A/N: the bold italicized segment is straight out of "Tony and Angela Get Divorced." I do not own the right to this show. P.O.V. Tony
Back in Brooklyn I knew a lot of guys who got married to get out of a fine, but only one person has gotten married KNOWING that's where the fines came from. That would be my boss and beautiful bride, Angela Bower. Confused? Let me fill you in.
[
Angela and I were in the kitchen talking after the IRS left and then walked into the living room.
"Happy Anniversary!" Mona, Sam, Billy and Jonathan exclaimed.
"Anniversary?" Angela questioned.
"Yeah, we figured out it's been about a year since your trip to South Carolina." Samantha said walking behind the couch.
"Your one year anniversary." Jonathan chimed in.
"Happy anniversary." Billy said blowing into a party favor. It flew out of his hands and onto the floor.
"Come on sit down. Cause we have quite an evening planned for both of you." Samantha stated as she led us to the couch. As we sat there she giggled. "Oh what a cute couple. And they said it would never last."
"Actually they said it would never happen."
"Mona!" I grunted.
"On behalf of the children a little something for mom and pop." Jonathan handed me the gift and then tapped my arm. I glared at him. He gave me an uneasy look. "Good pop, good pop." I opened the box.
"What is it? What is this?" I asked them as I took it out of the box. It was a Mr. and Mrs. Sweatshirt that was attached on one side.
"See, now you never have to be apart." Samantha said patronizingly.
"It's very cute, very cute."
"And that's not all. Here's a little something for my daughter and my son in law for their second honeymoon." Mona said handing me a box. Angela and I laughed as I took the lid off of Mona's box. I stopped when I opened it.
"Mona? What is this?"
"You've got it upside down." Mona replied looking into the box. I turned it around and realized very quickly what it was.
"Oh Mona!" Neither Angela nor I liked the idea when we realized what it was.
"What is it?" Billy asked.
"It's a hat." I responded quickly.
"Can I wear it?"
"NO." Angela and I replied in unison.
"Put on the sweatshirt."
"Oh I don't think so." Angela said.
"Oh come on. They went to such trouble. And it is our anniversary." I said.
"They remembered, you forgot. Typical." Angela stated as she began trying to put on the sweatshirt.
"Nag, nag, nag." I responded with. Angela and I had been trying to put on the sweatshirt.
"I'm a little twisted, where's your other arm?" Angela asked. "OH! There it is."
"Excuse me honey."
"Perfectly alright. I quite enjoyed it dear."
"Come on, let's go get the cake." Jonathan said, and then Jonathan, Billy and Sam walked into the kitchen.
"Okay, now here's the plan. I'm going to take the kids to a movie. Double feature. Let nature take its course. Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink." Mona said.
"Mother."
"Oh come on, your legally married now. Even the federal government wants you to do it. Look, if you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your country."
"Mona, please. I assure you that's the furthest thing from our minds right now."
"That is right." Angela responded. Then oddly enough, Angela and I looked at each other. I knew it was not the furthest thing from my mind and it didn't look like Angela's either.
"Is it getting hot in here?"
"Yeah, it's a little warm." I replied. The doorbell rang and so without thinking I stood up dragging Angela across the couch. I stopped and helped her up.
"I mean we'll get it." The two of us stumbled to the door. It took some adjusting but we made it. I opened the door to find a surprise. Mrs. Foster from the IRS was standing at Angela's front door. She stared at us.
"This—this isn't what it looks like." I stuttered. She smiled.
"Quack quack." Just then, the kids came in with the cake singing happy anniversary. I tried to get them to stop, but not soon enough.
"You know, for unmarried people, you sure do a lot of married things."
"Except the important one." Mona said.
"Well, I don't want to interrupt the festivities. I just wanted to drop off your revised tax bill with the penalties to date. This is the amount you now owe." She opened the manila envelope and showed us.
"Oh my gosh!"
"Oh let me tell you something Mrs. Foster! We're not paying this. We're gonna fight this to the end. Period." I exclaimed.
"Fine, fine. But I must warn you that during your protest substantial interest penalties will continue to mount. Happy anniversary." And she left. I tried to go after her and Angela fell into me again. I closed the door.
"Look, look, don't worry about this Angela. Because you're gonna win this. We're in this together right?" She climbed out of the sweatshirt.
"Wrong."
"What?"
"I quit. I'm not gonna spend years in court with the IRS. I'm going to pay this and get it over with."
"But it won't be over Angela, because in the government's eyes we'll still be married." Angela sighed.
"Tony, why are we fighting this? We are trying to annul a marriage we both want. I will pay the fees and then we'll just make it official like we've wanted to."
"Angela, I want you to be able to have the wedding of your dreams. Not just some misunderstanding."
"I had my big dream wedding and the marriage failed. You and have lived together for seven years." She put her arms around his neck. "As long as I'm with you it will be the wedding and the life of my dreams." Samantha walked over and Angela hugged her.
"Oh Angela, I've always thought of you as a friend and a female figure in my life. You have never asked or expected to take mom's place in my life or dad's; especially dad's." Sam laughed. "But now as you become my stepmother, I couldn't ask for somebody better." Sam looked at Mona.
"Call me 'grandma' and I kill you."
"Mona!" I warned her.
"I'm just kidding!" Mona smiled. She wrapped her arm through Sam's. "She's finally going to be my granddaughter."
"So, are we actually going to do this? Angela, you know that I love you, but we don't have to stay married."
"I want to Tony. I really do." Then Angela kissed me, but I was half tempted in believing it was just to shut me up.