A/N: Blame queenoftheoutlands. Blame her! No, seriously. She was the one who decided that I needed to write a Samlar crack story. Well, I came up with the idea, she was the one who forced me to do it and make sure to emphasize that Samuel is creepy. I hope this satisfies her.
Disclaimer: I do not own Psych(the quote's home), Heroes, NBC or whatever the heck else I put in here that someone else owns. I'm pretty sure I only half-own the story line, anyhow. And I'm not making any profit. So why are you still reading this disclaimer?
Season: Four, directly after the previous episode titled Hysterical Blindness.
Spoilers: Bit of spoilage for Hysterical Blindness.
Warnings: Slash, crack, creepiness. Ish. Kinda. Sorta. Darn it.

"Where is here?" He asked slowly, running his eyes over the bright lights and wincing at the noise. It was oddly comforting, a sharp contrast to the deadly silence of the woods before.

"Home." The man beside him spoke, running calloused fingers over the gray sweatshirt and smiling rather...creepily at him. In fact, were one to be brutally honest, every little thing about this man screamed 'creeper'.

There was a quote, deep in the recesses of his mind, that the man clad in blood and dirt could recall. It was from a TV show, if he was correct. Although, there was no way he could be sure if he could be correct. Everything was a little hazy. Noisy. Bright. And not to mention creepy. Wait, he was getting off track. Where was he going with that thought? Oh, yeah. The quote.

Dude, he put you on the creepy train headed for creepy island where the creepy natives drink creepy nectar out of creepy coconuts.

Well, he remembered that. Surely this memory loss couldn't be as bad as people thought.

"What do you think?" The man beside him hummed into his ear, running the hand that was previously placed on a shoulder down his back. "What do you think of your new home?"

You know, the creepy quote really worked for this guy.

"I-..." Dark eyes blinked hard, focusing on his surroundings. "This is my new home?"

"Oh, Gabriel," Creepy Man chuckled, sweeping an arm out dramatically...and creepily. "It's everyone's home, should they choose to make it so. It is sanctuary for those who cannot find hope and love among the cruelties of this world. It is the home of our family, Gabriel."

"Gabriel?" He turned to Creepy Man. "Then my name really is Gabriel? How can you be sure? I know I didn't kill anyone, I wouldn't kill anyone."

Creepy Man smiled in that creepy manner once more, sidling forward as so-called Gabriel stepped back. "I call you Gabriel because, in that world, no one has yet to see the true you. But, were you to want to come into our family, you can be someone new. We can see the true you, and it will shine beautifully. But until you decide to be one of us, you shall be Gabriel. The man who killed his mother."

Gabriel backed up, blinking. Suddenly the noise was no longer comforting, it was annoying and painful. Creepy Man stepped forward, running a few fingers down Gabriel's cheek. Gabriel gazed at the fingers in awe. Creepy Man could make an affectionate gesture creepy.

Wait. Affectionate?

"You can leave that life behind, Gabriel. Join us."

Did he just say 'join us'? Wow. That quote was spot on, wasn't it?

"What do you think, Gabriel?" Creepy Man removed his hand, opting instead to grab Gabriel's hand. "Will you join our family?"

Gabriel looked downwards, "O-our? There's others?"

"Yes, Gabriel. So many others, just like you. Come, look." Creepy Man held out a hand, pulling Gabriel closer with his other, and smiled. Gabriel glanced nervously between Creepy Man's face and the hand, letting out a gasp as the ground beneath him shifted. He watched in awe as the ground moved beneath his feet, a mound of dirt created in the shape of a heart. "You're not alone, Gabriel. We're just like you."

Gabriel looked up, a grin gracing his face. "I can do that?"

Creepy Man's own smile faltered, he shook his head. "No, not that exactly. You can do other things, though. You've seen them. Telekinesis. Tissue Regeneration."

"And if I stay with you, I'll no longer be a murderer? I'll be a part of a family?"

"Well, it's not that easy. There is one other thing."

"Anything. What is it?"

Creepy Man stared at him meaningfully. And creepily.

"Oh. Well, if that's all."

Gabriel and Creepy Man proceeded to make out, then Gabriel was 'baptized' into the 'family' and made the official 'second father' of the 'family'. Therefore, Gabriel and Creepy Man had many Creepy Babies and lived creepily ever after.

Oh, yeah.

And Gabriel found out Creepy Man's real name was Samuel, but nobody cared and just called him Creepy Man.

The Creepy End.

A/N: I repeat, blame queenoftheoutlands.

I remain your obedient Authoress,

Lushy