Hello, Kurokumo Soratami here! This is just something that popped into my head outta the blue, and I just had to write it down. It would have been a sin otherwise, yatta! I hope you rather enjoy. XD I know I did.
Disclaimer: -man is the property of Katsura Hoshino and Funimation. This series is a parody and nothing more, but please support the official release. Got it? Damn well better.
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The way the air around the Order floated made it seem like the perfect day for a picnic, but within the walls of the building was going down a much more serious matter. Slight yells could be heard from the outside where Kanda was meditating. The frown that was always pinned to his face grew. Why did they have to be so loud? And what in the seven hells were they arguing about this time? He could hear two voices that he immediately recognized, neither of which were his favourite. One was Allen Walker, also known as Moyashi, and the other, the apprentice Bookman, Lavi. As the yelling continued for yet another five minutes, he gave up, groaning, and grabbed Mugen before he got up and stormed towards the building. He had enough of this. Every fucking day of the past week they were arguing about something, and until now he had refrained from getting involved.
He wished he had gotten involved sooner. It would have caused a whole hell of a lot less headaches that he had received because of this predicament.
The door opened wide for him as he walked down the corridors, passing the female Exorcist Lenalee Lee and her brother, Komui, both with their hands covering their mouths. He glared at them as he passed by them, following the voices as they slowly grew louder and louder. Mugen was activated as was his fighting mode-- which didn't take much -- as he started hearing the words much more clearly than before.
"…he's such an ass to you, though!" It was Lavi, whose voice was practically shrieking. "Hell, he's a jerk to everyone!"
'…They dare talk about me behind my back…' Kanda's grip around Mugen grew tighter. 'It's because you two never shut up when I want you to! That's why--'
"…except me, really! I know he loves me!" he finished, the sound of a grin in his voice. Kanda paused, eyes wide, utterly, utterly confused. "He must really think I'm a bunny for a reason, you know! He adores me, even if he does seem to hate me most of the time! And besides, you're a moron-- Therefore, I'm better for him! So hah!"
'W-What the hell?!' Kanda found himself no longer moving, beads of sweat running down his face. 'No, I hate everyone, except for maybe Marie and Tiedoll! But those two are the only exceptions! Love somebody?! Che! These two know shit! I'm going to straighten this out once and for all--!'
"Oh yeah?! Well, he's licked me!" Allen came back. Kanda felt like he was turning into an ice block, which one could have argued that it was for the better that way. "Right on my left cheek! So hah, what can your so-called "brilliant-mind" come up with this time?! Because so far, you ain't got nothing on me, Baka Usagi! That's right, I just called you that and I don't even feel sorry about it! And you know what, he only pretends to 'like' you or whatever the hell you said because then you go away later and leave him be! He belongs to me, not you, moron!"
'I belong to nobody! The hell!!'
There was a brief pause as Kanda tried to get his mind back in order. Why in the seventeen thousand hells would they be arguing about this?! His grip nearly completely let go of Mugen, but he caught it before it touched down on the ground. He could not let his presence be known, not now. For whatever the reason, this argument rather intrigued him beyond belief, and he was willing to hear it all the way through, even if it did mean he would have to wipe his mind away with brain bleach.
"Heh heh heh…" the chuckling made the Japanese exorcist feel a bit uneasy as the boy's laughter grew louder. "You really are just a kid, aren't ya, Allen? I'll tell you something right now that can settle this whole argument within the next twenty-five seconds, adding the amount of shock you will be in after I tell you this! He kissed me!"
'WHAT?!?! Th-That's a-- WHAT?!'
"Probably because you got him drunk! Hell, you even give him girl-ish nicknames! What kind of freaking guy are you? You have to give a nickname to everything that's girly, don't you, even me! Tell me something, Lavi, are you bi-sexual or just plain gay?!"
"Asks the guy whose in love with him!" he retaliated. "And what does it matter to you, anyways?! I'm straighter than a stick, for the most part! Sort of! Maybe! I don't know, I'm not supposed to feel anything anyways, so don't ask me!"
'I… I can't bare to listen to this stupidity anymore… These imbeciles… They're just… They don't even have the right to live anymore…' He took a step forward, almost out into the light, when Lavi said, "And besides, Moo-Moo-chan is a good nickname for him! It makes him feel prettier!"
He paused, not computing the information in his brain. 'Moo-Moo-chan? He's never called me that one before, at least to my face…' Lenalee came from behind, smiling and cheerful as ever. "Something interesting you, Kanda?" she asked as the brawl between the two arguing boys started. She leaned a little forward to see past the wall and sighed, highly annoyed. "Can you believe these two?! They've been arguing about taking care of that new cow that Komurin somehow produced! It's been giving me a headache all day long, and it seriously needs to stop! I was going to ask you to do it for me, but seeing how you are half-way immobile-- Kanda?"
"…About a cow, huh?" His upper lip was twitching ferociously, eyes gleaming in the little light there was, a fiery aura standing out too well that it nearly made Lenalee flinch. "These two stupid idiots… Are arguing… about a cow? Well then." His fingers twitched uncontrollably around the hilt of Mugen. "…Then these two idiots really do deserve to die, now don't they?!" He jumped in and joined in the brawl as Lenalee, who was covering her giggle, turned her back on them. Komui came up, waving at her.
"Hello, Lena-- What are the fighting about now?" he said, frowning.
"Well, I told Kanda it was about the cow that Komurin had produced…" she sheepishly grinned at her brother.
"But… that was a horse. We have established this two days ago. It just looks like a partial cow," he replied, frowning.
"If I told Kanda that they are actually fighting about him, he would have done more than just beating him up. They were both commenting on how cute Kanda was drinking milk, and when Lavi called Kanda 'Moo-Moo-chan', Allen got mad because he's always liked Kanda, and so they both are arguing over the right to "have" him now."
"Oh boy."
"You're telling me," she replied, and the two laughed and went on their merry way while the three men brawled.
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XD; Sorry. Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Destroy it? Hit me with a review, por favor! It is indeed very much appreciated, yatta! I hoped you enjoyed it! --K.S.