The Hideous Tie
A Too Much Holiday Outtake
Summary: Elena and Damon have an invitation to a "Ugly Christmas Sweater" party.
Damon POV
"You can't honestly expect me to wear this shit, kitten." I was seething, and snarled out the loving nickname for my human fiancé like a poisonous curse. Yep, this is what it felt like to seethe.
Elena peeked around the frame of the en suite bathroom door and beamed a mocking, shit-eating smile. "Of course I can, baby."
She disappeared around the doorframe to continue with her woman-stuff while I tugged at the disgusting polyester tie that was fastened around my neck. The horrible piece of attire was adorned with iridescent snowflakes, puffed-ball snowmen, and tiny Christmas lights that actually blinked in all their multicolored glory.
How pissed would my woman be if I ripped off the battery in the lining? I could call it a mistake… I could pretend to fall into the china cabinet and have the small round of plastic and wires pop off… at least then the bane of my studly existence wouldn't be blinking red and green. Perhaps I could loosen all the atrocious puff balls so they popped off as well…
Ok, good plan. The edges of the cabinet were sharp, and if I angled the fall just right I could destroy the disgusting tie. There was a slight probability that my neck would be injured in the process, but that was a risk I was MORE than willing to take. Scratch that! Brainwave! If I bled a little as a result of my clumsy 'accident', Elena would go all Mother Hen and scramble to take care of me! If I bled a little on the already-ruined tie, she'd rip it right off my neck and attend to my wounds! I envisioned the plastic-cloth blend of indignity being thrown into the open, roaring grate by a concerned Elena. She might even feel so bad for my plight that she offers her blood to heal me, and I know what that will lead to… straight down Sympathy Boulevard to the Fucking my Delectable Kitten Hotel.
On the floor in front of a romantic Christmas fire, no less.
An excellent plan, indeed.
After making sure to face away from the bathroom my Elena was dressing and primping in, I descretely tore open the lining of the gag-worthy tie, and loosened the small battery. I must have tugged it a tad too hard, because the contact for the green lights disconnected, rendering those black and useless. Oh well, not like it was a loss. I went on to dismantle the snowmen, pulling off the grotesque balls of white rayon until they each hung on by a mere fiber. The hideous-tie-sabotage was finished just as the shower turned off. I placed my hand on the cabinet, and let my weight slide my hand across the smooth wood –perilously near the edge – just as Elena emerged from the bathroom.
She was wearing a grotesque Christmas sweater that boasted Rudolph, and surely a pound of shiny red sequins, but Elena was still beautiful despite the hideous mass of shapeless, tacky yarn.
"Time to go, baby- aaAAAAAAAH"
Her happy voice became a yell as I allowed my hand to drift across the cabinet, scrape along the sharp corner, and crash to the hard wood floor. As planned, the horrible tie had been totally destroyed. Rayon puff balls fluttered around where I lay, the plastic battery clattered away underneath a heavy couch, and my blood stained the ungodly poly-blend strip of neck wear. And, as an anticipated bonus, Elena rushed for me.
"Baby! Damon! Are you ok?" She kneeled by my side, nearly frantic as she surveyed my injuries.
She was touching me all over, and I thoroughly enjoyed her small hands on my body, so I played it up a bit. I moaned quietly and held out my bleeding forearm. Elena must have known that I wasn't in any serious pain or danger, because the first thing she noticed was…
"Your tie! Oh! It's all ruined… and I worked so hard…" The beautiful human hung her head in sadness… was she actually crying? Oh shit! I had to drop the pretense. I sat up and cradled her in a blur of movement.
"Kitten, I'm ok! I just fell, that's all." I stroked her hair, but Elena's sobs grew louder as her small frame shook in my arms. I couldn't take it.
"Here, look!" I showed her my totally healed arm, but she was still sobbing. "What is it, kitten? What can I do?"
"Nothing. NOTHING, ok! It's just… I worked for HOURS on that stupid, ugly tie so you wouldn't have to wear a hideous sweater. HOURS! And now it's ruined!" Elena burrowed deeper into my arm and cried her lovely heart out.
OH fuck me! My absentee conscience showed up with a vengeance, bubbling hot in my stomach.
"I know it wasn't your fault, but I-" she whispered, but I cut her off.
"I'm so sorry, Elena!"
My girl sniffled and finally seemed to get a hold of herself. "Do you still want to go to Jenna's party?"
"Of course I do", I answered without hesitation. Elena hopped off my lap like a firecracker, sped to her closet and produced another, identical version of my ruined, blinking tie.
"Two-fer. Dollar ninety-nine at Ross."
Were it any other woman who had played me like this, I would have ripped her apart in an instant. Elena, however, just showed me that she could fuck with me just as much as I could fuck with her. She wrapped the tie around my designer collar and tugged it into place, flipping the switch on the abhorred battery.
"Good. Let's go be festive."
I laughed and growled, throwing the beautiful human on the bed and twisting her body beneath me. "I don't think so, kitten."
I taught her a lesson of my own, for hour after pleasure-filled hour, until Elena and I were a tangled mass of ripped yarn, blinking mini-lights, and scattered red sequins.
"We… we.. *pant* aren't going to make it to the party, are we?" My lover gasped in the wee hours of the night.
I rolled off of her twitching, sweaty, lovely body and grinned smugly. "No, I don't imagine that we will, kitten."
"Too… bad", she struggled for breath. "I wanted to see you in public wearing that stupid fucking tie."
Yo: Merry Christmas, darlings! I wish you the most fantastic day! :)