Warning! This story is All the Espada and their retarded Fraccion x Ulquiorra. I warned you there would be Yaoi!
But Ulquiorra only wants Grimmjow's d-
*is shot by Saggi the Dark Clown*
Saggi: Don't you dare finish that word, you little shit.
Immy: *woof* Shadownia doesn't own Bleach or Yu-Gi-Oh and wants reviews for Christmas Presents! *woof*
Chichi: Rated M for porn magazines, Bats and Cats being "Best Friends", Halibel's bra, and Ulquiorra and Shadownia's potty mouth.
Ulquiorra held the wrapped box in his quivering hands. The blue ribbon was neatly tied around the wrapped gift in a puffy bow. Little grey kittens with blue ribbons on their necks played with yarn on a plain sky blue backdrop.
"Aizen-sama has to be crazy."
Yes, it's that time of year again. When the outside gets cold and all everyone wants to do is sit by a certain green trees that would be decorated with lights and ornaments that would stand by a fire then trade presents.
You got baby, it's Christmas!
Well, let's just say when you see Las Noches corridors covered in green and red lights and mistletoe hanging everywhere…
Ideas are all copyrighted to Gin, Aizen, and Santa Claus.
Well, mainly Santa saying that Gin will be put on the Naughty list which led to Gin threatening Aizen with the couch which led to the Espada with no cookies after dinner for a whole year if they didn't obey Daddy Aizen and Mommy Gin.
Yes, life is good. Actually, for our favorite Quarto Espada, not really.
All the Espada and their Fraccion were ordered to give a gift to everyone. At least one.
Ulquiorra had no trouble getting everyone else a present.
Starkk; Pillow
Barragan; Cattle prod
Halibel; Bra (Aizen/God knows she desperately needs one)
Nnoitra; Porn magazine
Zommari; incense
Szayel; preserved dead rat
Aaroniero; chicken wings
Yammy; deodorant
Yeah, well everything turned out great, until he realized he didn't know what to get Grimmjow. So sulking and thinking all day finally lead him to a conclusion.
The wrapped box made a sound, NO YOU DUMBASSES THIS IS NOT THE DAMN CONCLUSION!
"Meow!"
"Be quiet or someone might hear us, you dumbass cat shit."
Yep, you got it right folks or at least the ones who didn't think the wrapped box was the conclusion. Grimmjow has always wanted a pet kitty anyway, so Ulquiorra got him a kitty. A grey one with a blue bow on the neck. Ulquiorra approached the meeting room with caution. He opened the door quietly, and stepped inside the grand hall.
Or as grand as a hall could get with red stockings hanging over a huge fire place and 10 big Douglas Fir trees standing where the long table should be and decorations everywhere.
How the hell did Aizen get a fireplace and a fire into Las Noches without us noticing?
Well, he is Aizen isn't he?
Never mind…Maybe Tite Kubo forgot to draw it in. Whatever.
Ulquiorra walked past Starkk's tree, the gifts under the tree were extremely big. Obviously stuff for sleeping, knowing the lazy ass that the Primera could be.
Barragan's tree and stocking were filled with a multitude of presents. No doubt most from his loyally retarded Fraccion. Why did they follow the old geezer anyway?
Halibel's tree and stocking were nicely filled, no doubt with at least 70% of the stuff Nnoitra, and mostly because he wanted Halibel to be naked. Or in some form of lingerie.
He stopped when he got to his own tree and stocking.
Ulquiorra sighed. He recalled the first day of this stupid thing and seeing his own tree only a few hours it had been put up.
It was not pretty.
Ulquiorra walked in with a few of the presents for his fellow Espada and their Fraccion. As soon as he walked into the room he promptly screamed and fainted.
Szayel was also outside and when he came in and saw Ulquiorra's tree, she-I mean-he fainted as well. (Pretended)
Nnoitra came in and saw the tree and fainted. (Pretended)
Halibel came in and saw the tree and fainted. (Pretended)
Barragan came in and saw the tree and fainted. (Pretended)
Starkk came in and- you know what, I think I've typed enough of that shit, and get to the fucking point about how Ulquiorra's tree and stocking were filled within the first few hours.
Maybe I should have told Ulquiorra about how much Aizen and Gin want to sleep with him and maybe marry him and have him bear their children.
So did all the other Espada and their Fraccion…
Then again, I wanted to see Ulquiorra's reaction so I stuck a couple of those presents in there as well…Maybe cookie print green pajamas aren't the best gift ever but the green eyeliner definitely was!
Okay, well let's just say…Ulquiorra is extremely popular amongst his fellow peers and their retards. And he's on my good side too. ULQUI-CHAN!
Nnoitra's tree was covered in piles of thin packages. Yeah, we can all guess what those are. And somebody tied Tesla up in ribbons and placed him under the tree. That was just sad.
Finally, he approached Grimmjow's tree. It was decorated with ornaments and ribbons in the color of the blue Grimmjow's hair were with a little kitten holding a star placed on top of it.
Ulquiorra gave a small smile. He found Grimmjow's tree cute, extremely cute.
The bat Arrancar set the box down under Grimmjow's tree.
Then he noticed how bare Grimmjow's tree and stocking was. He frowned. Grimmjow surely wasn't that unlikeable was he?
Taking one last glance at the near empty tree and stocking, he turned on to his heel and left…
Only to see Grimmjow standing right in front of his tree with a pretty big box. The box had a big and floppy green bow and was wrapped in a green wrapping with little bats decorating the lime green backing.
"Oh hi."
Ulquiorra was a bit surprised that Grimmjow would even get him a present. Grimmjow didn't dislike anyone but Ulquiorra. He wasn't the nicest person in the whole world but he was definitely not as mean and a jackass to anyone as he was to Ulquiorra.
Oh that hurt.
Grimmjow only turned on his heel and left the same way Ulquiorra was about to.
Ulquiorra could feel his heart still skipping beats. He clenched at the place where he felt the throbbing. He sighed and let go, sulking back to his room all day to cry and be an emo kid.
Christmas Day!
Everyone was in the Grand Hall. Even Aizen, Gin, and Tousen.
"My dear Espada, you can open your presents!"
Starkk was actually happy and squealed at the pajamas that he received from Halibel, and gave her a big hug. He never let go of the puppy pillow that Ulquiorra gave him…
Barragan stared at the stuff he got from his Fraccion, and hit them all with the Cattle prod, curtsey of Ulquiorra.
Halibel looked at all the clothes she got from Nnoitra and ordered all her Fraccion to kill him. But she immediately put on the bra Ulquiorra got her.
Nnoitra looked greedily at all the porn magazines and told Tesla to do all the poses in the magazine Ulquiorra gave him.
Zommari rushed through all the presents to find the one Ulquiorra gave him and, when he found it he immediately lit one of the incenses up and sat there to smell it all day.
Szayel did the same and when he found the dead rat, he went all girly and started to call the rat "him and Ulquiorra's baby"…Yes, it was that disturbing…
Aaroniero loved to eat so guess what did when he found Ulquiorra's chicken wings…he preserved them. Hey, they are from Ulquiorra after all, why the fuck would he eat them? You crazy, you stupid ass?
And Yammy immediately slathered himself with Ulquiorra's deodorant. Which everyone (including Ulquiorra) was extremely thankful to Aizen for.
Ulquiorra opened all the presents and found himself disturbed with everyone so I won't go into too much detail... Except my Pajamas and eyeliner, he put on the pajamas and the green bunny slippers that came with it. It was when he opened Grimmjow's gift did he find himself falling horned head (HORNED head NOT horny! Not that the difference is so significant anymore) over green bunny slipper feet in love with Grimmjow, not that he wasn't already.
Grimmjow had gotten him a little bat for Christmas. It immediately flew over to Ulquiorra's shoulder when his cage door was opened.
It was the best ever. Of course, it better fucking be! It's from Grimmjow damn it!
"IT'S SO FUCKING CUTE! I'M GONNA CALL IT QUI! I LOVE YOU QUI-KUN!"
Everyone was glaring daggers at Grimmjow while he opened his presents. How dare Ulquiorra like his gift so much over theirs!
When Grimmjow opened the few presents from the others he was quite happy with what he got. Then he wandered over to the box under his tree. He shook the box gently and was greeted with a slight meow.
Grimmjow's eyes widen and he gently unfolded everything. He opened the box and squealed. It was the kitten of his dreams.
"This is so cute… I'm gonna call it Grimmy!"
He snuggled the kitten, Grimmy jumped from her box and into Grimmjow's hollow hole, giving her new master a satisfactory mew. Grimmjow giggled. Yeah you read right, Grimmjow GIGGLED. I did too.
That's when he noticed there was writing on the discarded wrapper.
Grimmjow bent down, holding onto Grimmy so that she wouldn't fall out of his hollow hole, and picked up the paper, silently reading its contents.
Grimmjow,
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
I hope you like the kitten. I know you always wanted one so here it is.
Ulquiorra
P.S. I love you, Grimmjow.
Grimmjow looked at Ulquiorra. The Quarto Espada's raven hair covered his face but you could still see the crimson blush staining the bone white face.
Grimmy also took notice to Qui and Qui noticed Grimmy.
Grimmy stared at Qui
Qui stared at Grimmy
Grimmy stared at Qui
Qui stared at Grimmy
Grimmy stared at Qui
Qui stared at Grimmy
Grimmy stared at Qui
Qui stared at Grimmy
Grimmy st- okay I will stop copying and pasting that.
Grimmy hopped out of Grimmjow's Hollow Hole and Qui flew off of Ulquiorra's shoulder.
Grimmy leapt on to Qui until Qui flipped them over so that the bat was on top. What they did next is R rated stuff that little girls like me are not allowed to write about in their fan fictions.
After that little fiasco, Grimmjow walked over to Ulquiorra who gazed downward until Grimmjow tilted his head up and immediately kissed Ulquiorra.
All the Espada tried to kill Grimmjow, but Ulquiorra Gran Ray Cero'd them all and lifted up Grimmjow bridal style.
"Let's continue this somewhere else, shall we, my little kitty?"
"Just hurry up, you stupid bat."
Ulquiorra smirked and sonido-ed to his room.
What they did inside could be heard throughout Las Noches that night.
All the way out to Hueco Mundo.
All the way out to the human world.
All the way out to the Soul Society.
All the way out to the Yu-Gi-Oh world.
All the way out to Yami and Yugi's bedroom.
All the way out to Seto and Joey's bedroom.
All the way out to Jaden and Chazz's bedroom.
All the way out to Zane and Syrus' bedroom.
All the way out to Yusei and Jack's bedroom.
All the way out to our world.
All the way out to my computer.
All the way out to my bedroom.
…
…
…
…
WOULD YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP! ME AND MY CREW ARE TRYING TO SLEEP YOU SHIT HEADS!
Merry Christmas everyone! Use protection and don't let me hear you all the way out to my bedroom. I'm trying to sleep! Thank you!