He was late. This was going to be hard enough, but now he was making me sit and think about it even more. Damn him! As I was mentally cursing him, I heard the unmistakable rough roar of the pickup truck he usually drove. I felt another wave of nausea rush over me, and this time it wasn't because of the morning sickness. I still couldn't bring myself to go down to meet him. Instead, I just stared out the window at him. He just sat in his truck. He didn't seem any keener to come in than I was to go out, but finally the rusty door opened, and he stepped out. A few heartbeats later, the sound of the doorknocker echoed through the house. I still couldn't move. Then I heard our front door open, and I slowly began my way downstairs.
"Son, I thought I'd made it abundantly clear you're not to come around here anymore."
"But, Sir, Sandy…"
"Sandra is leaving, Mr. Curtis, and the sooner you come to terms with that, the better. Haven't you caused enough trouble for her, Son?"
"But, Sir…"
"But nothing! I've told you…"
By now, I'd made it to the door and stopped Daddy from going any further with a hand on his arm.
"Daddy, he's here because I asked him. We need to talk."
"Sweetheart, what's it going to accomplish? The decision has already been made."
"I know, Daddy, but what's it going to hurt now? Please."
He sighed in defeat, but let me pass. I took hold of Soda's hand, and we walked slowly down the sidewalk.
"He still hasn't changed his mind, has he? When you called, I'd hoped…" He trailed off unable to finish his sentence. We continued on in silence for a while.
Mama and Daddy had never really approved of Soda. We're not rich or anything, but they still thought he was beneath me. That he had no future. The sixteen year old high school dropout greaser was the only thing they were able to see. On paper, they were right; he had nothing going for him. But if you looked past the paper and saw the boy, there was everything. He was a hard worker who was dedicated to the people he cared about. He'd care for and defend them to his last breath. That's why he'd dropped out of school to get a job. His brothers needed him to, and my parents never did try to understand that. He also had a charm and a smile that could capture any room he walked into. I think that's one reason my parents never trusted him. I think they thought he just had me dazzled, and I'd snap out of it. They thought it was just a crush, and when it started turning serious, they didn't like it. The final piece he had was a heart of gold. He was the truest, and most honest person I'd ever mt. He also trusted whole-heartedly, and I was about to take that from him.
"Sodapop," I said as I stopped him, "About this baby…" I choked up and couldn't continue right then. He just pulled me close and held me. I stood there breathing in the scent that was so uniquely him. That light, clinging combination of motor oil, gasoline, and cigarettes, finished by a dash of aftershave. It made what I had to do so much harder, but yet it steeled my resolve, and I pulled back a little.
"Soda," I continued, "It ain't yours."
He stared at me. Those eyes held no laughter now, only confusion and hurt.
"What are you talkin' about?" he asked slowly.
"It ain't yours, Soda. There was this guy while I was on vacation a few months back…" I just trailed off letting him fill in the blanks.
He let go of me and took a few steps away, turned his back, and cursed softly to himself. I braced myself for the accusations of lying, cheating, two-timing whore that were sure to be thrown at me. I should have known better. If he'd done that, he wouldn't be the Sodapop I knew and loved. The anger never came. When he turned around, he said softly, but with certainty, "My offer still stands, Sandy. I still want to marry you. We'll make it work." I almost broke right there. Why did he have to be so damned noble?
"I'm sorry, Soda. You know Daddy's answer, and that hasn't changed. Anyway, I think it's for the best this way. It's not your problem anymore. You don't have a responsibility to me. Goodbye, Sodapop."
I closed the short space between us and lightly kissed him on the forehead. He stiffened, but didn't push me away. I left him there, defeated and jaded. All for a lie. There was no other guy. I'd never stepped out on him. It was all a lie.
I walked back to my house with tears flooding down my face. I didn't even try to stop them. What I just did deserved those tears. What else could I do? Mama and Daddy were never going to let me marry him and raise this baby, and I couldn't bear leaving him here wondering about a kid of his he'll never get to know for the rest of his life. Some guys wouldn't care, but Soda was different. It would eat him up not knowing. No, he deserves better. He deserves to find a girl he can settle down with proper when he's older and start a real family with when he's ready.
Because I loved him so much, I had to hurt him. To give him peace, I had to take a piece of him; I had to take his trust. I hope one day he'll be able to get some of it back.