Disclaimer: You all know I don't own Gundam Seedor the song,which is the English version of "Wind's Nocturne" from the game Lunar. I do however own the writing. XD
Wishing on a dream that seems far off
Hoping it will come today…
The night air felt nice on Rau's face, a cool and gentle balm to his slightly feverish skin. He was a little scared, but he wouldn't admit it to anyone. No one was there anyway, even if he had felt like disclosing his feelings. It was better this way; his "Father" would be very proud of his actions, wouldn't he? Much more so than the boy that his "Father" had left behind; the boy that his "Father" had felt to be too weak to carry on his bloodline.
Soon he'd be gone from this place, the place where he'd lived most of his life. Gone to train to become a member of the PLANT military, to ZAFT. That thought excited him; the prospect of going far away, to a different place, even a different PLANT, was what scared him. His eyes glittered softly as he took in the sky, clear and full of the workings of space. Would it be the same there, with the same constellations and stars?
Rau laughed at himself a little after that thought. "Of course, you fool. The sky isn't natural like it is on Earth." He smiled, moving a hand through his blonde hair, which was beginning to become wavy due to its length. Natural…you aren't exactly natural yourself, are you Rau Le Creuset? With a soft shake of his head, he sighed, his smile taking on a little bit of bitterness. Where do you fit in?
Into the starlit night
Foolish dreamers turn their gaze
Waiting on a shooting star
Your "Father" was a Natural, Rau, and here you are now, with the Coordinators. But you aren't really one yourself, not technically. You're a…defective…
Biting his lower lip, he made out different shapes with the many points of light above. Some weren't even actually constellations; but that was okay. When he did this, he felt calmer than he did at any other time, almost as though he were safe from his worst fears. He didn't understand it really; but he had always done this since he could first remember. First, there were just animals he'd seen in books about Earth. And then dreams had begun to spin themselves from the stardust, beautiful but insubstantial.
He chuckled, remembering what he had wanted to be "when he grew up." He was still young, just fourteen, but he had wanted to…sing… before he made the decision to join ZAFT. Wasn't it a silly desire? To him, it hadn't been, not really. Music was like the stars; it filled him with a sense of belonging and peace. And his voice was nice enough; to the ones who took care of him it had, on several occasions, brought tears to their eyes.
How proud he had been of that.
But, what if that star is not to come
Will their dreams fade to nothing?
When the horizon darkens most
We all need to believe there is hope
Then, his dream had shattered and disappeared utterly.
He learned what he was.
It was the worst moment of his life, that day. Rau remembered crying for hours on end, his eyes burning red around tender cerulean. That's why he didn't have parents; that was why he had to take those ridiculous little blue and white pills all the time. Everyone had lied to him, since the day he was born. He wasn't whom he had thought…
Rau Le Creuset wasn't a real person.
He wasn't a real person. And he would never be able to live a true life. His "telormeres" or whatever were all shortened. Frankly he hadn't known or cared what they were at the time; he just knew that they were making him die faster than normal people did. The pills slowed that process down a little though, and he felt frightened at that thought. Perhaps it was because he used to hide and throw them out instead of taking them, sometimes.
Needless to say, he never skipped a pill again after that.
Is there an angel watching closely over me?
Can there be a guiding light I've yet to see?
A stray tear rolled down his cheek, his fingers catching it before it fell too far. The time for tears and pain was over for him now. Rau had given up his old dreams, his childhood hopes. He would be a soldier soon enough. What better profession for one who wouldn't live much past his twentieth birthday? He didn't expect anything from life anymore. His rank would rise rapidly as a result, he knew.
The one thing he still hated though, was the lingering optimism that pulsated deep inside his "heart." He didn't like feeling those things, because his mind knew better. Rau wasn't his own person, even now that his "Father" was dead. He was who and what he was; nothing could change that for him. It wouldn't ever change.
Life seemed so beautiful before he knew. So many possibilities…. He was a child, and children were the bearers of the future. He could be whatever he wanted to be.
But it wasn't his life to live anymore. It never really had been.
He gave up singing.
I know my heart should guide me
But there's a hole within my soul
Above, a star flashed across the sky, falling in a trail of fiery beauty. Another tear fell down his cheek, and this time he allowed its descent. What a nice touch…it's very realistic. He did something he hadn't done in a while. He softly began to hum a sad song he had heard on T.V. the night before. It felt really good.
I wonder how many people have looked at you and made you the sole confessional for their thoughts? Do you think that the wishes made on you die as you do? I wonder…
"Is it selfish to want so much for oneself?" he murmured, looking back to the apartment with cool eyes. "To be happy, to love, to obtain…. All humans have these desires, Coordinator or Natural. Perhaps that is why…humanity is a race that causes pain to itself constantly."
Shaking his head slowly he closed his eyes, which were beginning to burn from the onslaught of tears. He recalled his "Father" with a little disdain, his hair and eyes shockingly similar to his own. "Humans are a selfish race. Who could know that better than me?"
What will fill this emptiness inside of me?
Am I to be satisfied without knowing?
The boy slammed the window of his apartment closed, locking it soundly. Someday, things will be different. When I go into ZAFT and can finally begin the future that I'm destined for, things will be different. That damn optimism was speaking up again; at least this time he could believe that it really would be. For better or for worse, he couldn't determine yet.
But at the very least, he'd accomplish something. Rau in ZAFT…. that was something that his "Father" probably had never looked for.
Happiness slowly leaked back into him, along with the feelings of apprehension. He turned from the window, and leant back against its surface. The glass was very cold, exhilaratingly so, against his back. Thoughts jumped into his mind, visions of himself in fighting in a mobile suit, captaining a ship…
Goosebumps formed on his flesh, and he grinned a little, rubbing at the affected areas. Maybe he'd get one of the custom machines that the elite soldiers used. He'd get it painted white, he was positive of that; white was a beautiful, pure kind of color. That color would be his signature; he would be a feared man, impossible to ignore.
Rau Le Creuset would be famous. Or infamous, if that's what it took.
I'd wish then for a chance to see Author's Notes: Rau is a hard character to write, let me tell you. He's a confusing man, and I've not seen Gundam Seed Destiny, which is supposed to clear him up a little. Bear this in mind, by the way. This is a song fic I decided to write because the song was just so…him. At fourteen, I think he'd be a lot like this; and just forming into what he would be in the series itself. I've also used the anglicized version of his name. I'm aware he's also called Raww Le Kleuze/Kreuze. What'd you all think? Enjoyed it? Hated it? Go ahead and review if you'd like. I know I'd like it…. There aren't many Rau fics on here either…
Now all I need, desperately
Is my star to come…