There would be something swimming in those flickering green orbs that only the younger Hardy knew and would not share, even with Matt. A sigh escaped the older Hardy, thinking back on what he had told Jeff earlier. He hadn't intended for it to go so far, but he was surprised to find some truth in the words. His life would be less stressful if Jeff wasn't in it. But that wasn't an option. Jeff would always be there for him, and he was happy to have a little brother like him. Jeff would probably never know how proud Matt was of him. Seeing him hurting did cause Matt pain also, but he kept telling himself that it was for his own good. Jeff was most likely still in the locker room trying to get himself together. Matt admired Jeff's determination to try and support himself, and that was what Matt was aiming for. He wanted Jeff to not rely on him as much anymore. He still wanted to be in his life, just…not as much. And he knew it would be hard because Jeff grew up knowing that Matt had his back in any situation, but he had to try. Matt couldn't handle Jeff's problems and his own. It was too much. Matt deserved some kind of peace, and the only way he could see that happening was if Jeff would stop unloading his problems on him and try and deal with them by himself. Matt would still be there to help him out, but he just didn't want to have to deal with all of the problems that Jeff was bound to have. That boy attracted chaos like flies to shit.

The wrestler ran a hand through his raven hair, smiling fondly as he thought of Jeff's multicolored hair. Of course Matt would never do that to his hair, but it suited Jeff's odd personality. The more he thought about Jeff, the guiltier he felt. If he stayed in the parking lot he might end up going back to Jeff like he'd done all those nights in the past. He started up the car and glanced quickly at his mirror and then around the parking lot, immediately taking another look at the mirror when he realized he saw Jeff standing behind his car. What the hell? When did he get there?

Matt honked the horn and twisted back to glare at Jeff, who stood directly behind the car. If Matt backed up any he would hit him, which was something Matt definitely wanted to avoid. He honked the horn and revved up the car again for good measure. Jeff still didn't budge.

"Shit," Matt muttered and stepped out of the car. He took a few seconds to paste an angry expression on his face and then stalked around the car. "Move, Jeff!" He shoved the younger man in the chest, causing him to stumble back with a cry of protest. Matt kept moving forward and pushing Jeff back until finally the other man lost his footing and fell back onto the pavement. Matt scoffed, standing tall over his sibling.

"Go home."

Matt looked down at his brother to find a bright and angry gaze focused on him. Jeff was never afraid to let his emotions spill out on his face or in his actions, but rarely was that scorching anger directed at Matt. Jeff stood up slowly, his smoldering gaze still on Matt. Before Matt could react he was thrown to the ground with Jeff on top of him hitting every exposed inch of his brother he could get his hands on, animalistic sounds ripping from his throat. Matt yelped at the sudden vicious and frenzied onslaught and started to fight back, catching Jeff in the jaw with a hard punch that laid the younger man flat out on his back. Matt had barely sat up before Jeff was on him again, and the two started to roll around on the pavement, fighting and grunting in a way that resembled two pit bulls trying to tear each other to bloody shreds. This was nothing like how they used to wrestle when they were little; Matt could tell that Jeff wanted to hurt him in any way possible.

Matt responded instinctively to Jeff's desire to harm him and struggled harder to overthrow his brother. As the two rolled around Matt managed to use the extra weight he had over his sibling to pin Jeff to the ground by his shoulders. The enigma bucked around underneath him with that uncontrollable and fiery energy he was known for, and in an attempt to douse that fire Matt straddled him and moved his grip to pin his arms by his sides. He looked down at Jeff who was still squirming in his grip, blue and blonde hair plastered to his face with sweat, chest heaving rapidly. His electric gaze was focused on Matt.

"Get off!" In an amazing show of flexibility Jeff brought his legs forward and locked them around Matt's neck, bringing them back to fling his brother off. Jeff stood up and waited for Matt to stand back up. As soon as he was on his feet Jeff charged and speared him right to the ground again, feeling the wind rush out of Matt's chest. Jeff continued his furious assault until Matt struck a dizzying blow that connected to Jeff's head, disorienting him for a few seconds. Matt took this opportunity to force Jeff onto his stomach and twist his arm behind his back, scrambling over him to get a tight grip. Jeff let out a low groan of pain and gasped when his arm was wrenched tighter still. Matt rested his full weight on Jeff's back, driving his brother into the pavement. He fisted Jeff's hair and forced his head to the side, still pushing his weight down to keep Jeff pinned, who was still struggling to get back up. He was panting hard as he fought against Matt, his movements almost desperate to get out from under him.

For fuck's sake, give up, Matt thought desperately. Jeff obviously had other plans as he redoubled his efforts, nearly knocking off his brother as soon as Matt relaxed the slightest bit. Matt grunted and managed to twist Jeff's arm back further up, pushing harder on Jeff's head and arm to keep him on the ground. He kept Jeff's legs together by pushing them together at the knees between his own, effectively pinning him down. After a few more moments of Jeff thrashing around on the ground like an angry snake, his efforts died little by little until he finally lay motionless under Matt, panting harshly with the side of his face pressed hard against the cold pavement. The only sound in the deserted parking lot was the Hardy brother's heavy breathing and slight shuffling against the pavement as Jeff still tried half heartedly to free himself from Matt's firm grip.

Jeff wasn't even sure about what he thought he would accomplish by confronting Matt, he just went with his gut instinct, as always. He figured the only way to catch Matt's attention was to fight him, and he was starting to regret that decision. The only thing he achieved was pissing the older Hardy off. He felt a little satisfaction on that note, which was waning rather quickly due to the pain building up in his arm and lower back. He squirmed uncomfortably on the ground, the little bits of gravel digging into the skin of his cheek to leave behind stinging red indentions. To his surprise, he felt Matt's weight lift. Thinking this was some kind of trick, Jeff stayed motionless on the ground. Then he quickly decided that doing so was stupid and he shot up to his feet, shoving the pain in his arm and lower back into the recesses of his mind, a tactic he had commonly used and perfected over the years. The only downside to it was that it always came back and bit him in the ass later.

He saw Matt quickly walking back to his car and ran after him.

"Wait, Matt! Stop!"

Matt turned on his heel and threw a simmering glare at his brother. He threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Damn it, Jeff! Go home! Leave me alone!" He was almost to his car…if he could just find…

Well damn.

Jeff tossed Matt's car keys from hand to hand, a devilish smirk gracing his features. He caught them in his right hand and shook them, the tinkling sound echoing throughout the area.

"We're talking about this, Matt." He pocketed the keys and eyed Matt seriously. Both men regarded each other in silence, each knowing that the games were over. Matt took in his brother's ragged appearance and sighed, wiping a hand down his face. Fuck, he really did not want to do this right now. Jeff didn't seem to care, as he started to speak anyway.

"I don't get it. What did I do? Why are you so mad at me? If it's something I did, just tell me and I won't do it again, I swear. I can't take having you mad at me." His intense eyes burned into Matt's exhausted ones. "Please."

God, there was that puppy look…ah, shit.

"Jeff – listen, I…" Matt trailed off, unsure of what he should say. Should he tell the truth? Undoubtedly it would hurt Jeff's feelings. The younger man may not give a damn about what most other people say, but he valued his brother's opinion over anyone else's, second to his own. Matt was sure that no one could make Jeff Hardy do anything he didn't want to do, but he generally avoided the things that Matt deemed stupid. Unless Jeff was being stupid himself, which was often the case. Matt decided that he was thinking too much and followed Jeff's strategy, jumping in headfirst.

"I'm sick of you."

If saying the words didn't kill Matt, the look on Jeff's face did. Flashes of hurt and confusion flickered across his face before finally settling into a look of defeat. Matt thought he would never live to see the day that Jeff gave up in anything. Yet here he was standing in front of him, shoulders slumped with his head hanging dejectedly. Jeff opened his mouth to speak but then abruptly snapped it shut. Matt swallowed and decided to plow on.

"I'm sick of looking after you. You've always been my first priority from day one. I've protected you and guided you and all you do is get into more trouble or find some way to screw yourself over. I can't deal with it anymore. You're…you're trapping me."

When Matt finished, Jeff simply stood with his head down, looking very much like a puppy that had been kicked and thrown out into a storm. Matt couldn't tell whether he was better off keeping his mouth shut or not. Jeff was just standing there with his head down. He was a little tense, but maybe he was handling it better than Matt thought he would. Maybe this would work out.

That's when the proverbial shit hit the fan.

Jeff suddenly clenched his fists and took a step forward; his head still down, acid green gaze glaring up at Matt with uncontrolled fury.

"You asshole," he growled.

Matt actually took a step back at the harshness and intensity of the word. His gut was telling him to get the hell away, but Jeff's blazing emerald gaze kept him locked in place. He was really in for it this time.

Jeff was shaking slightly, his hands curled into tight fists at his sides. Even in the dark night, his green eyes glittered angrily at his brother.

"You asshole! I've put my body on the line for you more times than I can remember, Matt. And when I'd come home bruised and beaten you'd tell me that I did a good job and that you were proud of me. You told me you were honored to be my brother. And after all I've done for you, after all we've been through together, you're saying that you're sick of me? Matt, you don't know sick!" Pure anger and adrenaline was coursing through Jeff's veins, urging him on and surrounding him with a seething aura that Matt was sure he could feel burning his flesh.

Matt stood transfixed at the transformation his baby brother had gone through. This was nothing like the Jeff who would show up with stray animals to take in or who would cuddle lovingly with his dog. Matt was sure this Jeff would shoot all the strays he could find and then drag them home to burn their bodies in a huge bonfire. Then he would give the remains to Jack in his doggy bowl.

Jeff's piercing stare seemed to penetrate Matt's insides and he averted his gaze quickly to the ground. That seemed to send Jeff into an even deadlier rage.

"Look at me."

Matt's gaze did not stir from the ground.

"Look at me!"

Matt flinched and his gaze traveled slowly upward, his blood chilling at the familiar stature of his sibling before him. All traces of anger had left Jeff, draining him to resemble an immensely tired and beaten looking shadow of his former self. It looked as if the fight was just sucked right out of him. The complete personality change threw Matt for a loop. He remembered this happening a few times when they were younger. Jeff would get so angry sometimes – even enough to frighten Matt a little- and then he'd just deflate completely, as if the vigor he'd possessed only a few seconds before had been beat out of him, leaving behind an empty and broken shell of himself. Matt would hold him for what seemed like days until the Jeff he knew would emerge slowly from whatever place he had escaped to. It hadn't happened again until now, and this was by far the worst Matt had ever seen him. The only word to describe him as was tragic. He stared at Matt with empty eyes.

"You don't know what sick is, Matt. Sick is when you force yourself to bleed to make sure that its blood flowing though your veins, not ash. Sick is when you snort the coke to play with the hellish monster that haunts your worst nightmares. Sick, Matt, is when you let the darkest part of your being consume you until you feel yourself being digested in the boiling acid that eats at your skin and scorches your heart. Sick is when you find out that your loved ones are the people who infected you." His voice had gotten quieter as he spoke, and the last sentence was so soft it faded almost completely into the chilling air that sent a shiver up Matt's spine. He stood before Jeff, conflicted, his eyes swimming with emotions he couldn't place or name. He went through his whole life trying to protect and love Jeff, and he'd screwed it up with some misguided attempt in order to benefit his own selfish needs. Jeff was practically coming undone in front of his own eyes, and it was his fault. Words could not express the agonizing grief he felt in his heart. He felt just as much as the asshole Jeff accused him of being.

A tiny sound escaped from Jeff's throat, probably unintentional, causing the older Hardy to focus his gaze on his brother. Jeff had his head down again, wringing his hands together slowly and biting his lip in the same fashion that indicated his own discomfort. He met Matt's eyes with his own and shook his head violently, closing his eyes tightly. That did not stop the salty tears from trickling down his face and dotting the pavement. He choked.

"Matty…"

So much emotion was bundled up in that one word, that one word which would mean a beating for any punk stupid enough to mess with the youngest Hardy boy, end any quarrel between the two brothers, or soothe away any problem of Matt's, if only for a brief moment. It tore Matt's heart to shreds. Jeff looked up at Matt, tear stains glistening plainly in the night.

"Matty, I'm sick. I'm sick, I'm so sick…"

Before he could go on, Matt had him in a tight hug that knocked the breath out of both of them and brought them both crashing down to their knees, Jeff clinging to his brother as if he would drift away without him. Matt held him just as tight against himself, vowing that he'd never do this to Jeff again and wishing that he would stop crying like that. Between his wet coughs and shuddering gasps Jeff managed to go on, "I tried, Matt, I tried so hard for you. I made sure I did everything right, I never told anyone and I was always quiet." He burrowed his face into Matt's neck, grasping his brother's tank top tightly while trying to regain control of his own erratic breathing. Matt didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but he could tell that Jeff needed to get whatever this was off of his chest. All plans of trying to distance himself from Jeff were quickly forgotten. He stayed quiet and moved his hands down, rubbing at Jeff's arms slowly. He was so cold…

"I always did what I was supposed to do, but they'd take advantage and say that they'd tell you if I said anything about it. I didn't want you to hate me and it was making you happy so I kept going back…" A cold, creeping feeling was making its way into Matt's body as Jeff spoke. "It hurt so much, Matt."

The younger man was pushed back at arms length by Matt, who looked at his brother in apprehension.

"Jeff, what did you do?" Jeff's eyes widened and he immediately tried to break out of Matt's grip on his arms.

"Nothing, I shouldn't have said anything." He said this quickly, still trying to wiggle away from Matt's hands.

Matt tightened his grip and repeated himself firmly, "Jeff, what did you do?" Jeff knew this tone very well and panicked as he'd always done when it was applied to him. He shifted his eyes away and Matt's hand shot out like a viper and grabbed his chin, forcing his head back towards Matt, who studied his face carefully. That one habit of Jeff's pissed him off. Jeff would always panic when Matt was upset with him. It was on the borderline of hysterical, which usually meant he was trying to hide something important. No other person could read Jeff as well as he could. Realization slowly sunk in at the way Jeff's eyes avoided his own. Slowly, he began to piece together the clues. The constant soreness…the extra bruises….

"Jeff, you didn't…." The brief flash of shame across Jeff's worn features confirmed it.

"Jeffery Nero Hardy!"

Jeff flinched violently as his full name was grounded out from his brother's throat, the tone completely feral. "Why would you do something like that? Huh?" Matt shook his brother, who tried to push away from him.

"I'm sorry, Matt! We weren't getting anywhere and I wanted you to be happy!"

Matt's black and angry gaze enveloped Jeff's green eyed and shameful stare.

"That doesn't mean you can just whore yourself out, Jeff! You could have died – Fuck, Jeff! You could have fucking died, do you get that?" He pushed Jeff away from him and stood up, immediately beginning to pace back and forth in front of him. Jeff stayed on his knees, afraid to move in case it would further infuriate Matt.

"How long?"

Jeff didn't answer. Matt stopped and fixed him with a heated glare, brown eyes narrowed dangerously, jaw clenched tight.

"I was sixteen." He bowed his head at Matt's incredulous stare.

"Sixteen! You were sixteen?! What – Who the hell told you to do that? I swear I'll rip his fucking dick off and force feed it to his mo –"

"No one told me to do it, Matt." He said this quietly, now looking at Matt's face as if he were searching for something. "I started it. I saw a few of the people who could get us places eying me so I approached them." He stopped to take in Matt's appalled expression. Unblinkingly keeping his gaze locked with his older sibling, Jeff continued, "I let them fuck me, Matt. Wherever they wanted it, whenever they wanted it, and however they told me to do it. I turned myself into a cheap whore so we could get more stage time, and maybe an extra match or two. I saw how excited you were getting and I didn't want to spoil it, so I kept it up. I didn't mean to do it long term…but then they started to threaten that they'd tell you and fire us both." While Jeff was speaking, Matt's facial expression had darkened into a deep and furious rage. The change in his demeanor did nothing but make Jeff nervous, though he continued anyway.

"…After a while…I started avoiding them. I was sick of it all. The bruises, the soreness… But it just got worse." He took a second to take a deep breath, "They raped me. Sometimes three times a day. They especially liked to do it when I was hurting bad after a match. If I screamed they would make it more painful for me." He looked up at Matt, green pools shining with raw emotion that had been sealed away for so many years.

"Matty, it hurt so bad and I couldn't tell you. Why didn't you notice?" His gaze clouded, and Matt could tell that he was in a far away place that Matt could never even hope to understand. "You never noticed…" He trailed off then, sitting back on his bottom and drawing his legs up to his chest. Matt stood motionless before him, still absorbing the information as fast as his brain would allow him. Finally, he sat down numbly in front of Jeff, his thoughts and emotions bumping and crashing haphazardly into each other. He didn't notice as Jeff inched his way closer to him on all fours until he was right up to Matt's face, who blinked owlishly at their close proximity. Jeff sat Indian style in front of his brother, their knees touching. He looked down at his lap, seemingly looking for something to say. Matt beat him to it.

"I can't believe you, Jeff. You put yourself in so much danger by doing all of this, and you're still paying for it today." He sighed heavily, not believing how the night turned out. Jeff sat quietly in front of him, hands folded in his lap. A sudden thoughtfulness entered Matt's gaze as he stared at his little brother, whose posture reminded him of how he would sit as a young boy when Matt was scolding him for doing something foolish. He'd always sit there and take it, and Matt could never figure out what he did with all of his yelling and reprimanding. He had never done the same thing twice in his life if Matt told him it was bad for him.

"I can't believe I didn't notice," Matt scolded himself suddenly. How could he have not noticed his little brother being raped? What kind of brother was he? This thought cut through his insides like a scalding knife. He basically failed as duty as an older brother. He let Jeff get himself into this mess, and then he acted like a complete jerk because of his own selfish reasons. Jeff was hurting all of these years and he never once noticed anything out of the ordinary. "God, Jeff, I'm so sorry - I can't believe I didn't know. Come here." He pulled Jeff onto his knees and into his familiar embrace, and they were both sent back to a time where hugs like these and whispered words and chaste kisses on the cheek could solve all of their problems. Jeff let himself fall limp into his arms from exhaustion, breathing in Matt's scent of wood and spice, a reminder of all those nights curled up together after a rough day of teasing at school. He nuzzled his cheek next to his brother's and sighed, his hot breath tickling Matt's ear.

"I love you, Matt."

He was hugged tighter against Matt's chest until he could feel the other man's heart beat against his own chest, and complete contentment enveloped him as he realized that his heart pumped in time with his brother's. "I love you so much."

Matt smiled against Jeff's cheek and he kissed it softly, murmuring a quick, "I love you too." They sat there for a moment in silence, basking in the moment they created for themselves. Matt finally spoke up.

"I swear I'm making this up to you, even if it takes the rest of my life." Jeff pulled back to stare into those warm and affectionte eyes he loved so much.

"Great. You can start with buying me some Skittles."

Matt's rumbling laugh vibrated between them and Jeff joined in too.

"…I'm serious. Wild berry."